Top-6 Mall Sightings of 2013

More than any other venue, fetishing at shopping malls is boom or bust.  Malls are not a venue that lend themselves to extensive numbers of front-row-seat storyline sightings, as all too often you just see girls smoking as they drive, coming or going in the parking lot, or lighting up or finishing cigarettes near entrances walking to or from their cars.  But in my 20 or so mall sightings safaris per year, I always manage a few sightings that stand out in the crowd one way or another.  2011 was a particularly bumper year, producing five outstanding sightings, all of which graduated to the greatest hits section of my blog a few months later.  2012 produced only three sightings worthy of year-end acclaim, but one of them was a grand slam…..the best sighting I got in all of 2012.  There was nothing that unforgettable this year, but there were a flurry of solid three-base hits and solo homeruns worthy of recognition, so much so that 2013’s list is a fairly substantial six sightings long.

#6.  Even though it’s a college town where we’re not expected to see much in the way of smokers in today’s climate, my annual December trip to River Hills Mall in Mankato, Minnesota, almost always delivers with a flurry of impressive sightings.  Such was the case this past month when I made the usual trip there in the company of my parents and then separated to score sightings for a four-hour clip in the afternoon.  I was very satisfied with the half dozen or so quality sightings I scored during that time before going out for supper with my parents.  After eating, the parents surprised me by wanting to go back to the mall for some unfinished business.  It was during this surprise encore at River Hills Mall that I scored the sighting of the day…

My parents were driving behind the entrance to the Scheel’s Sporting Goods store when I spotted a middle-aged guy smoking a cigarette and a brunette teenage girl standing by him.  Thankfully my parents parked not too far away and were walking the opposite direction than I had to go to investigate that scene outside the Scheel’s entrance.  Walking westward into a fierce mid-December wind chill in Minnesota, I was frustrated upon noticing the middle-aged guy was now smoking alone.  Where did the teenage girl who was with him go?  But as I was pondering that, I noticed someone turned around facing the brick corner of the Scheel’s building.  I tried to talk myself out of my first impression that it was a guy publicly urinating but as I kept walking I became more convinced that that’s what it had to have been.  So imagine my surprise when the confusion got broken by the revelation of a young female face turning from the corner with an unlit cigarette dangling from her mouth.  It was the teenage girl who had been standing with the middle-aged guy smoking only about 90 seconds earlier.  And apparently she had been struggling for most of that 90 seconds to light her cigarette in the wind.  She turned to the middle-aged guy light-heartedly grumbling about not being able to get the thing lit, while continuing to dangle, and then proceeded to turn her face back to the corner trying to light it, continuing to come up short.  It was just adorable.

I walked in through the Scheel’s entryway and sat on a very conveniently located bench just inside the store with a perfect vantage point of the girl, who was finally making progress on getting her cigarette lit.  The cigarette came to life and she continued her very lengthy dangle (only this time lit) walking back to the middle-aged guy who was getting some serious amusement over this girl’s difficulties.  Now that she finally had the cigarette going I was able to observe her a little more closely.  She was decked out in a fairly nondistinctive winter ensemble of a heavy winter jacket, dark jeans, and boots.  From a beauty standpoint she was only about a 7…..not unattractive but not distinctively gorgeous.  Still, seeing her smoke her whole cigarette as I sat comfortably indoors watching it was an unexpected treat.  She bantered with the guy and smoked much more skillfully than her curious inability to work a lighter would indicate.  Since the guy had about a 2 ½ minute head start on his cigarette, he went indoors first leaving just the curly-haired 18-19ish brunette standing alone to fairly rapidly finish off her cigarette before walking past me back into Scheel’s.

I took off from there expecting this sighting had played out but ended up coming through Scheel’s again about 10 minutes later.  Right in the middle of the store stood the teen brunette with a middle-aged woman…and the same middle-aged guy.  For whatever reason I had just assumed he was some random dude she was socializing with while stepping out for a smoke…..but apparently she’s his daughter!  How cruel must dad be to not give his nicotine-starved female offspring a light or else use his own cigarette to light hers?  A sighting that was already adorable became that much more breathtaking with the retroactive revelation that it was a father-daughter sighting!

#5.  I had only been at my favorite Des Moines area shopping mall for about 20 minutes this steamy mid-May Saturday afternoon when I scored my best sighting of the day.  And the craziest part of the sighting is its eerie resemblance to a sighting already profiled on my blog from June 2010.  I was approaching a relatively obscure entrance near Sears when I spotted a duo of very pretty girls wielding cigarettes, and one of them was pushing a baby stroller.  I had an immediate flashback to my “Mall #13—Smoky Baby Talk” sighting which occurred at the exact same remote location and also featured two cute girls, one of whom was pushing a baby stroller, on a very steamy day.  The odds of this happening would seem to be highly unlikely, and my timing was just right to find out if this sighting would measure up to that one.

I turned the corner and followed the girls towards the mall entrance.  They stopped next to the ashtray as predicted and I went inside the mall to watch the sighting play out through the window.  I couldn’t have asked for a more perfect duo of girls.  The taller (and presumably older) girl had long red hair.  I figured she was about 20-21 and was wearing a turquoise flower-print summer dress that exuded femininity.  I’m fairly confident she was the baby’s mother, although she had the more slender figure of the two so I’m not entirely sure.  But the other girl was the one who I truly couldn’t take my eyes off.  She had long dark brown hair and the face of an angel.  And I’m quite certain she was younger as well…probably 17-18.  I’m guessing she was the younger sister of the redhead as they looked a little bit alike.  She was wearing a white sleeveless top and a pair of black shorts.   The redhead looked slightly more like a smoker than the brunette but neither of them jumped out at me as likely smokers.  I was most taken aback by how the brunette seemed like a schoolgirl, the very picture of Midwestern wholesomeness looking entirely out of place with the cigarette in her hand.

As for their smoking, the brunette impressed more even though it was clear she hadn’t smoked as long as the redhead.  The redhead was distracted, placing some items in a box while holding her cigarette with one hand, and thus attended to the cigarette less regularly.  The brunette had no other priority than to stand there smoking and took frequent drags.  Both girls had similar styles with above-average drags, impressively lengthy hold times, and slightly turned head exhales with average-sized toxic clouds.  At one point a Hispanic family with several young kids emptied out of the mall and walked past them.  My two girls never directly exhaled into anybody’s face but continued smoking without any concern about the nearby family.  It was a truly gorgeous display all around and I still can’t get over how precious and wholesome that brunette looked with her cigarette.  The redhead apparently took deeper drags even though she took fewer drags, however, as she stubbed out her cigarette in that nearby ashtray about 30 seconds before the brunette kid sister did.  The girls then proceeded with the stroller into the mall and I wish I was able enough to smell the fresh smoke on their feminine clothes but didn’t dare risk it, instead heading out to that ashtray to check out their debris.  Thankfully, there were only two cigarettes in this relatively obscure ashtray location, both white-filtered Camel Crushes.  I walked away walking on the clouds at what I had just seen, hoping I’d be at the right place at the right time to see if I could run into them again and possibly outdo that Mall #13 sighting so similar to it.

Ultimately, I would be at the right place at the right time to see them exiting the mall about an hour later but unfortunately they didn’t light up again.  I was struck watching the redhead from behind admiring how slender her legs were in that turquoise dress.  That and the fact that the brunette was now carrying the baby made me second-guess my original prediction that the older redhead was the baby mommy.  Whatever the case, I watched them all the way back to their car and got the chance to see both girls help fasten the baby into the child seat, but they got behind the wheel and drove off without smoking again.  Ultimately that will probably keep this sighting from topping the 2010 sighting that it resembled so closely but it’s a fairly close call as both of these girls were top-tier hotties and adept smokers with a fun storyline.

#4.  I had an open-ended “date” with an ex-girlfriend who came back to Des Moines to visit family one Saturday in late October, but since I didn’t know specifically when I would hear from her, I thought I’d take advantage of a nice fall day for sightings at central Iowa’s most upscale mall.  Turned out to be a wise move as it was a good day of sightings, and my introduction to a new mall worker clearly stood out as the pinnacle of the day.  As I walked past the mall’s rear side I spotted a bench outside a somewhat obscure entrance where a glamorous early 20s brunette was seated chatting on her cell phone and smoking a cigarette.  Luckily, this location has another bench not far away so I sat down for a front-row seat, unaware of how impressive she’d be.  She was decked out in a light jacket and a short black skirt, which was clearly the work uniform of wherever she worked, and I had a hunch (later confirmed) that she toiled at the jewelry store just inside the mall’s entrance.  Resting next to her was her pack of Marlboro Menthols.  Even though she only looked about 22 years old, she had a very clearly weathered look of a heavy smoker, and I was about to find out why her look was so weathered as she took her first drag….

It was a pretty serious five-second drag that by itself impressed, but what really impressed was her epic hold time as the smoke took a nice midday siesta inside her black lungs before exiting her mouth a good 5-7 seconds into the future.  Whoa!  And my location couldn’t have been more perfect, particularly with the current angle of the sun, because I didn’t even have to stare at her while watching her smoke.  I simply watched her reflection in the glass entryway of the mall and saw everything I needed to see completely under her radar.  I knew I’d be in for a great show and she didn’t disappoint, following the same routine with every drag, impressing me most with the long-distance hold times which probably last longer than the process of coal turning into the diamonds that she sells in her jewelry store.  Deliciously, the contrast between her extreme smoking and the girly voice I was listening to talking into the phone couldn’t have been more disparate.  I kept watching her smoke the entire cigarette, enjoying the show but knowing it was almost over.  Indeed, she took the cigarette and obnoxiously flung into the corner next to the bench, ignoring an ashtray not too far away.  Show over right?  Well, Phase 1 of the show anyway!

She took all of three seconds after flinging that cigarette to grab that pack of Marlboro Menthols next to her and light up a second one.  Oh sweet Jesus.  She continued to talk on the phone and I continued to watch her predictably delicious routine drag after drag.  About halfway through the second cigarette, she told the person on the other line that her break was over and she had to get back to work.  As she hung up, I figured she’d crush out the cigarette and put the rest of it in her pack….but she kept on smoking, apparently having lied to the person on the end of the line so she could have a few moments to enjoy her cigarette in peace.  But even then there was a delicious distraction as somebody driving by the mall entrance was shouting from his car window to whoever could help him, asking where the Scheel’s Sporting Goods store was.  My girl took the initiative to yell back his way, cigarette in hand, and instruct him to loop around all the way to the other side of the mall, adding that “it’s her boyfriend’s favorite store so she knows exactly where it is”.  It continued to blow me away that a girl who molests her cigarette as much as she does has virtually no trace of husk to her voice.  When she finished the second cigarette, she carelessly flung that spent butt into the corner as well, and then got up and went back to the mall.  As soon as the coast was clear, I went over and checked out the two spent cigarette butts in the corner, one of which had by now burned into the filter while the other one she just tossed had nearly been smoked to the filter.  I was also able to confirm moments later she was an employee of the Jared jewelry store when I walked back into the mall and peered into the storefront and saw her in there.

I discovered on my next trip to this mall three weeks later that this goddess would be a repeat offender.  The next time, she was seated on the same bench, once again on her phone, wearing a similar outfit….only this time sexing it up even more by wearing a pair of knee-high leather boots.  I hesitated to take my same bench and watch because she could easily recognize me from a few weeks earlier, and if she struck up a conversation with me, I’d be hard-pressed to explain my presence there twice in a row.  But I caught a break in that a male mall worker sat next to her to have a cigarette of his own, meaning I figured she’d be distracted enough that I could stalk her under the radar.

And stalk her I did.  When the dude mall worker sat down and began talking to her, she was almost done with her cigarette and, true to form, flung it to the side of the bench in the piggish way that raises the ire most strongly amongst antismokers.  And once again, she followed that butt toss with a rapid-fire ignition of a second cigarette.  I watched her smoke much of that second cigarette as she talked to the guy, even snapping a couple of fairly mediocre photos as she maintained her stylish flourishes of deep drags and looooong holds.  I didn’t want to get busted so I figured I’d leave before she did, and then return to see if I could ID her cigarette butts, but when I came back about five minutes later, I was surprised to see the two of them were still on the bench…..and my brunette was now several drags deep into her THIRD cigarette of the break.  Her face has the look of a hard-core smoker but she has managed to upstage my wildest expectations in both of her shows now.  At this point I couldn’t stick around and had to walk away for until I knew they were gone or I’d totally get busted.  When I finally showed back up to the now-empty bench, I checked her corner.  There they all were…..three cork filter Marlboro Menthol butts that she piggishly polluted right outside the entrance of the very jewelry store where she’s employed.  Don’t be at all surprised if this girl makes a repeat entry in the top mall sightings list of 2014 next year at this time as she definitely needs to keep this job at the jewelry store to maintain her ferocious smoking habit.

#3.  The same 70-degree mid-November day when I scored my second sighting of the #4 girl on this list was my best mall sightings day of 2013, with several great moments, but the best sighting of the day came in the same off-course corner entrance that up until now I’ve only explored a few times, but after this–my second big score just this year from this entrance area–is about to get a lot more exploration in the years ahead.  As I approached from afar this bench outside this fairly remote entrance, I saw a girl that definitely stood out sitting by herself smoking a cigarette.  She was a dark brunette in a black leather jacket wearing bright red lipstick who was distracted texting, and I was already excited as I kept approaching.  But imagine my shock when I got closer and realized that not only was this smoker girl wearing a black leather jacket, her bottom was covered by a pair of tight black leather pants.  I’ve spent nearly two decades fetishing at this point in my life and finally, in the year 2013, have I come across my first random sighting of a smoker girl wearing tight leather pants.  And it was my lucky day because there was an open bench right across from her where I got a front-row seat.  The next several minutes of my life would be dedicated to nothing but watching her smoke the cigarette from the pack of Camel Menthols sitting next to her on the bench.

Only two months earlier, I wouldn’t have had the perfect pop culture reference that hit me instantly when looking at this girl.  She looked like the tough-chick leather-draped cop “Rosa” on the Fox comedy “Brooklyn Nine-Nine” played by actress Stephanie Beatriz, although this girl wasn’t Hispanic and frankly, I think she was hotter than the TV actress.  But she had the same tough girl image both with her look and her leather wardrobe.  My God in heaven she was sexy dragging from her Camel Menthol while sitting with her legs crossed in those impossibly sexy tight leather pants.  The only thing keeping me from impulsively jumping her bones was my desire to take advantage of this rare opportunity and snap some pics.  I got three of them, two of which are pretty darn good.  While her smoking style wasn’t necessarily distinctive, she was a sexy early 20s dark brunette in tight leather pants smoking a cigarette!!!!  She didn’t need a distinctive style to blow my mind!!!  Whenever she exhaled and the haze of smoke filtered from her face, I was licking my lips thinking how sexy her leather jacket and pants must have smelled combined with the aroma of the cigarette smoke.

The show probably lasted five minutes before she dropped the cigarette to the pavement and got up to leave, not making any effort to put the cigarette out.  I looked longingly for a couple of seconds at that smoldering cigarette with the bright red lipstick stain on the cork filter that was visible even from 10 feet away.  You wouldn’t think it’d be just anything that would take my eyes off of a vision like that, but when you have a girl in leather pants walking towards the entrance of the mall with her ass in your face, you take the opportunity to take in every glorious second of it!  Apparently they were “leather jeans” as they had back pockets just like denim jeans and they weren’t quite as tight on the ass as they were on the legs.  Nonetheless, she wore them beautifully and I was very tempted to follow her into the mall to see where she ended up, but didn’t.   One of the sightings ahead on my list occurred on this same bench and while it fell just a tad short of upstaging it, the destination is now responsible for more smoker girl memories than any other location at this mall which I could never have imagined possible only a few months earlier.

#2.  On my first journey to central Iowa’s most upscale mall in February 2013, things started coming alive by mid-afternoon.  I was standing inside at the entryway doors at one of the mall’s most popular rear entrances.  An early 20s light brunette with a phone to her ear stepped outside and sat on a makeshift bench only feet away, and it seemed a pretty safe bet that she was gonna light up a cigarette.  She was very much in plain jane territory, but since she was the only game in town, I was at least gonna stick around long enough to confirm that she was a smoker.

But as I was waiting, I noticed two extremely wholesome high school age girls walking past me and exiting the mall.  I took note of them, especially when they started lingering just outside the door, but I never took too seriously the likelihood that they would be smokers given that they looked like they should be sitting on the bleachers cheering on their boyfriends at a high school football game.  My eyes drifted towards the original plain jane who produced a cigarette from a pack and was preparing to fire up.  I had a hard time getting too excited about her but it was nice to see my instincts were correct and that she was indeed smoking.  But just as I was mentally patting myself on my back about my great instincts, I noticed out of the corner of my eye that the wholesome blond from the high school girl duo had a cigarette she was inserting into her mouth.  My heart skipped a beat but recovered just in time to see the even cuter brunette friend with an unlit cigarette between her fingers too.  My instincts didn’t seem so great anymore….but I couldn’t have been happier about it.

The smoker girls drifted towards the wall and I knew my best position would be outside on a bench facing them, so I headed that direction.  I took a seat on the bench and finally had a chance to get my first good look at these two incredibly unlikely 17-18-year-old smoker girls, and they didn’t disappoint in the least upon closer inspection.  It seems like most girls frequenting this mall have an upscale look–a certain air of glamour about them—but these girls looked as accessible and low maintenance as is possible, decked out in sweatshirts and jeans.  The blond was briefly dangling after lighting her cigarette, quickly assuring me that she’s been smoking for awhile.  She was dressed the most girl-next-door, in a gray sweater and jeans.  She was cute, but not a knockout.  The brunette, on the other hand, was a genuine beauty.  Her features were absolutely perfect and I continued to marvel at that cigarette between her fingers that ventured its way to her mouth every 30 seconds or so for quality drags.

The brunette’s smoking style was solid but not necessarily distinctive with carcinogenic cloudbursts emitting from her facial orifices in the seconds after taking her drags, but the blond was the one who impressed most stylistically.  While her drags didn’t seem any lengthier than normal, her hold times were superhuman.  I wouldn’t doubt if eight seconds passed after every drag before the smoke started flowing from her black lungs.  I was in awe every time, thinking I must have missed the exhale only to discover moments later that it was still to come.  The original girl to whom I have to give credit for helping me to stumble into this duo was nonetheless a distant memory at this point even though she continued to smoke only a few feet beyond them.

But the most memorable storyline attached to this sighting was about to play out as a little old man with a cane was standing just inside the doorway looking out.  In an adorable act of charity, the blond opened the door for the man with her cigarette-free hand, asking him if he needed help.  The man said he was just waiting for his wife but seemed to feel obligated to step outside at this point, walking past the stinky smoker girl who then turned back to the brunette to give a somewhat embarrassed look about putting the guy on the spot.  The man kept walking about 10 yards in front of them, and I couldn’t help but wonder if he was trying to escape the smoky stench of the charitable blond teen smoker and her friend.  Whatever the case, the girls resumed smoking and conversing and I overheard tidbits of their chat, including the brunette making reference to her “teacher” which reinforced my impression that these were mere high school girls as she would have said “professor” if she was talking about a college educator.  It was a good show, but came to a close rather inconveniently as the girls approached the nearest ashtray and stubbed out their cigarettes only seconds removed from the original light brunette and a young guy who was also out smoking soon before they were.  The girls went back into the mall, never to be seen again that day and unfortunately I couldn’t tell for sure which cigarette butts were theirs in the ashtray.  Even so, what a desperately needed dose of teen smoker yumminess after an extended cold stretch sightings-wise.

#1.  My hopes were high this steamy 92-degree late June day of going to Des Moines’ most upscale mall and seeing some sexy young female bodies draped in skimpy summer attire.  Ideally of course, some of these sexy-dressed girls would be smokers.  I traversed the mall for more than two hours a little disappointed in the quality of young girl flesh I came across, but greatly disappointed with the number of smokers I had seen.  Some days just aren’t very successful seeking out smoker girls at the mall and this was one of them.  However, I never really say die on these mall safaris, and even after I’ve finished walking around the mall for a few hours, I then proceed to drive laps around the mall in hopes of seeing something great before driving home.  On several days, these laps around the mall are where I hit pay dirt, and this day was definitely one of them.

I was turning the corner around the sporting goods store to a relatively sparse exit on this mall’s northeast side when I spotted the most adorable teen brunette sitting by herself on a bench.   It was one of those “awww” moments where a girl is so cute and so wholesome that it brightens your day just laying eyes on her.  Okay, I thought to myself….there’s no way a girl like this is gonna be a smoker but I’m better off having seen her on this disappointing afternoon.  Of course, a true-blue hard-core fetisher never fully dismisses the idea that a girl just might be a smoker, so I kept my eyes laser-focused on her as I pressed forward.  And imagine by elation when she raised a cigarette from her left hand and took a drag as I turned the corner.  As I said, I was at a sparse location of this mall and that worked to my advantage in terms of finding a parking spot.  As I approached this brunette bombshell on foot, I began by lamenting the bench placement until I realized there was a bench parallel to hers that would allow me a literal front-row seat.  The stars were really aligning here.

I took my seat and continued to admire this beautiful teen girl, who I would guess was 17 or 18.  Upclose, she looked even sweeter than she did from a distance, and looking at the two-thirds smoked all-white cigarette in her left hand, I was in awe contemplating what unlikely course of events led a girl like this to become addicted to cigarettes. There she sat, wearing a very feminine canary yellow top with dark blue jean shorts underneath and heartbreakingly smooth legs extending out from them, all with a white bag sitting next to her from whatever upscale store she had just shopped at.  It was hard to imagine I’d see a more unlikely girl smoking at the mall in the year 2013 as this girl.

As for the smoking, I got to see three additional drags, all of which were pretty respectable, but I was close enough that I was unable to just stare or she’d see me, so I did some fancy eyeball maneuvering and ended up missing her first exhale.  Ultimately, I expected it was a sudden and abrupt exhale and that’s why I missed it, but after her next drag my timing was a little better.  My eyes were darting every which direction hoping to catch something and thought I had missed it again….until I saw a messy blast of smoke spewing from her mouth and nose after a surprisingly extended holding period.  It must have been five seconds that the smoke stayed inside this cutie’s lungs, which made me respect her even more.  And then she raised the stakes even more with the sighting’s MVP moment, completely blowing my mind when she leaned to her right and let the most gigantic ball of saliva I’ve ever seen from a girl loose from her mouth seconds before it splattered onto the pavement.  Unfortunately, it was at this moment that she saw me eyeballing her.  Perhaps coincidentally or perhaps because I was making her uncomfortable, she proceeded to get up and approach the ashtray, but not before taking one more drag.  Thankfully, it was an open-faced ashtray so I’d be able to identify the butt when she wandered off.  I watched from behind in admiration of her gorgeous “girl of summer” profile wearing that yellow top and jean shorts and progressing to her car.  I snapped a rear photo of her but she was far enough away that you can’t see much.  And as soon as she was out of sight, I walked up to the ashtray and identified her cigarette—the only all-white of the three butts in the ashtray—as a Marlboro Light.

I wandered back into the parking lot from there with a new spring in my step, planning to return to my car but finding myself walking past my favorite girl still sitting in her car….ironically a black Oldsmobile just like my own.  She was looking over the receipt of whatever she just bought while idling the car.  It gave me enough opportunity to get to my car, start it up and time my escape to coincide with hers.  I ended up at a stoplight parallel to her briefly and got one last look at that sweet face, forcing me to once again ponder how a girl like this ever got to be a smoker in the year 2013.  From there we went separate directions and I returned to the bench where she smoked, eager to see if there was a still a puddle of slobber that she left behind.  Unsurprisingly given its girth, the spit pool was still bubbling and was about two inches by two inches in diameter on the pavement.  Obviously this sighting has the potential to be more given that I only got to see three drags, but in terms of raw beauty and wholesomeness, she was the mall smoker girl to beat at that point in 2013, and although it was a close call she never did get beat.

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