After two decidedly mediocre nights at Summerfest 2009, I went into fireworks night on the event’s closing Sunday with modest expectations. Imagine my delight when I scored more than a half dozen impressive sightings in the 45 minutes before the fireworks started. But it was after I headed into the beer gardens area in the minutes before the fireworks show began that things really went off the hook. Allow me to relay my epic sighting in its entirety.
I meandered into the beer gardens grounds and aimlessly wandered looking for trails of smoke as I always do. At one point I found myself surrounded by groups of attractive couples and the clearly identifiable smell of cigarette smoke in the air. I had to look around a bit to find where the smoke was coming from and discovered that just in front of me to my right was a young guy with a group of a half dozen girls smoking. In a mere moment, I took note of the girl standing next to him and my eyes were initially drawn to a phenomenal ass draped in one of the tightest and skimpiest pairs of white shorts I’ve ever seen. In the right hand of the girl in possession of this spectacular posterior was an all-white cigarette. Finally, after these two snap observations, my eyes drifted up to her face. The oxygen was literally sucked out of me as I looked at the face and shoulder-length blond hair of this 21ish epic beauty. It was the spitting image of Jessica, the prettiest girl in my high school back in 1996.
A little context…I was a senior and Jessica was a freshman. She had the hottest ass I’d ever seen and all the senior guys sitting near me at the lunch table drove ourselves nuts with desire every day looking at her standing in the lunch line. Both Jessica, and by proxy this Summerfest girl, looked identical to the actress Ali Larter on “Heroes”, only with shorter hair…and I mean identical, so much so that my buddy said “Damn!” when I showed him a photo of Ali Larter from online. He is not one to respond that emphatically for just anything, so you know the resemblance had to be uncanny.
This high school buddy actually fits into this story even more prominently, because he had no idea I was into Jessica at the time, but his sister was good friends with Jessica. I would learn more than 10 years later, through casual conversation, that Jessica had a huge crush on me and talked about me all the time based on my satirical writings in the school newspaper. I had no clue she even knew I existed, but here the hottest girl in my high school was lusting for me. Apparently she always had a thing for guys who were a little outside the box…and I was definitely that. Ah what could have been….
Anyway, back to the sighting, which is incredible in itself. Here’s this bombshell blond, the only female smoker in her cluster at the time, dragging from her cigarette, inhaling deeply, leaning her head back at a 45-degree angle, and exhaling smoke into the night sky through her adorably persed lips with impressive skill. And the whole while she was smoking, she was adjusting those apparently uncomfortable white shorts barely covering her backside. She literally could not keep her hands off herself, methodically reaching to the waistline and inserting her hand into the butt crack, apparently to loosen them a little, then caressing her own asscheek before reaching for the crotch from behind and pulling them down a bit. I was going nuts with desire and didn’t know what impressed me more….watching her attend to those heavenly white shorts that were on so tight they had to have been cutting off her circulation, or watching this knockout babe smoking her cigarette. Eventually she tossed her all-white cigarette to the grass and crushed it out.
Since I presumed that sighting was over, I drifted elsewhere and had amazing detours with a hot mid-20s brunette, the Britt lookalike with the jean shorts and horn-rimmed glasses grinding her boyfriend who rated as my #4 Summerfest sighting of all-time on this list, and a cluster of four adorable 14-16 year old girls, three of whom were smoking. It was the greatest smoking extravaganza in several years.
As the minutes passed and the fireworks shot off, the Britt lookalike and the other girls in front of me were finishing their first cigarettes, which thankfully allowed my focus to drift and I noticed as a familiar face (and ass) passing in front of me towards the port-a-potties. It was the blond Jessica clone with the impossibly skimpy white shorts. There are few things I find sexier than white shorts on a sexy female body, so their pale illumination on that spectacular body of hers stood out like crazy as the fireworks lit up the evening sky with the only available light. She went into the port-a-potty and was inside for less than a minute before heading back towards her party.
I decided I just had to follow. I stood about 10 yards behind her and made every attempt to look into the sky at those fireworks, but I just couldn’t. Her lucky SOB of a boyfriend was caressing her asscheek with his hand for several moments, and when he finally took his hands off, she was back to adjusting the unforgivingly tight shorts herself. These shorts were so hot they just demanded to be touched.
After two or three minutes of watching this, I got the feeling I was noticed. Both she and the boyfriend turned my direction and I quickly looked up to the sky. The next thing I know, she moved over into the cluster of mostly girls. Perhaps this wasn’t the result of my “stalking” her, but my suspicion was that I got busted. Whatever the case, I didn’t move….and I didn’t quit looking her direction even though she was largely immersed within the crowd. But it was hard to miss that amazingly hot face, particularly as she stood a couple inches taller than the other girls in her cluster. And finally, my wish came true as I observed another unlit all-white dangling from her lips. She was conversing with her friend, a brunette, who I never really got a good look at, and clearly readying cigarettes for both of them. In moments, the brunette lit herself up first and the blonde quickly followed. It had been less than 15 minutes since her last cigarette, and here she was smoking again. I moved around to see as much as I could, and the cherry from her cigarette glowed in bright contrast to those white shorts inches away from the cigarette cherry.
The grand finale of the fireworks show transpired and when it ended, the cluster didn’t seem to leave. Knowing I had likely been spotted, I didn’t dare to stick around and watch the rest of her cigarette be smoked. It killed me to have to walk away given that she hadn’t finished the cigarette yet, but I was already pushing my luck and I also had other sightings options that panned out with both the Britt lookalike and the cutiepie teenagers. It took weeks to get the blinding neon white from those dangerously sexy and ubertight shorts of hers out of my eyes. I came damn close to losing my vision.
This was a rare year in which one of my fair sightings was not my best sighting of the year. In 2009, the aforementioned Summerfest sighting was at the top of the line. There’s always a chance that subsequent years could produce something even better, but this is really gonna be a tough act to follow.