I went through a couple of years earlier this decade where my random sightings selection produced few memorable moments, which is not unexpected given the overall decline of smoking in public places, putting this annual top-10 list in peril. But in the last two years, I’ve managed some timely and incredible random sightings that have put some life back into this top-10 list, while holding my own with at least a couple first-rate Summerfest sightings each year. This year’s random sighting harvest was especially impressive, and has something for just about every fetisher’s taste. None of the previous years’ neighbor girls resurfaced this year and the skating park which was showing so much potential in the fall of 2015 disappointed this year, but there was a hot early 20s light brunette on my afternoon walks who I saw almost every day with a cigarette on her commute home from work and who, if ever get a well-timed sighting when she’s stopped at a traffic light, will easily make next year’s top-10. She was one of a handful of “honorable mentions” that would have made previous year’s top-10’s but couldn’t break through amidst tougher competition this year. Anyway, here’s this year’s top-10…..
#10. It’s never been particularly common to step outside the state building where I work and see attractive young women smoking, but it’s been happening with less and less frequency in recent years. That’s what made for such a great moment on a random Thursday afternoon in early June when I stepped outside to go for a quick walk on my break as I do most days when the weather is nice. I descended the front steps and turned to my left to see an attractive mid-20s blond approaching with cigarette in hand. I knew the entire encounter would less about 20 seconds at most so I took it all in, admiring the freshly lit cigarette protruding from her fingers, admiring her long blond hair flowing onto a blue top, admiring her medium-blue jeans covering a sexy young female body, and admiring the wholesome and pretty face of this young smoker, her eyes obstructed by sunglasses but still giving off the vibe of the kind of girl who no longer smokes cigarettes. I watched her take a drag and release a nice exhale to her right, and as I approached I made eye contact and got a warm smile followed by an exchange of greetings which she initiated, saying “hello” in a voice every bit as warm as the smile.
My God! It was a carbon copy repeat of my February 2012 hottie lobbyist sighting, right down to the over-the-top warm greeting from a beautiful young woman wielding a cigarette. Now this girl wasn’t as obviously a young professional as my lobbyist nor was she as unimaginably wholesome and beautiful, but she’s the best girl I’ve seen smoking that close to my building since then!!! Unfortunately, the logistics were such that I couldn’t double back and follow without really telling on myself, so I just had to walk away with my head frozen over my left shoulder, watching as she continued to walk westward. I could see her nice backside and the back of her head slowly drifting to the horizon, with exhaled plumes of smoke every 20 seconds or so floating skyward. She was dressed casually enough to where I don’t think she was a state employee on a smoke break, but was hopeful she had some association with the immediate area so I could see her smoking again one day, ideally with additional interactions as warm and fuzzy–and stinky!!–as the one I had in June! Thus far, it hasn’t happened.
#9. I was hoping to dodge the forecasted rain for this year’s Des Moines Arts Festival in late June by going mid-afternoon after my oil change. Instead I got there just in time for the rain to come early. But as seems to happen all too often, the rain facilitated a decent sighting. All at once, rain started pouring down quite heavily and I quickly migrated under the beer tent canopy along with dozens of others. After only like a minute, this attractive, long-haired late 20s dark brunette in a bright red summer dress walked up to the canopy and said “it feels so good” referring to the rain to two of her friends standing underneath the canopy. She opened her purse to get her phone and doing so revealed a pack of Marlboro Lights. All I could do was take a mental note of this because she closed her purse and then started walking away with the friends as the rain began to temporarily let up. I followed wondering if she’d smoke but instead they migrated to the food booths and I lurked in the general area when they bought food. Right after the food was purchased, the skies opened up again with more heavy rain and the group drifted into this entryway to a downtown business that only provided partial relief from the rain. I waited as she ate but when no proof of tobacco emerged I began wandering again the next time the rain let up. I found a bench under a tree that was obstructed from the rain and had a modest vantage point of the entryway where she should. After about 10 minutes, I had noticed she lit up a cigarette. She was indeed the only smoker in her group as the guy and other girl never lit up. She was pacing back and forth as she smoked, coming in and out of view which frustrated me a little as I couldn’t get a consistent handle on her technique. I did get to see numerous drags, however, and it was as good as I was gonna get at the largely unimpressive Arts Festival venue which had delivered the previous summer but that was kind of an anomaly.
I went home disappointed but when I watched the weather and discovered the rain predicted for the evening was likely over and out of the area, I decided to go back that evening, as the musical performance by Grand Funk Railroad could provide a decent evening party crowd, even though it was likely to be older than my preferred demographic. I got a half dozen or so decent sightings over the course of the evening, but the one that stands out most was a lonely blond whose presence still filled my head up with questions. I spotted the girl, who looked about 18, wandering around amidst the art exhibits earlier in the evening, decked out in a skimpy white bare midriff tanktop and super tight jean shorts rocking a great late teen body. She had shoulder-length blond hair and carried herself very sexily but her face was off. She seriously could have been Lady Gaga’s kid sister as she looked just like her. I took even greater note of her presentation a half hour or so later when I spotted her with a cigarette. It seemed as if she sensed me all along so I was careful as I followed. She strutted her hot body down a sidewalk where several people were sitting down to eat, her cigarette hand to her side. Some middle-aged guy really took an interest in her and pointed her out to his buddies. Not sure what it was that tickled him so much about her….perhaps he too thought she was the spitting image of Lady Gaga. I kept my distance and watched her smoke from afar until she dropped the cigarette to the pavement and walked off. I was able to identify the butt as a Marlboro Nxt.
Only about 20 minutes later, I spotted her again, wandering around by herself in that sex kitten outfit and once again smoking a cigarette. I followed at a comfortable distance but she still seemed to notice me from afar, indicating I’m getting less good at being a stealth stalker as I used to be able to do this stuff without setting off any alarms at all. Anyway, I kept a comfortable enough distance so as not to creep her out but still close enough to admire her as she smoked. She eventually stood by herself in the middle of the street to finish her cigarette, again dropping the Marlboro Nxt butt to the pavement before drifting away. It just seemed so odd that she was there by herself. Given the way she looked and was dressed, it crossed my mind that she might be a prostitute but that seemed unlikely. Still her presence was mysterious and despite not having a face that did it for me, her body, the way she carried herself, and the fact that she smoked two cigarettes in about 20 minutes while wandering around by herself intrigued me enough to declare her the MVP of the 2016 Des Moines Arts Festival.
#8. I had already had one of my best mall sightings in years last June 11, a steamy Saturday in Iowa, and decided to keep the momentum going by hopping in my car near the 9 p.m. hour and cruising around town to the few sightings hotspots. First I went to the one bar within three miles of my place (in a strip mall!!!) and found nobody out smoking, so then I headed to a gas station near the freeway that has been known to produce a few sightings of girls going in to buy cigarettes over the years. It was here that I got tremendous bang for my buck with a two-for-the-price-of-one sighting.
I pulled into the parking lot and immediately saw an early 20s brunette with glasses wearing a flesh-bearing white dress standing in front near the Redbox unit smoking a cigarette….with a nonsmoking boyfriend a few feet in front of her letting her ingest her carcinogens outdoors, apparently forbidding it in his car. The girl was cute enough, with a sexy enough outfit, to have been a real find had all that exposed flesh on her arms not been sporting nasty tattoo ink. There wasn’t a ton of tattoo ink there, but enough to be distracting and defiling for such a pretty girl. Still, it was nice to see a pretty young girl smoking in the immediate presence of a nonsmoking, and likely disapproving, boyfriend.
But as this sighting was going on, a brunette early 20s hottie with no defiling tattoos on her body suddenly entered the periphery on foot, walking from the south down the sidewalk wearing a white top and a short denim miniskirt that clearly was covering a swimsuit that she had undoubtedly been wearing much of the day. God I love summer, I thought to myself, watching this sexy brunette walking directly in front of the tattooed smoker hottie and into the store. I took a mental note of her and watched the rest of the tattooed girl’s performance until she crushed out her all-white cigarette and walked towards the passenger seat of the boyfriend’s car, getting inside and undoubtedly still subjecting him to some residual stench as they began to pull out.
And at the exact instant that the couple pulled out, the hot brunette in the summer get-up exited the store with a small plastic bag in hand. It was just starting to get dark but the light from the storefront helped me make out that the top priority for the brunette in her bag of goodies was a pack of Marlboro Menthols which she was beginning to pack against her wrist as her sexy body walked right in front of me and headed back in the direction it came from. And I was in a position to follow on foot to see if anything else came of it. In a couple of moments, she paused in her tracks to light the cigarette, and I got some lovely menthol aroma from a few yards back. Unfortunately she was preparing to cross the street towards a hotel where I figured she must be staying. I attempted a photo of her backside as I walked past but because of the darkness the pic is a blurry mess. All I could do by now was stand on the empty sidewalk and watch her walk through the hotel parking lot, routinely dragging from her cigarette and exhaling very nice toxic exhales into the early evening sky until she was out of sight.
I went back to my car and checked out the discarded butt left behind by tattoo girl before I got there. It was a Marlboro Light. It’s pretty rare to get one good sighting at the gas station let alone two at the same time, both occurring outside and not in the car.
#7. It was one of the first warm and sunny days of spring late last March, shortly after daylight savings time added an extra hour of daylight in the evening when I was returning to my apartment complex from one of my walks. There’s a revolving door of occupants in the cluster of buildings at my complex so I’m always hopeful new female smokers will suddenly move in….and as I heard young feminine voices from the patio of a second-floor apartment on the building nearest mine, I’d look over my shoulder to discover that my wish had come true. Just as I was about to go inside, I caught glimpses of freshly lit cigarettes smoldering between the fingers of two college-age cuties sitting on the patio. There was no way I could stand there and watch them smoke but was able to get creative and go sit inside my car in the parking lot, a spot from which I could look over my shoulder and get a relatively good show.
The optics weren’t perfect as given that the patio was on the second floor, there were vertical wooden pillars acting much like bars on a jail cell and limiting my view. Still, I was able to make out the faces of the two attractive young gals sitting out there. One was a dark blond whose technique was the most average, taking shallow drags and producing modest, wispy exhales. She was still a sight to behold but needs a lot more practice on the patio in the months ahead to produce truly stunning visuals. Adjacent to her on the patio was a sexier ponytailed brunette who seemed to be a better smoker, taking deeper and more frequent drags and producing cloudier exhales. The show lasted quite a while and the tint of the window of the rental car I had for the week helped camouflage me and enhance the sighting as I kept seeing small blasts of smoke exit the mouths of these pretty college babes.
A couple of interesting quirks playing out over the course of the sighting was that I could see a 12-pack of beer on the patio in front of the girls and the brunette was holding a funnel with a hose. Not being immersed in the drinking culture personally, I wouldn’t have made the connection to the funnel had it not been for the junky, mindless CMT reality show “Party Down South” which I’ve caught a number of times, mostly because there are smoking girls in it. One guy on that show brings a “beer funnel” everywhere he goes so I knew that was gonna be the purpose of the funnel for these college girls as well. But before they got around to drinking, they were gonna finish their cigarettes. A cat was adorably walking around the patio brushing up against the girls and ingesting their secondhand smoke for much of the time they were out there, perhaps having a bit of a smoking fetish himself. The brunette finished hers a good 2-3 minutes before the blond, and when the blond finally finished hers and crushed it out, it was funnel time!
The girls stood and revealed their nice bodies, draped in skin-tight black leggings. The vertical wooden pillars of the patio kept me from getting a perfect view of their bodies but I was still able to see enough that I knew that I liked what I saw. The blond had the first go with the funnel as the brunette poured a full beer into it and then unkinked the hose and lifted into it the air for the blond to guzzle. After chugging the entire beer, she obnoxiously leaned over the patio to spit, with her discharge dropping 10 feet to the ground and basically right in front of the patio for the first-floor apartment. Then it was the brunette’s turn as the funnel went into her mouth and followed the same pattern, only the brunette had a hotter body making it even harder to avoid watching her ass the whole time rather than watch her chug that beer, all amidst the cat roaming around trying to get in on the action. I lurked in the car watching them another 10 minutes or so hoping another cigarette would get lit. It wasn’t and I finally decided to give up and go inside, but was encouraged to know that there were sexy smokers of that caliber in the building next to mine that I’d be able to check out throughout the summer. I had hoped there would be an encore performance from them, a scenario that seemed likely, but the best I’d be able to do was see a couple of them get into their car and light up as they drove out on a couple of occasions. And it seemed like they were gone in a few months, so I’m lucky I got what I did when I did.
#6. I had a class reunion on the Saturday of this year’s Summerfest in mid-July and went in with the lowest possible expectations, wondering if I’d even get a blog-worthy sighting this year factoring in both declining smoking rates among key demographics and the fact that I’d be missing the most heavily attended night. But Friday night more than filled the void for my Saturday night absence. One of this year’s two classics started slowly but was followed by an evening’s worth of escalation….
I had been to the grounds for about a half hour and it was still daylight at around 8:30 when I migrated out of the beer gardens to an isolated parking area to the southwest of the grounds. Standing near a rope fence was a cluster of five late 20s and early 30s women who were all smoking. Four of them were blond and as I was slowly scanning their faces I was struck how modest the attractiveness was of the first three faces I laid eyes on, but the fourth face I saw was a better story….a wholesome tall blond with shoulder length hair cresting onto a black and white striped summer dress. There was one beauty in this group thankfully, I thought to myself, before my eyes drifted to her right and I spotted the final gal in the group. She was a knockout…a blond with chin-length hair who looked like a young Kristin Chenoweth decked out in a flower-print top and shorts that fit like a dress. How did these two hotties find themselves immersed in this otherwise unattractive group, I wondered as I awkwardly looped around them and tried unsuccessfully to enjoy a fulfilling show in the 15 seconds or so that I had in their presence. I didn’t see a single drag in that time and would not be able to again without arousing serious suspicion about my continued presence. I walked away frustrated–and depressed–with the fact that smoking restrictions on the grounds likely screwed me out of a first-rate sighting and would probably continue to do so as I figured they’d drift off to hinterlands every time they wanted to light up.
Fifteen minutes later, on the north side of the beer gardens, I didn’t get too excited when I saw three of the women, including the two hot ones, wandering around near the port-a-potties. I figured they had just had their stealth back-alley cigarette and likely wouldn’t be having another. But there was a series of tables under a canopy where I took a chair just in case, and in moments the tall blond in the black and white striped dress walked up to the table next to mine. I figured she was just waiting for the other two but she was opening up her purse with her back to me and I kept wondering if it was for what I thought it was. The two friends came over in a few moments and as they drifted towards the stage I discovered that it was! She had indeed lit up another all-white cigarette and was smoking it! The three women stopped in an empty space about 10 yards away from the set of benches I was on and I had a pretty good vantage point. Imagine my glee when a pack of Marlboro Lights came out of the purse of the shorter girl who was the cutest one of the bunch. Unfortunately, she handed the cigarette to the older, uglier third wheel of the group…..
I was willing to settle for the consolation prize of the taller blond’s solo consumption and cloudburst-style exhales, but got a nice surprise when I laid eyes on the hot shorter blond taking a drag, tilting her head skyward a launching a rock-solid 18-inch exhale in a straight line above her adorable little face. Unfortunately, she didn’t have a cigarette of her own and merely took a single drag from the ugly girl’s cigarette before handing it back to her. I continued to watch hoping there’d be more cigarette sharing but the ugly gal dropped hers to the grass and stubbed it out. But the hot shorter blond wouldn’t be denied and insisted on a final drag from the tall blond’s cigarette, which she would get, thus poaching two drags from two different women’s cigarettes while standing there and sending a smoke jet skyward with this exhale just as she did with the first. As they left the scene, I approached hoping to find the cigarette butts for an official ID but sadly couldn’t find them amidst the grass and didn’t dare hover too long lest I arouse suspicion amongst the many people lurking on all sides.
But this group was just getting started. I drifted around on the small Summerfest grounds inside and outside the beer gardens but as soon as the band announced it was taking a break, I migrated to the de facto smoking area of the beer gardens expecting it would be a good time for a smoke break. Incredible timing was my story of the evening and was again here as my group of five ladies was all huddled against the fence and readying their next round of cigarettes. The tall blond had her back to me but it was nice seeing that cigarette held to her side in that attractive black and white striped dress….as well as the cloudbursts that erupted after each of her drags. But my eyes were mostly laser-focused on the shorter Kristin Chenoweth blond who dug her pack of Marlboro Lights out of her purse, definitely poised to have a cigarette for herself this time rather than all this “shared” business of last time. The unlit cigarette dangled adorably from her lips as she foraged her purse for her lighter, talking intermittently to her friends as I admired from afar. It took a good 60 seconds before the cigarette was lit but her impressive technique from before played out repeatedly in the ensuing minutes with every drag followed up with a skyward exhale the length of her arm that exited her respiratory system in an impressive symmetrical line. Unfortunately, she liked to turn her head away from the crowd when dragging, denying me too many good peeks at her dragging style. Still, it was quite an intimate show enhanced by the secondary performance of the taller blond. Much as I’d have loved a pic, it was well after dark and the setting would really have been conspicuous to start messing around with the camera phone, so I passed. And as soon as my blond babe finished her cigarette I left the spot as I knew I was looking pretty familiar.
But the show still wasn’t done as another half hour or so later I walked through the middle of the beer gardens and standing almost smack dab in the middle was the same group of five women all smoking another round of cigarettes! The crowd was so huge that I only got a few passing glances of this show but what I did see was all the same stylings from my two favorite blonds. What intrigued me most was their increasing bravery, as each cigarette they smoked became more daring than the last in terms of location. The first was hiding at the edge of the parking lot completely out of the beer gardens. The second was at an isolated spot near the north side bathrooms inside the beer gardens. The third was in the typically understood designated smoking area which isn’t really a smoking area as it’s prohibited even there. And now the fourth was taking place right in the middle of the beer gardens when every smoker of the group unequivocally knew it wasn’t allowed.
And as a brief final act, I was sitting in a chair watching some of the musical show around 11:30 and noticed from afar that my favorite group of nicotine-addicted females a few tables away was sitting in the presence of some guys who they had either just met or were part of their group. At one point I noticed one of the guys smoking and even though my vantage point wasn’t good, I kept looking for openings to see if my hottie blond was indeed smoking another…and sure enough….the crowd parted briefly and allowed me to see her taking a drag from another cigarette, once again escalating her courage to the point of now smoking right in the seating area up close to the stage. I could never have imagined this sighting would play out with this many layers 2 1/2 hours earlier when I first spotted these women lurking along the rope line of the parking lot….but the escalation and multiple sightings has helped install it in the Summerfest Hall of Fame.
#5. I showed up for jury duty for the first time in my life on a Monday morning in late May. I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t considered the possibility of there being young chicks from my preferred demographic in the jury room, but I was mostly hoping to be dismissed early and be out of there by the end of the day. The latter didn’t happen and out of 326 people that showed up that morning, I ended up as one of 13 people who had to stick around for a trial. Aside from the process being interesting, it turned out to be a magnet for me to connect with college-age girls in a way that exceeded my wildest imaginations. Two of them, 19-year-old Katie and 23-year-old Elaine, both hot and in Katie’s case dressed in a low-cut blouse and daisy dukes like she was going out for a night of line dancing rather than for jury service, were on the jury with me and followed me around like puppies for the 2 1/2 days that the trial lasted, shamelessly flirting and sniffing around about my relationship status. I never gave my age and have always looked 10 years younger than I am so I’m guessing they didn’t realize I was old enough to be their father, which made it all the more exciting. Unfortunately, neither of these two smoked which I confirmed, but during the pretrial jury selection there was another girl who was a different story….
Almost immediately after I sat down in the packed jury room on Monday morning, two more college-age girls gravitated towards me. One was named Amy who was dismissed right away, but the other was slender blond named Jennifer with blond hair and blue highlights. She wasn’t gorgeous but attractive enough and dressed interestingly enough to keep me interested, decked out in a pair of skimpy black jean shorts with fishnet pantyhose. She was 20 years old and a bartender in Des Moines, herself facing charges only a week later for serving alcohol to a minor. She ended up going to the next round of jury selection with me but would ultimately be dismissed. But there was a lunch break in the middle of jury selection that gave me my first opportunity to leave the building with her. Imagine my elation when a pack of Camel Light Menthols was extracted from her purse…..
I was walking in front of her and I think she was stalling because she was probably bashful about being a smoker. I peeked over my shoulder as she slowly followed and slowed my own walking pace to let her catch up. I had a comment to make about jury deliberations and used that as my opening. She released an exhale and I happened to turn her direction to ask the question just in time to catch the exhale in the face for a direct hit. At that moment I was quietly wishing to myself that I could be on jury duty every week! I walked with her briefly but had business to attend to with my parking arrangement and couldn’t continue to follow her or dine with her, but fortunately I’d get another chance. I spent most of the lunch hour walking the downtown blocks and getting a few above-average sightings of other young smoking gals, but got the timing right to see Jennifer light up another cigarette while approaching the courthouse and puffing away on the sidewalk before going back in. I sat on the steps pretending to look at my phone and caught most of Jennifer’s cigarette. No major stylish bells and whistles, but I nonetheless couldn’t believe my luck that a jury duty obligation turned into an opportunity to watch a smoking show from a scantily clad early 20s blond!
Jennifer and I talked for about 20 minutes inside the jury room. There was a modest connection but not enough to exchange numbers. We were called back in for jury selection and she was dismissed so that was the end of my experience with a college-age smoker, but only the beginning of my strange three days of getting fawned on by nonsmoking college girls on the actual jury. It was a fun story to relay to my coworkers (minus the smoking fetish stuff) who agreed in unison that only I could turn jury duty into a dating service.
#4. It was right around noon on a Tuesday in late August and I was just returning to Des Moines after 3 1/2 days and nearly 1,500 miles worth of traveling through America’s “smoking belt”, hitting smoker-friendly states like Missouri, Arkansas, Kentucky, Tennessee, and southern Illinois hoping to see plenty of smoking by fresh-faced young hotties along the way. Unfortunately I didn’t find much to hang my hat on for random sightings and had only one last pit stop before going home….stopping at Best Buy two miles from my place to get the keyboard on my cell phone fixed. I got that wrapped up in a few minutes and returned to my car to go home, sweet home. But as I was pulling out of the lot, I spotted an SUV driving by with this angelic-faced teen brunette behind the wheel holding a half-smoked cigarette in her left hand next to the steering wheel.
At the next opportunity, I turned back into the parking lot and was able to follow the SUV, which parked at a stall right near the front of the store. I was able to find an adjacent lot to park my car in and watch as two late teen girls finished their cigarettes before heading inside. The passenger was overweight and unattractive, as is so often the case, but the driver was a piece of heaven on Earth. It’s a cliché at this point to compare a girl to Selena Gomez, but perhaps more than any other girl I’ve seen, this baby-faced brunette cutie behind the wheel looked like a 2012-era Selena, with a button-cute face and the softest imaginable features. She was the absolute last girl I’d have imagined to see smoking this day and age. I got to see about three final drags before the girls got out of the SUV and approached Best Buy. The cutiepie driver was wearing this utilitarian blue T-shirt and a pair of black shorts with legs fitting the adorableness profile of the rest of her person.
I was exhausted and road-weary at this point, desperate to get home, but nonetheless decided to camp out in my car waiting for their return in case they lit up again, but certainly hoping they wouldn’t stay inside long. And thankfully they weren’t. Within 10 minutes, they were back out, and unfortunately I used the time they were inside to call my parents and let them know I made it home so I wasn’t able to take a photo of the brunette coming out. The call ended as soon as they got in the SUV but it was too late for a pic. Since it hadn’t been long I figured the chances of them lighting up again probably wasn’t great but I held out hope. Unfortunately it was not to be as they began pulling out with no additional tobacco usage on the horizon. Still, I decided it would be worth my effort to follow them out of the parking lot just in case. They were headed the same general direction as me anyway so it worked out okay as we headed westward, making it about eight blocks before approaching a red light….and that’s when it happened….
Sitting at the red light, I caught the brunette rolling her window down a few inches and then saw an unlit cigarette in her left hand. This was happening! I even saw the light-up in the reflection of her rearview mirror. She took a right turn and I followed. It was game-on as I maneuvered to the left lane to see as much of this as possible. Unfortunately I wouldn’t hit a red light and be parallel to her but was still able to see plenty. From the way she held her cigarette to the relatively shallow drags she was taking, it was clear this was an 18-year-old beginner smoker who likely just started classes at the nearby community college that week and was relishing her newfound freedom by picking up a smoking habit. And here she was, smoking two cigarettes within 15 minutes in her car in the presence of her smoking friend who’s likely doing the same. It was a very gratifying sight to see and I got to witness bits and pieces of about three minutes of this show, with a handful of drags by this fresh-faced beauty. If I had seen this girl smoking a full cigarette at any of my fairs in August, she’d have been the #1 sighting for 2016. That’s how incredible she was.
#3. It’s so rare that a driving sighting works out into anything magical. There are so many things that can go wrong and usually do. I found myself in a particularly challenging circumstance as I was stopped at a red light coming out of the Pita Pit where I went to pick up food one early Sunday afternoon in late July. Sitting there, my eyes were immediately drawn to a smurf blue car heading northward on the street I was waiting to turn on to. The driver was a blur but I could tell she was attractive….and I could also tell she had a fairly large cigar in her hand. I needed to make my right turn and fast if I was gonna get anything more out of this, and it worked in my favor that I was turning right and could thus go on a red light so long as traffic wasn’t coming. Unfortunately, there were a few more cars in both lanes that passed in front of me before I was able to make my turn.
Her blue car was a good football field ahead of me and I pushed it to the absolute limit to catch up, gunning the accelerator to nearly 50 mph in a 35 mph zone. On two occasions, traffic lights in front of me turned orange early enough to where I would normally hit the brakes to stop for them, but I timed it just right to zip through them at the second orange turned to red. Combining my rate of speed with the flying through orange lights, if a cop had been nearby I’d have been pulled over, but thankfully I was in the clear. From there it was a matter of weaving through the cars that got ahead of me and somehow, some way, found myself closing in on the smurf blue car where I could see a glorious cigar protruding from female fingers above her steering wheel. Now it was just a matter of closing the final distance and getting parallel to her.
I could see a dark skin tone as I got closer and figured it was probably an African-American girl since blacks are the most likely to smoke tipped cigars. But as I finally got parallel to her car it was clear that it was a white young brunette who was tanned and stunningly gorgeous, dragging copiously from her cigar. It was unreal to see clouds of filthy cigar smoke billowing from this beautiful face as she exhaled. It’s obviously not the easiest thing in the world to watch a girl smoking while driving, and I had another needle to thread as I approached a major intersection where I would normally be turning left. I let her pass me in the left lane and got behind her, hoping I could somehow finesse a way to get my car parallel to hers. She was going straight ahead, and I let one car pull into the left turn lane and then cut behind them, managing to maneuver myself directly parallel to her for an extended red light. I caught every possible break and if I had to replay the situation 100 times I probably couldn’t have pulled off the same amazing series of traffic maneuvers to find myself where I did, but hot damn did I ever get a rich reward for my troubles.
I looked to my right and got my first really good look at her, still prepared that she might be a little tough-looking. Instead, I found myself looking at an impossibly hot girl with a very nice tan and feathered medium brown hair flowing over her shoulders who could not have more perfectly embodied the image of a bubbly sorority girl. I’d guess she was 20 or 21. She was yapping away on some hands-free device and was thus distracted enough that she didn’t notice me putting my passenger window down. My heart melted as I listened to her girlish voice gushing about some superficial matter I couldn’t quite make out, the stench of her plastic-tipped cigar permeating through my open window. It was just an otherworldly image and if I wasn’t witnessing it with my own eyes I’d never be able to reconcile the feminine look and sound of the girl with that six inch smelly cigar in her right hand above the steering wheel, filling her car up with a foul odor. The only downside to this image is that she was so immersed in her conversation she went through a period where she wasn’t hitting the cigar, but thankfully, right before the light finally turned green, the plastic tip of the cigar approached her adorable mouth and she took a shockingly deep five-second drag and inhaled. She formed an O with her lips and exhaled a blast of smoke just as the left turn signal turned green.
I’d have killed to have been in a position to follow her to see where in town she ended up and see how hot of a body she had and what summer attire she was decked out in, but I sacrificed that option when I got into the turn lane to be parallel with her. There would be no way I’d reconnect with her in traffic, but in no way could I be disappointed with how well things turned and what I was able to see based on this chance encounter in traffic. The best part about the smoking fetish is how a simple journey to pick up takeout can produce an image that not only makes your day, but which you’ll remember your entire life.
#2. My Friday evening at Summerfest this year was aided by some of the best timing I’ve ever had in my life, and nowhere was this precision timing more clear than in my best Summerfest sighting of 2016. There’s a certain spot on the north end of the seating for the main stage within the beer gardens where I often come across scofflaws smoking. That evening was no different and it was right after my fourth act from the evening’s other all-star team that I walked into something very special….
Sitting on two chairs on the north end of the stage’s seating area was a young couple who looked about 23, both with freshly lit cigarettes between their fingers. I don’t ever recall seeing anybody smoking this close to the stage before which in itself what quite a sight, but even more perfect was that there was a single open chair directly behind them. It hasn’t been since the late 90s that I’ve been treated to a seated smoking show from a hot chick at a musical concert, but it was happening now. The girl was gorgeous, a long-haired platinum blond with quintessentially wholesome Midwestern facial features. Everything about that face was flawless, but even more beautiful was what was her respiratory system was expelling. She was considerate enough to turn towards the boyfriend before, during, and after the majority of her drags, allowing me a very upclose view of her long, succulent drags and considerable exhales that retreated at almost equal intervals from her mouth and nose. There was almost always a nice residual spill from both facial orifices as well, and since she was in conversation with the boyfriend much of the time, several of these residual exhales came in the form of wispy talking exhales.
I was close enough that even in the darkness I figured I’d get some decent photos, and while I never got a direct frontal pic of her in mid-drag, I still got four pretty solid pics showing off her profile, a drag, and the immediate aftermath of an exhale. I would have tried for more but a couple sitting to my right was making eyes with me and while I didn’t really think they noticed me snapping pics of the smoker girl, I nonetheless became bashful and put the camera away, content to simply enjoy this incredible front-row seat to a beautiful young woman smoking a cigarette in its entirety. She leaned down and stubbed the cigarette out onto the grass to complete the show. I could tell she was wearing a white blouse with a fishnet pattern but below the waist was more of a mystery because of the lighting and my positioning. But I just had to get a better look and rose to my chair, reapproaching from a different angle and being bedazzled by her long folded legs extending out of a pair of skimpy pink shorts that crested at the very top of her smooth thighs. What an image!
I vacated the spot knowing I had seen my sighting of the night and probably for all of Summerfest, but there was something about this girl and the boyfriend smoking in tandem that made me suspect more tobacco would likely be smoked…and soon. Less than 15 minutes later I entered the beer gardens again and migrated to where this couple sat. At the exact moment I approached, the girl’s purse was on her lap and she was digging inside. Could she? Oh yes she could! A pack of Marlboro Lights came out and she was about to rinse and repeat the same incredible show I got before. And just like before, the chair behind her was open to give me a front-row seat. Again, she couldn’t have been more cooperative, turning her face to the boyfriend as she smoked to converse with him and revealing her beautiful features, allowing me to watch her up-close routine of deep, succulent drags and substantive exhales that filtered through her entire respiratory system. For all the inconveniently timed or awkwardly positioned sightings I’ve gotten over the years, it’s all worth it in moments like this when I’m able to watch a beautiful young woman skillfully smoking from only a few feet away.
When she leaned over to crush out the second cigarette in the grass, I again decided to wander a bit in the beer gardens, but would return to that spot in less than five minutes, sensing once again that I hadn’t seen the last…and I hadn’t. She and the boyfriend had each already lit their respective third cigarettes of the last half hour. The lighting was such that I was able to see the boyfriend’s brand was Camel Light Menthols which would come in handy moments later. After a front-row seat to a first-rate third smoking performance from the blond girlfriend, she again leaned forward to crush out the third cigarette in the grass. Moments later, the couple conveniently stood up to approach the stage, perhaps planning to do a little dancing to the final couple of songs of the night. Her ass was a minor disappointment as it was a little plumper than my preference but definitely not disqualifyingly so in those tight pale pink shorts she was wearing. Soon after her absence, I took the opportunity to move up to the smoker girl’s vacated chair. I looked to the ground wondering how damn many cigarette butts I would find, figuring I may well have missed a bunch of them. But there were indeed three crushed-out Marlboro Lights butts in front of her chair and three Camel Light Menthol butts in front of his. Very exciting to see this day and age!
I figured the couple would be up by the stage in a standing huddle for a while so I left the beer gardens and made one more pass over the rest of the Summerfest grounds before heading home. I was going to re-enter the beer gardens at the end of the loop….but I didn’t have to. Walking out directly in front of me in the exact same path I was about to take home was the same attractive young couple….and two seconds after I laid eyes on her the blond was flicking to life her fourth cigarette of the last 40 minutes. The boyfriend soon lit one of his own and I followed about five yards behind, shifting my eyes from her cloudy exhales that stunk up the evening sky and her hot body, including that pink shorts-draped booty. She smoked the cigarette for the next several minutes and was in front of me for a good two-thirds of my 12-minute walk home before she and the boyfriend kept going straight at a crosswalk where I turned right. Timing is 80% of a good sighting, but rarely if ever has there been a more tangible example where perfect timing blessed me repeatedly over the course of a brief stretch to score me one of my top-5 Summerfest sightings of all-time.
#1. Typically after a long day of driving on my summer road trips, I unwind by parking at the front of the lot of the Wal-Mart in town and keeping tabs on female smokers that come and go. This routine has yielded a good number of great sightings over the years, several of which are in my all-time favorite random sightings list. Well add another one to that roster in 2016 in Alexandria, Minnesota, which came in a roundabout way, beginning with a beat-up red car driven by a pretty college girl who I saw ashing a cigarette out her window after 11 p.m. on a Saturday night. She turned and parked in a different row in the lot so I decided my best bet was to step out of my car and sit on a bench in front of the store to watch her approach. And that paid off as two decently attractive college girls were approaching the store with cigarettes in hand, finishing them before they went inside. I had been waiting a couple of hours for something decent and having seen these two and knowing the car they drived, I decided to move my car near theirs hoping they’d light up when they got back out. This was the best decision I made all night, but not for the reasons I anticipated as these two girls were a red herring for a much more consequential find about to come….
Only a couple of minutes after I moved my car, a middle-aged man and what I presumed was his mid-teen daughter were leaving Wal-Mart and climbed into their car that I had a direct vantage point of. The girl wouldn’t have necessarily stood out in a crowd but was nonetheless attractive, about 16 with shoulder-length dark brown hair. Since she climbed into the passenger side of her dad’s car, I didn’t really get to see what she was wearing as it was obviously completely dark by now. I was preoccupied with the exit and potential smoke show to come from the earlier college girls, but I nonetheless found myself keeping visual tabs on this teen brunette cutie…just in case. And I happened to be looking her way at the exact moment she reached casually onto the dash and removed something that looked conspicuously like a pack of cigarettes. What an amazement it was moments later to see the flick of a lighter and a cigarette brought to life by this 16ish girl….in the company of her father who was preoccupied with some silly phone activity of his own. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing as this tender young face was dragging openly from this freshly lit cigarette, the cherry glowing bright red every time her young lips sucked on the filter, and weirder yet seemed to be doing a pose every time she took a drag. Then it hit me after a couple of moments that she was taking pics of herself…..while smoking in sexy poses….right in front of her father!
There must be some off the wall family values in this household as dad obliviously texted away as his underage daughter was posing with a cigarette and photographing herself suggestively dragging and exhaling. The exhales were great too, with a creamy ball of smoke hovering in front of her face before being inhaled and then exhaled in surprisingly thin streams. Best yet….not a single window was open in this car. Who was this father-daughter duo!???! When the daughter was about two-thirds done with her cigarette, the father reached for the green pack on the dashboard as well, which I presumed was Marlboro Menthols from what I could see from afar in the dark, and lit himself up. Again, no windows went down and I never saw either of them ash, indicating there was an ashtray in the console they were sharing. The daughter’s cigarette eventually just disappeared and she continued to take random selfies in the dark, the flash of her camera going off every time she took one and revealing without a doubt the innocence of a mid-teen girl’s face. Was she just being random when she snapped the smoking selfies or did she understand completely the sexual connotations of smoking? It was one of the best random sightings I’ve gotten in years.
I was wondering why they were hovering in this car so long and after about 20 minutes a late teen boy and a working-class middle-aged woman came out of Wal-Mart, very clearly the brother and mother of the girl, and they sat in the backseat before the car took off with no additional tobacco usage to be seen before the car sped out of sight. Was it an entirely family of smokers? Probably given the dynamics I witnessed in that car, but what if it was just the father and daughter who smoked! And that’s why they shared the front seat with the ashtray and came out together while the other two shopped! Either one was an incredible dynamic and made for my best random sighting of the year, all thanks to those college girls I followed to a different row in the parking lot. And by the way, those college girls drove off without lighting up again when they returned to their cars.
Nobody’s really had the heart to tell me, but I know my 2016 fairgrounds sightings lists were a disappointment. It’s nice to be able to offset that with a better selection of random and Summerfest sightings. I only have the few pics to share from this list, all of the #2 Summerfest girl, but I have a few more pics to share from the mall sightings list which is next, and I’m happy to say it was a dynamite year for my mall sightings list as well. If 2017 is only half as good as 2016 for mall and random sightings, I’ll be a happy man!