FCF #43. Avril Lavigne Teen Lookalike Batters Marlboro Red To Smitherines


I didn’t know what to expect at my local county fair as Saturday night was advertised as “Smoke-Free Saturday” for the first time in 2012.  The gimmick didn’t seem to severely impact tobacco consumption on the grounds as many people probably didn’t even know about it.  Even if the ploy had been a complete success, however, the designated smoking area happened to be in the exact spot outside the grandstand where I am seated for the concerts, and the area delivered in a big way a couple of times that Saturday evening during the concert by country group Lonestar, with the following being one of those times….

Before the show this guy and a very unattractive 17-18ish girl went outside to share a cigarette.  I didn’t think much when the two of them came out again in the final third of the concert, but meeting them in the smoking area from the main fairgrounds rather than the concert were two decidedly more attractive 17-18ish girls who were both eating fair food.  One girl was a wholesome light brunette in a purple dress with cowgirl boots who was absolutely adorable and didn’t look like a smoker.  I’ll kill the suspense right now and confirm that she wasn’t.  But the other girl was this long-haired dark blond wearing a yellow top and very tight dark jeans.  She was very attractive but had a harder look than the brunette friend, quite similar to a 2003-era Avril Lavigne.  She was also very skinny in a way just enough to still be sexy and not unattractively skeletal.  I kept watch on them over the course of about five minutes hoping some smoking would come out of it.  Right as I was losing hope, the long-haired dark blond produced a pack from out of nowhere (too dark to see the brand) and lit up.  Yet another barely legal girl smoking in front of me.

And hot damn did this girl have skills, kicking things off with a 20-second dangle while messing with her hair.  But her most impressive feature were her rapist drags, every one in the 5-6 second range and one even extending as long as seven seconds.  How does an 18-year-old girl smoke like this?!?!?  Every time I saw her drag I became that much more attracted, and often wondered as she stood there in that endless dragging posture if she had frozen into a lifeless statue during the course of the drag as it didn’t seem possible for her to suck smoke from the cigarette that damn long.  She was in a very tight huddle with the three friends and then spit to the ground.  The guy started playing mock footsie with her and I was wondering if it had anything to do with her spitting a lugie to the ground and either hitting his shoe or coming close.  Whatever the case, a couple of rapist drags later and she spit another lugie to the ground in the middle of this huddle.  Her best was still to come though…..

She placed the two-thirds smoked cigarette into her mouth and began to take another rapist drag and then let go, dangling the drag for the final four of the six seconds and then letting the mostly smoked cigarette (that had to be quite hot on her lips) dangle again for no reason.  That’s when the guy from the group did something I’ve never seen before.  He grabbed the cigarette from her mouth while she was dangling (who knows how long it would have gone on otherwise!??!) and took a puff himself before handing it to his homely girlfriend for another drag….and then handed it back to blondie.  Blondie took one more deep drag and then flicked the cigarette to the corner of the smoking area.  Moments later, she and the wholesome brunette in the purple dress (what an odd couple these two were!) walked away together and the guy and ugly girl went back to the concert.

Now I wouldn’t see this blond smoking again, but I saw her twice more on the grounds that evening and was very impressed by her somewhat weathered-looking but still solid beauty.  No surprise at all looking at this girl that she was a smoker as she had the look big-time, as it would be hard not to the way she massacres her cigarettes like she’s a general in an army.  And I even got the brand as she stuffed the pack in the back pocket of her tight jeans….Marlboro Reds!

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