2015 ended up being a pretty darn good year for random sightings. Last year, I struggled to come up with a list of 10 worthy sightings for this list but in 2015, I have a relative embarrassment of riches as three sightings–that included a young redhead outside a state building, a likely mother and daughter walking to their car with cigarettes in hand in a town of 120 people, and a gorgeous blond in a traffic sighting–that would have made my top-10 in 2014 don’t make the cut this year. I hope this pattern continues into next year but given the dramatically reduced numbers of public smoking incidents these days, I’m not holding my breath. Summerfest in 2015 was mostly average but I nonetheless scored by best Summerfest sighting in eight years this year. The result is a top-10 random and Summerfest list that I believe to be my best in quite a few years.
#10. It was a Monday night around 6:15 in mid-August and I was going for my evening walk in my neighborhood. I was at a busy crosswalk waiting for a green light to cross when up comes this black car approaching the light about to turn red in her lane. The driver hit the brakes rather abruptly and I looked towards the driver’s seat to see a very attractive 22ish curly haired blond exhaling a snootful of smoke out the window. At that exact moment I was walking ahead and before I even really had time to process things, she and I made eye contact. I was literally walking through her cloud of just-exhaled smoke when she gave me an extremely friendly and inviting smile and said “hi” in a flirty, breathy manner. I responded in kind as I passed and wished there had been the time and opportunity to have made some deeper connection with her but needless to say it wasn’t exactly an accommodating scenario for facilitating a hookup! But I noticed something else as I crossed the street and then looked over my shoulder afterwards. The cigarette was not visible in her left hand and she was holding it well below the steering wheel, which led me to believe this girl was a closet smoker hiding her habit…..and I busted her! Maybe her smile and flirtation with me was more of a nervous response to having been caught. Who knows….but either way it was incredibly hot and was a nice ego boost on a Monday night during a summer that’s mostly been a bust for me on the ego boost department, good enough to make the periphery of this year’s top-10.
#9. Last year’s random top-10 list was chock full of girls from my neighborhood who I saw smoking while out on my walks. I still saw a decent selection of smoker gals in my neighborhood in 2015 but there’s only one from last year who is making a repeat appearance. It was last year’s #3, a gorgeous and petite mid-20s platinum blond who lives in the building across the street from mine with a boyfriend/husband and two young kids. Since she lives right across the street and hangs out in front of her building with the kids quite a bit, especially during summer months, I got to see her in a number of snap sightings walking by. The frequency in which I see her with cigarette in hand makes me think she probably smokes a pack a day or more. And while I know it’s her by now, when I first began seeing her in 2014 my first instinct was to think I was looking at a 16-year-old girl as petite as she is with such girlish figures. I’d guess she’s about 25 which is clearer when seeing her upclose but her presentation as “the little blond girl” always makes sightings with her that much more impressive.
The first memorable sighting I had of her in 2015 came in the early evening hours of a Friday night around late May or early June when I was going for a walk and saw her in the passenger seat of the boyfriend/husband’s car with her cigarette held upright in a bent elbow position that was very sexy. I slowed my walking pace knowing they’d turn into their parking lot and I’d be able to see her step out of the car. She was dressed to perfection when she stepped out of that car, clearly about to go out for a night on the town and wearing a ruffled white summer dress and brown cowgirl boots. This outfit enhanced the imagery of her final drag from the cigarette before tossing the butt to the ground in front of her and then showing me one of her vintage downward-projected exhales which are always very cloudy as they flow in front of her chest. It was a quick three-second sighting but was a wonderful image.
She wore the same white ruffled blouse and cowgirl boots when I saw her in the beer gardens at Summerfest about a month later. I saw her upclose with a group of friends holding her blue pack of L & Ms. Logistics weren’t great when I later saw her smoking one and since she knew me from my block I didn’t want to stare too much at her from my awkward positioning but her blobby downward-projected exhales continued to be her most distinctive feature.
In the early autumn, I had a nonsmoking encounter with her at the community mailbox that serves my entire block. The girl is either quite shy or has a frosty personality as she approached the mailbox near mine and hard as I tried to initiate eye contact, I got nothing and didn’t get an opening to converse with her at all before she drifted back across the street with mail in hand. Even though no words were ever spoken between me and this girl in 2015, I’d nonetheless have a far more satisfying mailbox encounter with her in November. There’s this old guy named Glen in my building (and we’re talking OLD…he’s 89) who I talk to more than anybody else in my cluster and at one point this year the issue of smoking came up and he said “he never got this whole smoking thing!” without many additional words spoken about the topic. Then comes November when I’m at the mailbox at the same time as Glen while he’s chatting with me, and who do I see crossing the street to pick up her mail but blondie with two of her kids dressed in a conservative blouse and jeans, but wearing a pair of gloves with a smoldering freshly lit all-white cigarette between her fingers. I was watching this play out but sadly Glen had his back to them and missed it all…..but I wonder if he was at least aware of the smell from her cigarette as she took one drag during the 40 seconds or so that she was in our presence by the mailboxes before crossing the street with the kids. I’d have loved to have heard Glen opine after she walked away about “why would such a pretty girl be smoking?” but that didn’t happen this time. There’s a decent chance for a follow-up on that in 2016, however, and unless the family moves out at the end of this year, I’d say that I’m assured of getting something from this girl sightings-wise moving into the new year.
#8. Every June I take a road trip to Sioux Falls, South Dakota, for sentimental reasons connected to my childhood, and almost every year the city delivers with a great sighting. Sioux Falls is not statistically a hotbed for female smoking so perhaps my 15-year track record of scoring impressive sightings more years than not is a fluke, but whatever is going on I hope it continues! Between the freeways encircling town and my drive downtown, I scored three above-average sightings in traffic, including one early 20s brunette who I got to see smoke her entire cigarette in my rearview mirror. But it wasn’t until after my fast food lunch that I drove across the street to The Empire mall and made my score of the day….
I guess technically this was a “mall” sighting but I’m including it as a random sighting since I wasn’t an organized mall trip. But perhaps I should bypass Des Moines-area malls and just head to Sioux Falls every time I want to see girls smoking at the mall because driving a few laps around the mall yielded three impressive sightings, one of which included a brunette mid-20s gal in white pants smoking a small cigar outside Sears. She wasn’t dressed like an employee but the bench where she sat looked like it would be an employee smoking area. But it was my final half loop around The Empire mall when I hit it out of the park though. Approaching one of the front entrances was a paunchy middle-aged nonsmoking man and what I assumed was his 21ish daughter who was brandishing a freshly lit cigarette that she probably just fired up after getting out of daddy’s car. The daughter had long fiery red hair that flowed past her shoulders and adorned her shapely young body with a tanktop and short jean shorts. She was a sexy summer sight who Papa had every right to be proud of, and looking obsessively in my rearview mirror, daddy’s little girl was taking advantage of having him wrapped around her finger by forcing him to choke on her secondhand smoke fumes outside the mall.
I was fortunate to find a parking spot pretty close to the front of the mall and ventured to a curb with a decent vantage point where I sat and pretended to be waiting for somebody. Dad and daughter bantered as you would expect for several minutes and the scene would not have been out of the ordinary….except for that conspicuous cigarette in the daughter’s hand which she continually took fierce six-second drags from before expelling relatively sparse exhales with the small amount of smoke that hadn’t clung to her lung tissue during those hard-core drags. I guess the modest volume of her exhales was as close as the father was gonna get to being spared from his daughter’s merciless assault of cancerous smoke invading his airspace. It was just adorable and although it was a week before Father’s Day, it’s hard to imagine a greater Father’s Day gift than a daughter this hot publicly smoking with her father in front of the mall. I got to see about eight drags before she approached an unfortunate “pole”-style ashtray where she deposited the cigarette butt before going inside with dad, denying me the brand ID. I left Sioux Falls moments later but as it the case nearly every year I go there, I walked away with a memorable sighting, in this case the second-best sighting I’ve ever scored in Sioux Falls.
#7. Summerfest 2015 in my adopted hometown in central Iowa had a few decent rewards this year even though it wasn’t one of my best, but both of this year’s strongest sightings came on Friday night, when smoker hotties who made the night the most memorable came in clusters, and the biggest cluster of all came about a half hour after I arrived on Friday evening. A group of five mid-20s gals were walking back to the smoking area, four of them opening up their purses and extracting cigarettes. The most wholesome looking of the five–a dark blond cutie–was the only nonsmoker which was a bit disappointing, but there was plenty to like about the other four who were feeding their addictions. The first to light up was a brunette in a blue dress who was decently attractive but the least attractive of the group. She looked the roughest around the edges with features indicating she was the most obvious long-time heavy smoker of the group, and made good on that image by taking the longest and most frequent drags and producing the cloudiest exhales of the four smokers over the course of her cigarette.
The girl that fascinated me the most was a wholesome dark blond in a white top with a very feminine long pink skirt. She wasn’t the prettiest girl of the group but definitely looked the least like a smoker. Watching her smoke made it clear she was just a social smoker, taking brief and infrequent drags that produced shallow exhales. The third girl was a dark brunette with hard smoker girl features wearing a short black dress. I’ve seen this girl smoking at Summerfest before and she delivered again that evening with an impressive if non-distinctive performance.
The fourth smoker in the group sadly had her back to me for much of that performance but was the prettiest and thinnest girl of the bunch, a long-haired light brunette wearing a short, black-and-white striped dress. The few drags I was able to see impressed and it was clear she was a regular smoker by her style with nice, frequent, and heavy drags. Even though her back was to me, I just loved seeing the image of this hot and feminine 23-ish girl with the long, freshly lit cigarette protruding from her fingers.
I stood with my back leaning against the fence of Summerfest’s de facto smoking area (even though smoking is technically banned there too) watching, brimming with elation at the visual of these four babes all holding cigarettes and producing clouds of exhaled smoke one after another. But the sighting would take an even more fun turn after a couple of minutes when the girls (including the one nonsmoker) talked a middle-aged woman into taking a photo of the five of them. They stood side by side posing for the shot, with all four smokers putting their arms around the others’ shoulders. The likelihood is that there were four cigarettes on the display in the photos, and I got off imagining how the nonsmoker of the group likely couldn’t wait for the photo to end so the friends’ cigarettes mere inches from her face would go away. But it wouldn’t be a brief photo shot as a couple of drunken guys photobombed their pics, jumping in the back making strange faces and messing up the shot. It was a good two minutes worth of tries before they got a photo they were satisfied with and the smokers resumed with their cigarettes. Unsurprisingly the girl in the blue dress finished hers first and stomped it out. After that, the whole group started heading back into the mass of humanity in the beer gardens, cigarettes still in hand. I tried to follow but by the time I caught up with them the rest of the smokers had finished off their cigarettes too, denying me any butt IDs.
I’d get a second chance about 45 minutes later when I happened to catch three members of this group (the social smoker, the dark brunette, and the light brunette) all hustling towards the smoking area. I followed and once we all arrived, two of the three delivered by producing another round of cigarettes. Unsurprisingly, the social smoker in the pink skirt was the one who didn’t light up, but I got a better vantage point of the slender light brunette in the striped minidress this time and that made it worthwhile. The trio soon wandered towards an open bench and the two smokers finished their cigarettes there. They stuck around at this bench for the rest of the night and eventually gained the rest of their group, although unfortunately no additional cigarettes were produced in my subsequent passings. The sighting never became genuinely electric the way one of the other sightings that evening did, but that moment where all four smokers were posing for pics with cigarettes in hand was quite an image to take away from Summerfest 2015.
#6. Most 4th of Julys I head to a parade in a southern Minnesota not far from where I grew up. By no means am I guaranteed a great sighting every year but it seems like more years than not I score one. In 2015, I scored two! And that was after a bad start as I was walking from where I parked my car towards the parade route and saw an attractive 20-something gal “vaping” on an e-cigarette. But that bad start lulled me into a false sense of insecurity that didn’t last long once I arrived at the parade scene. Less than five minutes after arrival I ventured down a block westward and ran into a very sexy mid-20s hottie in a white tanktop and medium blue jean shorts framing a wonderful ass and nice smooth legs who was talking to two guys, one of whom was holding a young boy. Despite her beauty, her sex appeal briefly went down as I listened to her talk with an epicly annoying Kim Kardashian voice, but amidst that nasally tone I also detected the hint of a smoker’s voice. I leaned against the chain-link fence to see where this was going as the girl and her presumed boyfriend spoke to the other guy holding the child.
Within the next minute, she began fidgeting around in her purse and my instinct was soon confirmed as an unopened pack of Camel Crushes was removed. She began packing the fresh pack and I was very excited about the prospect of her lighting up in front of the young child. She stalled a bit but within a minute a fresh all-white was placed in her lips and she fired up. Within seconds, a haze of smoke was emerging and the young boy couldn’t escape from it. The girl made some efforts to direct her exhales away from the boy and his father, but by doing so turned my direction and began to exhale directly at me. It was some combination of careless and inadvertent that I ended up wearing her exhale but I certainly wasn’t complaining. The man and little boy left soon and the girl continued smoking, exhibiting a pretty decent style with long drags and hold times followed by cloudy exhales, all directed behind her to an angle but none that directly hit me. She surrendered the cigarette too quickly, dropping it to the grass and crushing it out even though it had a handful of good drags left on it. The boyfriend disappointed me by having a cigarette of his own after that, sapping a bit of my enthusiasm when I thought she was the only smoker of the two.
Expecting the show was over for a while, I ventured a few yards westward to check out other prospects and finding a few strong ones, but I’d only have to wait about five more minutes before the original couple delivered again. She was digging in her purse again and I knew I was about to strike gold a second time. Sure enough she produced two more Camel Crushes, one for each of them, and she lit both of them up. I was settling in for what looked like another great smoking show in my line of my vision, but then they started walking towards me! I was a little taken aback but their emerging presence was about to deliver the high point of the day for me, unfortunately followed by a premature ending of the sighting. As she was hovered directly in front of me, she took a drag and exhaled a filthy cloud of cigarette smoke that belted me straight in the face. Her previously annoying Kim Kardashian voice sounded downright heavenly as she said “Sorry!”, either for standing in my way or exhaling her smoke at me. I made sure I conveyed to her that it was no problem whatsoever!
For an all-too-brief minute or so, she hovered right next to me smoking….but then broke my heart by walking westward with the boyfriend. They just kept on going…and I couldn’t follow in this venue without being very obvious in stalking them. It was a little upsetting given that the frequency of her smoking (two cigarettes in 10 minutes) suggested she may very well have smoked a half dozen cigarettes over the course of the parade. Had they stayed where they were, I would have done the same, taking advantage of the opportunity to see a hot girl smoke heavily throughout the parade. Perhaps it was a blessing in disguise though as the parade held other highlights in the next hour.
I scored a good half dozen additional sightings during the course of the parade, but the second-best sighting of the day came in the parade’s final couple of minutes. There was a house just around the corner from the primary crossroads where I was working within on the parade route with a good dozen sexy young females lingering along with plenty of guys. There was smoking going on but none of the most impressive girls in the group had smoked while I was around. However, on my final pass before the parade’s end, I spotted an unlit cigarette dangling from the lips of this hot blond, a 19-20ish petite hottie in a tan top and jean shorts with her blond hair tied up in a feminine braid. Her IT factor was a touch below the auburn-haired girl with the Kim Kardashian voice at the beginning of the parade but she was a solid beauty and it was refreshing to see a girl this young smoking. She had to go to her purse up near the house to fetch a light but came back with a smoldering cork filter that looked like a Camel Blue from its markings. On two occasions, she carried forward with nice dangles, the cigarette hanging from her adorable mouth for 10 seconds or more on both occasions. It was just such an adorable face to see a cigarette dangling from.
I got to hover not far behind her as she smoked and while I didn’t get blasted directly by any of her exhales, the smell of her smoke lingered in the air and as closely as her nonsmoking friends were seated next to her they had to have been choking on it too. The cigarette wasn’t even half done yet when the sighting’s top moment came. The final float in the parade was a fire truck spraying water at fairgoers. Like a little kid, blondie wanted in on getting doused by the hose, but first she had to hand her cigarette to her friend seated next to her. The nonsmoking friend held the blond’s cigarette for close to a minute as blondie ran on up to the curb to be sure she got splattered by the hose. She looked just like a young girl would when the water hit her, although she didn’t get all that wet. She strutted back to her chair and reclaimed her cigarette afterwards, but the parade was now over and she unfortunately gravitated towards the house with cigarette in hand, denying me the butt ID and the rest of the sighting. I’d say I got pretty good bang for my buck with seeing the first half of her performance though.
I spent the next hour roaming the city park and its surroundings, running into an old high school friend and seeing a couple more decent smoker sightings. But blondie was lingering near the radio station stage where there was a hula hoop contest, and it was adorable seeing this girl who had just been dangling a cigarette hula-hooping with girls half her age. This was my sixth parade in this town and I’d say my best given that I had two great sightings of beautiful girls that had storylines.
#5. June 2015 was the third year that I visited downtown Des Moines for their annual arts festival. I never really figured it would be a particularly strong venue for sightings and in 2013 and 2014 my suspicion was vindicated with just a few modest sightings each year. But this June’s festival came through a little better and probably got an assist on the Saturday evening I visited due to a free concert by 80s rocker Eddie Money. I got a handful of memorable sightings, but the two marquee moments of the evening came back to back.
I was heading to the block north of where the stage was and where a cluster of port-of-potties served as a spot for smokers to empty their bladders and enjoy a cigarette. There I saw a duo of young ladies in their early 20s in close proximity to somewhat older friends, one of who was smoking. One girl in particular piqued my interest. She had curly, strawberry blond hair rolling down her back and was wearing a tanktop and acid-washed medium blue jean shorts. Her whole look came straight out of 1989 which was perfect for an Eddie Money concert. Looking at her profile from the rear I would have expected she was about 18, but looking at her face surmised she was probably more like 22 or 23. Her face was beautiful and was a perfect fit for the long, curly strawberry blond hair. Of all the girls in the general area, she was the one who intrigued me most, and it wouldn’t take more than about 30 seconds for her to make good on her potential as she fired up a cigarette.
It was the first genuinely explosive moment in my three years of attending the Des Moines Arts Festival. She attended to her cork filter cigarette regularly, taking nice long drags and squinting her eyes with pleasure every time the cigarette had an extended stay in her mouth. While her exhales were never particularly cloudy, it seemed as though there was always a fog of smoke hovering in her presence on this still summer evening. Her friend was apparently a nonsmoker, but about a third of the way through the strawberry blond’s cigarette, another modestly attractive brunette approached. I didn’t even register at first that she was part of the group until she took the cigarette out of the hand of the blond and took a nice deep drag of her own.
While that brief little detour was nice, I was definitely glad when blondie got the cigarette back for the rest of the performance, treating me to a handful of additional drags. Her profile just screamed sweet-girl-next-door and she looked so much younger than she probably was, making my body tingle seeing that cigarette in her hand and the intense pleasure she clearly got every time she took a drag. She dropped the cigarette to the pavement and stomped it out. I waited about 30 seconds or so for her group to drift away and then approached her butt. It was a Camel Menthol. I was hoping to see her again but unfortunately did not, but she still made it worth my while to attend the Des Moines Arts Festival that Saturday evening.
And only a minute or so later, the festival delivered again when I drifted northward towards those port-a-potties and saw a cluster of about five young adults in the presence of a young girl about three years old. One of the guys in the cluster was smoking, but my attention was immediately hijacked by the tall blond in the group….who was smoking a Black ‘N’ Mild cigar! The blond’s presentation was a perfect 10. She was about 5’10” and skinny, pulling off a bare midriff black top and a very tight pair of dark blue jeans that showcased a perfect midriff and ass. Her face wasn’t as gorgeous as her body but she was still a solid 7.5. There was also a deja vu factor to her. I’m almost certain I’ve seen this girl before somewhere as she had a very distinctive look. As I was processing this delightful little discovery, the most adorable part of the sighting was playing out as the young girl was talking to the cigar-smoking gal. I couldn’t tell if she was the daughter or just the daughter of one of the friends in the group, but the girl was really fighting for the attention of this shapely sexpot as she was exhaling extremely smelly cigar smoke in her presence. Talk about a role model!
The group began to move into the dense crowd in the street and I was wondering when my cigar girl was gonna lose the cigar….but she didn’t! As packed as the street was, blondie strutted right on through, cigar and all, continuing to take intermittent drags from it. It was a challenge to closely follow given the glut of humanity I had to sift through but I managed, catching the lingering haze of one of her smelly cigar exhales on three different occasions. I didn’t see anyone else take an exhale to the face directly but as dense as the smoke was and as many people were hovering, it’s a safe bet that there were people besides myself choking on her dirty fumes. She crossed to the south side of the street where the crowds diminished and she ended up leaning against one of the buildings to finish her cigar in the accompaniment of the guy I presumed was her boyfriend who wasn’t smoking at all. She stubbed the cigar out and tossed it to the corner, hovering with the boyfriend a few moments before drifting back into the concert. She was my first cigar sighting of 2015 and, for all intents and purposes, my last!
While I saw plenty more hot chicks and a couple more impressive smoker girls, that 10-minute stretch with my two favorite girls back to back made the night and gives me hope that the Des Moines Arts Festival will deliver again in subsequent years.
#4. In the late weeks of spring and the early weeks of summer, I usually make a road trip to rural parts of Iowa. This year it got a little later than expected but in early June I took a warm Tuesday off work and made the safari. My first sign that it was gonna be a good day came only a couple of miles south of home when I found myself at a red light parallel to a total cutie of a wholesome long-haired brunette in a summery tanktop with a freshly lit cigarette held just above her steering wheel in her left hand. She looked a lot like the 22-year-old daughter of my coworker even though I know it wasn’t her. I’d guess she was about 21 and didn’t look at all like a smoker. I had my window down hoping I’d catch a little of her ciggy odor but unfortunately didn’t. What I caught instead though was three great, natural drags that produced even yummier cloudy exhales rocketing out of her respiratory system. The light turned green and I wasn’t able to get parallel to her again before my freeway entrance, but it was still a delicious appetizer for what the day held.
This particular road trip took me to southern Iowa, specifically the counties bordering Missouri. The culture is similar to Missouri and that includes above-average smoking rates. I scored a half dozen or so above-average traffic sightings hopping from one southern Iowa community to the next, but it was my noontime lunch destination town of Centerville that delivered the moment of the day. I was gonna go through the drive-thru at Hardee’s for lunch and was at the four-way stoplight just south of downtown when I saw an SUV with a cute teenage girl in the passenger seat. She set off every fetisher intuition bell inside me and, sure enough, just before her light turned green, I saw her take a drag from a cigarette. Boom goes the dynamite! I didn’t get a good look at anybody else in the SUV but was certainly planning to. Her SUV proceeded southward and one car was behind them. I was fortunate to be able to make a right-hand turn in pursuit.
Unfortunately, that vehicle in front of me was a problem. The gals’ SUV was moving much faster than was the car in front of me, and the distance between them grew block after block. Crazy as it sounds, I actually got another mid-teen smoker sighting on the sidewalk while in hot pursuit of my girl of the day. This was a 16-ish dark blond who was overweight, only mildly attractive, and was inappropriately dressed for someone her size with a bare midriff tanktop and muffin top hanging over her skimpy jean shorts. She wasn’t gonna take my attention away from the other girl, but it speaks volumes about the culture of Centerville that this mid-teen girl is walking down a busy sidewalk and publicly, unashamedly smoking a cigarette. Anyway, keeping my eye on the prize moving forward, I was almost jumping out of my skin when I saw smoker girl’s SUV a good block ahead of this jerk in front of me and building distance. However, I saw the SUV made a left-hand turn on a remote residential street and marked the street. The car in front of me kept going straight so I was in business.
I had a lot of territory to make up but fortunately whenever I made a turn I was able to see the SUV making its turn onto more remote residential roads. I got lucky twice in catching their turn a split second before they drove out of sight and finally saw their SUV pulling up in front of a very modest home on a southbound residential block. I drove very slowly on my adjacent approach, and taking one final drag from her cigarette was the teen brunette passenger, who then proceeded to toss the smoldering butt out the window into what I presumed was her own front yard. The back door opened and two mid-teen girls stepped out, both very wholesome looking and neither looking like a smoker (presumably they weren’t since neither of their windows were down) and I was under the assumption they were friends of the teen smoker in the passenger seat….the girl who was about to reveal herself. And what a moment it was when she did….
From out of the passenger seat came the most wholesome-looking girl of the three, a dark brunette with shoulder-length hair, the face of an angel, a gray tanktop and tight medium-blue jean shorts. She looked like the 16-year-old version of the 21-ish smoker girl I saw in traffic a few hours earlier. And while I hadn’t seen the driver at all at this point, she quickly led the way to the front door of the home……it was somebody’s mother….presumably the smoker girl given that the smoking girl was riding shotgun in the SUV. Now maybe mom was smoking on that drive too but I never saw it if she did. I saw the girl who was most important, and that was that gorgeous mid-teen brunette…..the kind of girl I could never imagine seeing smoking a cigarette in metropolitan Des Moines. As the four females entered the home, I turned back around and headed back to Hardee’s, even though food wasn’t foremost on my mind anymore.
I sat at a parking stall at the crossroads of the traffic light while eating my Hardee’s hoping to see more good stuff like that. Through tinted windows, I saw another hot 21-ish brunette smoking a freshly lit cigarette. The window tint muffled my perspective on her beauty and smoking performance but I saw just enough for it to be a nice dessert. I ventured elsewhere through southern Iowa that day and got a few more solid sightings, but Centerville won the trophy for sighting Mecca of the day on June 9, 2015. I didn’t see a ton of actual smoking from the sighting, and if I had it may well have been good enough to top this countdown, but I saw enough for a really hot storyline sighting of the kind of girl who we’re told simply doesn’t smoke cigarettes anymore. Well at there’s at least one girl on the south side of Centerville, Iowa who does!
#3. I’ve lived in the same neighborhood in central Iowa for a decade now and during the decent weather months I have gone on daily walks down a stretch of sidewalk that goes past a skate park. Several years ago it was a hotbed for sightings but in the past few years, the girls have almost entirely disappeared and the park has been populated almost exclusively by young teen males. I still kept tabs on smoking even with the skate park having been occupied by 95% guys in the past couple of years, and saw more ghastly vaporizers than cigarettes. It seemed as though the neighborhood skate park was becoming a ghost of fetish past….
But at some point right after Labor Day in 2015 I began to notice a flurry of newcomers, in particular a half dozen or so very attractive mid-teen girls always decked out in short shorts and eager to impress the group of males who are mostly a couple of years older than them, blatantly showing off their roller-blading skills in front of them and using some salty language when initiating conversation with them. Most impressive was this 14-15ish long-haired blond who when I first saw her was wearing a pink T-shirt and insanely tight white shorts that hugged her hips, ass, and crotch in that amazing way you only see on a mid-teen girl. I took a mental note of this demographic change and began speculating on the possibilities. About a week later a young boy about 16 was riding on his skateboard down my street heading to the park with a cigarette in his hand and my curiosity escalated further. I hadn’t seen a kid that young smoking on the sidewalk in this town for a very long time. Was there a new mid-teen smoker crowd hanging out at that skate park???
Just a few days later, at the very end of September and on the last warm day of the season, I got my answer. Early that evening on my walk, I took note of that aforementioned mid-teen blond who couldn’t have looked more innocent as she whizzed past on the sidewalk parallel to mine en route to the skate park, her long platinum blond hair flowing onto a summer mini-dress with black and white polka dots!!!! I didn’t give the image much thought beyond that until my return trip past the skate park walking home and spotted the blond hovering several feet behind a group of teen guys in a pose that immediately set off alarms as she cupped her hands in front of her face. Seconds later, the spark from a lighter lit up a cigarette and my heart nearly missed a beat….
She then raced out of sight, briefly, in the cement plateau of the skate park. I knew I had 30 seconds at most to get anything else out of this sighting before I walked out of sight so I’d need a few lucky breaks, but blondie cooperated beautifully, blading up and down in that plateau and at one point hanging onto the bar at the top of the backside of the park, her freshly cigarette very visible in her right hand. It was crazy enough to be seeing a mid-teen blond in a short polka dot dress casually roller blading around inside the skate park, but for her to be doing it with a cigarette in hand in the year 2015 instantly qualified it as the top image of this skate park’s history after several hundred walks past it. But she still wasn’t done, disappearing down into the plateau where I could hear her roller blades approaching on the cement before ascending to the top in the spot closest to me as I was walking by. As soon as she got her footing, the cigarette she held in her hand approached her mouth for an adorable beginner drag that lasted about two seconds before a small burst of smoke emptied out of her face and she skated out of sight again, carrying herself with an impressive confidence as the only girl in this group of boys while still evoking this very girlish beginning smoker image. Pretty crazy how the sighting played out like a thrill ride as I sure felt like I was on a roller coaster in that all-too-brief view I got of it. I was walking out of range with no way of getting a better look and not getting busted by a dozen or so skater kids who would have definitely noticed me if I got too voyeurisitic.
In the background as I walked away I could hear this young teen guy who looked 13 or 14 talking about “taking my lighter”, possibly in reference to the blond who seemed to be ignoring him. This kid was a smoker too?!? Is it possible there’s a teen smoking renaissance going on? At least here in central Iowa? Are vaporizers passe? After a summer of being bummed out by how few young teens smoked anymore, this was very encouraging to see in the town where I love, but my only disappointment is that it didn’t start happening until autumn, but was still left with a month’s worth of walks after work before it got too dark and too cold and hoped I would catch this girl in action again.
Unfortunately, my one marquee sighting appeared to be a fluke. I saw her again many times in the coming six weeks, and due to the unusually warm weather she was frequently decked out in T-shirts and amazingly short and tight shorts well into October. Even by November she was rocking some sexy form-fitting leggings and super-tight jeans. A more perfect mid-teen girl I can hardly imagine. The only thing that was missing was additional smoking….almost. One day in mid-October, I caught a very distant glance of her sneaking a puff off of another skater guy’s cigarette and handing it back to him. That was it. I’m still hoping she’ll be further corrupted by spring and become a more prolific smoker in 2016. Even if she isn’t, she the sexiest girl to regularly visit the neighborhood skate park in a decade and has made the place so much more exciting to walk by than it’s been in years. I’m hoping this story is to be continued next year, but the 30 seconds of ecstasy from September 30, 2015, that I witnessed where she skated around in her polka dot dress casually smoking a cigarette has already made her a legend.
#2. I don’t get every Martin Luther King Day off work at my job but on January 19, 2015, I did. I had a few errands to run in the afternoon and headed to my usual grocery store to pick up a few things. I pulled into a parking stall upon arrival and took an immediate mental note of the silver car in front of me. The interior seemed to have girlish touches to it and there were beads hanging from the rearview mirror. There was zero question in my mind that this car was driven by a young female. She wasn’t in her car but I was very much hoping I’d get a chance to see the occupant of that car. I went in the store and bought my groceries, probably in there for all of 10 minutes before making my exit. As I approached the car, I noticed the same car with all the girlish baubles when I pulled in now had two occupants inside, and both had cracked windows. A 30-something guy was in the passenger seat…..but the driver was an attractive early-to-mid-20s long-haired blond. I didn’t see her smoking immediately but her left hand was sticking out the open window and knew exactly what she was doing. I quickly loaded my car up with the grocery bags, wheeled the cart to the cart bay, and got back into my car for a front row seat to what would become a lengthy smoking show…..
The blond’s cigarette was about halfway through and I quickly figured out why she was holding the cigarette out the window between drags…..her male passenger was a nonsmoker. His window was halfway down simply to spare him the offensive odors coming from her respiratory system and the cigarette that it was consuming. When she brought the cigarette into the car, she did quick no-handlebars drags for 2-3 seconds each before quickly removing the cigarette from her mouth and holding it back outside. It was really cute to see the extent she was trying to spare him from her smoke. I was pretending to be waiting for someone to exit the grocery store but she definitely noticed me watching when that cigarette went into her mouth. She made pretty quick work of the cigarette and flung the butt out the window. I looked at the cork filter smoldering on the ground and hoping I’d get my chance to ID the butt before it burned down to the filter. No such luck though as the car wasn’t going anywhere. I had assumed she was smoking her cigarette before the two of them took off, but they still weren’t leaving. At first this was an annoyance….until about 30 seconds later when another unlit cigarette was placed into her mouth….
The cigarette was lit and once again I think I was looking at a 100 as the cigarette looked unusually long after her light-up. I got a front-row seat to the entire cigarette even though I had to be careful while watching so as not to get busted leering for too long. The entire cigarette was smoked in the same way as the previous one, with her cigarette hand held out the window and brought inside for only a few moments to ingest a no-handlebars dangling drag before she quickly put the cigarette back outside. It was hard to see her exhales given my angle, and it may well have been because her exhales were of the thin variety because most of the smoke was clinging to her lung tissue. Otherwise it didn’t really make much sense that I wasn’t seeing them. The guy sat there in the passenger seat, continually leaving his lungs pink, or at least attempting to as I was sure at least some of her carcinogens were flowing his direction. It was one of the cutest attempts by a smoker girl to spare a nonsmoking guy in her presence in recent memory though, and particularly adorable since the girl was so cute and looked at least 10 years younger than the very plain-looking nonsmoking guy. After about five more minutes, she finished the cigarette and tossed the second butt out the window where it fell to the pavement only a few inches from the first butt.
But they still didn’t leave. I was gonna wait this sighting out no matter what but was really starting to wonder why they were still sitting in this car and how long they’d make me wait here with grocery bags in my car containing some items that needed to be refrigerated. Finally the stasis broke when the guy got out of the car. I was struck by how plain he was, skinny as a rail and wearing a pair of jeans that barely held up around his scrawny waist. He went inside the grocery store and I was wondering if he was an employee who was for whatever reason getting a ride from this blond smoker girl who I was now seriously questioning as to whether she was even his girlfriend.
And she saved her best for last as what happened in the final two minutes before she drove away was spectacular. The power windows went all the way up on the passenger side and she left her driver’s side window open only a crack…..and then pulled out a third cigarette. She lit it up and and was now holding the cigarette inside the car on the top of her steering wheel in the moments before she pulled out. No longer did she have to concern herself with sparing this guy from her smoke, so she was gonna by God stink up her car and marinate in her own toxic fumes without shame. She started the car and pulled out of the lot, ashing her third cigarette of the last 20 minutes one last time before driving out of view. It took me until April to score my first sighting of 2014 poised to make my top-10 list of the year but I scored my first sure thing for my 2015 best sightings list only 19 days into the new year. The only downside is that I quickly got out of my car after she left to check out those discarded cork filter butts, which had unfortunately burned to the filter and denied me a butt ID. From the markings, I suspect they may have been Marlboro 27s but that’s just a guess.
#1. A trio of sexy early 20s girls all decked out in skimpy jean shorts caught my eye right away in the Summerfest beer gardens on Friday night as I just sensed something special about them. All three were hot but the girl with the most IT factor who looked the most like a smoker, a bottle blond with a mane of hair flowing well down her back wearing a red top and jean shorts, really stood out to me at just the right moment. The other two girls were standing in the middle of the crowded beer gardens and one of them was pointing in the direction of the de facto smoking area saying something along the lines “we’re gonna get you to try it tonight”, which triggered a somewhat on-the-spot look from the blond before they started drifting away. Hmmmm, I wondered. Were they talking about smoking? It seemed like a longshot but I made a mental note of the brief conversation and always kept my eye open for this trio as I explored the beer gardens more that night, and it wasn’t hard given how explosive their sex appeal was.
When I saw the trio migrating to the smoking area about 20 minutes later I was bracing myself for an extraordinary show. I would get it but not necessarily what I expected. The shortest girl in the group, a light brunette in a black tanktop and very pale blue short jean shorts, produced a cigarette from her pack. The aforementioned blond had the most IT factor but it wasn’t until I took a close look at this light brunette firing up her cigarette that I discovered she was the prettiest and the most wholesome-looking of the group. Her beauty and wholesomeness made what came next so devastatingly beautiful…..explosions of smoke erupting from her face after every drag. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen cloudbursts of smoke explode out of a pretty girl’s face like this, and she always seemed to turn her face to the fence away from the crowd to give me a perfect vantage point of her respiratory system launching those nuclear smoke missiles out of her mouth and nose. I figured at this point she was gonna be the only smoker in the group but the as-yet unmentioned third girl in the group was handed the cigarette from the human volcano after about three drags. The third girl was still very pretty but the least memorable in the trio, with long platinum blond hair, a gray T-shirt, and jean shorts. She had the plumpest ass of the three but it was not at all big enough to be disqualifying and she wore it well. Smoking-wise, she was good enough but the star of the show was the light brunette who smoked 80% of the cigarette. She finished the cigarette and tossed it to the grass before the trio went back into the beer gardens. Whatever the prior discussion was about “getting you to try it” regarding the third girl must not have been about cigarettes I decided as I drifted to go where they were standing and discovered the discarded cigarette was a Camel Crush Bold.
Less than an hour later, I saw the three girls waiting their turn for port-a-potties just next to the smoking area and figured there was a good chance another cigarette would be smoked afterwards. It took them a few minutes to migrate that direction but they didn’t disappoint, and within moments after arrival the promise that this sighting held at the beginning of the night materialized. The blond smoker who shared the cigarette with the light brunette this time had her own all-white (Marlboro Light Menthol I suspect) and was dangling it from her mouth for a good 30 seconds before lighting up. Meanwhile the light brunette extracted the pack of Camel Crush Bolds from her purse and handed one to the original nonsmoking blond. Blondie held the unlit cigarette up to her face and posed with it while the other two girls were laughing hysterically at the image of this friend with a cigarette, which must have been unthinkable to them up to that point. She then dangled the unlit cigarette from her mouth, arousing more laughter and even a couple of pics by the friends. The blond smoker fired up her Marlboro Light Menthol first and then the flame was applied to the end of the nonsmoking blond’s cigarette. This was really gonna happen. Following a tip from her friends on what to do, the nonsmoking blond took a pretty serious drag and inhaled. An impressive cavalcade of smoke erupted from her mouth and nose in the coming seconds followed by a major cough which also got her smoker friends laughing vigorously. She was trying smoking for the first time. What I thought I was hearing an hour and a half earlier was in fact what I was hearing. And it was incredibly hot that these bad influence hottie friends were pressuring her to try smoking and she succumbed to that pressure.
Bad news and good news from there. The bad news is that she only took the one drag before surrendering the cigarette back to the light brunette who gave it to her and she wouldn’t smoke again for the duration of the sighting. The good news is….that incredible light brunette would be smoking the rest of her cigarette and putting on her massively smoky performance art in the coming minutes. She didn’t disappoint and in fact stepped up her game from the previous round as this time, in addition to the cloudy exhales I had previously witnessed, she employed a new feature. A duo of nonsmoking guys approached the hotties with the right idea in mind and sort of crowded the brunette a bit. With that in mind, on four different occasions, she turned her head straight up after one of her five-second drags and launched one of her cloudy exhales straight up in a way that flowed from her blackened respiratory system in a way that water spouts from a fountain. It was unbearably sexy! Why should I have to drive all the way to Yellowstone to see Old Faithful when I have a more impressive human geyser ejecting similar amounts of smoky steam into the air only a couple of blocks from my place?!?!?!
Meanwhile, the blond smoker dramatically upped her game too. Her drags were every bit as long and intense as the brunette friend, although her exhales were different than the friend’s massively cloudy variety. Hers were combination mouth and nose exhales where close to 90% of the smoke came launching out of her nose. For this smoky performance to be occurring right in front of these nonsmoking guys was nice to see given the intolerant culture towards smokers. These girls were still having no problem attracting nonsmoking guys even though they were putting on a very hard-core show of guilt-free tobacco consumption. This would be the last time I’d see them smoking on Friday evening but they succeeded without a shadow of a doubt in being the stars of Summerfest 2015.
If you compare this top-10 random and Summerfest list to my list from 2014, I suspect you’ll agree that it’s much more comprehensive. After all, the same hottie that got as high as #3 in 2014 only made it to #9 this year with a similar trajectory. I’m hoping I can continue or build upon this trajectory in 2016. Tobacco use statistics are in absolute collapse nationally, especially among younger people which is depressing as hell but I’m not necessarily seeing the decline at the magnitude being reported, and in some cases are seeing some positive signs that perhaps the trend is reversing some in the Upper Midwest. I’m by no means an “optimistic” person, particularly as it relates to the trendline with cigarette smoking, but will continue to hope that some patterns I’ve seen in 2015 continue moving forward.