If a fetisher is lucky, he gets a “sensory overload” moment once a year, a moment where fate throws so many smoker girls at him at the same time that he’s overwhelmed with elation. I had a period like that heading up to 10 p.m. on my first night at the 2013 Minnesota State Fair. Specifically it happened near the bathroom structure just to the east of the beer gardens block and I was scoring duo upon duo of first-rate smoker girls only moments apart. And the capstone of this sensory overload came with the final two girls of the moment…..
I had made the transition to a new stalking post in the midst of the previous sighting, right at the precipice of the smoking area just south of the bathroom, and in doing so, found myself looking at a duo of 15ish blonds….and one of them was smoking. This was the moment I had been waiting for all day….to see a cute and clearly underage girl wielding a cigarette in one of the fair’s new designated smoking areas. It would have been even cooler to have seen this girl before dark when there were more adults around, but it was still damn cool. Now to be sure, the friend was hotter, and I was hoping this would be a shared cigarette sighting. It wasn’t, but I had no business complaining as I looked at this very petite and wildly underage dark blond with her hair up in a ponytail sitting at the heart of the smoking area and smoking an all-white. But I had to stand and made myself very obvious doing so, thus having to be more discreet than I would have preferred while watching. She was dressed like so many other smoker girls that evening in a gray tanktop (what’s with all these drab gray tanktops?!?!?) and very nice-fitting jean shorts. Even 15 years ago, seeing a girl like this smoking would have been surprising, but to wrap my mind around the fact that she was somehow addicted to $8 a pack Minnesota cigarettes in the year 2013 was really a stretch.
As you might expect, her style was rudimentary as she was most likely a pretty recently started smoker, but just seeing a cigarette in hands this young belonging to a girl this cute was the pinnacle moment of this aforementioned sensory overload stretch. As she began to notice me, I was fortunate enough to still have the previous duo of smokers still puffing away in front of the bathroom and was able to check them out and make myself less conspicuous, albeit at the expense of seeing everything this little cutie had to offer. Now I suppose this front-row seat to an extended mid-teen smoker sighting should have been enough by itself to satisfy me, but the sighting was about to take a simultaneously delicious and heartbreaking turn…..
There was a huddle of fellow mid-teens, including guys, just to the left of this duo sitting in front of me that included the smoker. They had obstructed my view of who was seated on the berm until they eventually parted, revealing the profile of another mid-teen smoker, this one a brunette. Now she wasn’t as petite as the previous girl so when I first spotted her I didn’t even know if she was a mid-teen, but then she took the final drag from her cigarette and turned briefly to reveal most of her face. Whoa! This was the face of a sweetheart cheerleader type middle-school-looking girl complete with braces….and she had just smoked! And I missed almost all of it! I had to look again to make sure that face was as innocent as first suspected….and it was. Gahhh!
And then came an entire huddle of girls in the 15-16 range who wandered from elsewhere and joined the group of mid-teens, including the two smokers, as they all apparently came to the fair together. While it was obvious most of these girls were not smokers, it was refreshing to see the entire group was assuredly a bunch of high school girls and I wasn’t merely being thrown off by a couple of 20-year-olds who looked preternaturally young. But there was just one stone left unturned with this sighting….the petite blond had to finish her cigarette. She stood up while preparing to leave with the group of friends, her all-white still in hand, before taking one final drag. As close as she was to the center of this smoking area and the ashtray, I figured she’d dispose of her butt properly, but instead took the most obnoxious alternative possible. The berm she was sitting in was full of dense plant life which she took a quick look at before piggishly, dismissively pitching the smoldering all-white butt straight into the berm.
The action and the face of the girl responsible for it could not have been more of a mismatch, and with the girls all leaving now, I had a clear opening to identify the butt. I used my hand to clear a path of plant life inside the berm where I saw the cigarette get pitched. A glowing cherry still smoldered and revealed the butt to be a Camel Crush. This was another example of the general good fortune I had yesterday, being rewarded with a half dozen genuine blockbusters, in this case sweet relief that there are still a few cute high school girls left in Minnesota with smoking habits.
And unfortunately, this sighting had one more heartbreaking turn more than an hour later as I was en route to meeting my parents and leaving the grounds for the night. A lot of times I get a flurry of sightings on my way out the door but I wouldn’t last night. Even worse than no sightings, as I was approaching the Coliseum, walking directly in front of me was the large cluster of 15-16ish girls that included the petite blond smoker whose cute butt was wiggling only a few feet in front of my eyes. Nobody was smoking at this time but I’ve seen several occasions where smoker girls light up first thing after they leave the fairgrounds, which for this group would be in less than a minute.
But I had a problem….I couldn’t follow them. I had to meet up with my parents, and at this point, they were nowhere to be seen. Given their absence, I followed the girls hopeful that my parents’ absence was for a reason, but about 10 yards later I heard my name called out. I looked behind me to a series of benches to see my mom. Perfect! My dad showed up with a cup of coffee he just bought about 30 seconds later, and I tried to silently motivate them through my own fast pace to get up and out of the grounds as quickly as possible in hopes of catching at least one person in that mid-teen smoking group puffing on another cigarette, but I couldn’t control this situation. Walking fast, far ahead of my parents, was not an option here and I had to hold back, through clenched teeth, as the gap grew wider between them an me. This wasn’t gonna happen. Obviously this sighting had the potential to be several rungs higher but there were just too many missed opportunities for it to find its way into the upper reaches of my Hall of Fame.