Megan’s Revenge

It was a dreary Monday morning in Kokomo, Indiana, as Megan Neary stood waiting for her bus to school with a light but steady rain bearing down on her and dousing her shoulder-length light brown hair into mangly strands as if she just got out of the shower without using a towel on her hair.  Her utilitarian black winter jacket and medium-blue jeans were becoming wet as well as the rain trickled off her shoulders and rolled down her person, an unglamorous display camouflaging an otherwise modestly attractive girl.  Most of the others at the bus stop were staying dry, either standing or sitting in the enclosed sanctuary with a plastic roof overhead.  Not Megan though.  As comfortable as the others looked inside out of the rain, she was more than happy to spare that dry comfort for the ability to smoke a cigarette.  She savored every drag from that cigarette more than usual, letting the pleasure of the smoke hitting her lungs distract her from the reality of standing in a cold mid-February rain….and it was working.  She knew there were others waiting for the bus who were shooting daggers at her for smoking, particularly because of how young she visibly was, but she didn’t care.  She was almost at the point where she no longer cared what people thought of her…..almost!   She was reminded that there were certain people still capable of getting under her skin as a familiar red BMW pulled up to a stoplight directly in front of her.   Despite the rain coming down, she was unsurprised when the BMW’s passenger window came down with a familiar taunting female face and voice quickly emerging…..

“Are you really so stupid that you won’t even step in out of the rain?!” said the teenage girl in the car with a grating and demeaning voice that had been like fingernails on a chalkboard to Megan for more than three years now.

But from deeper inside the car came a male voice that was also familiar to Megan for all the wrong reasons.  The male driver, similar in age and very close in appearance to the female passenger, taunted Megan with a bad-faith offer……”Maybe you’d like a ride.”

“Oh yeah, where are my manners.  Nobody should have to stand in the rain waiting to go to school.  Hop on in the backseat, Megan”, sneered the female passenger again in a way Megan wasn’t buying at all.

Megan stood there silently, avoiding eye contact and doing her best to tune out the continued heckles that were so cruel that Megan correctly sensed that even her fellow travelers at the bus stop who were annoyed by her smoking two minutes earlier were suddenly sympathetic towards her.  Megan could see out of the corner of her eye that the light had turned green and felt relieved that the verbal assault was about to end…for now anyway.  The female passenger who had for the last 30 seconds been taunting with “C’mon, Megan.  Hop on in.  We’re serious!” suddenly sneered “Fine then….we’d never let a loser like you in our car anyway even if you didn’t smell like a fucking ashtray” before the driver pressed forward down the street.

The 5’7″ Megan felt about two inches tall standing there, having been humiliated publicly for the umptieth time by the Forbes twins, Brandon and Lisa.  She had the misfortune of making their acquaintance more than three years earlier when she started at her new high school.  The Forbes family was royalty in town, with their father being a private equity baron who had major dealings in Kokomo and other cities all over the Midwest in the past quarter century.  The family lived in the toniest neighborhood in town and while Megan didn’t come close to sharing that upscale upbringing, the working-class neighborhood where her caretaker aunt lived was on the outer edges of the school district where the Forbes family and Kokomo’s other silver spoon offspring studied at the nearby high school.  She didn’t feel overly connected to most in her high school and pretty much suffered through her days en route to the diploma at the end of the tunnel.  But the only people she genuinely despised were the Forbes twins, who couldn’t have more perfectly fit the stereotype of spoiled rich kid assholes or the stereotype of schoolyard bullies who began their reign of terror by tripping her in the hallway in the 9th grade and are completing it with stunts like she just endured this morning in the second half of her senior year.  If she was forced to choose which of the two was worse between Brandon and Lisa, she honestly wouldn’t know who she’d select.  She hated them both to her core, and she hated them even more because she was the second generation in the Neary family to be shit on by the Forbes family, and she was pretty certain that neither Brandon nor Lisa even knew the history….

Ten years earlier, her dad worked at an auto parts supplier in town and endured a serious injury on the job in the interim period after a buyout at the hands of Arthur Forbes’ private equity business.  Forbes was able to take advantage of a loophole due to the ongoing transfer of ownership that denied her father medical care or any chance of a settlement.  With no way to pay for the treatment he desperately needed, Megan’s father died a year later when she was only eight years old.  Her mother fought years of legal battles trying to secure some kind of settlement from Forbes for the loss of her husband, but lost every battle….and eventually her own sanity.  For five years now, Megan’s beloved mother was institutionalized, unfit to care for her own daughter and relinquishing custody to her alcoholic sister Beverly.

Megan could tolerate her aunt in small doses and the feeling was mutual, and it was clear right away when Megan moved in that beyond being supplied with a roof over her head, Megan was on her own and would have to build her own future from a very unsteady ground floor.  The result was Megan was forced to ride the bus to and from a high school every day where almost everyone else her age was driving to school in a car their rich parents bought for them.  And more consequentially, it also meant logging in as many hours as she could working at a fast-food restaurant after school most days to pay for whatever future she could possibly stitch together, and then doing her homework on the dark bus ride home.  It was a bleak way to spend her senior year, but it had to be done, and the only time Megan had to feel sorry for herself was when the demonic twin children of the man she blamed for her father’s death twisted the knife by publicly humiliating her.

Megan finished her cigarette and crushed it out beneath her shoe while still standing in the rain.  The continued pleasure was such that she desperately wanted to squeeze one more cigarette in before the bus arrived, but when she looked to her left she could see the bus approaching and knew she didn’t have time for another one.  She wished she could have savored the final drag from that last cigarette a little longer….because it would be quite a while before she’d have the opportunity to enjoy another one.


Ten days passed as February turned to March.  It was fast approaching 4:00 on a Thursday afternoon and Megan stood in the parking lot near the dumpster at the Taco Bell where she’s worked for the last year and a half, smoking a cigarette with her college-age friend and co-worker Beth in the final moments before her six-hour shift began.  Megan and Beth were randomly chatting and Megan was distracted to the point that she didn’t even notice the familiar-looking red BMW pull into the lot approaching the nearby drive-thru until the exact second the driver put his power window down and they made eye contact.  After a couple of moments of eye contact and getting over their mutual surprise to see each other at this fast food parking lot, Brandon Forbes quickly reverted to business as usual, letting loose a boisterous and obnoxious laugh that was clearly meant to be at Megan’s expense while dismissively looking her up and down and checking out her fast food uniform.

“It’s official.  They will hire absolutely anybody at this place, won’t they”, Brandon sneered before quickly looking at Lisa in the passenger seat and rhetorically asking, “Are you sure you still want to order food here?”

In a rare moment of moxie, Megan fired back with the only backtalk arrow in her quiver.  “Aren’t you two way too good to eat at Taco Bell no matter who was waiting on you?”

Brandon and Lisa again laughed dismissively and obnoxiously and Brandon fired back with “You better watch it, bitch, or I’ll tell your boss and you’ll be fired from the only job you’ll ever be qualified for your entire life.  You should get fired just for how much you stink anyway!”

Lisa piled on from the passenger seat, adding “We come to Taco Bell to pick up an occasional chalupa after school.  You come to Taco Bell to make them for us for the rest of your pathetic life.”

Beth stood next to Megan absolutely shocked at what she was witnessing, never seeing anyone their age showing this kind of disrespect to someone.  As much as Beth wanted to give them a piece of their mind, she didn’t want to risk her job either with what were obviously some genuinely miserable people who wouldn’t hesitate to complain to her manager.

Brandon noticed cars were forming a line behind him at the drive-thru and decided it was time to place his order.  It took a few seconds and then he was pulling up to the window, with Lisa getting one more dig in at Megan’s expense shouting “Try not to get your filthy ashes all over everybody’s food!”

Megan’s demeanor was a combination of meek defeat and acute humiliation as she turned to the still-shellshocked Beth, taking a drag from her two-thirds smoked cigarette and shruggingly saying “See what I gotta put up with at Asshole High?”

“I had no idea!” Beth said, shaking her head with a look of pity in her eyes for Megan, who she already felt sorry for knowing how challenged her childhood was.  Beth was taking the final drag from her cigarette before a late 20s Hispanic woman came busting out the back door with passion in her eyes approaching them in her work smock with the name tag “Lupe–Assistant Manager” pinned to her apron.

At first Megan and Beth thought they might be late for their 4:00 start time but looked at their phones to see it was still 3:57 as Lupe looked at Beth who was in the final drag of her cigarette, asking in her thick Latin accent, “Would you mind if I had a word with Megan alone?”

“No problem”, Beth said crushing out her cigarette and heading inside, knowing Lupe was gonna have words with Megan, who she knew she was close with, about the verbal assault she either witnessed or overheard.   “How do you know those little pricks??!?!?” Lupe asked removing a pack of Newports from her smock and lighting one up, gesturing for Megan to smoke another of her Marlboro Reds.

“I’ve had the misfortune of going to school with them since 9th grade,” Megan responded, quickly changing the subject having picked up on Lupe’s familiarity with them based on the question.   “You know them too?”

Lupe made a dramatic gesture with her eyes in tandem with an exaggerated exhale of cigarette smoke before responding in her thick accent that Megan had finally mastered interpreting.  “For three years now, I’ve been doing housekeeping at the Forbes place once a week.  Those kids are absolute monsters….and the parents are no better.”

Megan’s eyes bulged wide open.  “You’ve been housekeeping for the Forbes family?!?!”  she asked half-surprised, although she was seldom surprised by any of Lupe’s oddball experiences at this point.  She was basically the Mexican-American female version of Forrest Gump, stumbling into one iconic situation after another and always wowing her Taco Bell co-workers with these stories which were almost too crazy NOT to be true.

Lupe flashed a knowing smile to her favorite co-worker before formally responding “Oh you know the jetset circles I run in!  Seriously though,” Lupe continued, “I think those kids are as big of brats as they are just as their way of dealing with the parents’ drama!   Mom has at least three boyfriends she hits on a near-nightly basis and every time I’m cleaning in Dad’s office, he’s watching some webcam sluts!”

Megan stood there dragging hard from her cigarette, listening to Lupe’s story but with a glimmer of light flashing in her usually defeated eyes that Lupe had never really seen before.  Lupe continued to share details even though it was clear Megan’s mind was starting to drift.  She squinted her eyes and asked “What’s going on with you?”

Taking another intense drag from her cigarette, a devious smile emerged on Megan’s face before she responded, “The very beginning of a plan.”

Lupe seemed taken aback by the unusual comeback, asking through a confused wince “What kind of plan?”

“The kind of plan that’s gonna require your help,” Megan responded, a raging fire in her eyes.

Lupe was intrigued and a little bit scared seeing this side of her friend she hadn’t seen before, answering several of Megan’s questions in the next couple of minutes while they finished their cigarettes.  Megan was putting Lupe at considerable risk by involving her in the plan she had in mind, given the high-roller crowd she was pitting her up against and given Lupe’s immigration status.  Megan didn’t know the extent of Lupe’s back story and never explored it closely figuring it was none of her business, but Lupe had hinted before that she came to America illegally 10 years ago and was operating with a fake ID.  Megan had plenty of time to consider how much at risk she wanted to put herself and Lupe, but two things were clear.  First, she was never gonna get a more perfect opportunity to get revenge on the people who destroyed her family and her childhood.  And second, she needed Lupe’s car and her access to the Forbes family home to pull off what she had in mind.


It was 10:35 that Thursday evening when Megan got off the bus after her work shift.  She immediately pulled her pack of Marlboro Reds out of her purse and lit one up after exiting the bus, walking the final three blocks to her aunt’s place.  This neighborhood is a tad sketchy and she’s always sure to stay aware of possible danger lurking, especially this time of night, but has never encountered any trouble.  And tonight in particular, her mind was otherwise occupied, floating a buffet of scenarios through her mind and trying to figure out which one made the most sense and would be the easiest to implement.

She was smoking faster than usual and lit up a second one in the approach to her aunt’s place.  She walked inside with cigarette in hand, never concerned of facing any consequences for smoking given that her aunt was a smoker herself and shrugged off Megan’s habit right after she started it a year and a half earlier.  Aunt Beverly was passed out on the couch again, as usual with a two-thirds empty wine bottle sitting on the coffee table in front of her.  Usually Megan did a slow burn coming home to witness this near-nightly routine, but tonight she was too preoccupied on the plan she was devising to escape having to put up with this routine much longer.

Megan walked into the bathroom and turned the light on, looking at herself carefully in the mirror as she removed her work uniform and stripped down to her bra and panties.  For most of her life, her self-esteem had been zero.  She never really sought to attain beauty or be thought of as “hot” by guys but over the past few months she noticed far more guys were looking at her.  She first picked up on it the prior summer when she went with friends to the city pool a few times and noticed guys were looking over their shoulder to check her out.  It had scarcely occurred to her that she could be a sex symbol and she hadn’t really given it much further thought….until tonight.

And looking at herself in the mirror, she found herself admiring her perky young breasts, her mostly flat stomach, her smooth, cellulite-free legs, and even her face.  The pimply mid-teen 9th grader who was clinging to baby fat and was about as shy and insecure as could be three years earlier made for such an easy target when she moved to this new school district, but looking at herself right now, she determined her insecurity about her appearance was now more or less a legacy of the Megan of the past.  She placed her half-smoked cigarette in her mouth and let it dangle, admiring the sexy badass image she evoked standing there half-naked.   It was only now that she was 100% confident in herself that she was capable of pulling off the nasty plan she had in mind for the Forbes family.  She puckered up her lips around the filter of her Marlboro Red, firming it up in her mouth as she dragged and then let the cigarette so limp as the smoke flowed from her lips and nose followed by a sinister smile.  The Megan that everybody knew was about to be reborn.


Two weeks later, Megan sat in Lupe’s car a half block outside the Forbes home, slouching in her seat so as not to be noticed, smoking a cigarette but being sure to direct her exhales downward so as not to arouse any suspicion from a neighbor in this very upscale neighborhood who may happen to be peeking out the window.  Megan made up the excuse of a doctor’s appointment to get out early from school and borrowed Lupe’s car.  In her most recent housecleaning job, Lupe got her hands on some personal information of both Mr. and Mrs. Forbes that Megan needed for her revenge plot, and was now in the process of utilizing that information.  She had been here a half hour now and she was hoping Lupe’s information that “Judith Forbes always goes to see ‘Tom’ every Wednesday afternoon at 1 while their spouses are away” and, finally, Judith was exiting her home and climbing into her Audi to make an early afternoon departure.  Megan didn’t want to follow too closely but also didn’t want to get too far behind because she needed to be there when Judith arrived at Tom’s place.  She lit up another cigarette as she pressed forward, nervous as hell about what the next hour would bring.  There was no turning back now and the riskiest part of Megan’s plan was about to unfold.

As Megan followed, she pondered how the timeline of her approaching 18th birthday was pretty perfect.  She was still a “child” while committing her current crime and thus won’t have arrests on her adult record if she gets caught today but in a week she’d be 18 and legally old enough to engage in the next phase of her plot.  After about five minutes of driving through the city’s more upscale streets, she followed Judith right up to the driveway of the man she was cheating on her husband with.   She could tell Judith was nervous getting out of her car and that made Megan’s amateur detective work that much riskier.  But luck was on Megan’s side as a parking space was open on the curb right in front of Tom’s house.  She parked and readied the high-priced camera she borrowed from Lupe, whose husband is a professional photographer, and zoomed in as Judith approached the waiting Tom on Tom’s front porch.  They embraced and then kissed, and Megan managed to pull off a half dozen incriminating shots, including the one where Tom led Megan by her hand into his front door.  Megan was relieved and excited to have pulled this off as so many things could have gone wrong.  She lit up another cigarette to celebrate, took a couple of satisfied drags, and then drove off.  Step one accomplished….but still a mile to go….

The hard part was over but Megan still had some detective work to do that Friday night, when she took the night off work to bust Judith on film during her next breach of her marriage vows.  Lupe told Megan that Judith met another guy at a hotel on Friday evenings for more extramarital hanky-panky, and Megan figured it would be icing on the cake to get one more picture of Judith cheating on her husband with another guy only two days later.  Megan got a plum parking spot near the entrance and waited more than hour in Lupe’s car, filling it once again with cigarette smoke as Megan’s escalating flurry of nervous situations were quickly turning her into a chainsmoker.  Judith showed up around 6:30 and approached a man waiting in the entryway for her arrival.  It was once again a breeze for Megan to zoom in the camera just as Lupe’s husband showed her how to do and snap a couple of pics of Judith and her latest Johnny-come-lately kissing and then going inside the hotel.  She now had two smoking guns and was less than 24 hours away from turning the Forbes’ world upside down.

Megan drove on out to Lupe’s place and had her husband Bruce develop the film and produce multiple prints.  Bruce was impressed at how well rookie photographer Megan’s photos turned out after being skeptical she’d be able to produce sufficiently incriminating photos.  Megan printed out a letter reading “Dear Arthur Forbes:  Your wife is sleeping with multiple men on a regular basis as these photos prove.  Just thought you’d like to know.  A friend”.  Lupe assured Megan that Arthur Forbes was clueless about Judith’s affair and that with their relationship already on the rocks and Arthur’s ego almost cartoonishly fragile, serious repercussions would ensue quickly after Arthur opened up this manila envelope which Megan sent to Arthur’s office at his business.  She rode the bus home and dropped the envelope into a mailbox a few blocks from her aunt’s house.  She then lit a Marlboro Red and practically skipped home through clouds of her own exhaled cigarette smoke, thrilled with what she’d already accomplished.  Phase 1 of her plan was complete, and Arthur and  Judith Forbes were likely to have a very bad day come Monday.


It killed Megan all day Monday and into Tuesday wondering how the fallout of her detective work was playing out, and never had she anticipated a night working at Taco Bell so eagerly as she did Tuesday, where she would learn from Lupe what her Tuesday morning housecleaning session at the Forbes home yielded.   After school, she got off at the bus stop nearest Taco Bell and practically sprinted.  Before she even got there, she saw Lupe out back smoking a cigarette and grinning ear to ear, so she knew the news was good.  Lupe stood there playing coy, forcing a breathless Megan to ask the question as she lit up a cigarette of her own.

“Well??” Megan inquired.

“Well……someone got kicked out of the Forbes home last night,” Lupe responded making colorful gestures with her eyebrows.  “Congratulations girl!”

“Yes!” Megan exclaimed with the enthusiasm of an elementary girl who’d just been partnered with her crush for square dance classes in phys. ed.

“Happy birthday a day early”, Lupe added.

“So you got the password right?” Megan inquired to make double sure she had everything she needed for tomorrow night.

“LegNAssMan66 just as I wrote it last week,” Lupe reminded.

Megan cringed and grinned at the same time.  “Charming.”

“Think you’re ready for this?”

“Not sure but I’m definitely becoming a woman on my 18th birthday!” Megan said before taking a big drag from her cigarette, wondering if she would get any enjoyment or only disgust with what she would be doing on the night of her birthday in a little more than 24 hours.


Megan was usually drowsy and beaten down after a long day at work and school but the following evening at the end of her 18th birthday, she was filled with a nervous excitement and sprung out of the bus with a flourish before making the walk back to her aunt’s place in record time.  Her aunt was passed out on the couch again, three and a half sheets to the wind with her kids all fast asleep in their bedrooms, and ordinarily she’d have been depressed and angry that nobody in the home acknowledged or even remembered that this was her birthday.  She had other priorities tonight though and went right to her bedroom and closed the door.  She climbed on the bed and took out her laptop, logging onto the adult website Lupe had found on Arthur Forbes’ web history.

She had set up her new account the previous night and was authorized to use it tonight.  She scanned the dozens of names of users presently on the site until she found “LegsNAssMan66″.   After finding the site, Megan stripped down to her bra and panties, exhaling nervously and then sent a private request to the profile she just found.  She was prepared for any scenario–that he might ignore it at first, that he might be away from his computer, that it may require a few nights of sending him requests before he’d take the bait–but it was her lucky night because only about 30 seconds after she sent the request, she got a notification that he checked out her profile, and about 30 seconds after that she got a response from LegsNAssMan66.  The big fish himself took the bait right away.  Now came the slow process of reeling him in.

“Hey sexy. Love the profile”, came the instant message from Arthur.

“Thanks hun!” Megan responded.  “I saw you were from right here in Kokomo and thought it must be fate haha.”

“Lol yeah I think you’re the first girl from Kokomo I’ve run into on here.”

“Yeah I’m new here.  It’s my 18th birthday and I just set up my account.  Figured it’d be a good way to get some money.”

“Happy birthday, sweetie!”

“Thanks. :)”

“Do anything fun for your birthday?”

“Not really but hoping to have some fun here tonight with you.  You’re an ass and legs man and I like to think I’m pretty well endowed in those areas haha”

“Lol oh I’m sure you are.  Ready for me to check you out and see for sure?”

“I’m ready. :)”

Megan always wondered what it would be like to talk to the man she blamed for ruining her life.  Particularly given the context, she felt a little dirty about it, but given that he was falling into the trap she had set so easily so far, she was more than willing to keep the racket up and do whatever she had to do to seal this deal.  Right now, that included turning on the webcam on her computer and letting the man she despised most in the world who was more than twice her age see her perform for him in her underwear.  She turned the volume on her computer and hoped her acting performance was convincing as Arthur Forbes was doling out shallow compliments and giving Megan some direction.  She twisted and contorted her body at his beckon call, feigning a smile on her face as she showed off her body in a way she never did before, even for the pothead ex-boyfriend she dated the prior fall.

She was getting bored after about 15 minutes of this but was willing to indulge as long as she needed to, but a request came from Arthur’s mouth that surprised her.

“Do you smoke cigarettes, sexy?”

“Yeah why?”

“Would you mind smoking one for me?  I find young girls who smoke sooo sexy. Lol”

Megan was briefly in shock, as it had never occurred to her that anyone would find her smoking to be “sexy”.  For her it was just a nasty habit that helped calm her down during her brief moments of downtime during the day.  Still, the fact that she possessed something else that made Arthur Forbes desire her could only be a good thing.  She grabbed her pack of Marlboro Reds off her nightstand and lit one up.  Immediately, Arthur was energized at a whole different level and requesting dangles, talking exhales, French inhales, and an assortment of other tricks that Megan delivered upon request to glowing accolades.  After she finished one cigarette, he asked her to smoke another and she joyfully agreed, lighting up in as seductive of a way as she could think of, still having a hard time wrapping her mind around the idea that someone found her smoking to be sexy.  As he continued to lavish over-the-top praise for her smoking, Megan smiled as she realized this was gonna be easier than she ever imagined.


The connection Megan hoped for had happened.  Every single night after work for the next 10 days, she performed for Arthur, taking every conceivable request he could think of for her to wear including leggings, leather, bikinis, a dress, a miniskirt, or whatever else he could think of, and every single night he also requested she smoke cigarettes.  Megan was grateful for the pocket money this webcam service was providing for her since so much of the money was going for cigarettes.  She had typically smoked about a half pack a day but was now smoking more like a pack a day thanks to these webcam sessions with Arthur.  It scared Megan that was having a genuine connection with this guy she hated so much, and as the flirty banter got hot and heavy at times, she had to mentally check herself and keep her eye on the prize, letting her parents’ condition be a reminder that this guy was the bane of her existence.

During their “downtime” where they just chatted, she exploited Arthur’s efforts to open up after just learning his wife had been cheating on him.  Megan offered a metaphorical shoulder for him to cry on and probed him for details, playing along every step of the way while processing the information in hopes she could use it against him moving forward.  Megan began to share some of her own story, filtered in a way that left out key details and mostly focused on her fast-food job and living with her drunk aunt, which Arthur did his best to pretend to sympathize with.  Megan knew he was incapable of genuine sympathy though and his responses never seemed particularly genuine, which actually worked to her advantage since she figured he’d be less likely to press her for the full story which would of course reveal to him who her real parents were.

In the middle of one of her semi-pity parties, Megan pushed the envelope and confessed how she wished she could just “pack up her stuff and move in with you tonight”. Arthur, in a moment of weakness himself, suggested that just might be a possibility since he was so lonely after his wife’s betrayal.  Megan said she would genuinely be up for it and Arthur’s radar never really went up thinking he was being conned.  Whenever the thought crossed his mind, he reminded himself that there’s no idea she could know who he was beyond that he lived in Kokomo, and figured that finding out he was the richest guy in town would be an extra perk for her when the time came.

Spring break at school started the following evening and Arthur revealed that “his kids were going to Florida for a week”, creating a perfect timeline for Megan to dig her talons into him.  They set up a date the following night and Megan put on all her charm and giving an Oscar-worthy acting performance to make this obnoxious and arrogant 49-year-old man think she was into him.  The night ended at his place, and Megan held her nose and slept with him for what she knew would be the first of many times she’d have to.  An offer was made for a more permanent arrangement…..and Megan took him up on it.  She was moving on out of her aunt’s place…..and was about to become a wrecking ball on the Forbes home in a way none of its remaining three residents were even vaguely prepared for.


Eight days after that fateful dinner date where Megan met Arthur and set the stage to move in with him very soon thereafter, Brandon and Lisa came stumblingly into the front door of their father’s home bright and early on a Sunday morning, having flown back from Florida overnight.  It was only 8 a.m. and while they slept on the plane, the twins were still exhausted when they hauled their luggage inside, immediately noticing something was amiss and musing amongst each what the hell was going on before their father came into the kitchen to greet them, wearing only a T-shirt and shorts having just gotten out of bed.

Before Arthur was even able to get out a proper greeting, Lisa barked out a question through her cringed nose, “Why does it reek of cigarette smoke in here?”

Arthur paused for a moment, trying to find a way to break the news that he knew they wouldn’t like but was ultimately too self-centered to care about before finally saying, “Well…kids….I’ve met somebody while you were away.”

Brandon and Lisa stood there in shock that after the turmoil their mother put the household through just a couple of weeks earlier, their father would so quickly throw another painful monkey wrench in their lives.  Brandon broke the angered silence with “you can’t be serious, dad”.

Just as Arthur was about to respond, Megan came out from outside the hallway in a way that was timed perfectly for her own sinister motives but contrary to Arthur’s requests that he let Megan tell his kids the whole story before formally introducing them.  Megan strutted into the kitchen wearing only her pink bra and panties, carrying her ashtray with her with a freshly lit Marlboro Red dangling from her lips.   She pretended to not know the kids had gotten home when she said, “You coming back to bed soon, baby?” before looking up and making eyes with the stunned Brandon and Lisa Forbes.

“What’s she doing here?” Lisa shouted at the top of her lungs with Brandon chiming in simultaneously with words to the same effect.

Arthur looked at Megan with confusion, saying “You two know each other?”

Megan, putting on an Oscar-worthy acting performance, pretended to be shocked herself and said through a talking dangle, “These are your kids, Arthur?” as her cigarette bounced up and down in her lips.

All hell then broke loose with both kids screaming obscenities at their father and trash-talking Megan as “the biggest loser in school”.  Lisa appeared to be genuinely hurt to her core as she looked at her father and pointed to Megan saying “You left mom for her??!!” Megan acted embarrassed but was barely able to contain her smirk.  For the first time in three and a half years, she had the asshole Forbes twins on the defensive in the most personal way.  This little stunt alone probably made up for the years of merciless bullying that the Forbes twins imposed on Megan, but she was just getting warmed up with what she had in store for them, and it couldn’t have possibly been more satisfying watching the shitstorm ensue right in front of her while she stood there half-naked.  It blew her mind that she spent the whole week living under the same roof as Arthur Forbes and it never came up that Megan was the same age as his kids yet there was nary an inquiry whether or not she may have known them.  Arthur’s self-centeredness made him such an easy mark.

After about a minute of barely getting a word in amidst his enraged children screaming at him and cursing Megan, Arthur had had enough.  “All right!” he shouted in an authoritative way that commanded immediate silence in the room and impressed Megan who finally saw how Arthur was capable of being a successful business leader.  “You may have some prior differences with Megan and I feel kind of bad springing this new on you like this right after your mother left, but Megan and I have something special and as of now she lives in this home!”

Arthur put his arm around Megan’s bare waist and pulled her close to him, to which Megan couldn’t contain a small smile while watching both kids visibly grimace at the sight.  She didn’t know for sure how Arthur would respond to finding out what his kids thought of her.  At one level she would have gotten partial satisfaction if the gig had ended right there and Arthur had asked her to leave, but feeling his lizard hand wrapped around her waist as a public display in front of his kids assured her she was gonna get to ride this out as far as she wanted to.

“As long as the four of us live under this roof, you will show Megan respect…and Megan will show respect to you,” Arthur continued, looking down to Megan to verify she felt the same as she pressed herself closer to him and put her arm around him.  “I realize this might be awkward at first but I know all of you and you are good people who can get along living in this house.  Yes, Megan smokes.  I’m not a huge fan of it myself but she’s a smoker, it’s part of her lifestyle, and we’re gonna tolerate it.  Now does anybody have anything to say here that’s constructive?”

Brandon and Lisa launched iceberg missiles out of their eyes at Megan as she put her hands all over their father, not knowing what to say.  Megan took advantage of the brief silence by looking up at Arthur in their embrace and making a cynical suggestion, “Baby, why don’t you let me talk to them for a minute and I’ll meet you back in bed in a few minutes.  I think I can maybe break the ice a bit better if you’re out of the room.”

Brandon and Lisa pleaded with their father through their eyes not to leave, but Arthur concurred with the teenage girl who in two weeks had completely wrapped herself around his finger, responding “That’s a good idea.  Why don’t I leave you two kids alone?  Good luck, sweetie,” he said bending down for a quick peck on the lips.

Megan approached Brandon and Lisa a coupe of steps closer than she had been but didn’t completely invade their space, taking a drag from her cigarette and exhaling quasi-recklessly so it wasn’t a direct hit but so that Brandon and Lisa were both waving the cigarette smoke out in front of their faces while Megan pretended to not even notice and began talking with just the faintest smirk on her face to let the kids know as subtly as possible that this was all a game and that she was winning.  “I know this is weird guys, but your father and I have something special and we’re gonna see things through. We haven’t always seen eye to eye in the past but I see no reason that we can’t be a family.  If there’s anything you’d like me to do for you guys, just name and I’ll try to help out.”  She paused momentarily and was pleased that both twins were too stunned to comment, just sitting there looking at Megan with searing rage while frantically waving her stream of secondhand smoke out of their faces.

“Well good,” Megan concluded.  “I’ll give you some time to think things over and maybe we can have a family meeting in a couple of days.  Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go have intercourse with your father.”  She turned around before she could visualize their response to that last comment, strutting like a peacock out of the room and shaking her booty with each step until she was out of sight.  Once her back was turned to them, the faint smirk on her face turned into a beaming smile.  She didn’t particularly love that she had to make good on what she told the twins she was going to do, but knowing how horrified they were about it made it all worth while.


Megan took full advantage of the awkwardness that ensued in the days and weeks ahead, both at home and at school.  Brandon and Lisa suddenly had nothing to say when they saw Megan in and around school.  She stood up to the bullies in the most epic possible way and they backed down in an equally epic fashion.  They resented their father just as strongly if not more so and barely spoke to him anymore, only going through the motions of the occasional “family breakfast” and discussion because they knew he was their meal ticket and they couldn’t possibly walk away from him and his money without financial  repercussions that would haunt them long-term.  They knew their father was petty enough to withhold their promised tuition for Princeton next year if they crossed him, so they bit their tongue, hoping he’d come to his senses and rid them of this classmate they despised who had so callously and calculatingly taken the place of their mother.

Megan got the most sadistic pleasure tormenting the Forbes twins in the bedroom with their father.  Despite his early protests that it was inappropriate, Arthur ultimately agreed to Megan’s kinky suggestion that they leave their bedroom door open at night.  Megan knew with Arthur’s ego what it was that he would get a cheap thrill having his kids hear him pleasure this young girl.  And Megan hammed it up as much as humanly possible, almost always climbing atop Arthur when they copulated, bouncing and grinding on him while screaming at the top of her lungs in orgasmic pleasure, an endless, ear-splitting cacophony of “Yes! Oh yes!  Arthur!  Oh Arthur” that she knew Brandon and Lisa were listening to across the hall whether they wanted to or not.  This exercise was mostly to stick it to Brandon and Lisa, but it was also partly a coping mechanism to help her get some perverse pleasure out of a nightly sexual routine with this man who she still despised, and frequently had to remind herself just how much she hated him even as she opened up her body for his personal amusement.  The only part of it she genuinely enjoyed was catering to his smoking fetish with nightly role-playing, smoky kisses, and exhales into his face.  The novelty of the smoking fetish never wore off and she felt even more empowered being in the role of turning a man on with the smoking habit that most judged her harshly for.


Megan never had a lot of free time even before she started this high-stakes hustle against the Forbes family, but she had even less now that she was spending so much time that she wasn’t at school or at work with Arthur and his kids.  In the rare moments when she had some downtime, she did a little online searching to see if she could find out exactly how careless Arthur Forbes was with his money.  The findings of her investigation:  pretty darn careless!  She didn’t think he’d possibly use his handle from the webcam site (LegsNAssMan66) as his password for his financial accounts…but he did.  And Megan got a look at his balance sheet which was at first frightening.  There were rumors going around, which Megan heard background noise about in the past few months, that the Forbes company was on its heels after a string of business ventures that lost money.  But Megan didn’t realize the extent of it until she looked at Arthur’s recent history of withdrawals and shuffling money around.  At first she didn’t know if the final stage of her plan was even tactically possible anymore, but her ultimate finding gave her hope that she might be able to dig the knife in one last time if she was able to pull this off.  She had middling confidence whether she would, but everything had gone just perfectly thus far.

And the weeks went on as April turned into May.  Megan continued playing house with the Forbes family, which she figured would be an insufferable chore, but actually enjoyed the sex, particularly the way she was using it as a weapon, and in endlessly tormenting Brandon and Lisa.  Sunday mornings were “family breakfast day” at the Forbes home, Megan’s favorite time to twist the knife on the kids.  She always paraded around the kitchen in her bra and panties while cooking breakfast, always with a cigarette in hand or dangling from her lips, never quite believing Arthur let her get away with all this in his home in front of his children.  Sausages and pancakes were on the menu this morning and Megan hand delivered each plate with a faux perkiness to a sullen Brandon and Lisa, always sure to get an exhale from her cigarette in just as she made the delivery knowing how much they both despised her smoking.  After bringing a plate of breakfast food for the kids, Megan returned with a plate for Arthur, who sat across the kitchen table from Brandon and Lisa.  After setting the plate of food in front of Arthur, Megan sat down on his lap.  Arthur wasted no time feeling up Megan’s nubile teenage body, a sight that absolutely sickened his offspring.

“Aren’t you gonna eat anything this morning, sexy?  You went to all the trouble of making it for us,” he said, touching his finger to her nose.

“I’ll just have a bite or two of yours.  I don’t want to get fat and lose this body you love so much,” Megan said in a babyish lover’s voice, laying it on thick while sticking Arthur’s fork into his pancakes and cutting off a forkful which she then fed to the middle-aged Arthur who readily accepted it and smacked her on the right asscheek that was hanging off his lap.  Megan giggled at his boyish friskiness and took a drag from her cigarette, turning to the twins in front of her and giving a quick look as she exhaled her smoke their direction.

“I have completely lost my appetite!” Lisa snorted before throwing back her chair and storming out of the room.

“Lisa….c’mon,” Arthur halfheartedly called back with no success, but soon lost interest in his daughter’s presence as Megan approached his mouth with another forkful of pancakes.  Brandon looked straight down at his plate and ate the food, not willing to give up a meal but also refusing to make eye contact with the spectacle playing out in front of him.  Megan then took a bite of pancakes of her own followed by another before Arthur asked what she wanted to do on their day off.

“I’m glad it’s a day off for you but some of us have to cook meals for the rest of Kokomo and not just breakfast for their baby,” Megan responded, hoping to change the subject by pulling in for a kiss and letting Arthur taste her fresh ciggy breath like he always enjoys so much.

Arthur didn’t cooperate though as when the kiss ended he said, “No girl of mine should be working fast food.  Why don’t you quit that nasty place?”

“Well I thought about putting in my two-week notice but my coworkers depend on me and I don’t want to let them down.” She then reverted to her lover’s voice and added, “I just hate letting people I care about down,” before beginning to kiss all over Arthur’s neck and chest.  Arthur caressed her asscheek again and reasserted that he wanted her to put in her notice, which was fine with Megan because she needed a little more time to organize the final phase of her plan anyway.

“Sounds like a plan, baby”, Megan uttered to end the conversation, taking one final drag from her cigarette and crushing the butt out into the overflowing ashtray, exhaling as sneakily as possible in Brandon’s direction.   Megan didn’t even have to work today, but work was her alibi for a much more personal errand….one that may be the hardest thing she’s ever had to do.


Megan entered the Sturm Home with a heavier heart than usual for this month’s visitation hours.  She made it to these visitation days every month but was now regretful that she didn’t seek out even more time because it was almost certainly gonna be her last chance today.  She approached the front desk and saw the familiar face of “Jane” who worked there, who led her into the commons area.  Sitting there at a table was a face that brought a wave of uncontrollable emotion to Megan’s face.  It was her mother Stephanie…..who as usual was drugged into a state of sedation and only marginally aware of her surroundings.  Upon seeing Megan, a glimmer of a smile emerged on Stephanie’s face.  Megan didn’t know how much her mother was able to process about their history or even if she knew that she was her only daughter, but that ray of light in her mother’s eyes at least let Megan know she was a familiar and friendly face.

Megan sat right next to her mom and made small talk.  There were hints of the mother she remembered in the way Stephanie carried herself, but at least at her current level of medication, she was the shell of the woman she was just five years earlier before her breakdown.  And even after years of seeing her like this, it never stopped breaking Megan’s heart, particularly since her condition was widely figured to be irreversible at this point, with little prospect of her ever living the life of a free woman again.  At only 41 years old, Stephanie was poised to be confined to this institution for her remaining years.

Stephanie occasionally uttered statements but they were seldom coherent or on topic, and she struggled to find the words, leaving Megan to do most of the talking.  For most of Megan’s half hour with her mom, she made small talk about work and about graduating in a few short weeks, but as her visit came to close, it was time for her emotional farewell, the moment she dreaded for hours.  Megan pulled her chair right next to Stephanie and embraced her with a hug, before talking to her mother in a quiet voice so she’d be sure nobody else heard this very private moment.

“You would probably be so ashamed of me right now if you knew what I was doing, mama,” she began, the first tear beginning to roll down her cheek.  “I’d like to say I’m doing it for the right reason but I don’t know if revenge is the right reason.  I only hope that one day you’ll understand why I had to do this for you, for dad, and for myself before I could leave this town and get on with my life.”

Despite her dazed and deluded state, Stephanie could sense from Megan’s tears and tone that whatever she was telling her was extremely serious, and a tear before rolling out of her eye to accompany the tears shed by her daughter.  Megan reached up and wiped Stephanie’s tear away as she continued, “I can’t promise I’ll ever see you again, mama, or if you’ll know me at all by the time I do return.  But some day I hope to see you again….one way or another.”

The conversation was not making Megan’s situation any easier and she knew she had to cut things off before she completely lost it.  She kissed her mother on the forehead and then held her in a lengthy, tearful embrace saying “Goodbye mama!” before finally letting go and getting one last look at the loving mother who had been so good to her for her first 13 years of life.  Megan knew she’d feel guilty about walking away from her for the rest of her life, but it had to be done.  There was just no coming back after what she was about to do to the Forbes family.


A few days later, Megan was sitting up in bed looking at her laptop, filling the bedroom with smoke from her just-lit Marlboro Red.  Arthur was mulling around the bedroom preparing to climb into bed himself as Megan did her best to appear transfixed by the images on her computer screen.  Arthur climbed into bed, touching Megan on the shoulder but failing to generate a response from her, thus pressing him to inquire about her distraction.

“Whatcha looking at?”

Megan gave him a flirtatious, up-to-no-good side eye glance as she dragged from her cigarette before responding with “Maserati, baby.  Maserati!” through a talking exhale that captured Arthur’s attention at least as much as Megan’s actual words.

Arthur leaned over in bed to check out the flashy red Italian convertible on Megan’s computer screen.   “You’re into those flashy cars, huh?”

“Oh yeah!” Megan answered with a flourish.  She paused a couple of moments before getting up the nerve to make her big play.  “I think I’ll put it on my graduation gift wish list,” she said while wrapping her arm around Arthur’s and leaning into him affectionately, exhaling a plume of cigarette smoke straight into his face just as he loved.

Arthur laughed out loud in a “nice try” sort of way, but Megan pressed forward in a seemingly half-hearted way. “I’m seerious!” she said playfully.  “I’ll make a deal with you!  I will continue my job and pay my way through community college if you pay for my wheels.”

“You’re serious aren’t you??!?!” Arthur responded in playful surprise.

“Yeah!  I’ve always wanted a hot car and I would think Mr. Arthur Forbes would want his girlfriend to be driving around in style to maintain his image.”

Arthur laughed again, but now appreciating that Megan was serious about this.  She continued to show him photos of the car and Arthur was impressed with her knowledge of and passion for the car as she spent the next few minutes describing details about it. Witnessing this, Arthur began to entertain early thoughts of fulfilling her wish and buying the car, and Megan could tell her sales pitch was working.  She was willing to play whatever underhanded card she needed to get him to buy this car for her, but judging from the look on his face as she continued talking about it, the more she realized she probably wouldn’t even have to go nuclear to get what she wanted.

A couple of weeks went by and Megan could tell by Arthur’s body language and verbal cues that he was working on delivering that “big surprise” for her.  She still dropped the occasional Maserati reference just to see how Arthur responded, and she always walked away 99% sure the final phase of her epic hustle was coming together.  High school graduation was fast approaching and she found herself getting more and more nervous about what came after.  She was grateful that she still felt nothing but contempt for Arthur as it made her manipulation that much easier to pull off with only a partially guilty conscience.  He had been kind to her these past couple of months but only because she was a perfect sexual fantasy for him who he wanted to keep on the hook.

The big day came the weekend before graduation.  Arthur came home from work a little late and handed Megan a set of keys when he got in the door.  Megan acted shocked that he actually delivered on his promise when she went outside and got inside the $150,000 Italian car he just bought her.  Brandon and Lisa had thought they were past the point of being shocked by anything Arthur did that involved Megan, but they threw another hissy fit about Megan’s new car right outside in the driveway as Megan adored the new wheels.  Megan reflexively pulled out her cigarettes as she sat behind the wheel and was about to light one when Arthur noticed, breaking away from his bitching son and daughter long enough to scold Megan.

“Uh, baby.  I do have one rule in the new car.  No smoking.”

Megan seemed a little surprised but took the unlit cigarette out of her mouth to return it to the pack.

Arthur explained himself, hoping he hadn’t hurt Megan’s feelings and adding “This is your car, baby, but I would like to drive it to business meetings and special events.  I can’t have it smelling of cigarette smoke in front of my clients.  I hope you understand.”

Megan smiled back, “Sounds like a perfectly reasonable deal, baby.  I can’t object to the guy who just bought me a Maserati having one small condition,” she added, winking at him.  She pats the leather passenger seat with her right hand and added, “Now why don’t you hop on in and let me give you a test drive.”

Arthur smiled and began to do as requested.  Megan then turned to the distraught Brandon and Lisa hovering on the side and deviously said “I’ll be happy to give you guys a test ride too when I get back if you’d like,” feigning a good-faith offer.

“Fuck you!” exclaimed Lisa, while Brandon shouted “Piss off, bitch!” at almost the same time, both turning to walk away in defeat.  This was supposed to be an exciting week for them with graduation looming, but their father and especially Megan were ruining it for them.  Their resentment couldn’t have been more palpable as Megan gave her new car some gas before pulling out of the driveway and taking to the streets of Kokomo.


Twelve days had passed, along with the graduation ceremony for Brandon, Lisa, and Megan, when Arthur’s quiet Saturday afternoon was disrupted by a frantic Brandon and Lisa bursting through the front door to confront him, shaking envelopes in their hands that they had just picked up in the mail.

“Dad,” led Lisa in a raised voice full of genuine concern, “According to this, our tuition checks to Princeton bounced.  What the hell is going?”

Arthur took the envelope from Lisa with a confused look on his face.  He winced and realized he screwed up, touching his hand to his face.  “We’ve been having a rough stretch at work lately and I ran quite a bit shorter on funds than I thought.”  He paused to consider his options before uttering, “I’ll make this right, kids.”

Both twins looked exasperated as Brandon asked, “Didn’t you say we had special reserve accounts at the bank set aside for our tuition?”

Arthur stood there looking at the sheet at a loss for words before Lisa interrupted curtly, “Well don’t we??!?!”

“You did,” Arthur responded.  “But I diverted it.”

It didn’t take long for both twins to realize where the money went, looking at each in horror.  “You spent it all on her didn’t you?” Brandon asked with contempt.  “That little tramp got all our college money, didn’t she?”

“Yes….yes!” Arthur answered with annoyance in his voice, having been completely busted.  “Like I said, a couple of deals have gone badly in the last few months and we’re running lower on funds than I anticipated.  I thought by now the Pearson account would have kicked in.”

“I don’t believe this!” Lisa screamed, on the precipice of tears.  “Dad, the deadline for our tuition is June 15.  That’s six days away.  You have to make this happen!”

Arthur stroked his chin with his right hand, trying to come up with something before reaching the obvious conclusion.  “You kids’ education comes first.  I’m just gonna have to take back the Maserati.”

“Hallelujah the first sensible thing you’ve said since mom left!” Lisa sneered.  “Where is the little bitch anyway.  I want to see the look on her face when you take her precious car away from her.”

“She should be home by now,” Arthur said, knowing that she left for work this morning and was supposed to be done by mid-afternoon.  “Let me call her up.”

Arthur took out his cell phone and punched Megan’s number on the speed dial.  He was surprised when he immediately heard a shrill dial tone followed by a computerized operator voice saying “We’re sorry.  This number is no longer in use.  Please check the number and try again.”   Arthur looked at his phone expecting he must have punched in the wrong speed dial, and then watched his fingers carefully to make sure he got Megan’s number this time, only to hear the same message in seconds.  He pulled the phone away from his, with a look on his face that was still more confused than suspicious.  His already irate son and daughter looked up at him with a more mortified look having heard the computerized voice on his phone just as Arthur had, and they seemed to know before Arthur did that the game had very dramatically changed.


Meanwhile, driving west on I-74 through western Illinois about halfway between Peoria and Moline was a pale blue 2001 Mercury Grand Marquis driven by Megan Neary, her face beaming with pride and liberation as she hustled westward, checking her speedometer to make sure she was going under 75 and thus not risking getting pulled over, but still in a major hurry to get as far away from Kokomo, Indiana, as she could in her new car.  The next morning after Arthur bought her the Maserati she called around looking for any dealership in the area willing to do a trade-in for a low mileage used car.  She knew she’d take a haircut on the $150,000 Maserati even though it had only 200 miles on it, but she was more than satisfied to have walked out of the dealership with a $7,000 used car and a $119,000 check in her pocket.

Megan looked to her purse in her passenger seat and just couldn’t resist digging in to unearth the documentation of the perfect con she was in the process of getting away with.  She reached into the purse to see the $131,000 receipt she had from her bank before she withdrew her money for cash, which she had arranged for more than a week in advance, that included her $12,000 in savings along with the $119,000 from the car trade-in.  She didn’t feel particularly comfortable having the satchel full of more than $100,000 in her trunk underneath her spare tire, but it would have to do for now until she got to whatever town she decided to settle in several states away.  She rolled down her driver’s side window and grabbed her cigarette lighter, igniting a flame to the bank statement to erase it as well as the last evidence that Megan Neary ever existed.  As soon as the statement was smoldering in flames she tossed it out the window to finish burning into ashes on the freeway.

Megan then reached back into her purse for her new driver’s license and Social Security card, the license featuring the face from Megan’s old license along with the name Megan Teague.  Megan knew her friend and fast-food boss Lupe was the linchpin to making the first and last stages of her plan come together….the first being access to Judith Forbes’ affairs and to Arthur’s online usernames….and the last being access to the same identity auteur who helped Lupe produce false documents years back proving that she was in America legally.  Lupe’s source created a fake identity for Megan as well, that of a girl from Steubenville, Ohio……who just happened to be heading west.  After cashing out at her bank, Megan made one final stop to Lupe’s house to bid her farewell and slip her $15,000 of untraceable cash for her efforts.

Megan didn’t know for sure what she was gonna do wherever she ended up, but figured something along the lines of a part-time job and then enrollment in the nearest community college for the fall term.  All that was important to her was that she was out of Kokomo and that she had finally extracted the payment she thought her family was owed from Arthur Forbes while making the rest of his loathsome family pay the consequences as well.   She figured when she set up her new bank account in the new town, she’d filter in her cash windfall to the account a few thousand dollars at a time over the course of months to minimize suspicion.  Perhaps in time, after everything cooled off, and depending on her condition, she’d arrange to have her mother transported from Kokomo to the mental institution nearest her new residence.  It would be a high-stakes gamble, but after just scoring a royal flush with the high-stakes gamble she just took, she thought another roll of the dice for her mother’s sake may some day be in order.  But for right now, she was just looking to enjoy her new life, knowing she wouldn’t have to worry about money anytime soon.

The sun was starting to get into Megan’s eyes as she drove west and the June afternoon was transitioning to evening with the Quad Cities and the Iowa border approaching.  She reached back into her purse for two more items.  She first grabbed her sunglasses and placed them over her eyes, and then reached for her pack of Marlboro Reds, firing one up with the lighter she had recently utilized on the bank statement, taking a soothing seven-second drag with a pleasured look on her face that was followed up a cloudy exhale that flowed towards the windshield before crashing into it.  Megan may have been forbidden from smoking in the Maserati, but the “smoking permitted” light was always gonna be flashing “on” in her Mercury.


Posted in Fiction | 2 Comments

Minnesota State Fair Overview

The Minnesota State Fair is my favorite sightings venue of the year.  It has been delivering for me consistently since I was a boy and has been the source of a long list of my best sightings of all-time.  Going back to 1993, I have scored 3,242 sightings at the Minnesota State Fair.  The list has become so long that I’ve written my own shorthand version of a top-300 sightings of all-time from the MNSF.  And even that list only represents about 12% of total sightings over the last 20 years.  From there I’ve narrowed it down to a top-100 list…

Below I will make two separate lists.  The first is the total number of sightings I scored each year at the Minnesota State Fair since I started keeping count.  The second is a numerical breakdown of my top-100 sightings year by year.  It’s not easy to explain but hopefully it’ll make since when you see the chart….

Chart 1

1993–2 sightings
2009, Trip 1–206
2009, Trip 2—95
2010, Trip 1—117
2010, Trip 2—212

2011, Trip 1–194

2011, Trip 2–203

2012, Trip 1–186

2012, Trip 2–199

2013, Trip 1–180

2013, Trip 2–196

2014, Trip 1–177

2014, Trip 2–183

Some more specifics about the figures in Chart 1 below.  But first Chart 2, the distribution of my top-110 sightings year-to-year….

Chart 2

2000–2, 12, 81
2001–8, 16
2002–51, 80
2003–20, 28, 32
2004–7, 19, 40, 46, 62
2005–42, 82
2006–4, 13, 22, 42, 95, 109
2007–9, 17, 18, 34, 73, 94, 101, 105
2008–3, 6, 24, 30, 35, 54, 90, 98, 103
2009, Trip 1–31, 52, 102, 110
2009, Trip 2–14, 37, 67, 77, 83, 97
2010, Trip 1—10, 36, 68, 76, 91
2010, Trip 2—5, 44, 56, 59, 85

2011 , Trip 1–15, 47, 58, 62, 78, 106

2011, Trip 2–21, 26, 55, 60, 74, 84, 86

2012, Trip 1–27, 38, 45, 92, 100

2012, Trip 2–25, 39, 53, 63, 69, 87, 99

2013, Trip 1–28, 40, 61, 65, 79, 93

2013, Trip 2–11, 46, 70, 72, 107

2014, Trip 1–48, 64, 71, 96, 104

2014, Trip 2–20, 50, 75, 88, 108

Now I’ll do a brief year-to-year synopsis to accompany the charts….

1993–The year I finally broke through with my first memorable sighting after eight years of attending the Minnesota State Fair with a bourgeoning but still undefined smoking fetish.  I had just turned 16 a couple days before my first consequential MNSF sighting transpired, and I couldn’t have asked for a better “sweet 16″ gift.  Grade:  B+

1994–It was just my mom and I this year as my dad had to work.  Sightings of smokers were not on my mind and I spent much of my day at free country music concerts in the bandshell.  This was the only year of the last 18 where I didn’t score a single memorable sighting. Grade: Incomplete

1995–Another year of just my mom and I.  Pretty much a carbon copy of the year before except for one significant development…..a vintage sighting of a hot blonde near the sandcastles that remains in my top-100 of all-time 16 years later.  I had just turned 18 and on my continued slow road to having a defined smoking fetish.  This sighting was one more stepping stone on that road.  Grade:  B

1996–Two days before I left for college, I had no idea that I was about to have an even more consequential day in the trajectory of my life, but on August 28, 1996, exactly that happened.  Once again it was just me and my mom, attending one of our bandshell concerts and stumbling into the epic foursome that would become known as “The State Fair Girls”.  There are few days in the history of my fetish as momentous as this one.  Grade:  A

1997–For the first year since 1993, my dad was back this year.  All those years in the 90s I wasted with trucking through commercial exhibit buildings with my parents, attending bandshell concerts during the day, and leaving in the mid-to-late afternoon after only 7-8 hours at the fair….all during the era where teen smoking rates were at their highest since the late 70s.  What a waste.  This was the final year in which I didn’t have smoker sightings in mind as I journeyed through the fairgrounds, but even without paying attention I managed to score one passing sighting of a babe smoking in a cluster of hotties.  Grade:  D+

1998–I had worked at the post office this summer and although I hadn’t fully come to terms with my smoking fetish by the time the MNSF came around at summer’s end, it was the first state fair where I was consciously looking for pretty girls with cigarettes.  So I had that part down…but I still hadn’t changed my ways, following in the folks’ shadows through the buildings and sitting at outdoor concerts during the day.  I did pull off a handful of mediocre sightings, but chalk this up to another wasted year at the exact time when teen girl smoking rates hit their peak.  Grade:  C-

1999–On May 11, 1999, I discovered the smoking fetish websites online and spent the rest of the summer intensely searching for sightings in a way I never had before.  This would be my first Minnesota State Fair with a confirmed smoking fetish.  Yet once again, for a final year, I was in my parents’ shadow for most of the day.  By mid-afternoon without any good sightings, I was feeling very disappointed…and straitjacketed.  There had to be a ton of smoking going on the grounds but I just wasn’t in a position to see it, I kept telling myself.  But I finally came up with the solution I should have came up with years earlier.  At age 22, I finally told the folks I was gonna wander the grounds for the final hour by myself.  In doing so, I saw a number of quality sightings, including a girl who remains in my top-60
MNSF sightings of all-time today. Needless to say, a monster was born…and the Minnesota State Fair would never be the same again.   Grade:  B-

2000–This was a year of transition for me in quite a few ways.  It was a gloomy and cool day and I had to leave the fair early to go to a job interview.  Not necessarily a recipe for a great day at the fair, but I nonetheless scored two of my top-15 MNSF sightings of all-time, including my #2 sighting ever, the best young girl sighting of my life.  It was transitional because I still spent about 40% of my day with the parents either in the buildings or at outdoor bandshell concerts.  No complaints this year as being with my parents facilitated both of my epic sightings of the day in their own way.  Still, it was the end of an era for both the daytime bandshell concerts and me spending any time at all with my parents.  The new millennium was gonna have an entirely new set of rules for the Minnesota State Fair.  Grade: A-

2001–The transition put into place two years prior reached its completion in 2001, the first MNSF that would resemble my current state fair safaris.  I separated from the folks early in the morning and navigated the grounds on my own terms.  I also counted sightings that I accrued on the grounds for the first time and was actually surprised when the number exceeded 100.  I had to wait until the dinner hour, but I managed to score two epic sightings that year.  Also new to 2001 was the shift of the bandshell concerts from the daytime to the evening. Starting at 8:30 p.m. Ronnie Milsap took the stage.  This was important because prior to 2001, my family had left the fairgrounds before dark every year.  Being able to stick around after dark would bring about a new MNSF experience and a boatload of new sightings.  And after all this, I would get home around midnight, log onto the computer, and find my one-month-old love interest Dana waiting for me online to hear all about my day at the fair and lamenting how she wished could have tagged along.  Needless to say, another great day.  Grade: A-

2002–I backslid a little this year from the previous year in a couple of ways.  My mom had to work a few hours early in the morning so we took off late and didn’t even get to the fairgrounds until after 11, a good two hours later than normal.  And there were no evening concerts and thus no grounds to stick around after dark, meaning we left at 7 p.m. once again.  Nonetheless, I navigated the grounds on my own again the entire day and dedicated the eight hours I did have that day exclusively to sightings.  How did they hold up?  Mixed bag.  If you check out my Chart 2, you’ll see that I only had a couple top-100 sightings that year and nothing in epic terrain.  Numberswise, however, I still pulled off more than 100 sightings in those eight hours, which is a pretty good timeframe for that number of sightings, even though plenty of them were third-tier sightings of moderately attractive single mothers and the like.  Not a bad day at the fair, but disappointing by MNSF standards.  Grade:  B-

2003–Another year of just my mom and I as my dad had to work.  It was also another year of an evening bandshell concert which of course faciliated a longer day at the fair that lasted until well after 10 p.m. Again, I flew solo all day and dedicated the entire day to sightings. The numbers were strikingly consistent with the previous two years with just over 100 sightings, but this year I scored three sightings in the near-epic category that remain in my top-40 today and bested anything scored at the 2002 MNSF.  I also scored my first blockbuster MNSF sighting during the evening hours, which set the stage for much more aggressive evening fetishing in the years to come.  My best years were still ahead of me, but this was indeed a good one.  Grade:  B+

2004–A year very similar to the previous year in that it was again just my mom and I and we stuck around late for another evening concert.  Numberswise, I broke a previous record with 109 total sightings, but that was just a few more than I had scored the three previous years. There was only one big difference between 2004 and previous years.  The quality was astounding.  Right away in the morning, I was scoring epic and blockbuster sightings, the best of which was my Swisher Sweet girl still in my top-10 today.  The quality of the sightings held up over the course of the day and I managed five sightings that remain in my top-60 MNSF sightings. It was my most consistently satisfying sightings day at the MNSF thus far.  Grade:  A

2005–This was my 20th consecutive year at the Minnesota State Fair.   I was unemployed and had nothing to do.  And I had just had an epic local county fair with three of my best sightings of all-time.  All this meant I was rarin’ to go and was more excited about the emerging Minnesota State Fair than I had ever been before, so much so that I made the first incarnation of my top-25 MNSF sightings list of all time in the days before the fair.  So did it live up to the hype that year?  Not really.  It was my weakest Minnesota State Fair of the decade.  I barely crossed the 100-sighting threshold and there were no truly blockbuster sightings, as evidenced by how few entries 2005 has in my top-100.  It was still a more productive day than any of my 1990s safaris where I hung out with my parents all day and left by 5 p.m., but definitely the weakest from the 2000s, especially considering I was out on my own all day and stayed until 10:30 p.m.  Grade:  C+

2006–This was the year where things blew wide open.  With one change to my formula, my number of total daily sightings nearly doubled.  In recent years, there were evening bandshell concerts which sidelined me from about 8 p.m. to 10:30.  For whatever reason, the quality of the concerts diminished badly starting this year, which meant my sightings numbers went off the hook.  But even within the traditional timeframe of years prior, my past records were shattered and my old record of 109 sightings for the day was exceeded before 7 p.m.  But the sightings just kept coming into the evening hours and I ultimately scored 165 sightings, which at the time seemed insurmountable.  And beyond the quantity there was incredible quality to go along with it, with two sightings that remain in my top-15 of all-time and four additional entries in my top-100.  I thought this stroke of good fortune was a fluke at the time, but in reality it was more a combination of staying longer hours and becoming more efficient in my navigation.  The result was the first of a stretch of three sightings days at the Minnesota State Fair that were my all-time best.  Grade:  A+

2007–I was a little distracted heading into this MNSF safari on my 30th birthday.  Any red-blooded male would be the day after a smoky date with my biggest high school crush Krissy.  Nonetheless, I found my groove after a slow start and settled into a pattern almost identical to the previous year’s with blistering numbers of sightings and some top-shelf quality to boot.  By my 7 p.m. meeting time with the folks, I had scored THREE epic sightings (all still among my top-20 MNSF sightings of all-time) and was already at 124 sightings on the day.  Even though the evening hours didn’t deliver the way they had the previous year, I still bested the seemingly impassable 165 sightings I scored in 2006 by pulling in 184 in 2007.  I might give a narrow edge to 2006 as the better of the two years because it was so unprecedented up to that point to be scoring the volume of quality sightings I was that day in 2006 while 2007 was an extension of that.  Nonetheless, I raked in eight of my top-100 MNSF sightings in 2007.  Not a bad way to celebrate my 30th birthday. Grade: A+

2008–Without a shadow of doubt, my best day ever of fetishing not only at the Minnesota State Fair, but of all-time.  I have described in the past the trajectory of this day as a snowball that built momentum as it rolled downhill until it became a full-on avalanche.  The first hour of the day was infuriatingly slow but things got rolling pretty well with a spattering of great sightings in the late morning and early afternoon.  Things got better and better into the late afternoon and early evening, both in terms of quality and quantity.  And by evening things were off the hook, so off the hook that the only reason I didn’t cross the 200-sighting threshold is because I was seeing so many sightings of incredible quality in those last two hours that I stuck around to inspect them in detail.  Even at 10 p.m., after 13 hours of walking, I was operating on pure adrenaline and didn’t even really notice my intense foot pain as I usually do.  I scored 192 total sightings including two epics that rank among my top-10 of all-time, along with a total of nine entries in my top-100.  It’s hard to imagine a scenario where I could have a better day of fetishing than this, but the Minnesota State Fair has delivered for me so strongly in the past that I’m not ruling anything out.  Grade:  A+

2009, Trip 1–I got a surprise second trip to the Minnesota State Fair in 2009.  It was a good thing too because my first all-day trip was disappointing.  It was a cool day to begin with, but by mid-afternoon the clouds rolled in and the wind picked up and things became downright unpleasant for a late August day.  Beyond that, there were lengthy stretches in the morning and afternoon where sightings were simply nonexistent and where my mood was at times melancholy and bored in a way that’s very rare for MNSF trips.  As the temps cooled in the late afternoon and the evening, sightings numbers did pick up.  I was able to top the previous year’s record for sightings numbers and crossed the double-century threshold for the first time with 206 sightings, but had to sit for a good portion of the last two hours because of foot pain that came with arriving on the grounds an hour earlier than usual and stopping less frequently to admire epic sightings, which were fewer than years previous.  I left with four sightings in my top-100 and expected my 2009 MNSF experience to be a bit of dud, until I scored a very unexpected half-day encore visit the following week.  Grade:  B-

2009, Trip 2–It was like being Superman, flying around the Earth to reverse time and recreate a day that had passed when my parents asked if I’d be interested in going to the Minnesota State Fair again on Labor Day weekend last year, if only for a half-day (my mom had to work the next morning so staying till after 10 wasn’t an option).  It was a warm and sunny day and right off the bat I could tell that it was gonna be a much better day than the week before.  Sightings came at a regular clip throughout the day and at no point was I bored or distracted the way I was the previous week.  Several blockbusters occurred in this time frame, and the day ended with my only MNSF epic sighting of 2009.  All in all, I scored 95 sightings during the half day, including an impressive six that made their way to my all-time top-100.  Grade:  A

2010, Trip 1—Despite being sick with a lingering head cold and getting by on less than two hours sleep the night before, I was ready to go at my first excursion to the Minnesota State Fair on a sticky 90-degree day that would be cut short at 7 p.m. since I would be attending my first evening bandshell concert in five years.  The day was generally mediocre with a spattering of worthwhile sightings in the day’s early stages, but the final hour or so of fetishing made the trip worthwhile as I scored a bounty of blockbusters, and one monster epic that ended things on a high point leading into the concert.  I was especially pleased knowing that only five days later I would be returning, this time for a full day of sightings bliss.  Grade:  B+

2010, Trip 2—My full day at the Minnesota State Fair started slowly in a number of ways.  I was still a little bit sick.  I was smarting from a would-be love interest telling me the night before she just wanted to be friends.  The morning temperatures had dipped into the 40s and female fairgoers were decked out in jackets and jeans rather than tanktops and shorts.  But the day would warm up to a comfortable mid-60s high that brought about a crowd of historic proportion to the fair that day, an all-time one-day record attendance that was almost too much in the afternoon hours.  Sightings were hard to spot in these crowds and the ones I was seeing were generally marginal.  The day was considerably below average.  But then something crazy happened when nightfall came and the final three hours of the day would churn out one blockbuster/epic sighting after another, producing one of the best sightings nights of my life.  The daytime crowds that proved too stifling would eventually produce the evening crowds that were just right in churning out the right demographics of smokers, and I was in the right place at the right time to see many of them.  I ended up salvaging a modest day of fetishing about as impressively as possible.  Grade: A-

2011, Trip 1–It isn’t often that a day at the Minnesota State Fair starts producing an endless litany of outstanding sightings before 2 p.m., but that’s exactly what I was experienced that day, particularly during the noon hour when I enjoyed one after another rock star sighting and was convinced I was on the cusp of one of my best days ever at the Minnesota State Fair.  Unfortunately, the clouds rolled in at mid-afternoon and while it stayed dry, the clouds were a perfect metaphor for the wet blanket that was thrown on the day, as sightings became a lot more irregular and a lot less memorable in the second half of the afternoon.  This dragged on into the evening, but in the final hour or so, I did go on a mini-roll and racked up a handful of quality sightings.  Any time you get even a period of a day that delivers the way the early hours this day is a gift, but the slowdown in the second half of the day did keep the day from ranking up there with my best ever days of fetishing.  Grade:  B+

2011, Trip 2–The inverse of my first visit to the Minnesota State Fair in 2011, I sat in the passenger seat in horror on the drive up to the fairgrounds with rain coming down in buckets and no assurances that it was going to clear up for the rest of the day.  After a late morning clearing when we got there, the rain came again around noon and I was starting to get very nervous.  But by mid-afternoon the clouds broke and the sightings came fast and furious.  While there were no genuine epics for the day, there was a steady stream of above-average material that lasted from about 3 p.m. through the evening hours till the time I left around 10:30, and you can’t ask for much more than that during a day of fetishing.  Grade: A-

2012, Trip 1–My first trip to the Minnesota State Fair in 2012 happened to be on my 35th birthday, but it was hard to get too thrilled as the forecast was predicting rain my early afternoon and I was actually anticipating it would be an abbreviated day, and that I would return the next day for a complete day of fetishing.  The rain did come around the noon hour, but it wasn’t as bad as expected and was actually a catalyst for a couple great sightings while taking shelter from the downpour.  The downside of the rest of the day is that while the worst of the rain ended after about an hour, I was still planning on leaving early because the fairgrounds were a sloppy mess but by mid-afternoon decided to stick around.  The uncertainty was a buzzkill on the day, and it didn’t help that the evening hours I wanted to stick around for ended up being below-average.  With all that said, I had an above-average sightings haul with an ebb and flow pattern but which peaked in the late afternoon.  It wasn’t one of my best sightings days by any stretch, but all things considered I stitched together a pretty good day of memorable encounters.  Grade:  B+

2012, Trip 2–My second day at the state fair this year was about perfectly on par with the first day in terms of substance, with a healthy haul of impressive sightings but no single sighting that burned up my world.  But I’ll rate the second day a tick higher for a couple of reasons.  First, the weather was perfect, and when you arrive at the fairgrounds on a sunny day when you know you won’t run into any weather issues, your morale is always higher and that’s very important.  Secondly, I had a better evening haul on my second trip, and good evening sightings help wrap up a great day at the fair with a ribbon.  Always nice to exit the grounds for the evening with a beaming smile on your face.  Grade:  B+

2013, Trip 1–I was understandably nervous going into the 2013 Minnesota State Fair because of the unsettling news that smoking would be restricted to “designated smoking areas”, threatening to blow up the best venue for smoker girl sightings the world has ever known.  But I was relieved to see that there would be a generous 18 designated smoking areas on the grounds rather than the three or four I suspected, and most of them were located in areas that had been frequented by smokers on smoke breaks in the past.  Couple that with a fair amount of noncompliant smokers puffing away wherever they chose and August 24, 2013, wasn’t noticeably different from sightings days past at the MNSF.  The biggest annoyance ended up being the heat and humidity.  It was a steady day for sightings with decent quality at every stage of the day, and the designated smoking areas occasionally working as nifty holding pens that helped me rather than hurt me in scoring sightings.  The evening hours really sparkled, however, with more civil disobedience of the smoking areas and a “sensory overload” spurt where I was scoring quality sightings so steadily I could barely process it.  For as dark as I let my thoughts drift in the months preceding on what this day was likely to be, it was a huge sigh of relief that for all my worries it ended up being an above-average sightings day.  Grade:  A-

2013, Day 2–My second trip to the 2013 MNSF on Labor Day weekend was far less hot and humid than the week before and seemed poised to be a fantastic day.  It got off to a much slower start than the week before, and even though the daytime hours produced my best MNSF sighting in three years, things didn’t get consistently good until after dark.  And ironically, things got really good only after the weather went to hell, with storm clouds moving in and a steady rain coming down around 8:30 and lasting a good hour.  The rain was the source of a good half dozen outstanding sightings, in large part because it delayed the concert by pop sensation Macklemore who was performing in the grandstand that night and brought my favorite demographic of fairgoers in impressive numbers.  So basically the day featured beautiful weather and a ho-hum array of sightings, while the evening featured miserable rain that emptied out half the crowd at the fairgrounds, but some of the hottest smokers in the state were the ones who stuck around.  Gotta love the Minnesota State Fair!  Grade: A-

2014, Day 1–It’s regrettably getting increasingly rare to head up for a day at the Minnesota State Fair with an all-clear weather forecast.  It makes such a difference for morale to head up there knowing you’re gonna have a nice day with no chance of rain, but no such luck on my first Saturday there this year with a decent chance of rain in the forecast, and even though it never materialized outside of a few sprinkles, it dampened my enthusiasm.  The relatively modest haul of sightings was also pretty dampening, with a particularly glum start to the day, and an overall Day 1 that generally pretty average. There were enough extra base hits and blockbusters thrown in the mix to keep the day from becoming a bust though, and I salvaged a mediocre evening with the best sighting of the day.  I was pretty consistent numbers-wise with Day 1 from the previous year which I considered a success giving the shrinking rate of smoking in Minnesota.  Grade:  B

2014, Day 2–An improvement over Day 1 but still not a Hall of Fame day by any stretch.  Nice weather and gigantic crowds (an all-time one-day record) were both a blessing and a curse as I most likely lost some great sightings in the suffocating crowds.  On balance though, I had a steadier drumbeat of extra base hit sightings and a bit of a crescendo as the day proceeded, particularly in the evening where I really had some great finds, and one in particular who ran away with the 2014 Minnesota State Fair.  The biggest disappointment was in the overall sightings numbers, which on prior Labor Day weekends hovered just above or below the 200 threshold.  I fell far short of that with only 183 this year, a worrisome sign of potentially diminishing returns in the years ahead.  Grade:  B+

The consistency and history of the Minnesota State Fair as a sightings venue clearly rates it as my favorite place to fetish.   I feel like I dodged a major bullet when the designated smoking areas didn’t ruin that for me.  The fair board seems to be trying to remain as welcoming to smokers as possible, unlike most venues, but their hand was forced when a little girl got burned in the eye by a cigarette.  I have no illusions that the designated smoking areas will hold the antismoking crybabies at bay forever, but I think I at least bought myself an additional few years of a Minnesota State Fair that is as close to a wide-open fetishing paradise as exists in America today.

Posted in Top-100 Minnesota State Fair Sightings | 4 Comments

MNSF #1. The 1996 State Fair Girls Who Escalated My Fetish

My smoking fetish was officially born on the sunny mid-afternoon hours on August 28, 1996, only three days after my 19th birthday, and three days before I left for my freshman year of college. And given the intensity my fetish has taken on in the years since, it was one of the single most defining moments of my life as it made me finally come to terms with just how sexy I find it to be when girls smoke. It’s the “granddaddy of all sightings” that I dramatized in my 90% reality-based  “State Fair Girls” story on Smoke Signals a few years later, and I honestly don’t think it’s possible for this sighting to ever be dethroned from its berth at the top given its long-term impact…..

There I sat, with my mom, at a concert for has-been country singer  Billy Jo Royale who I didn’t even really want to see, but agreed to since my mom liked him and since we had a couple of hours to kill back in the time when I had grown pretty bored with the Minnesota State Fair.  After sitting in the bleachers awaiting the free concert to begin, up came these adorable beauties, all around 18, dressed in as sexy and classy of summer attire as any guy could ever dream of (tanktops, very upscale looking jean shorts with flashy and glamorous belts), and sat in the bench directly in front of us. The thought briefly crossed my mind, as I admired their perfect figures and beautiful faces of this assortment of three blonds and one brunette, that these girls would make some amazingly hot smokers, even though that thought generally didn’t consume my every encounter with attractive females as it does today.

In no more than 30 seconds, my wish would become a reality as these beauties, one by one, opened their purses and retrieved their respective packs of Marlboro Lights, sparking up their all-whites within less than a minute of each other and proceeding to smoke cigarette after cigarette after cigarette for the entire two hours we sat there, completely oblivious to the dismay of others sitting next to them, several of whom left in disgust as the girls snickered.  Even my mom gave me a “What in the world could those girls be thinking smoking like that?” look, but thankfully we didn’t move. I just shrugged while trying to hide the fact that my jeans were elevating before my eyes.

It’s hard to single out which girl was my favorite, and I found myself declaring a new favorite every time I studied a different girl.  One dark blond who sat on the right was attractive but not in the league of the other three, but immediately to her left was a bodacious platinum blond in a pink top, white shorts, and a glamorous belt.  To the left of her was a long-haired brunette in badass sunglasses, a blue top, and jean shorts who looked the most comfortable and natural smoking a cigarette.  And on the far left was another incredible blond in white shorts who was mind-blowingly hot.  Again, every time I laid eyes on one of these three girls, she became my new favorite.  They were all just that amazing.

The concert was as big of a blur to me as the air quality a few feet in front of me as these extraordinarily sexy 18-ish superbabes ingested unending volumes of tobacco into their perfectly proportioned young bodies. At one point, as explained in my “State Fair Girls” story, they even turned around and teased me with their smoking show, smiling at me while exhaling plumes of smoke very near me, which really drove me over the edge.  This was the first time I ever got an erection from watching chicks smoke, but it definitely wasn’t the last.  The girls just kept on smoking like lifetime professionals–as if they were getting paid to do so–and left a mountain of butts in their aftermath.  These images were burned into my mind for months (and in fact years) to come and I would never view the Minnesota State Fair the same way again.

In so many ways, this sighting set the stage for who I am today. Would I have the fetish as bad as I do today had it not been for this erotic experience? I can’t really say for sure. All I know is that from that day forward (and as I said I started college only three days after this sighting) I never missed the chance to watch a girl smoke again.

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MNSF #2. The Best Early Teen Smoker Girl of All-Time Puffing Away With Grandpa

As stated previously, I couldn’t stay very long at the fair on the dreary Friday in 2000 due to a commitment that evening and really didn’t want to stay very long given the weather, but in the final half hour of a day that had already proven quite productive, I scored the most epic young smoker sighting of my life.

To give a little background, I had been sitting at an early afternoon concert by now country music superstar Keith Urban back when he had only two hits under his belt, looking around for smokers as always, and repeatedly saw plumes of smoke going airborne from the direction of this young blond girl, sitting with what appeared to be her grandparents.  I never saw the girl with a cigarette and didn’t expect to as she was way too young and way too Barbie-doll cute.  The smoke, I told myself, had to be coming from one of her  grandparents. But that smoke just kept coming from where she was seated, beckoning my attention repeatedly from the awkward spot where I was seated. I never did see anything, but got plenty of chances to admire the cuteness of this little blond sweetheart even from my considerable distance away.

About three hours later, I was navigating the fairgrounds near the bungee jumping stations and saw a freshly lit all-white protruding from VERY young female fingers.  Instantly, I recognized these hands as belonging to the same girl I saw at the Keith Urban concert, again in the presence of the older couple who I assumed to be her grandparents.  I studied her closely, stunned as I determined there was no way she was older than 13, and may possibly have been even younger. I positioned myself a few yards away from them and watched in absolute awe as this most adorable girl casually smoked in the presence of her grandparents. Decked out in a cute red T-shirt and utilitarian white shorts, with long platinum blond hair flowing all the way down her back, the last thing one would have expected to see was a Marlboro Light approach her young lips, yet that was exactly what I was seeing.

As hot as mother-daughter smoker sightings are, I was witnessing a grandfather-granddaughter sighting (granny didn’t appear to smoke), and in the most public place in the state of Minnesota.  As she watched the bungee jumpers overhead, she jubilantly talked it over with her grandparents the way you would expect a 13-year-old girl would do, with the cigarette becoming animated in her hand amidst her excited responses at the brave bungee jumpers.  And she was no amateur.  Her inhales were deep and her exhales were tight plumes of straight-ahead smoke that sailed many inches in front of her face.  I could feel the blood rush to my crotch watching this, having to sit down to avoid the bulge in my jeans from showing. When she took her final drag, she crushed the cigarette out under her shoe, and for whatever reason it was at that moment it hit me how special what I had just seen really was.

Many of us with the smoking fetish can trace the origins of our fetish back to when we were little boys. The best way I can sell the magnitude of this sighting’s epicness is to call upon readers to recall your jubilation in those late elementary years when you discovered or heard rumors that one or two of your sixth-grade female classmates had started smoking….and then imagine the cutest blonde princess in your grade being the smoker, and smoking publicly in the company of her family!  It was like a perfect middle school fantasy come to life for a smoking fetisher and I experienced it, albeit 10 years later.

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MNSF #3. Brunette Babe With An Insatiable Cigar Addiction

I had just taken my early evening rest at the 2008 Minnesota State Fair, my greatest day of MNSF fetishing of all time, and after about 20 minutes of resting my aching body, decided it was time to begin my nightcap….with some of the best timing in world history. Only a couple minutes later while walking through the grounds, I spotted a cluster of four early 20’s hotties on the edge of the sidewalk after about a block of walking. An attractive long-haired dark blond extracted a cigarette from her purse and fired up, leading me to walk their direction for some further observation. As soon as I was standing in close proximity, I noticed an equally attractive long-haired brunette muttering something indecipherable to the blonde as she looked at the freshly lit cigarette, and then started fishing into her own purse as if to get one of her own. I knew the next sighting was at my doorstep, but imagine my delight when the item removed from her purse was not a cigarette, but a small tipped cigar.

It wasn’t the size of your typical Black and Mild. It was much shorter, only the length of a cigarette, but considerably bigger around. The contrast was striking as the brunette fired up her cigar. She was very feminine with her flowing mane of dark brown hair running all the way down her back, wearing a modest pink T-shirt for a top and skin-tight painted-on light blue jeans to advertise her unbelievable ass.

There were four girls in the cluster, each above-average on the attractiveness scale but somewhat hard to discern age-wise. I would guess they were 22, with somewhat of a weathered party girl look on their faces that could indicate they may have been as old as 25, but definitely no older than that. At the time, it was just the two smokers, but all my attention was on the cigar girl as my subfetish for novelty cigar sightings is even more intense than my cigarette fetish.

Watching her smoke the cigar completely lived up to expectations, as she would tilt her head into the sky after taking a drag, giving me a perfect vantage point as the ball of thick smoke disappeared down into her throat, followed by cloudy and dirty exhalations only a few seconds later. There was no ideal location to watch this incredible hotness unfold, and I found myself awkwardly watching from the side, attempting to act like I was waiting to meet someone yet still be close enough to breathe in some secondhand cigar fumes. Things would not get easier as the girls had a strange habit of stopping at a certain destination,  staying a few minutes, then meandering a half block or so and then stalling out again, meaning my presence would not escape notice. Nonetheless, when the cluster first took off, I delightfully followed right behind cigar girl, and was lucky enough to get splashed in the face with a couple lungfuls of filthy cigar smoke that lingered in the air several seconds after she released them from her black lungs.  The girls, only two of whom were smoking, stopped dead in their tracks again closer to the grandstand area, making my job extra difficult. But the best part of the sighting was soon to come…..

The girls were standing right in front of an anti-meth booth, complete with a display of photos of meth users. The two smokers approached the booth and dragged from their tobacco cylinders of choice, seconds before a teenage girl working the booth approached them with some literature. I noticed that the girl’s eyes lowered as she spoke to the young ladies, clearly taking note of the cigarette in the blond’s hand and the smelly cigar in the brunette’s hand. It’s rare that I see something so hot at the fair that my boy parts get uncontainably excited, but as I watched that brunette exhaling a cloud of cigar smoke right in front of the anti-meth booth, my “excitement” could be contained no longer. Soon after, the bizarre stop-and-go routine continued until they stopped at a corner near the DNR building. By this point, I really had to linger at a distance to avoid being spotted. A couple of the girls seemed to look my direction now and then, but never made direct eye contact, so I’m not certain whether I was spotted or not. I had spent a good 15 minutes observing this crew before the brunette finally finished her cigar, tossing it onto the curb with nothing but the plastic tip remaining.  I had seen all I needed to see, but just in case you think this sighting is completed, I should warn you I wasn’t through with these girls yet. Or is it that they weren’t through with me?!?!?!.

About an hour later near the grandstand, now after dark, I found myself staring down the barrel of a repeat sighting that I had never even imagined would resurface. It was the cluster of party girls from an hour earlier….including an encore performance from cigar girl!!! Amazingly enough, she was in the middle of another cigar. Two of her three female friends were smoking cigarettes, including the cute redhead who wasn’t smoking before and the sexy blonde who was. It was a perfect opportunity to briefly follow them again and ingest some more stinky secondhand cigar smoke, but I didn’t want to risk being spotted given how much time I had already spent watching these girls.   Still, the location was better for spying this time as I sat on a bench near the grandstand about 20 yards away and watched the show. Again I was struck by the contrast between this brunette cutie’s pink shirt, tight blue jeans, and stinky plastic-tipped cigar, which she continued to inhale every puff from. I couldn’t imagine anything sexier, and was overjoyed as the cluster walked away and the brunette deposited her second plastic-tipped cigar butt on the fairgrounds pavement, and I was intrigued watching the large cherry splatter dramatically as it hit the street.

Another hour after that, it was almost 9:30 and I was continually amazed at what I was stumbling into, and nothing more amazing that what I would see next. Walking past the haunted mansion on the busiest street on the grounds, there they were AGAIN! The party girls including the pink-shirted brunette stogie girl. None appeared to be smoking this time so I kept walking around the perimeter of the nearby horticulture building. Ten minutes or so had passed before I made another pass by the haunted mansion to see if my favorite girls of the day were still there. And boy were they. I could see freshly lit cigarettes in the hands of the blond and redhead and seconds after making that observation, what did I see but my brunette sweetheart firing up her THIRD cigar in the last two hours. I made one final pass closely behind her and timed it perfectly to ingest one more exhalation of cigar smoke.

There were so many high points to that 2008 MNSF sightings day, but this was tops, and it was also my greatest cigar sighting of all-time. I’d give my first-born child to see something even remotely like it again.

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MNSF #4. Teen Smoking Krista Clone Corrupts Unattractive Friend And Smokes While She Eats

My 2006 visit to the Minnesota State Fair reached an uncharted level of hotness compared to prior years, both in terms of quality and quantity. I had hit the “sightings century mark” at an astounding 6:30 p.m., at least three hours ahead of schedule from previous years, but the cute 20-something blonde that represented my 100th sighting near the food building commons area was a memory in the mere seconds it took to raise my head and find Sighting #101, a beautiful 16-ish chickie with a mane of long and curly light brown hair running all the way down her back, and an unlit cigarette dangling from her lips.

Immediately sensing something special about this girl, I began to follow her and a redheaded friend who was considerably less attractive. The brunette wore a lovely bare-midriff blouse that exposed her well-toned belly to the tens of thousands of lucky male fairgoers, as well as a tight pair of denim Capris that fashionably showed off her glowing teenage booty and lovely lower legs.

It took about 30 seconds for her to fish her lighter out of her purse, but when she did, she sparked up that cigarette. She took a couple of drags before handing the cigarette to her friend and then wasted no time firing up another cigarette of her own. I got particular guilty pleasure about the fact that this adorable teen beauty was the bad influence on her less attractive friend. From there, the girls decided they wanted something to eat, and stood in line at this stand that appeared to sell little cups of frozen custard or something of the like.

Luckily, the stand was two-sided, so I was able to go to the other side and see through the glass, finally getting a good look at her. She was more beautiful than I previously suspected. Not only because of her astounding mane of light brown hair, but also her flawlessly beautiful face, she reminded me of Krista, the daughter of a woman my mom works with who is now college age. Krista is a nonsmoker, and homecoming queen hot…and this nicotine girl at the Minnesota State Fair possessed facial features cut from identical cloth. It was like a fantasy come to life as I recalled all the times I thought about how hot Krista would look as a smoker.

It only got better as the girl stood up to place her order, unapologetically holding her cigarette above the counter and proudly displaying her youthful nicotine addiction to the world. After receiving their orders, the girls carried their desserts and their cigarettes to the sidewalk, where they quietly sat and consumed a toxic brew of transfat from the custard and deadly carcinogens from their cigarettes. And consume they did!  I sat on the sidewalk across the street and got to see a surprising amount considering the foot traffic between us. The pretty girl went back and forth from eating a spoonful of her frozen dessert to taking a drag from her cigarette, dragging furiously and frequently, sucking the tobacco out of that cigarette faster than I would have expected and producing a cesspool of air pollution surrounding her beautiful face.  She would soon crush the cigarette out in front of her on the sidewalk at the exact moment that her friend did.

No more than 60 seconds had passed before the pretty girl turned around and started fishing through her purse. Could this 15-16 year-old stunner possibly be so addicted to cigarettes that she needed an exciting encore less than a minute after polishing off her last? DING! DING! DING! Every part of my fatigued anatomy stopped for a second as the pack of Camels in her purse was extracted for the third time in less than 10 minutes, and the girl lit herself up again. It was very clear that her frozen custard had quickly become an afterthought, taking a backseat to her obviously insatiable nicotine dependency. She only got a few drags off of the second cigarette before the two of them got up to leave. I couldn’t help but following a little further, even though I’m pretty sure they spotted me by this point and soon realized that I needed to abort or risk being called out for stalking her. As I studied this beauty’s amazing face one last time before parting ways, I would’ve given anything to turn back the clock and be 16 again if only for that evening.

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MNSF #5. Lindsey Tortures Her Teen Friend With Cigarette

In the evening hours that wrapped up my second evening at the 2010 Minnesota State Fair, I scored more than a half dozen blockbuster sightings, several of which are on this list, and the quality of the blockbusters just kept escalating.  I was already on an adrenaline burst before I even stumbled into the most epic sighting of the year and one of my all-time MNSF classics.  Without further adieu, I present you….the legendary Lindsey.

I had spent so long in the same parts of the fairgrounds tracking sightings that I was now long overdue for another journey to the east side of the grounds.  In this case, I found myself at the far eastern gate where I was at the early stages of what would be my best sighting of the day.  This is another one where I need to warn you….hold onto your hat….because you’re going on the ride of your life….

By now, KISS was performing and could be heard virtually any place within a half mile of the grandstand, but I just happened to be in a sparsely populated area near the east gate outside the range of the KISS concert, and was thus able to hear voices in close range, which saved me from missing out on the upcoming sighting.  I was busting pretty good through this east side since there weren’t many people there, but took a quick mental note of a trio of cute 17ish girls who had apparently just entered the fairgrounds at the 9:00 hour.  I took a quick look at them, didn’t think they looked like obvious smokers, and decided I should press forward.  Thankfully they weren’t out of hearing range as I heard one of the girls behind me saying “Lindsey, now we ARE gonna stop sometime because I really need a cigarette!”  I quickly jerked back my head to see an adorable brunette looking at the curly-haired blonde who she just made the request to.  The blonde didn’t bat an eyelash or say a word, giving her the silent treatment, which provoked the brunette to continue pleading.  “Now c’mon Lindsey.  I’m ALWAYS giving you cigarettes!”  Holy shit!  Needless to say, I followed.  I already counted these two as sightings just from that banter, but I wouldn’t be satisfied until I actually saw them smoking.

As I followed I got to make a number of observations.  Remember I said that there were three friends.  The third wheel was a modest brunette who did little to capture my interest.  The other two had me absolutely fascinated.  The brunette doing all the begging was the best looking of the three, with a beautiful wholesome face, long brown hair, a slender body, but a less than sexy red sweatshirt and utilitarian jeans below the neck.  But it was Lindsey the blond who fascinated me most.  She was also pretty, and had those alluring curly blond locks as well as a white and gold top.  But below the waistline was where she really sparkled, literally. Lindsey was wearing a short pair of medium-blue jean shorts that was made glam outlined in gold glittery trim.  Watching that ass wiggle in those shorts I would have killed to have gotten my hands on it.  The girls were pressing forward quickly, with Lindsey sipping a drink she must have purchased just after entering the gate.  The begging brunette seemed to be doing most of the talking, but unfortunately as we moved closer to the grandstand their conversation was becoming inaudible due to the noise from the KISS concert, but judging from the body language it looked as though the brunette was continuing to plead with Lindsey to stop for a cigarette.

It was shortly after this point that I would come across my most difficult decision in the history of Minnesota State Fair fetishing.  As I followed Lindsey and her girls, I crossed paths with a duo that took my breath away.  I looked to my left to see an amazing blonde 21ish beauty in a red top and white shorts holding a white cylinder with a glowing red cherry on the end.  Standing next to her was a long-haired brunette in jean shorts, also smoking.  They were the most beautiful girls I had seen all day.  We’re talking perfect 10s here.  These girls belong in Hollywood.  They were standing in a cluster of three guys, one of whom was smoking a giant cigar.  If only the girls were smoking cigars, Lindsey and her crew would have been a distant memory.  Now…what to do?  These girls were so gorgeous it was crazy….yet the storyline behind the Lindsey sighting was so epic that I wanted to see that play out too.  But was it gonna?  Just because the brunette wanted to “stop for a cigarette” didn’t mean they were going to anytime soon.  And meanwhile, I had these two epic beauties right in front of me who were smoking in the present tense.  Watching Lindsey and her friends walk forward into the crowd, I decided I was gonna try to have it both ways…and figured there was a decent chance I would since the 21ish babes were wrapping up their cigarettes.  I stuck around and observed their last two succulent drags.  Almost in tandem, the girls dropped their cork filters to the ground.  I took one last look at these beauties, especially that blonde in the white shorts.  How is it even possible for girls this hot to exist, I thought to myself.  I relished in this observation for a moment but then had to see if, just maybe, I could catch up to Lindsey.

I raced through the area behind the grandstand in the direction they were headed.  The crowd had thinned down some now so it was not completely out of the question for me to find them, but it still seemed like a longshot.  I was starting to lose hope as I continued my fast pace by the west end of the grandstand….until I laid eyes on that shiny beacon that was Lindsey’s jean-shorted gold-trimmed ass.  I was back in business, baby!  I continued following until they came to a stop at the edge of the midway near the radio station.  It seemed to be a hangout for a lot of teens and young adults not quite old enough to party at the nearby beer gardens.  The three girls quickly struck up conversation with what I assumed were friends they planned to meet there, although I suppose it’s possible they just decided to yuck it up with other kids their age that happened to be hanging there.  I was starting to get nervous as I stood on the curb across the street thinking that this might not play out, but the begging brunette just wasn’t gonna let that happen.  There was a flurry of people that made it easy to lose people in the crowd, but I had an opening to watch the brunette, reading her lips as she said to Lindsey, “PLEEASE!  I need a cigarette!”  She then held up one finger and said “Just one!”  I have to admire Lindsey for being such a torturer, making her best friend beg her for a single cigarette.  You gotta figure Lindsey’s current or future boyfriends are gonna have to work just as hard or harder to get a blowjob out of her.

And then, at least 10 minutes after this sighting began, Lindsey dug into her purse and extracted a bronze pack of Marlboro 27s.  The would-be epic sighting of the night was finally gonna become an official sighting.  Lindsey handed the brunette a cigarette and then placed one in her own mouth.  The brunette looked adorable dangling that unlit cigarette for a good minute as Lindsey got out her lighter, lit herself up first, and then sparked up her nicotine-deprived friend.  As suspected, the third girl didn’t smoke.  Now it was time to watch the show…and the girls didn’t disappoint.

Actually, the brunette may have disappointed a little, at least compared to Lindsey who was a total pro, taking frequent and lengthy drags and spewing generous snoots full of smoke in her exhales.  Sometimes she was thoughtful and turned to exhale.  Other times, she exhaled straight ahead and at least twice she caught the nonsmoking girl in the face.  Other friends were in and out of the conversation, but Lindsey and the brunette were the only smokers.  The brunette wasn’t a bad smoker, but her exhales were less dense and her drags less frequent than Lindsey’s, although I must confess that from that angle I was watching I couldn’t see nearly as much of the brunette.  Lindsey, on the other hand, hacked up a lugie about halfway through her cigarette and instead of the girlish flick of spittle most little girls spit, hers had volume and distance.  It wasn’t a big lugie, but she sent it flying an impressive distance.  And after that, things got even weirder.  She had a strange habit of extending her arm, bending her wrist, and ashing the cigarette, but one time while doing this, she accidentally tapped the cigarette right out of her hand.  At first, I thought she was just finishing up the cigarette, but it was a genuine accident and she quickly picked up the cigarette off the dirty pavement and stuck it back in her mouth.  She wasn’t quite done with this cigarette yet!

The girls became mobile which had its upsides and downsides.  It was hard to lose Lindsey with that ass of hers gleaming, but the crowd was such that it was still a real possibility.  And she kept puffing on that cigarette long after I expected it was at its end.  The brunette had apparently already lost hers, which was curious since she smoked much slower than Lindsey.  But as Lindsey dropped her butt, I found out why.  Lindsey had smoked it right down to the filter.  There was a speck of paper left, but every morsel of tobacco had been smoked out of it into Lindsey’s black lungs.  I took one final look at that adorable ass of hers swaggering its way onto the horizon, aware that I had almost assuredly scored my best sighting of the day.

My mood at this point was all-out euphoria, something I haven’t felt since fireworks at Summerfest 2009 where the smokers were absolutely everywhere.  I literally started running as soon as I reached a point on the grounds that was empty, so much so that some drunk from the beer gardens jokingly shouted out, “No running!”  If you would have told me at 7:00 that my sore feet would have been capable of sprinting across the fairgrounds, I would have told you that you were crazy.

The blockbuster-within-an-epic sighting in which I took an incredible risk paid off completely and I was able to identify three out of the four butts and got to watch all four girls smoke.  It’s a damn tall order for any sighting in 2011 to top this one.

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MNSF #6. The Original Minnesota State Fair Cigarette Molestor

There were no shortage of unforgettable moments at the 2008 Minnesota State Fair, but this monster epic from the late afternoon was one of the high points, not only of this year but of my entire Minnesota State Fair experience.  It was also somewhat groundbreaking in that it was the first sighting where I really took note of the smoking technique of a particularly addicted girl and have found myself studying the techniques of smoker girls more thoroughly as a consequence of the show this girl put on….

It was around 5 p.m. as I approached the grandstand area, encircling the east side of the seating area and quickly scoring two impressive sightings.  But after completing the loop, I was faced with two sightings prospects occurring simultaneously, and am pretty sure I made the right choice…..spotting this angellic-looking 19-20ish dark brunette with long and curly hair exiting the grandstand and producing a pack of Marlboro Mediums. I noticed a badge clipped onto her black slacks and recognized she was a grandstand worker, most likely one of the vendors for the commercial exhibits underneath the grandstand. I hadn’t had a blockbuster grandstand worker sighting since that epic supersmoking cutie in 2000 who was #12 on my list, but I definitely sensed correctly that I was about to have another one now.

She was dialing numbers on her cell phone as she leaned up against a tree right in front of the seating area. She was incredibly beautiful, but did not have a particularly flashy or glamorous look.  Her red blouse and dress slacks made her look a little more professional, but her girl-next-door face gave her a distinctive and heartwarming allure. In itself, that made her a great sighting. But it was her technique that elevated her to another level. Amidst her distracting cell phone call, she dragged intermittently from her cigarette as though it was an afterthought, but the robust drags were nonetheless intense and extreme with an unquestionable aura of pleasure evident on her face. But it was what happened after the drags that intrigued most.

Literally, 7-10 seconds passed where the smoke lingered inside her coal black lungs before the smoke came pouring out of her mouth and nose. Even more amazing was that the smoke kept coming after the initial exhale. After every exhale, residual smoke continued to escape all three of her facial orifices with every breath. Smoke was literally oozing out of this girl like incense from a metal container waved around the church by a Catholic priest during Lent. And it was the same routine with every drag. Deep and intense drags, a period of extended holding where you could almost take a nap and still wake up before the first sign of smoke escaped the inside of her body, and then more smoke spilling out of her gorgeous face for as long as 30 seconds after the original exhale. This struck me as the smoking style of a 20-year veteran smoker coming from a girl who was most likely only 20 years old.

Unfortunately, the performance ended entirely too quickly. She would end the phone chat and quickly retire the two-thirds smoked cigarette, stubbing it out and placing the remainder in her Marlboro Mediums pack to finish off later. Nonetheless, what a huge sighting.  For months afterwards, I would lay head to sleep and see smoke pouring of this girl’s face with every breath. In the years since I’ve witnessed a lot of vaguely similar smoking performances, but none quite as overpowering as this one, particularly since she made it seem so effortless.  When I see a girl this ferociously addicted to cigarettes that she practically molests the cigarette in her mouth and molests the smoke inside her lungs, I reeeeallly wanna have sex with her….and I desperately wanted to have sex with this one.

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MNSF #7. My First Little Cigar Sighting From A Worthy Brunette

I stated previously that 2004 was my first great day at the Minnesota State Fair.  Even in the early morning hours I was scoring impressive sightings, but it was the later hours of the morning that produced a groundbreaking first-of-its-kind sighting for me that I will never forget.

I was breezily navigating an unpopulated east side corner of the fairgrounds when I spotted this adorable 22-ish dark brunette with shoulder-length hair and the most perfect girl-next-door face leaving one of the buildings all by herself. She was dangling something brown from her young lips which immediately froze me in my tracks. At first, I thought it was a More cigarette as she stopped quickly to light up, but the undeniable aroma of cigar smoke that quickly followed the light-up made it abundantly clear that this wholesome cutie just lit up a small Swisher Sweet cigar at the Minnesota State Fair…..

There seems to be a growing “little cigar” trend nowadays, particularly in inner cities, but it was still largely nonexistent in the Upper Midwest in 2004, and this adorable girl in no way fit the stereotypical demographic of a little cigar smoker, yet there she was, holding her stinky little brown treasure at her side as she proceeded through the grounds with an enticing mix of awkwardness and confidence. My crotch expanded instantly inside my jeans and I managed to follow her at a distance where I wasn’t exactly conspicuous, but was still able to smell the awful but alluring stench of cheap cigar smoke lingering in the air after she exhaled. My guess is she probably knew she was being followed, but there was no way I gonna miss out on this, watching her cute little butt wiggle in her painted-on jeans with each step. Here was this girl, exuding femininity with every flourish of her hips, yet smoking a smelly little cigar at the Minnesota State Fair.  I dared not even fantasize about something like this up to this point….

This was one of the only times in my years of fetishing where I was briefly overcome with an animal lust sensation…wishing I could have my way with this girl right then and there with her willing and instinctive acceptance, tasting the fresh cigar smoke on her breath the whole time. After watching her drop her little cigar to the pavement and stomp it out before walking away, I had way too much built up “tension” to carry on without a quick trip to the john to relieve myself. It was the only time a sighting got to me that much that I had to make a detour to relieve the tension.  There were many other moments that day would impress, but this was unquestionably the high point of the day, or of the entire year of 2004 for that matter.

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MNSF #8. Flirting And Smoking With the DJ On Live Radio

Here’s another epic sighting from the early evening of the 2001 Minnesota State Fair, only about 15 minutes after I scored my #16 sighting from this list.  I was walking past this radio station broadcasting live and interacting with people on the sidewalk hovering in front of their booth. This radio station booth has produced a number of great sightings in the years since, but nothing even in the same ballpark as this one….

The deejay on the stage broadcasting live was talking to two extremely attractive 16-17 girls with long dark brown hair who were both smoking cigarettes like seasoned pros. These girls were kind of in the “in-between” territory as whether they looked like smokers or not. I wasn’t necessarily surprised to see them smoking, but I was surprised that they were copiously dragging from their cigarettes while talking to an adult male deejay ON LIVE RADIO….with a cluster of people behind them listening to their banter with the deejay!

And like I said, these girls were no amateurs. Their inhales were deep and intense. Their exhales were thick, extremely cloudy, and came in tight synchronized streams. I watched in awe for several minutes, not necessarily hearing what they were talking about with the deejay but being too mesmerized by their smoking show to care.

After the girls finished their cigarettes, I decided to take off, naturally expecting the show was over, but still making a mental note that this best sighting of the day just might not be finished yet. I walked a quick loop around the block and returned to the radio station booth no more than 10 minutes later….and girls (maybe sisters, maybe just friends, I’m not sure…but they looked quite a bit alike) were still there….smoking ANOTHER round of cigarettes with the same amount of gusto they put into their first round of cigs, and still flirting with the deejay on the air.

I kind of wish I could have heard the discussion to catch if the deejay was flirtatiously scolding the clearly underage cuties for their heavy smoking. You gotta wonder if that deejay had the fetish himself. Why else would he indulge these smoker girls into such a long discussion as they spewed their carcinogens in his direct path? And I also wondered what some of the people in the crowd were thinking watching this illegal display of tobacco consumption by beautiful underage dark brunettes with zero inhibition.  I would soon meet up with my parents en route to an evening concert, but my evening had more than been made after this epic.

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MNSF #9. Only 14 And Blowing Smoke at the Cops

Another epic from the 2007 Minnesota State Fair, and in this case the most memorable 30th birthday gift the fair would provide me that day.  I was journeying towards the midway in the late afternoon hours of that fine day where I would be on the receiving end of my most epic sighting of the day. Throughout the day, I would always see clusters of impossibly cute early teenage girls on the fairgrounds, the kinds of hotties that every junior high boy lusted for back in the day, and every time I crossed such a cluster, I wished that at some point in the day, the opportunity would arise to see just one of them with a cigarette in hand in the year 2007. Well, my time was now…..

A group of four dollish 13 or 14-year-old girls were working their way from the midway to the Heritage Square area of the fairgrounds. Sometimes when there is only one girl, it’s hard to discern if she is really as young as she originally looks, but there were four girls in this bunch, and they were very clearly in that 8th grade age range. One of them, an adorable blond in a red and white striped tanktop and white shorts, had herself a cigarette extending from her fingers as she walked by. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing, and proceeded to follow the group of girls en route to Heritage Square.

But the sighting was about to take on an entirely new dimension as the group would wander directly past a parked squad car with two police officers sitting inside. I took notice of the cop spotting the young girl smoking the cigarette, and so did one of the other three girls in the group (a light brunette cutie in a denim miniskirt), who nudged her friend in the shoulder and muttered something to her that was inaudible from my distance, but that I figured was a warning that the cop spotted her smoking. With God as my witness, this blond babe….who didn’t look ANYTHING like a rebel….turned herself completely around a released one of the cloudiest exhales I’ve seen in recent memory directly pointed to the squad car she had just walked by!!!!! The gesture was a thousand times more fierce than a middle finger would have been….and it was coming from this 14-ish girl that looked like she should be a “B squad” cheerleader.  I had all I could do to restrain myself from bursting out into cartwheels.

The group of girls would press forward, and the blond smoker handed off the cigarette to the miniskirted light brunette (every bit as cute as the blond) who warned blondie about the cop watching. The brunette took a few puffs of her own. By this point, I was standing directly behind them and ingesting the headwind of every exhale their young lips spewed, all the while admiring their adorable early teen butts in the respective shorts and denim skirt. As the girls ascended the steps into Heritage Square, the blond (who got the cigarette back after her friend took a couple of drags) dropped it right on the steps. It was a Marlboro Red! These junior high princesses were smoking full-tar Marlboro Reds! Any wonder why this masterpiece is an entry in my all-time top ten??!?!?!?!?  I wouldn’t get another sighting that great for the rest of the day, but it was the sighting that really set the pace for the wildly productive ensuing late afternoon hours.

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MNSF #10. Storing Up on Nicotine Before The Hinder Concert

My first day at the 2010 Minnesota State Fair was fairly unsubstantial for most of the day, but around 6 p.m. in my final hour of sightings before meeting up with the family I scored a monster blockbuster that changed the trajectory of the day and ushered in a very impressive final hour, with nothing even coming close to measuring up to the quality of this dramatic gem that took place in the seating area to the east of the grandstand. ….

Sitting next to a boyfriend was a super-cute 22ish dark blond wearing a white tanktop and a perfect-fitting denim miniskirt that looked adorable on her.  Right away as I approached, I saw a cigarette in the hand of both the guy and girl.  I made a second pass to get a better look at the girl.  She wasn’t a knockout beauty, but very cute and wholesome-looking, a solid 8.5 on a scale of 1-10 who added to her allure significantly with that hot little skirt.  There was no place to sit next to the girl, so I had to sit next to the guy and as a result flew pretty close to the sun having to peer over him to get an occasional look at his girlfriend.  It was worth whatever risk though as I saw that first drag as cutie took a good four-second inhale before I watched the thick ball of creamy smoke disappear into her throat for a few moments, resurfacing again in about three seconds with one of the strangest exhales I’ve ever seen.  The smoke spewed out of her mouth first and the jet of smoke fired skyward while the spillover from her nose came later and fired downward. Usually these “jet stream” exhales tend to combine coming out of the mouth and nose to form one stream of smoke, but with this girl, a skybound stream of smoke lasted a couple of seconds before the second act emerged, a nasal stream of smoke plunging downward.  I would see a couple more drags from her, but none that upclose, so I’m not sure if I just caught her in a special drag or if this is the way she regularly smoke.  Either way, you can’t imagine how much I wanted to leap over this boyfriend, hike up this girl’s cute little skirt, and fuck her brains out right there on the cement slab.

Whatever the case, that was only the second hottest part of the sighting.  The boyfriend finished his cigarette first but within about 30 seconds, girly wrapped up hers as well, stubbing it out and dropping it to the pavement below her feet.  I expected they would soon get up to leave, but my adorable and feminine blonde friend had different ideas as she proceeded to extract her pack of Marlboro Lights from her purse only about 20 seconds later and was determined to keep the stink alive.  She fired up another one, and as I said, I didn’t get a very good view of her drags, but I was amazed at how quickly she made the cigarette disappear, apparently taking pretty deep drags into those black lungs of hers.  The boyfriend did not initially light up another cigarette and was a fairly quiet guy.  The girl wasn’t a motor mouth by any stretch, but she still did 90% of the talking as she pulled out her tickets from her purse and commented on how they bought the tickets in June, yadda, yadda, yadda.  But then the conversation got epic…

The girl told the guy he better have another cigarette because it would be a long time in the concert before they’d get their next chance.  The guy acted like it didn’t matter to him one way or another, but did heed her advice and fired up a second cigarette.  The girl was approaching the end of her second cigarette and continued speculating on the length of the concert.  And that’s when it happened.  The girl looked at her fast-diminishing cigarette and said to the boyfriend “I’m thinking of having another one!”  Are you kidding me, I thought to myself.  Three cigarettes in a row back-to-back!  How much nicotine does one girl need??!?!  Unfortunately, the boyfriend shook his head no, indicating he didn’t want to sit through yet another of his foul-smelling girlfriend’s cigarettes.  What’s the matter with you, man!  ANY TIME a hot girl tells you she wants another cigarette, the answer should be an emphatic “YES!!!”.  This time, the girl took a final drag from her cigarette and dropped it to the pavement still smoldering….

In just a few short moments, the two of them got up en route to the grandstand show.  This finally gave me the opportunity to see what she looked like up-close.  Suffice it to say she lived up to expectations completely, with a petite little body about 5’3”, very nice boobs poking out of that white tanktop, and a lower body framed beautifully in that little denim skirt of hers.  Naturally, I thought her walking off would finally be the sunset to this incredible sighting, but she just wouldn’t go quietly.

The boyfriend was still smoking his second cigarette, but the girl blew me away when she held out her hand and grabbed hold of the boyfriend’s cigarette.  He may have denied her the third cigarette she wanted, but he was gonna pay for that by sacrificing some of his own.  I watched as she finished off his cigarette, not even giving him the option of having a final drag himself.  Where do I find these girls?!?!  She was the nicotine girl equivalent of a camel storing up on fat before making an epic journey across the Sahara Desert. Suddenly, the mediocrity of the hours leading up to this point had become a distant memory.

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MNSF #11. Mother And Early Teen Daughter Sighting Is Throwback To A Better Era

While the daytime hours during my second day at this year’s Minnesota State Fair produced a pretty good clip of sightings, there weren’t many that really blew my mind….with one incredible exception in the mid-afternoon.  The moment that still seems surreal to me months later.  It’s when I saw Sighting #40 of the day, the kind of sighting I thought existed only in the past….the kind of sighting I never expected to see again….

Wandering on the block on the north side of the beer gardens block and looking up toward one of the more remote smoking areas, I would be stopped dead in my tracks one bench before I got there.  A family of three occupied a bench.  Dad wasn’t smoking, but mother and daughter were.  I was taken aback on first glance and kept approaching, and with each footstep it became clear that this daughter was young….and I mean very young.  She had a sweet face, filled with bubbly youthful energy and long straight blond hair flowing past her shoulders.  Maybe in 1990 it wouldn’t have blown my mind to see a girl of this pedigree with a cigarette, even smoking in front of her parents….but in 2013 it was downright unthinkable.  I snapped an early photo that was pretty mediocre as it was from a little too far away, right before she took her first drag.  The drag itself was not one of an amateur.  There were no stylistic flourishes per se but this was not this little girl’s first cigarette.  She and the parents watched the extreme ride in front of them as mother and daughter smoked and all appeared amused as they observed.  It was amidst this backdrop that a third party entered the scene and changed the trajectory of the sighting…..

A father approached the bench with two young kids to take a seat, asking them if they minded sharing the bench.  The family was all smiles, particularly the bubbly young blond smoker who, for whatever reason, was absolutely beaming.  At first I thought they knew each other because the dynamic didn’t otherwise make sense, as this clearly WAY underage smoker girl would never be so casual and uninhibited while smoking in the presence of complete strangers.  But as this father got his first good look at the family he was now sharing a bench with, it became quickly obvious that they didn’t know each other.  He took a second look, and then a third look, clearly blown away as I was at this at the sight of this young girl publicly smoking with parental acceptance.

The smoking part of this sighting had one more dynamite moment for me.  My girl took her fourth (and sadly final) drag that I witnessed of the mostly smoked cigarette, and then tilted her head upward.  Keep in mind that this bench was very tightly packed now with so many people on it, so her exhale was bound to invade somebody’s airspace…and in this case it was that of her overweight, working-class nonsmoking father.  A gorgeous mushroom cloud of smoke erupted from this girl’s still-developing respiratory system and while there wasn’t a direct blast into dad’s face, his nostrils were no more than an inch away from his early teen daughter’s air pollution.  I had all I could do to keep my knees from buckling at that moment.  Unfortunately, the smoking part of the sighting was gonna come to a close at least a drag sooner than it should have…..

I couldn’t hear exactly what the young father with the two kids who sat next to this family said to them, but he was pointing to the bathroom area near the beer gardens and I suspect he said “you know, the smoking area is over there”.  Just that quickly, the smiles and good times of mother and daughter smokers vanished….and the daughter crushed her cigarette out onto the bench and dropped the butt to the ground.  Not a word was said otherwise, and apparently the father who made the comment didn’t know they were one bench away from another smoking area.

But even though the smoking portion of the sighting was done as the daughter was concerned, there were still all kinds of additional revelations yet to come.  The daughter stood up from the crowded bench and continued to look at the extreme ride spinning around in front of her.  For the umptieth time in this sighting, I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.  Up to that point, I was being very conservative in guessing that this girl was 15, but seeing her presexualized body in a vertical position, it became clear she was at most 14 and probably even younger than that.  She had no hips at all and just a couple nubs for boobs in her green tanktop.  Her ass had the beginnings of a curvature in a skimpy pair of brown and white jean shorts. I snapped a full frontal photo and studied it again today, and am convinced that this little cutie is only about to start seventh grade!

The father with the kids got up and left, perhaps annoyed that the mother was still smoking.  The final part of the sighting smoking-wise included the mom stubbing out her cigarette and handing it to the daughter to throw into the trash, which she did, adorably leaving her own cigarette sitting on the ground even as she was tossing mom’s.  I was gonna ID this butt if it was the last thing I ever did so I had to wait out the family continuing to sit there.  While waiting, I looked to the right to the aforementioned smoking area only one bench over from this family, and standing there was ANOTHER mother and daughter smoker duo, where the daughter was a beautiful early 20s light brunette in a very feminine light blue dress.  I caught her in mid-drag at one point looking my direction.  At any other time of the day this girl would have been a huge fetish target, but right now this incredible family had me completely captivated.

I made the connection right away as this sighting was unfolding, but sitting here watching them observe the extreme ride, it struck me just how similar this was to MNSF #2, the most popular sighting on my blog and my second-best sighting of all-time.  Now this girl was an absolute doll, but she lacked that “hottest girl in the middle school” IT factor that my 13ish blond from 2000 smoking with grandpa did.  Still, the fundamentals were the same….an unashamed public display of cigarette smoking from a bubbly, long-haired blond early teen who was giddy watching the extreme rides from a half block away in the company of her accepting elders.  I never thought I’d see any sighting of its kind again after 2000, but I should have learned to never underestimate the Minnesota State Fair.

After another couple of minutes, the family got up to leave, never to be seen again yesterday.  Breathless with excitement, I sat down and checked out the girl’s discarded cigarette butt.  A sighting that was a flashback to 2000 up to that point suddenly became a flashback to 1978.  The cigarette she was smoking was a Merit!  I have NEVER seen a Merit smoked by a girl I’ve fetished and can’t recall anybody smoking the brand since some point in the 80s.  Who was this family?!?!?  Whoever they were, they single-handedly made my second visit to the 2013 Minnesota State Fair unforgettable.

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MNSF #12. Grandstand Worker Cutie Supersmokes On A Quick Break

I already cited how despite being the gloomiest day that I ever visited the Minnesota State Fair, the year 2000 produced a few of the best sightings I would ever score and transform it into one of the metaphorically brightest and sunniest days in the history of my fetish.

This was the last year I spent any time at all with the parents going through the commercial exhibit buildings, even though for about two-thirds of my day I went off on my own.  But it was my parents’ presence that gave some yummy context to this sighting. We went underneath the grandstand during the low-traffic morning hours and I saw this one commercial exhibit station peddling some sort of velcro harnesses. I didn’t really pay much attention to the harnesses, but assumed they were for emergencies of some kind. Anyway, one of the three workers there was this very attractive early 20s brunette in a skimpy blue tanktop and well-fitting khaki shorts that perfectly accentuated her curvy bottom. She was showing a customer how the harnesses worked as I walked by and I thought to myself, “She’s cute” and kept walking.

About an hour later, I was walking outside the grandstand by myself, feeling liberated and enthusiastic in one of my maiden solo voyages in search for smokers when I suddenly found one….her! She flew out of that grandstand like a woman on a mission and I immediately recognized her as the girl selling the velcro harnesses.  She quickly fired up a Marlboro Light that seemed to come out of nowhere, and was soon to become the first girl I had ever seen “supersmoking” a cigarette in a public setting. This girl was FEROCIOUSLY pulling nicotine from that cigarette into her black, tar-stained young lungs.

I walked past in a state of bliss, and after scoring that astounding appetizer, I went inside the grandstand building then looped around to the next door so I could go back outside and make the same incredible journey again. I did this three times, watching this girl continue to take intense and lengthy drags from that cigarette every time, always in rapid fire succession. I kept thinking to myself that the filter was gonna burn her fingers she was dragging so hard. After the third time walking past her, I noticed she went back into the grandstand, much as I wanted to see her fire up another smoke.

I almost wanted to go visit that grandstand exhibit so I could have her help me “try out those harnesses”. If the same thing had happened today, I probably would try it. The thought of this girl fastening something on my body ripe with the stench of fresh cigarette smoke still gets me excited 11 years later.  And amazingly enough I still had one sighting that day that would be even better.

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MNSF #13. A Family of Smokers Watches a Parade

This was my first epic sighting from the epic Minnesota State Fair year of 2006, a sighting that I occurred in the early afternoon and which loved at the time but has continued to grow on me in my fantasies since.

This sighting transpired near the haunted house on the heavily traveled Judson Avenue on the south side of the fairgrounds. It started simply enough with a modestly attractive 19-20ish dark blond dragging on a freshly lit all-white. As I began to visually track her, I noticed she was in the company of a much more attractive college-age brunette wearing a pair of white sunglasses and denim capris and dangling her own freshly lit all-white from the corner of her mouth, looking as badass as is possible for a girl to look. The two girls progressed across the street and my eyes were glued on that long-haired dark brunette carrying on with one of the longest-lasting dangles I’ve seen from a young girl as she walked, almost as if showing off to the world just how beautiful it is for a gorgeous young girl to smoke a cigarette. It must have been a good 45 seconds before she removed that dangling cigarette from her mouth in time to meet up with what I assumed to be her parents and younger sister. Both parents were smoking, and it was clear I had come across a family of smokers.  Already breathless, this sighting was only getting started.

The dirty blonde didn’t look like the other two girls, so I’m not sure if she was part of the family or just a friend, but the sighting would soon add a third player thanks to her as the brunette kid sister, who looked about 18, opened the backpack of the dirty blonde and extracted her pack of Marlboro Lights, wasting no time lighting herself up.  So here we had two long-haired dark brunettes, one likely 20 and the other 18, who were almost certainly sisters and looked exactly alike publicly smoking with their family and friends. Then, a virtual storybook metaphor for this excitement ensued when the Minnesota State Fair’s daily afternoon parade was approaching the scene.

The family of smokers, all still in possession of burning cigarettes, got up to leave, apparently to follow the parade. The younger brunette was in the front of the crowd, so I couldn’t see her very well but I was more interested in the older sister who performed that incredible long-distance dangle only minutes earlier. The girl was right in front of me, dragging copiously from her cigarette and coming to a stop facing the parade float.  I could tell from the inverted filter that she was smoking a Parliament, occasionally using her cell phone to snap pictures from the parade, deftly balancing both the phone and her cigarette in one hand.   She took a couple of final drags before squashing out the cigarette beneath her shoe finally bringing to a close this eventful sighting.  It would have been great to see a little more out of the younger sister but even so it was a bona fide epic that stuck with me for months of future fantasies (particularly that dangle)  and I’m eternally grateful to the Minnesota State Fair for making it happen.


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MNSF #14. Closing Out The Day With An Amazing Trio of Teen Blonds in Shorts

I had pulled off a second abbreviated day at the 2009 Minnesota State Fair on a sunny Sunday during Labor Day weekend, and the day was going very well.  Nonetheless, I was approaching the final 20 minutes of the day before the agreed-upon departure time at 6 p.m. and I still hadn’t had an epic sighting that day or on any of my trips to the Minnesota State Fair in 2009 for that matter.  But the girls of the MNSF would come through in the clutch.

I was heading southbound from the grandstand area to the beer gardens. Approaching me was a trio of teenage girls, all very wholesome-looking and not particularly raising my radar as potential smokers as our footsteps continued to draw us closer to one another. The girl on the left dominated my attention because she was so beautiful, about 16 with the face of an angel and curly blond hair with pinkish streaks flowing past her shoulders, wearing an ultrafeminine pink tanktop and an equally feminine pair of white shorts. She began to rummage around in her purse, but I’d been seeing girls like her rummage around in their purses for cell phones all day and it was gonna be the same story with this girl, I told myself….But just in case, I looked over my shoulder as she passed me to see if maybe, just maybe, she was gonna be the one wholesome-looking teen beauty queen I would see all day who retrieved something from her purse that wasn’t a cell phone. I remember saying to myself in a state of near shock, “Oh my God!” as her left hand extracted a pack of Marlboro Smooths and I quickly turned around……

I made a point of walking in front of them briefly to get a closer look. There was a definite pecking order to their beauty. The blond was by far the prettiest looking like an absolute angel, while the tall girl in the middle was modestly attractive, and the girl on the opposite end was a plain jane, with obvious acne issues covered up by a thick layer of makeup. After sufficiently viewing their faces, I held back to follow them once again. They may have had varying quality to their 16-year-old faces, but all had equally impressive bodies to observe from the rear, all decked out in shorts. After about 10-15 seconds of these general observations, the beautiful teen blond finally got around to inserting the cigarette into her mouth. She let that thing dangle unlit from the corner of her mouth for a good 20 seconds while digging through her purse, apparently unable to find her lighter. She then had to recruit the least attractive friend to find a different lighter in her own purse, which she soon did. At last, this beauty had everything she needed to spark up her cigarette….

She brought that thing to life and started dragging. The look of pleasure on that pretty face as she filled her bloodstream with desperately needed nicotine made my heart melt, but as I was taking in this amazing display, she managed to catch me off guard again by removing the cigarette from her mouth and then hacking up a lugie so large and juicy that it literally splashed when it hit the pavement.  As I walked past it, I had to admire that generous pool of saliva deposited from her gorgeous smoky mouth.

She took a couple more drags, both with impressive frequency and better-than-expected volume to her exhales coming from a girl so young. At this point, she handed the cigarette to the tall girl in the middle who got her first drag. She then stood there with the cigarette in hand for nearly a minute before finally taking her next drag. The hot chick, having none of this lengthy spans between drags by her friend, all but swiped the cigarette from the other girl’s hand after that second drag and then took three rapid-fire drags of her own. It was a thing of absolute beauty to behold.

Naturally, a sighting would normally have been best if all three had been smoking, but the dynamic of this specific shared-cigarette sighting added to its allure. The primary reason is that the hottest of the two girls smoked about 80% of the cigarette and completely upstaged the taller girl. The third girl who provided the lighter, strangely enough, never got her hands on the cigarette. It was just the two prettier girls. I was in a position to walk directly behind the cluster of girls at points, taking in a few of their exhales directly into my face and admiring from closeup their trio of perfect teenage asses bouncing and wiggling in their skimpy shorts with each step, with flawless legs extending from those shorts without even a trace of cellulite on them. At other points, I would move more to their right side and observe their drags and exhales. Again, the beautiful blonde upstaged the tall light brunette friend on both fronts.  Damn she was sexy.

After dominating the cigarette for most of the walk, the blond handed over the cigarette to the tall friend for the last two drags. She would take those two drags and then crush out the cigarette under her flip-flop. I was a little surprised to see it was a cork filter as I walked past as I always thought Marlboro Smooths were all-whites. I have not been able to get the image of those three teenage butts wiggling in front of me, especially the white-shorted ass that belonged to my favorite sighting of the 2009 Minnesota State Fair.

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MNSF #15. Wholesome College Babe Performs Best Talking Exhale Of All-Time

I was on an incredible roll during the noon hour on my first Saturday at the 2011 Minnesota State Fair, and that roll would hit its apex with my favorite sighting of the two days at the MNSF.  I was navigating the seating area on the east side behind the grandstand, always a great source of sightings.  At the furthest end of a burm area that people always sit on while taking a break was an 18ish blond girl of the highest magnitude of wholesomeness placing a cigarette in her mouth and lighting up, immediately resulting in my heart skipping a beat.  There was a middle-aged couple seated to her right and she started talking to the woman, leading me to assume it was her mother, but I would later discover that was not the case.  I boogied on over there and as luck would have it, there was wide-open seating to her right and I sat about three feet from her, positioning myself for a front-row seat to greatness.

At first she looked my way, as if letting me know “I’m smoking a cigarette here, shooter.  If you don’t want to be around it, you’d best find another place to sit”.  But she never said anything, and watching her made my heart melt as she was incredibly wholesome.  She had such a gentle face, a look that was accentuated by a girlish plastic headband holding down the front of her hair and a tight, adorable little blond ponytail on the back of her head.  She wore a tan tanktop and olive green shorts that were very small and perfectly framed her awesomely slender figure. She was just too cute for words…and that was before I saw upclose the first drag at which point I fell completely in love…..

The cigarette went into her mouth and she took a mesmerizing six-second drag.  I was taken aback by how long that cigarette stayed in her mouth as she pulled from it, moments before she released a blast of smoke from her lungs that the wind caught just right to drift straight into my face.  I was toying around with my camera phone hoping to get a photo, but in this case I was simply too close.  There would be no way she wouldn’t know exactly what I had just done and she may even hear the shutter on the camera snap, so I held back and simply enjoyed the show….and what a show it was!

From afar this girl had a complete baby face without a hint of imperfections, but as close as I was, whenever she took one of her deep drags, I could see very well-defined draw lines already formed on her lips as she took her rapist drags.  It was clear that this girl had been sucking intensely on the filters of cigarettes for a very long time as it was taking its toll on her beautiful face in the most adorable way.  She only took that first six-second drag, but subsequent drags were still impressive, always revealing those draw lines around her mouth and always followed up with a look of orgasmic pleasure on her face for as good as that cigarette smoke felt inside her black lungs.  She would then tilt her head slightly upward and exhaled a tight plume of smoke that mostly came from her mouth with just a little bit of nasal residue.  But the sighting would rise to a new dimension when she would then pick up her cell phone to place a call, revealing a cute little girlish lighter that was sitting next to her by the cell phone…..

“Hey what up!” she answered with a definite smoker’s husk to her voice that didn’t match her girly girl look in the least.  From there I would eavesdrop on her conversation in which the person had apparently “stayed over at my mom’s last night”.   The more I listened, the more it became clear the middle-aged couple to her right was not her parents but perfect strangers….and the reason she probably spoke to them when she lit her cigarette was to warn them she was gonna stink the entire area up with her cigarette smoke.  Anyway, the conversation went on about “taking care of her birds” and then she talked about how “it’s hard for her to even go home now because home doesn’t feel like home anymore”….and that she “really loves Alexandria”.  Alexandria is a community college town about an hour and a half northwest of the Minneapolis-St. Paul area and I’m assuming by her comments this girl was going into her second year of classes there and had been living there for the summer, but was home in the Twin Cities for the fair as it also became clear that she was working in some capacity at the fair, probably as a vendor for whatever her summer job was.  With all that context out there, fascinating as it was to listen to, let’s get back to the smoking show which was about to take an epic turn….

She had taken a couple of nice drags early into this conversation that fit into her established style.  But one of her final drags from the cigarette was the prime catalyst for what made this the best sighting of the day.  After another extended rapist drag, she began talking to the friend on the phone and proceeded with far and away the most amazing talking exhale I’ve ever seen.  I knew I was in the presence of greatness immediately as I saw the first wisp of smoke escape her face.   Her pleasured body was very slowly releasing the contents of her lungs as she talked, and I mean very slowly, with swirls of smoke spilling from both her mouth and nose one small burst at a time for 10 seconds.  The smoke spurts were literally doing pinwheels and curlycues as they escaped her face for a seemingly endless parade, and even after all that slow-motion smoke release, a huge remaining blast of smoke fired out of her nose when she finished talking.  I would have paid $1,000 to exchange bodily fluids with this girl at this point.

Unfortunately, the show was almost over as she took one more drag and then crushed out the cigarette on the burm next to her and let it fall to the ground.  She wrapped up the phone call and then put her girlish lighter and her phone in a bag and then she put on her shoulders and got up to walk away, likely back to whatever fair vendor she was working for.  She had to have been stinky as hell when she returned to work.  I watched as that slender body of hers pressed forward, her adorable ass wiggling in those skimpy green shorts and that tight little ponytail bouncing a little on the top of her head as she walked.   Now when she dropped her cigarette butt, it fell into a crack but I was nonetheless able to identify it as a cork filter Camel Blue.  As I’m reminded at least once every few hours and sometimes even more often, my opinion was reinforced after watching this girl what a blessed place the Minnesota State Fair really is.

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MNSF #16. Blondie Holds Up Her Little Friends On The Midway

The 2001 Minnesota State Fair was the first day where I spent almost the entire day exploring the grounds solo, unleashed from the shackles of my parents’ presence, with the singular objective of spotting and cataloging the sightings of attractive young smokers.  While the day was going reasonably well as I approached the 6:00 hour, I had to yet to score a sighting that really grabbed me where I lived until I made my final midway run of the day.

Sometimes a walk through the midway yields results at the Minnesota State Fair, other times not. But this was the first time in my new role as an active fairgrounds fetisher that it definitely did. A group of three 15-ish girl-next-door types sat down on an open bench in front of me. I had a good feeling about them for whatever reason, so I was pleased to see a bench about 10 yards away was open and allowed me a glimpse directly at the girls. It still felt like a longshot though as I awaited a light-up, because they looked so darned wholesome.

Imagine my unbridled delight when the cutest of the three, this adorable 15-ish blond in a tanktop and jean shorts with the face of an angel, opened her purse and proceeded to extract a pack of Marlboro Lights. She lit up and enjoyed her cigarette, putting on a perfect display of precocious smoking from what I suspect was a fairly new smoker. None of the other girls lit up, which actually added to this sighting. Here was this angellic-looking young blond smoker who, despite the fact that her friends didn’t share her love of cigarettes, had decided that no human companionship could rival the friendship nicotine offered her.

She was so adorable sitting there inhaling smoke from the cigarette and exhaling it with the gusto of an eager “smoker-in-training.” The other girls seemed to grow progressively more restless as their stinky little friend sat there enjoying her cigarette. They weren’t specifically beckoning her to leave, but you could tell they wanted her smoke break to end far sooner than she was willing to to wrap it up. As cutie finally finished her cigarette and got up to leave, following her friends back into the midway, it really struck me how special this sighting was with this most unlikely smoker holding up her friends’ fun out of a selfish need to fill her own adorable little body with stinky carcinogens.  Not to say I couldn’t see a sighting like this again, but looking back 13 years later there’s just something very 2001ish about it that gives me a woozy feeling recollecting as a trophy from the good old days.

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MNSF #17. One Sighting, Seven Blistering Smoker Babes

Yet another epic classic from the 2007 Minnesota State Fair, this one coming around 6 p.m. and well after the day had found its stride. The sightings were coming at an almost dizzying pace by this hour and it was becoming clear that 2006’s robust numbers were no fluke as I already crossed the century mark for sightings on the day.  The sighting with which I passed the century threshold was merely mediocre as was sighting #101, but as I passed the northwest corner of the beer gardens I hit 24-karat gold….

In the course of less than 20 seconds, I would observe not only Sighting #102 of the day, but also Sighting #103, #104, #105, #106, #107, AND #108……all in one fell swoop. Seven incredibly hot college age babes, each wielding cigarettes. I counted four of them in my initial pass, but three more of the group of eight proceeded to light themselves up in the seconds to come. Only one girl of the eight was not smoking during the course of my observation. I don’t ever recall seeing a cluster of hotties this large simultaneously smoking at the State Fair or any other venue for that matter.

All of the girls were stunners, decked out in stiletto heels and dressed in glamorous attire, clearly all out to impress on their night at the state fair, but three of them really stood out. A dark-haired brunette who was the prettiest in the group, a light brunette who was also stunning, and an uber-glamorous blond who wasn’t the kind of natural beauty the other two were but compensated for it with a skimpy brown leather top and short skirt.  I’m a sucker for this kind of outfit, so I gotta say she was my favorite of the bunch.  I was grateful to have a couple of minutes to take this all in, standing there and beholding the scenery and the incessant exhalation of smoke coming from at least seven attractive female mouths.  If there was a downside to this sighting, it was that it was impossible to give any single girl the focus she deserved because there were so many of them smoking.

The cluster of girls left their spot near the beer gardens and walked northward in unison. The sheer number of nicotine addicts meant a permanent trail of fumes was left in their aftermath and it was an absolute joy getting the chance to walk through tailwinds amidst the clicking of the girls’ high-heeled footwear proceeding down the pavement.  It really struck me how amazing this day was going for me as I broke away from this cluster of addicted hotties….and walked away from this sighting with a sensation of not only satisfaction because of the epic sighting, but relief that my ongoing paranoia of the perils of continued anti-tobacco legislation rendering the habit obsolete.  It wasn’t gonna happen if these girls had anything to say about it.

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MNSF #18. Blond Schoolgirl Daughter Gets Lit Up By Mom and Smokes in Line With Dad

As stated before, my 2007 Minnesota State Fair sightings day, conveniently taking place on my 30th birthday, was one of my all-time best, although the day took awhile to get rolling.  My patience was ultimately richly rewarded by midafternoon when things started to pick up, specifically with my third best sighting of the day….

Walking between the food building and the free music stage, I spotted a 40-something mother and 18-ish blond daughter standing together, immediately spotting the daughter extracting an all-white from her pack of Camel Pinks, then fairly new and incredibly feminine. I stopped dead in my tracks waiting for a light-up, but got something infinitely better. Mom had already lit her cigarette…and proceeded to hold up her smoldering cigarette to the daughter’s cigarette….slowly bringing the second cigarette dangling from girly’s mouth to life. I watched from across the street in awe and was struck by what a cutie the girl was. She had chin-length blond hair and carried around this University of Minnesota backpack.  She was the very embodiment of the girl next door, sinfully cute and not looking at all like a smoker. If ever there was a perfect girl to be smoking a Camel Pink, it was her.  And the sighting would get even better…..

Moments later, dad showed up while mother and daughter continued to smoke, and he was clearly very comfortable with the ladies of his life smoking their cigarettes. The girl and father would get in line and purchase some greasy fair food, with the girl smoking her cigarette as she stood in line. After walking away with the food, blondie snuffed out the half-smoked cigarette and took it with her as the whole family sat on a bench to eat.

I made a quick loop around that neck of the fairgrounds, hoping to return to see an encore after they finished eating. I returned in a few short minutes to find that dad was smoking this time while mom and daughter continued to eat. I sat on a nearby bench just in case girlie would light up the half-smoked cigarette she held on to before.  The bad news was that she didn’t, but the good news was that for whatever reason, she removed a brand-new cigarette from the pack of Camel Pinks and lit that up instead. I watched from a perfect angle and distance as she smoked the entire cigarette, exhibiting a well-practiced style and ejecting smoke from both mouth and nose with every exhale.  A few minutes later, she would turn to the bushes behind her and crush out her cigarette out of sight. The family lingered around at that spot and I continued to remain closeby, looping around and returning about 20 minutes later to see they were still sitting there, but no longer smoking.

There were a number of things that made this sighting great, not the least of which was the incredible wholesomeness of the girl herself down to the short blond hair and girlish pink backpack she was lugging around.  But I think the best part of the sighting was the natural dynamic this girl had smoking with her family, specifically that wondrous mother-daughter moment where mom used her own cigarette to light her daughter’s.  An unforgettable MNSF moment if there ever was one.

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