My Friday evening at Summerfest 2016 was aided by some of the best timing I’ve ever had in my life, and nowhere was this precision timing more clear than in my best Summerfest sighting of the year. There’s a certain spot on the north end of the seating for the main stage within the beer gardens where I often come across scofflaws smoking. That evening was no different and it was right after my fourth act from the evening’s other all-star team that I walked into something very special….
Sitting on two chairs on the north end of the stage’s seating area was a young couple who looked about 23, both with freshly lit cigarettes between their fingers. I don’t ever recall seeing anybody smoking this close to the stage before which in itself what quite a sight, but even more perfect was that there was a single open chair directly behind them. It hasn’t been since the late 90s that I’ve been treated to a seated smoking show from a hot chick at a musical concert, but it was happening now. The girl was gorgeous, a long-haired platinum blond with quintessentially wholesome Midwestern facial features. Everything about that face was flawless, but even more beautiful was what was her respiratory system was expelling. She was considerate enough to turn towards the boyfriend before, during, and after the majority of her drags, allowing me a very upclose view of her long, succulent drags and considerable exhales that retreated at almost equal intervals from her mouth and nose. There was almost always a nice residual spill from both facial orifices as well, and since she was in conversation with the boyfriend much of the time, several of these residual exhales came in the form of wispy talking exhales.
I was close enough that even in the darkness I figured I’d get some decent photos, and while I never got a direct frontal pic of her in mid-drag, I still got four pretty solid pics showing off her profile, a drag, and the immediate aftermath of an exhale. I would have tried for more but a couple sitting to my right was making eyes with me and while I didn’t really think they noticed me snapping pics of the smoker girl, I nonetheless became bashful and put the camera away, content to simply enjoy this incredible front-row seat to a beautiful young woman smoking a cigarette in its entirety. She leaned down and stubbed the cigarette out onto the grass to complete the show. I could tell she was wearing a white blouse with a fishnet pattern but below the waist was more of a mystery because of the lighting and my positioning. But I just had to get a better look and rose to my chair, reapproaching from a different angle and being bedazzled by her long folded legs extending out of a pair of skimpy pink shorts that crested at the very top of her smooth thighs. What an image!
I vacated the spot knowing I had seen my sighting of the night and probably for all of Summerfest, but there was something about this girl and the boyfriend smoking in tandem that made me suspect more tobacco would likely be smoked…and soon. Less than 15 minutes later I entered the beer gardens again and migrated to where this couple sat. At the exact moment I approached, the girl’s purse was on her lap and she was digging inside. Could she? Oh yes she could! A pack of Marlboro Lights came out and she was about to rinse and repeat the same incredible show I got before. And just like before, the chair behind her was open to give me a front-row seat. Again, she couldn’t have been more cooperative, turning her face to the boyfriend as she smoked to converse with him and revealing her beautiful features, allowing me to watch her up-close routine of deep, succulent drags and substantive exhales that filtered through her entire respiratory system. For all the inconveniently timed or awkwardly positioned sightings I’ve gotten over the years, it’s all worth it in moments like this when I’m able to watch a beautiful young woman skillfully smoking from only a few feet away.
When she leaned over to crush out the second cigarette in the grass, I again decided to wander a bit in the beer gardens, but would return to that spot in less than five minutes, sensing once again that I hadn’t seen the last…and I hadn’t. She and the boyfriend had each already lit their respective third cigarettes of the last half hour. The lighting was such that I was able to see the boyfriend’s brand was Camel Light Menthols which would come in handy moments later. After a front-row seat to a first-rate third smoking performance from the blond girlfriend, she again leaned forward to crush out the third cigarette in the grass. Moments later, the couple conveniently stood up to approach the stage, perhaps planning to do a little dancing to the final couple of songs of the night. Her ass was a minor disappointment as it was a little plumper than my preference but definitely not disqualifyingly so in those tight pale pink shorts she was wearing. Soon after her absence, I took the opportunity to move up to the smoker girl’s vacated chair. I looked to the ground wondering how damn many cigarette butts I would find, figuring I may well have missed a bunch of them. But there were indeed three crushed-out Marlboro Lights butts in front of her chair and three Camel Light Menthol butts in front of his. Very exciting to see this day and age!
I figured the couple would be up by the stage in a standing huddle for a while so I left the beer gardens and made one more pass over the rest of the Summerfest grounds before heading home. I was going to re-enter the beer gardens at the end of the loop….but I didn’t have to. Walking out directly in front of me in the exact same path I was about to take home was the same attractive young couple….and two seconds after I laid eyes on her the blond was flicking to life her fourth cigarette of the last 40 minutes. The boyfriend soon lit one of his own and I followed about five yards behind, shifting my eyes from her cloudy exhales that stunk up the evening sky and her hot body, including that pink shorts-draped booty. She smoked the cigarette for the next several minutes and was in front of me for a good two-thirds of my 12-minute walk home before she and the boyfriend kept going straight at a crosswalk where I turned right. Timing is 80% of a good sighting, but rarely if ever has there been a more tangible example where perfect timing blessed me repeatedly over the course of a brief stretch to score me one of my top-5 Summerfest sightings of all-time.