The biggest downside of the Minnesota State Fair is that I ride up (and back) with my parents so I have to operate to some degree on their timetable, which means a rigid departure time of 10:30 p.m. every visit. On this year’s second day at the 2014 MNSF, time was closing down on me and I was on the final quarter lap of the grounds with just a few minutes to go when I struck gold near the Heritage Center and the fair entrance on the northwest side of the grounds. In the previous two years, I’ve gotten a cigar sighting at my fairs worthy of my year-end best lists, but I waited until the literal last seven minutes of fetish time during the 2014 fair season to score one in 2014 as this wholesome-beyond-imagination 22-ish blond sat there Indian-style next to her boyfriend in a tanktop and jean shorts smoking a Black ‘N’ Mild cigar. And when I say wholesome-beyond-imagination, we’re talking a girl whose long blond hair flowed down her back in a braid! And the face matched the presentation. Just like last year’s 18ish braided cutie smoking a cigar at the Iowa State Fair, I was aghast to see a girl of this pedigree publicly smoking a cigar. She had yet to take a drag as I was making these early observations, so I was curious how she’d deliver when she did….
The half-smoked plastic-tipped cigar entered her mouth and she ingested a healthy snootful, creating an early stream of airborne cigar smoke just with her drag. But it was about five seconds later when she exhaled that the real cloud surfaced, mushrooming from her mouth into the night sky. I was positioned so perfectly that I was able to walk right through her exhaled cloud and smell the cigar stench, but as I was doing so, I almost missed her take a second drag from it, only a few seconds removed from exhaling the first one. Damn girl! The whole presentation was spectacular, with a wholesome boyfriend not smoking anything to her right and a family with young children to her left who had to have smelled her cigar odor as ripe and dirty as it was. I kept looking at the clock on my camera watching the minutes tick by, agonizing about having to walk away from this in a couple short minutes, and I savored the visual of this perky and innocent-looking blond with this smelly cigar in her hand talking to her boyfriend…..
The plan was to stick around for a couple more drags, and she delivered with a repeat of her first, an intense ingestion of cigar smoke into her lungs through that plastic tip, a good five seconds of compression time inside of her, and then a mushrooming exhale that exploded out of her face. I was ready to walk through it but learned my lesson from last time, waiting two seconds and watching her take a second drag immediately following, and then walking through her sublimely stinky exhale. What happened next was a semi-buzzkill. It seemed too good to be true that this wholesome blond was sitting there smoking a cigar by herself, and she confirmed my cynicism by handing the cigar to the boyfriend. Nooooo! The storyline was so much cooler when it was just her smoking the cigar in front of the boyfriend. The upside was that I now had a guilt-free escape from a sighting that would have destroyed me if I walked away from it while the girl was still smoking. And, of course, the more obvious upside was that I spent the final minutes of the 2014 Minnesota State Fair watching a gorgeous, wholesome blond girl with a giant braid going down her back smoking a cigar.