Thank goodness for stinky neighbor girls! I warned last year that with as challenging as random sightings have become, it would only be a matter of time until I would no longer be able to stitch together a list of 10 worthy sightings between Summerfest and random smoker girl encounters over the year. This would have been that year if not for all the girls who I saw smoking in my neighborhood–including repeated sightings from a couple of girls who live on my block!–who saved my bacon in an otherwise bleak year for random sightings, particularly since Summerfest only yielded a couple of electric moments this year. I’ve had better top-10 lists in prior years but I believe most regulars will get some enjoyment out of some of these writeups…
#10. It’s amazing how what one believes will be a minor inconvenience turns out to be the catalyst to make one’s day. I had put in a takeout order for this barbecue joint on my drive home from work one weekday in early December and was getting close to the restaurant when the stoplight was turning orange. I slowed down, realizing I wouldn’t make the light, and was mildly frustrated that I was stuck at what would probably be a fairly long red light. In seconds, however, my annoyance was quickly stymied as I looked into my rearview mirror to see a van approaching. Two young females occupied the front seat, both wielding freshly lit cigarettes. I was only able to see them through the rearview mirror and wasn’t able to get a good take on their ages, but my eyes were pretty focused on the passenger in this vehicle, a wholesome looking light brunette who from my vantage point looked like a high school girl. The driver was a darker brunette who was less attractive and who also looked older. I studied them closely as I remained at that red light and make the call that they were both probably about 21. I got to see two drags each from the girls in the rearview mirror, and while it was hard to see how good of smokers they were or were not from that position, it seemed like the cuter passenger was the less experienced of the two, frequently ashing and taking more modest drags.
The light turned green and as I sped forward I realized that my turn for the barbecue joint was coming soon which sucked because I wanted to watch these two finish their cigarettes while watching in my rearview mirror. My right-hand turn had arrived, however, and I grudgingly took it, turning into the barbecue joint parking lot feeling bummed my sighting got cut short. But a funny thing happened on way towards the front entrance to pick up my food….
As I got out of my car and walked towards the front door of the barbecue joint, I happened to look to my right deeper into the parking lot to find yet another van with two young females sitting inside, and the passenger was lighting up a cigarette at the moment I turned her direction. I suddenly amended my walking pattern and was heading in the direction of their vehicle. I had no good reason to be going that direction and had to simply feign ignorance as to the restaurant’s front entrance as I passed their van and took a quick peek inside the window. The overweight dark brunette 20-something driver was just preparing her cigarette to light but the prettier, lighter brunette passenger was already smoking. I only got a quick peek but could see she was a cutie, her hair wrapped up in a ponytail and an all-white recently lit cigarette protruding from her fingers. I had now ventured to the end of the sidewalk as was near the rear of the restaurant and had no choice but to double back, with the added benefit–however awkward–of walking past the van full of smoker girls again, unable to make much eye contact at this point without getting busted. I grudgingly went inside the restaurant to pick up the food. I returned in a couple of minutes and was able to make a one-second glance into the girls’ van to see that they were still smoking.
At this point all I could do was getting into my car and look over my shoulder at their van. It was the drivers side of the van that I had a minimal vantage point of, but I wasn’t overly interested in the overweight driver and all I could see from her were infrequent ashings anyway. But I was still gonna wait for their exit from the van to see if I could get a better look at that passenger. In a few minutes, the girls got out and both headed towards the rear exit of the restaurant, clearly employees who were either out on a smoke break or else just starting their shifts. I barely got to even see the passenger as she went inside the back entrance and felt like I got robbed on this one. But I approached the rear of their vans and spotted two smoldering all-white butts next to the van that they polluted on the parking lot of their workplace.
While neither of these vans occupied by young smoker cuties delivered me with a particularly memorable sighting, it was still a good feeling to be able to come across four attractive smokers on a two-block radius simply en route to pick up barbecue on a Tuesday afternoon.
#9. It was the first truly cold morning of the new season one day in late November, not quite zero but in the single digits at 6:45 a.m. as I was hitting the streets for my morning commute to work. Over the years I had a few smoker girls I would routinely see on my commutes if I got the timing right but I saw a new face as I progressed southward through traffic in the hour before dawn that morning. I saw as I approached from the left lane that the young female driver was holding an all-white cigarette in her left hand. I hadn’t seen her face yet but had a good feeling based on the presentation I’d seen thus far that she’d impress. As I pulled parallel to her, she didn’t disappoint, a curly-haired light brunette who looked about 21 or 22 and far too wholesome to have that cigarette protruding from her hand next to the steering wheel yet nonetheless did. Best of all, she seemed chilled to the bone on that winter drive, her upper body hunched forward and her teeth appearing to be chattering, likely because she just got into her SUV and it wasn’t warm yet. Now obviously she could have warmed up more quickly had she closed her driver’s side window that was cracked and letting the cold air in, but doing so would mean she wouldn’t be able to ash her cigarette….so that wasn’t an option!
As cold as she was, her nicotine fix was more important than warmth. Her body needed nicotine relief more than it needed to keep warm! I got about 30 seconds worth of view time between the red lights and the time I was parallel to her SUV, and saw three average drags and exhales from her during that time. It was a rare case where it was hotter seeing the girl in that uncomfortably cold posture, leaning forward with teeth chattering and cigarette in hand, than it was actually seeing her smoking!
I lucked out again about 10 days later on another cold morning in late November or early December. I was once again parallel to the same beauty in the same SUV with the same posture, leaning forward and clearly very chilly, yet letting cold air rush in through her cracked window since she needed to ash her smoldering cigarette somewhere. Again she dragged with a steady pace and was clearly addicted to her cigarettes, but the smoking style was less of a draw for me than seeing this very wholesome cutie putting herself through cold weather misery in this awkward posture because of her dependency on nicotine. Hopefully I’ll get the timing right on more chilly mornings in the winter months of 2015 and see her again with cigarette in hand in the only posture I can imagine seeing her.
#8. The afternoon following my first visit to the Iowa State Fair last August found me taking a walk through my neighborhood. A new apartment complex was constructed on a previously unoccupied stretch along the primary street where I walk….a pet-friendly complex. I value my privacy as much as is possible on this walk so in general this new building hasn’t been the best news for me, but with new buildings comes the potential for new smokers as I would discover that day walking back. A young couple in their 20s was ascending the hill separating the new pet-friendly apartment building with the sidewalk holding a black lab on a leash. The guy was holding the dog and I could see he had a cigarette in hand, so my eyes immediately darted to the attractive dark brunette girlfriend walking slightly behind him. Sure enough, she had a cigarette in hand too, dressed casually in a matching black top and nice-fitting sweats. And as I approached the crosswalk, I noticed something else about her….she was at least seven months pregnant….
She had maintained the kind of tight, spunky body that would make just about any pregnant woman envious beyond belief, and I found myself attracted to a late-term pregnant woman in a way I never really have before. Seconds after I spotted her, she started whistling to the dog and talking to him/her, right around the time I crossed paths with them in the crosswalk and smelled her cigarette smoke. I watched over my shoulder and caught her taking two drags, both of which were nice with generously cloudy exhales following up the drags. Almost every year I score a pregnant smoker sighting at my county fair but it’s a rare treat for me to see such a public one anywhere else, especially from a girl this hot.
Less than a week later, I was walking in the same area and although my sighting wasn’t as upclose, I spotted the same couple including the very pregnant hot brunette walking with cigarettes in tow, this time with the girl decked out in a sweatshirt and pink athletic shorts. Now perhaps they only smoke when they’re outside the apartment but having seen this gal twice, cigarette in her hand both times, it made me wonder how heavily she’s been smoking during her pregnancy and whether the boyfriend has expressed any concern about her pregnant smoking over the past few months. Clearly neither one of them is concerned with the perception of others seeing her publicly smoking on a regular basis even though few things are as politically incorrect nowadays than smoking by pregnant women. I haven’t seen the girl since and of course she’d be a mommy by now. With walking season generally over until next spring, I just have to hope 2015 brings new sightings with her and her baby boy or girl in tow.
#7. As I said in my introduction, if it wasn’t for attractive young women in my neighborhood, my “random” sightings haul for 2014 would be almost nonexistent. Such was the case at the single-family home on the corner of the street near my apartment cluster, a home that was occupied by a middle-aged couple with two college-age kids just last year. Not sure how I missed the transfer of ownership completely but when I began going for my walks again in the spring of 2014, I noticed it was now occupied by a light brunette in her mid-to-late 20s with a young son. She seems to be a single mom and I find it curious that she’s a homeowner in this fairly pricy neighborhood at her age with only one income, but whatever the case, it didn’t take long to discover she was a smoker. The woman is modestly attractive but just a tick chubby. She wouldn’t stand out in a crowd at a fairgrounds or anything but as I walked by her place multiple times during “walking season” (roughly April through October) I saw her smoking a couple dozen times. Sometimes she really came across as a plain jane when decked out in sweats around the house but other times she cleaned up nicely in colorful and dressy outfits that hugged her curves in all the right places and gave her a bit of a glamorous aura.
She has a patio outside her backdoor where I saw most of her sightings in the spring, summer, and fall, often with her sitting outside reading or talking on the phone and almost always with a cigarette in hand. She had a fairly husky voice that matched my impression that she’s a heavy smoker….I’m guessing at least a pack a day. I could only score a quick glance, given the logistics of the sidewalk in proportion to her back patio, when I walked past. Other times I’d see her walking to her SUV en route to leave (often with her boyfriend who I don’t believe lives with her) with a pack of Marlboro Menthols in hand. On a couple occasions I caught her as she was coming or going in that SUV, with a fresh cigarette in hand either while arriving or leaving. Then there were a couple of times when what I assumed were her parents coming to visit, and while I didn’t see her smoking in their immediate presence, I knew as I saw her hug them or welcome them in her home that she reeked of smoke.
The moment that stands out most with my brunette neighbor from 2014 came in mid-October as I was returning from a walk and as I approached her place I watched her walking from the house and approaching her mailbox across the street. I was probably 50 yards away when I first saw her, and shortly after seeing her I watched a pretty cloudy burst of smoke explode out of her mouth. I continued walking as she picked up the mail and saw two more bursts of cigarette smoke spill from her face as she walked back towards the house with the mail she just retrieved. She was dressed nicely that day in clothing that matched the fall colors, a blouse and slacks with orangish, tannish hues that looked flattering on her. But as I walked past her front door I was getting all kinds of excited watching as she stood there dangling her cigarette from her mouth while opening an envelope from the mail and beginning to look at it. I snuck glances for the next 30 seconds or so as I walked past and the cigarette next left its perch in her mouth the entire time, making it one of the more impressive dangles I saw in 2014. She’s a serious smoker and while she lacks electric IT factor, I look forward to more sightings from her in 2015.
#6. Most years on my annual June pilgrimage to Sioux Falls, SD, I manage at least one worthwhile sighting, even if it’s just at a red light next to a smoker babe in traffic, but this June’s trip produced the best Sioux Falls sighting since the Arby’s drive-thru brunette babe from 2003. Coincidentally, this sighting also played out in a fast food parking lot, only this time a Taco Bell rather than an Arby’s.
I approached a traffic light and immediately noticed a flurry of activity in the Taco Bell parking lot, including four college-aged females decked out in extremely flattering and summery flower-print dresses of varying lengths. The girls were in a cluster than included at least a couple of males but there was a little too much to process to get all the details as I was laser-focused on possible tobacco usage….and I’ll be damned if I didn’t score when I spotted a freshly lit cigarette between the fingers of this long-haired blond in a longer dress. Her angle was not perfect as her back was mostly towards me but she cooperatively turned to take a drag and I got to see her gorgeous movie star face. It’s always an amazement to see girls of this pedigree still publicly smoking in 2014.
And there was another brunette in the cluster who jumped out at me most from my vantage point at the cooperatively long red light. The confirmed blond smoker was still getting the majority of my attention, but this brunette decked out in a summer dress with a similar print style but much shorter than the blond’s was making all the right bodily gestures that led me to believe she might light up too….and sure enough, another cigarette was brought to life by the brunette seconds before the light turned green. Easily the two most beautiful girls in this cluster were the two confirmed smokers….and again we’re talking beauty pageant-quality looks on the these two.
The only problem was that the light had now turned green. My original instinct was to just be satisfied with the 60-second show I got, but a couple of blocks down the street I realized how rare a scenario like this is and decided I’d take the risk to see if I could return to Taco Bell and get a closer look. I made the right-hand turn and spent a good two minutes returning to the location. As I approached the Taco Bell, the girls were no longer in the lot and I thought I must have just missed them. But I pulled into the lot anyway and their car was just pulling out, the front and backseat both full of passengers and my favorite blond in the passenger side backseat with her window down and a fast food beverage cup on top of the car.
I managed to pull into a stall and observe this gorgeous blond up-close, and she lived up to the hype and then some, as close to a perfect 10 beauty as I’d seen all year, with the stub of an all-white cigarette in her right hand. The car came to a brief stop before leaving the lot, acknowledging her “blond moment” by letting her pick up the beverage cup sitting on top of the car at the same time as she tossed her cigarette butt out the window only a few yards in front of me. The smell of her smoke was wafting my way and I savored it. I studied inside the car for one final look before they pulled out and sitting next to the blond in the middle of the backseat was the brunette beauty, sandwiched in between two people with a half-smoked cigarette in her hand. So here was this car where four of out six passengers were apparently nonsmokers, but the four nonsmokers were tolerant enough to let one of the smokers fill the car with smoke seated right in the middle of the backseat. I would have paid $1,000 to sit in that car at that moment as I watched it drive off. I stepped out of the car and identified the blond’s discarded cigarette as a Marlboro Light Menthol, which seemed like a perfect brand for her.
Curiously, I then got back on the street myself, heading the direction I was originally going, but a couple of blocks down the road the lights had cooperated enough to where I was parallel to the green car with the smoker girls. I thought it was really my lucky day that I was poised to get another front-row seat to this eye candy, but the windows were now all rolled up and the backseat had tinted windows that prevented me from seeing inside. Still, I felt pretty fortunate to have scored as much of this sighting as I did. Not a bad score from simply being caught at a red light next to a Taco Bell parking lot.
#5. For whatever reason, my successes at Summerfest, the local festival in the town where I currently live, have seemed to occur primarily on odd-numbered years. 2014 is not one of those and the even-numbered year curse seemed to hold up again. Sightings declined by 20% from my impressive 2013 haul, and three of the four nights were genuine snoozers. Saturday night, however, was the one night that I walked away smiling at the end of the night. And the first of my two great sightings came pretty early in the night in the middle of the beer gardens area.
The majority of smoking in the beer gardens occurs in the southwest corner which somehow became a de facto smoking area in the grounds where smoking is officially banned, but you’ll still find some scofflaws who light up in the densely populated center of the grounds. Rarely, however, do these scofflaws look like the tall, slender, heaven-sent brunette angel I spotted flicking an all-white to life while watching the band perform onstage. There were actually two sexy long-haired brunettes, and the shorter girl of duo wearing a miniskirt looked by far the most likely of the two to light up, but she never did. The taller girl (I’d guess she was very close to six feet tall) was the most unlikely smoker of the year at Summerfest, decked out in a black top and long black-and-white striped skirt, and it’s impossible to overstate how gorgeous and wholesome her face was. Yet not only did she smoke, she smoked with gusto, firing herself up and puckering up her lips for a dangling drag.
Nothing would have been more adorable than if she had carried out an extended dangle after that dangling drag, but she did get around to removing the cigarette from her mouth after a few seconds, exhaling plumes of dense smoke amidst the tight crowd in the no-smoking grounds. But the beauty part was that her first five drags were all of the no-handlebars dangling drag variety, and it was absolutely precious seeing a face as pretty as hers pucker up around the filter of an all-white cigarette and draw smoke into her temple of a body. These deep drags were making the cigarette disappear pretty quickly, and once it was less than half-sized, she began smoking it the traditional way, still taking nice drags with beautiful plumes of straight-ahead exhaled smoke blasting from her mouth, and frequently swaying her hips subtly to the music from the band. A bizarre wide-open circle formed in front of her, perhaps repelled by her smoky stench, and she and the friend walked closer to the stage at the moment she took her final drag and dropped the smoldering cigarette to the ground without crushing it out. Amazingly, I was able to swoop in and ID the butt as a Marlboro Light, a rarity in the almost always suffocating crowds in the middle of the Summerfest beer gardens.
An hour or so later, I saw this duo of girls talking to a couple of guys they seemed to know. Nobody was smoking but it was still a trip looking over this tall sweetheart from head to toe and knowing that she’s a hard-core smoker.
#4. I usually take a long-weekend road trip in mid-August, but given that my Augusts are always crowded with fair visits and the 4th of July fell on a Friday this year, I bumped up this year’s travels to the Saturday and Sunday after July 4. The trip took me to central Wisconsin and an overnight stay in Green Bay. There was no single sighting that lit my world up, but there were four sightings that cobbled together were easily worthy of my year-end top-10.
The first sighting came as I was at a stoplight after picking up my fast food in Green Bay. A truck with two young and attractive blonds in their early-to-mid 20s pulling out of Wal-Mart set off my smoking radar as high as it possibly could despite no evidence of tobacco use at that moment. Fast forward about a minute and here was the duo of blonds approaching a trio of those God-forsaken roundabouts in the lane next to mine, with both the driver and the passenger wielding freshly lit cigarettes. Even under ideal circumstances I hate trying to figure out which lane I’m supposed to be in while driving in a roundabout, so I was really living on the edge trying to navigate three consecutive roundabouts while looking over my shoulder to see two hot blonds smoking. After getting past the roundabouts, I was able to stay relatively parallel to the gals for a good six blocks before they turned off, enjoying a couple of drags and a couple of ashings each. The driver was attractive but had tattoos on her arms which are a turnoff for me. Luckily, the passenger, who I saw more of given that she was closer to my lane, was prettier and had no visible tattoos. I figured I had probably seen the best sighting Green Bay would have to offer that night, but I was wrong.
I wanted to check out Lake Michigan as close as I was so I took a 25-mile drive east of Green Bay to Kewaunee, a small blue-collar town along the Lake Michigan shore. I spent a few minutes at the lake shore and then turned back for Green Bay to spend the night, but driving the downtown blocks of Kewaunee I saw a bar with a young couple featuring an attractive brunette standing out front who looked to be in possession of tobacco. I looped around the block and returned to find a parking spot right in front of the bar, where the young couple was indeed smoking. Unfortunately, they watched me pull up and were eyeballing me just closely enough that I wasn’t able to watch much of the show from the very attractive working-class brunette who was decked out in a black top and tight white capris. I stole a couple of brief glances but could tell I wasn’t gonna get any more out of it than that without being spotted, so I pulled out and headed back to Green Bay.
I’m not a Wal-Mart fan but I’ve found the best place to troll for sightings on a summer evening in a town I’m not familiar with is the Wal-Mart parking lot, especially if you’re lucky enough to get a parking spot near the front to track the comings and goings closely. A handful of my all-time best random sightings have occurred in Wal-Mart parking lots across the Midwest. Couple this setting with the fact that I was on the western edge of Green Bay and in the Oneida Indian Reservation where smokers come from afar to buy cheaper cigarettes and it seemed like a golden opportunity. I was chatting on the phone with a friend for a good two hours while sitting there and had a front-row seat for the first of my parking lot sightings. A car containing an unattractive, overweight middle-aged mother, a decently attractive, slender, and dark blond mid-20s daughter wearing a silvery top and dark jeans, and a toddler boy who looked about two in the backseat who I assumed was the grandchild pulled into a stall right in front of mine. The 20-something gal lit a cigarette after getting out of the car and only took a few drags while preparing the son to go inside. She dropped the cigarette to the ground and mom crushed it out for her, which was kind of cute, before they retreated into the store…..
I kept them in mind for the 45 minutes or so that they were inside the store and when they came out, was a little disappointed when no cigarettes were immediately lit. I figured since the younger gal waited to get outside to light up when she got out of the car, it probably meant outside was the only place she smoked in deference to the young child. But the women placed the cart behind their car and must have gotten distracted as they climbed into the car next, lingering there with the dome lights on for a good five minutes, possibly looking over the receipt of their recent purchases. I suspected they had forgotten to unload the groceries from the cart into their trunk and was waiting for them to back out and find that out the hard way. Sure enough, a few minutes later, they did exactly that, tapping the cart with their car. Instantly recognizing the problem, the daughter climbed out of the passenger seat with a bemused smirk on her face, at least as much of a smirk as was possible to muster with the barely lit cork filter cigarette dangling from the corner of her mouth….
I was surprised she was smoking inside the car but apparently that’s where she had lit up. The girl wasn’t a knockout beauty in a general sense, but attractive and shapely enough to get me all excited watching her finally getting around to loading up that trunk with groceries and carrying on with a long-distance dangle that lasted a good minute as she finished loading the groceries. The cigarette finally came out of her mouth as she took the cart to a cart bay and got back into the passenger seat of mom’s car, cigarette in hand. I watched as the car pulled out of the stall, and just as I hoped, mom the driver was not smoking. Only the daughter was exposing her infant son to cancerous secondhand smoke in that car. Not a bad random sighting for the Wal-Mart parking lot, but for my taste, I managed one better about a half hour later….
It had only been about 30 seconds since I got off the phone with my friend when I looked over my shoulder to see a foursome of kids who looked about 17 walking towards the Wal-Mart entrance, pretty much appearing out of nowhere. Three of the four were dudes, but the one girl of the group blew my mind. She was a long-haired dark blond who was pretty but seemed accessible and low-maintenance….very much like she was one of the guys just as her presence as the only female of this group indicated. But helping her really stand out was her outfit of a black tanktop and tight-fitting white shorts. I can’t really put a finger on why, but tight white shorts simply raise a young girl’s sex appeal through the roof. I wait all year for the summer months when they are prolific and every time I see a girl wearing a pair, I remember why. And this girl’s white shorts were a special kind of spectacular as I watched her shapely young body approach, her legs working those tight shorts beautifully and the tight fabric hugging and exposing every crease of her vagina with each step. And then, the group of four cooperated by being distracted by the bikes on display in front of the store, briefly turning towards them and allowing me a front-row seat of my white-shorted teen cutie’s incredible ass, and the show lasted a good 60 seconds before they proceeded inside. One of the guys put his arm about the cute girl’s waist as they walked in, indicating to me he was her boyfriend. The boy had the right idea groping her, but he definitely should have moved his arm a few inches lower to feel up that world-class posterior of hers.
I waited in my car about 20 minutes for their departure when out they came. The odds were against it, but I just had a feeling tobacco use would transpire here. The group walked out and I admired my favorite girl’s body one last time as she walked past towards a vacant corner of the lot where they parked their truck. As they proceeded, I saw a plume of cigarette smoke emerge from one of the guys. Score! This was at least partially a smoking group. Now it was just a matter of waiting for the girl to light hers up. But the group did something unexpected, huddling just outside the truck and passing the cigarette around, regrettably just among the boys. Now it was still a hot scene as the girl was holding the truck keys. There was just something sexy as hell about this adorable girl in white shorts chaffeuring around these boys in her truck. Sexy as that was, I really wanted her to smoke, but was losing hope as all three of the guys got their hands on the cigarette while she hadn’t yet. But alas, it was her turn. The guy that was her boyfriend handed her the cigarette and she took three successive shallow drags. Her minimalist exhales made it clear she was a beginner but I was very impressed with how quickly she fired off two drags before tossing the cigarette to the pavement and climbing into the ticket. Mama has finished her cigarette….and it’s time to go! As she drove off with the truck full of male passengers, it really struck me how impressively a night in Green Bay, WI, had delivered. It was a windy night so by the time I got there in hopes of identifying her butt, it had blown away, but damn if I wasn’t riding too high at that point to even sleep for a couple more hours.
#3. It was a brutally long winter in the Upper Midwest so I was more than ready to slip into my springtime routines by early April, and that includes my frequent walks in my neighborhood. Last April, I had just left my building one early Sunday afternoon when I looked across the street to see a working-class cluster in the front lot of that apartment complex that included an early 20s couple and what I presumed to be their young children. I couldn’t get a great look at the blond, ponytailed mother from where I stood but she sure looked like a cutie from what I could make out, and as a fetisher I had no problem identifying that she was holding a cigarette by the positioning of her right hand by her side. Sure enough, in a few seconds she raised that hand to take a drag. While I didn’t see that much, I was able to discern that she was the only one smoking of the four adults, including the guy I presumed to be her husband/boyfriend/baby daddy. It was just enough to whet my whistle but not enough for me to dwell on the awesomeness of the sighting for the duration of my walk and beyond.
About three hours later I embarked on a second walk in the mid-afternoon. I almost always take the exact same walking path but for whatever reason that day I felt compelled to take a different route back to my place, instead proceeding down the bike path and then crossing the bridge over the creek leading to a park on the west side of my complex. Turns out fate had a reward for me as the first thing I noticed as I crossed that bridge was a familiar-looking couple hanging out with their two young children inside the tennis court. And the blond, ponytailed mommy was again wielding a half-smoked cigarette. I got to see a decent drag as I approached, and as luck would have it, the couple and the children were leaving the tennis court and approaching the playground equipment where I would cross paths with them directly and get my first close-up look at the nicotine-addicted mommy. The blue-collar, good-ol-boy looking baby daddy was in front of her and greeted me with a friendly hello, meaning I had to be reasonably stealth in turning the direction of blondie to get a good look at her. She wasn’t a perfect 10 but suffice it to say I would have loved to switch places with the boyfriend at that moment as I admired her smiling face and exchanged brief pleasantries while taking in some of the cigarette stench emitting from her person. I kept on walking and looked over my shoulder to make sure I stealthly scored a view of one drag from her, and she delivered. She took a nice, solid drag from which a cloud of smoke hovered in front of her mouth and nose for a few seconds before a beautiful plume of smoke was exhaled in a straight line from her mouth. She migrated out of view at that point, but I finally scored my first noteworthy random sighting of 2014 and held out hope I’d see more of this gal exposing her children and the presumed nonsmoking baby daddy to her secondhand smoke in the months to come.
And I did….and the reason I said “presumed” nonsmoking baby daddy was because in subsequent sightings of this family over the summer months I saw the boyfriend smoked too. But I rarely paid much heed to him because his blond girlfriend became all the more glamorous when summer arrived and her wardrobes got skimpier. There were a couple of early Saturday evenings during summer when I remember driving back to my apartment and looking across the street to their cluster and seeing this cute, petite blond in her summer wardrobes wielding a freshly lit cigarette and swore it was a 16-year-old girl for a couple short moments before it registered that it was my mid-20s blond neighbor. Whenever I was in any position to watch her smoke I admired her impressive style of deep drags, lengthy hold times, and cloudy downwardly projected exhales which left a very identifiable haze of smoke in front of her cute face. Unfortunately I caught her in her best summertime outfit one afternoon when she wasn’t smoking, decked out in a black top and white shorts with badass sunglasses. She drives a sleek black car and watching her climb into her car in that outfit was unbearably sexy, especially knowing she would probably light a cigarette within moments after getting behind the wheel.
I’d have one more interactive smoking encounter with blondie in late summer/early fall, unfortunately also including the boyfriend/husband who was walking with her. I was on my walk and the couple with their kids were crossing paths with me, both wielding cigarettes. Blondie was decked out in an adorable pair of pink sweatpants and was engaged with the kids, giving her only a brief second to flash a smile my way in passing while the boyfriend/husband said hello. Obviously I couldn’t be too bold in checking her out given this circumstance but still snuck a glance over my shoulder as I walked past and was able to admire one of her cloudy, downwardly fired exhales. Between the two heavy-smoking neighbor girls on my block who had repeated observations of in 2014, blondie was the better of the two.
#2. Summerfest is a pretty small event, with a barbell-shaped grounds featuring the beer gardens, a carnival, and a walkway in between occupied by food vendors. I often wander into the parking lots as a means of occupying some time and space rather than lurking in the exact same spaces during evenings there. But in general, my time breakdown is about two-thirds of the time spent in the beer gardens and one-third around the carnival. While the quality of young girls hanging out in this carnival area is out of this world, there is virtually no smoking there, and that’s generally been the case dating back to my first Summerfest in 2006. But on Saturday evening around 10:30, the carnival area served up a genuinely pleasant surprise and my best Summerfest sighting of 2014.
I was walking on the periphery of the carnival’s north side, where there’s a street and a bunch of port-a-potties. Whenever I see smoking near the carnival, it’s in this general area. Nothing seemed likely to materialize based on the pass I was currently taking so I instead took an interest in a group of college-age girls heading towards the north side parking lot. As I was preparing to follow them, I caught out of the corner of my left eye this pair of young Summerfest babes walking towards a curb just outside of the carnival, with the brunette of the duo messing around with her purse. It was too dark to pick up on anything specific but it looked like she was wielding an unlit cigarette in her right hand. I followed them to the curb where the girls sat down and walked past, and sure enough, both girls had unlit cigarettes. This was a first for me in nine years at Summerfest….two prototypical “carnival babes” at Summerfest stepped out for a smoke break! I had seen young mommies and some early 20s gals smoking across the carnival here and there, but for years I had fantasized about one of the shapely, scantily clad young princesses of the carnival to smoke a cigarette, and tonight I was getting it in duplicate!
By their size and the way they carried themselves, my first instinct was that they were about 14, even though closer inspection would amend that perception. It would be inconvenient given their isolation to see this sighting out, but I was willing to put myself in whatever situation necessary to do so, crossing the street from them and sitting on the curb pretending to be waiting for somebody. It wasn’t perfect, but I had a very good seat for a very nice show. Both girls had plenty to offer. The brunette on the right who caught my eyes first was sitting in the shadow but I could tell she was absolutely gorgeous, with long smooth legs coming out of either a pair or shorts or a skirt that was hard to completely make out from my vantage point. It was likewise hard to fully appreciate her smoking style which seemed pretty straight forward with no bells and whistles. The blond to her left, however, dominated most of my observations. She was sitting to the brunette’s right in a short, summery flower-print dress and smoked with serious style, taking frequent long drags, tilting her head up with a look of nicotine pleasure on her face, and exhaling gorgeous plumes of smoke skyward. This was a moment I had been waiting for years to see as I sat there on the curb at Summerfest, sneaking as many glances as I could!
It was still hard to fully determine the girls’ ages as I sat watching, but suspect they were probably 17 or 18. The show carried on a good five minutes though and the oddest dynamic played out as both girls seemed to take long drags, but the blond’s were by far the most impressive. Yet curiously, the brunette finished hers first, carelessly and adorably tossing her cigarette a few feet to her left when finished. The blond who seemed to drag as hard as the brunette did, continued to smoke hers for a good six more drags, always releasing those nice skyward exhales when she did, and then tossed her cigarette back into the grass. It was clear they had noticed me at least to a degree but not to the extent that they felt stalked. In a couple of moments, they stood up and started walking directly towards me, which was actually inconvenient because it made it harder for me to get the closer look I wanted lest I tell on myself by gawking too closely, but from what I did see, I discerned that the brunette who was thus far hiding in the shadows was even more gorgeous than the blond, and she was indeed wearing a pair of short black shorts, with a tanktop and a good two inches of exposed midriff up top. They walked directly past me back into the carnival and I looked over my shoulder to watch their hot backsides press forward.
My first order of business now was butt identification, so I crossed the street and pinpointed the brunette’s butt which I had my eye on for a good two minutes at that point. It was a Camel Crush, and I was surprised how close to the filter it had been smoked considering how seldom she dragged compared to the friend. I had to forage a bit to find the smoldering remains of the friends in the grass, and unsurprisingly it too was a Camel Crush. Next I headed back into the midway hoping to spot them for a risky “final look” but couldn’t locate them. This annoyed me a bit for the next hour, but just as I was leaving the grounds for the evening, the duo was walking towards me on the sidewalk near the food vendors, not smoking but giving me one more opportunity to admire their youthful faces and nubile bodies in passing. It was a real rush to have finally scored Summerfest carnival girls smoking cigarettes, and especially given the extended smoke show the girls put on for me.
#1. I had a classic fetisher’s instinct one Saturday afternoon in early June and had the sense and luck to follow it to sightings gold. I was in the final moments of my walk around the neighborhood when I saw two hot young things turning the corner a block ahead of me to walk southbound down a heavily trafficked street. I didn’t even see their faces as their backs were to me but immediately got that vibe that tobacco consumption was on the horizon. Even this distant and limited rear view was satisfying as I admired the girls’ shapely figures. One girl was a dark brunette in a black top and those unfortunate athletic shorts that are catching on but are completely lacking in sex appeal. The shorts were pink, which was cute, but he outfit didn’t grab me the way her friend’s did. The friend, who clearly had the better figure, was decked out in a tight pink T-shirt with a far more flattering pair of tight jean shorts that just seemed like a vintage summer outfit for a shapely young girl. All too soon, I had to turn westward down the residential block leading to my place. And as I walked that remaining block, I debated whether it was worth driving in my car to see if they were headed to the destination that would be the most fruitful. It was an obvious longshot, but I had nothing else to do and decided to take it.
I got in my car and headed down the thoroughfare, and sure enough, the girls were still walking and only a block or so away from the gas station that I hoped would be their destination, ideally on a cigarette run. The beauty part of this gas station, especially on a late Saturday afternoon, is that there are empty parking lots on both sides of it to park your car and observe entrances, and I took the wide open funeral home lot with a perfect vantage point of the gas station’s entrance. I was still watching them from across the street as they passed in front of me so I had yet to get a sufficiently close look at their faces, but they looked in the 19-20 range and thus old enough to buy cigarettes, and with bodies like that I had a hard time believing I could go wrong.
Right on cue, they walked into the gas station and I patiently awaited their exit. In about three minutes, the girls came out with bags in their hands. My expectations deflated a bit when I saw those mostly-full plastic bags, thinking it was probably more likely to have been a junk food run than a cigarette run. But they kept hovering in front of the entrance, tossing a couple things from their purses into the garbage can and the more shapely girl began attending to something in her hands. In seconds, a white cylendrical object was dangling from her lips and my instinct was confirmed. Moments later, a flick from a lighter brought her cigarette to life….and a few seconds later, she extended her lighter to the friend’s dangling unlit cigarette and fired her up as well. It was gonna be an increasingly rare random sighting that I was positioned to watch in near entirety.
The girls started walking northbound on the same street they came from and having not been seen by them, I planned to follow across the street and watch the show. I sat in my car for a couple more moments as they walked by and got the first sense of their style. The shapely girl in the pink top and tight shorts was the better smoker with longer drags and very cloudy exhales. The darker brunette friend in the pink shorts took more frequent drags but her exhales weren’t nearly as cloudy. I got out of the car and began to follow, pleased with my positioning to observe them from behind at an angle, allowing me to see their faces and admire their style while remaining under their radars. The pattern continued of the shapely girl being the better smoker who took less frequent but more impressive drags while the friend–herself quite shapely but advertising it less gratuitously–kept taking shorter drags with thinner exhales. The girls were walking agonizingly slowly so I really had to drag my feet to keep my positioning behind them.
They walked past a driveway where a working-class family was hanging outside. The family may not have noticed anything, but it was still pretty hot that these barely legal girls were smoking cigarettes as they walked right in front of them. Towards the end of their smoking show, the girls stopped to take selfies in the middle of the sidewalk and I could no longer hang behind them, complicating my plans to cross the street and ID their butts when they disposed of them. Now I had to improvise and decided instead to walk ahead and then cross the street and head back in their direction, allowing me to finally get a closer look at them and possibly still get an ID on their butts if they disposed of them in a spot I could detect.
I made good on the plan at the next crosswalk and started walking towards the girls, now done with their selfies and their cigarettes. They barely made eye contact as we passed each other and my opinions on the girls’ appearances changed. The shapely girl was cute, but had a pair of nerdy glasses I had missed that reduced her sex appeal some. The darker brunette friend, on the other hand, was a wholesome knockout, far more beautiful than I expected, looking almost like a young Disney actress. After passing them, I paced the sidewalk slowly looking for cigarette butts. I was losing hope as I didn’t see any recently extinguished butts nearby but at one point got a whiff of cigarette smoke and figured the disposed butt had to be closeby. I peaked in the grass on both sides of the (thankfully) empty sidewalk until I saw the smoldering remains of a cork filter which I was able to identify as a Camel Blue. I didn’t know which girl had smoked it and didn’t find the other girl’s butt, but getting that brand ID was a final trophy of a sighting that had delivered way beyond expectations already.
From there, I headed back to my car and drove home. The girls’ slow walking pace was an asset once again as I took the long drive around the block–just in case–and found them heading to the cluster of apartments a block to my west. They weren’t smoking additional cigarettes, but I was able to get one final look at their sexy bodies and at the dark brunette’s adorable face. The most likely scenario is that these girls were a one-hit wonder, but suffice it to say I continued looking for them every time I approached the neighborhood gas station the rest of the summer, unfortunately never seeing them again.
Again, not my best list of random sightings over the years and of my three year-end lists it’s reasonable to expect this will be the one to see the most decline year to year. Then again, there’s a decent turnover of hotties in my neighborhood because of the community college so many of them attend, meaning addicted girls from the neighborhood could continue to be a primary source for this list in the years ahead. I certainly hope so because scoring nearly all of my good sightings of the year at my August fairs leaves me seriously unfulfilled the other 11 months of the year.