FCF #34. Everygirl USA Drags So Hard Her Cigarette Becomes A Fountain Of Embers


I mentioned in my writeup for FCF #40 that Saturday night at the 2016 local county fair  was surprisingly productive, particularly in the grandstand overlooking the smoking area outside the Charlie Daniels Band concert.  The concert had yet to begin but I was sitting in the grandstand in my favorite spot next to my friend and his wife.  I often take note of attractive young females emerging from the front section grandstand seating area, and in the past have always hoped with breathless anticipation that they’ll come out to smoke a cigarette.  I’ve become more cynical over the years, hardened by the realization that 99% of these gals are simply heading out to pick up food or a beverage or go to the bathroom.  For some reason though, I couldn’t take my eyes off of this girl-next-door mid-20s light brunette decked out in a red plaid blouse and torn blue jeans as she emerged from the front seats towards the gate all by herself.  I hung onto a vague intuition that she was a smoker as she walked closer to the gate, and before she even got to the gate, she confirmed my suspicion by removing a pack of Marlboro Reds from her purse and extracting one.  It had been a few years since I witnessed this series of events play out and it was a thrilling throwback to a scenario that used to happen every night not so long ago.  And there was just something about this girl that embodies Everygirl USA.  She was very pretty but oozed a low maintenance accessibility about her from her thrift store wardrobe to the way she carried herself.  This was the kind of girl you could bring home to mom and dad….provided they could handle her smoky stench!

Best of all, she sat down at the table in the smoking area to put on the show, a show that seemed poised to be a five-star classic early on as she placed the cigarette in her lips and fired up, dangling the lit cigarette from her mouth for about 15 seconds while looking at her phone and then dangle-dragging her first serious drag.  Now that’s how it’s done, son!  I was settling in for an incredible show but got a most unfortunate distraction as some haggard old lady walked right in front of her and requested a light.  My brunette lit the old lady up and I wondered for a minute if they were mother and daughter, although it seemed impossible this pair would be from the same gene pool.  The girl was on her phone but the old lady still seemed to be engaging with her, but worst of all for me, she was standing right out in front of me, denying me a full sighting of perhaps the most intriguing girl of the fair thus far.  All I could see was the frequently timed exhales gushing from where the brunette’s face was, hidden behind this old lady standing in the damn way.  Finally the two broke apart but the damage was done as the brunette was down to her last couple of drags.  She powered through the cigarette in short order and I was surprised the show ended that quickly, but there she was crushing it with a haze of smoke hovering in front of this most unlikely wholesome face and then walking back into the concert.  I was grateful for that opening dangle and dangling drag but wanted so much more out of this.

About two-thirds into the concert and more than an hour later, I’d get what I wished for as a familiar face emerged from the grandstand….the girl-next-door brunette in the red plaid blouse and torn-up jeans.  I was so excited that she was probably gonna be smoking another cigarette but then I saw her keep walking past the smoking area and my heart sank as she walked up to a food vendor instead.  But the eternal flame of hope remained as a minute later she was seated on the same bench she sat earlier and smoked her first cigarette, now eating a barbecue pork sandwich she had just purchased from the food vendor.  I felt pretty confident a cigarette would be smoked as soon as she was done eating.  Unfortunately, I’d have another moment of panic as she approached the fence as if going back into the concert, but instead went into the port-a-potty, allowing me a glance at her nice ass in those torn-up jeans before she closed the port-a-potty door.  I waited patiently for about a minute before she came out, and this time she was for real, opening up her purse and revealing that beautiful red and white pack of Marlboro Reds once again, firing one up and putting on the most breathtaking smoking performance I’ve seen thus far in 2016, only this time there was no grumpy old lady standing in front of her denying me the needed visuals!

She actually walked over towards the young mommy in the stroller who was my #9 sighting in this countdown, herself consuming her third cigarette during the concert, but getting absolutely obliterated on style points by the older country girl.  It was literally a girl versus a woman in this unsanctioned contest with the brunette taking absolutely manic six-second drags, the cherry of her cigarette lighting up to the size and hue of a police siren in your rearview mirror.  When she finally got done dragging, almost every time, she removed the cigarette from her mouth and tapped the ash, leading to a shower of bright sparks dropping to the ground reminiscent of 4th of July sparklers.  It was a mesmerizing routine and it was happening in fast forward as her drags came one after another after another, each more ferocious than the last, and always managing to produce an ash shower at the same time as she released tight plumes of exhaled smoke several inches in front of her face in perfectly straight lines.  The only downside to this show was that it was going so fast, as she was consuming this cigarette in near-record speed, either because she was so desperate for her nicotine fix or because she really wanted to get back in to see Charlie Daniels.  Either way, within three minutes she was finishing up the cigarette with an honest-to-God rapid succession triple-hit drag that probably gave her third-degree burns on her poor lips.  She crushed out the cigarette and I watched her cute denim-clad backside hustle on back into the show, unfortunately never to see her again.  It was without question my single best individual sighting of the county fair this year, and a great vindication from the mostly lost sighting from her an hour earlier!

 

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