Random sightings that occur unexpectedly and outside of the controlled environment of fairgrounds and malls are becoming increasingly rare with the rising tide of smoking bans indoors and out. That’s why I include my best sightings from Summerfest in this top-10 list. Now in 2012 I had a pretty solid haul of random sightings but a mediocre Summerfest. This year it was the opposite with quality random sightings few and far between but a well above-average haul at Summerfest that combined managed to produce 10 sightings worthy of a year-end best list. Unfortunately I can foresee years ahead where this list has to be pared back to something less than a top-10….
#10. The final 20 minutes or so of my Saturday evening at Summerfest was a mixed bag, having scored a sampling of expected sighting greatness twice only to have both sightings short-circuited before they were able to play out. I had decided as I was exiting the beer gardens at evening’s end that I’d make one more pass by the carnival area before leaving…and damn did I choose wisely as I ended the evening with my favorite sighting of the night….
The place was closing down at 11:30 and slowly beginning to go dark. The crowd of mostly kids was getting sparser and sparser, but hovering in an especially dark spot at the entrance of the midway was this silhouette of a petite light brunette in a blue tanktop and tiny jean shorts. She was distracted texting but her profile was just so adorable. I got a smoking vibe out of this situation as I found it sort of odd she’d be standing there all by herself, and my vibe was soon confirmed as I got closer and could see a freshly lit all-white in her left hand. Now her cuteness was mainly derived from her petite and feminine image as her face was cute and wholesome, but not extraordinary, and she was also probably about 19-20 rather than the 14-15 that her petiteness suggested. I sat across the street to get the best view I could, seeing her take a couple of drags in the middle of texting. But the highlight of the sighting came when she was preparing to put the phone away, inserting that cigarette in her mouth and giving me a good 15-second dangle that looked so outrageously adorable on a girl of this pedigree.
And the yumminess kept escalating as she turned around and wandered inside the carnival, cigarette in hand, and ended up standing by herself in front of a lemonade stand. I hadn’t seen anyone smoking inside the carnival area at Summerfest this year….until now. This continued for about two minutes and I got to see a couple nice drags before some middle-aged guy who was clearly in a position of authority in some capacity approached her. I figured he was gonna give her shit about smoking, but instead just said to her and another couple in close proximity that “We’re closed for the night. You’re gonna have to leave.” She did, and so did I, following her as she proceeded back into the street with cigarette in hand, and then met up with a guy and girl who were apparently friends of her, neither one smoking.
I sat in the same grassy area I’ve sat in several times that week to watch as the group hovered in the middle of the street with the tiny brunette continuing to smoke her all-white and looking adorable doing so. She leaned down to the pavement in a couple of moments to crush the cigarette out, and in moments, the three of them progressed towards the beer gardens area, and she was hand-in-hand with what was clearly her nonsmoking (and lucky as shit) boyfriend. This was my opening in the now-sparse location to ID her butt, which would produce one final surprise for me. I knew it was an all-white butt so the cork filter I first spotted was not the right one….but a couple of feet in front of it was the jackpot I was seeking….a Camel Pink No. 9, and my first Camel Pink sighting in nearly a year. A couple of minutes later, I caught up to them and saw them head into the beer gardens but without getting IDed for a wristband which would allow them to order drinks, confirming my suspicion that they were not yet 21.
#9. During the week I go home to Minnesota for my local county fair, I find a few hours during the day to take a small road trip to some towns I have connections with in south-central Minnesota. While making this drive, I spend about an hour driving laps around River Hills Mall in Mankato, often scoring a decent sighting or two even on a weekday afternoon…..but not this year as I saw absolutely nothing that Thursday. My expectations were low so I couldn’t get too demoralized and simply took to Madison Avenue in Mankato to drive through town and then press onto the next town. But just because I left River Hills didn’t mean those Mankato college girls were done with me yet. There I was, sitting in the left lane at a red light on Madison Avenue when I casually looked to my right to the white car pulling up to the lane to the my right. It was one of those moments when your heart sinks to the bottom of your chest knowing you’ve struck gold looking at an image that will be seared into your brain forever….
There she was….a wholesome and gorgeous 19-20ish dark blond driver who was a 9.5 on the hotness spectrum…..holding a freshly lit Marlboro Light Menthol 100 (I could read the logo!) in her left hand. Her elbow must have been positioned on the car door interior because the long all-white cigarette which looked like it had been lit 10 seconds earlier was pointing straight up between her fingers. Put black gloves on this girl and she could have been doing an Audrey Hepburn movie with that straight-out-of-the-40s pose. I was waiting for her to say “You don’t want to know me, Mister. I’m trouble!”. In the passenger seat was an equally gorgeous blond, but she wasn’t smoking. I prayed the light would stay red forever, but was lucky in that she finally pulled the cigarette in to take one luscious drag seconds before the light turned green. She then exhaled a nice stream of smoke that flowed out the window just as she was approaching the long cigarette to the window to ash. I didn’t even know what this girl’s body looked like below the shoulders but I still had the animal urge to swerve my car in front of hers, drag her out of the car by the hair and fuck her on her car hood.
Unfortunately, my perfect timing to see the first 30 seconds of this sighting would not last. From that point forward the traffic flow was working against me and even though I was in the speed lane, her lane was moving past me and before I knew it she was one or two car lengths in front of me. Never again did I see her face, but got mercilessly tortured at subsequent red lights just seeing that shrinking cigarette continuing to be held in that insanely sexy straight-up bent-elbow pose next to her beautiful face. And then I’d see the cigarette get ashed out the driver’s window and a stream of smoke flow out either just before or just after the ashing. I was weaving in and out of traffic like a maniac driver trying to figure out a way to get parallel to them again, but it just wasn’t gonna happen. I kept them close but they were just out of reach. And then when I was in the right lane, they turned into the left turn lane and went down a street where I was not able to follow. My heart was broken that I missed the chance to creep on them more and follow to their ultimate destination, but even with a broken heart, I was driving through downtown Mankato with only one hand on the wheel and the other hand otherwise occupied. It’s not often that a traffic sighting is good enough to make my top-10 of the year, but that image at that stoplight was just so perfect that I’m counting it this year, but of course it had the potential to be in the top two or three.
#8. Summerfest comes to a close on Sunday evening for the mid-July fireworks show, and I’ve had some great fireworks show performances in the past, with one particularly mind-blowing show in 2009. While 2013 wasn’t in that category, it nonetheless carried on the tradition with an impressive light show on the ground. I had been watching a cluster of early 20s guys and girls smoking near the de facto smoking area inside the beer gardens but about halfway into the show, I moved back about 30 feet because there was a cluster of early 20s friends back there who I had a good feeling about. I had already seen a decently attractive dark blond in the group smoking before the fireworks started, and I suspected there might be more female tobacco users in the group. I hovered in the area and in less than a minute hit the jackpot.
This beautiful early 20s brunette in the group wearing a black-and-white-striped dress pulled out an all-white, and while my vantage point wasn’t perfect, it was pretty darn good. She was talking to this long-haired blond friend who wasn’t as pretty but for whatever reason had more IT factor. Part of that IT factor came from the form-fitting fire-engine red shorts she was wearing with a bare midriff on top of it. Even though the brunette was smoking, I was hoping the blond would too. But then next time I turned to eyeball the brunette, the blond was walking right past me to go into the port-a-potty, so it was looking like it was gonna be a longshot. Still, I enjoyed the opportunity to watch this brunette copiously drag from her all-white, taking some nice drags and releasing some solid exhales amidst a cluster of mostly nonsmokers, including all of the guys.
In just a minute or so, the blond came back, walking in front of me and giving me a perfect view of her ass in those red shorts. She migrated back to the brunette and I soon saw her fiddling around with her purse. I tried not to get too excited since so many girls were snapping photos of the fireworks with their camera phones, but sure enough, an all-white was dangling from blondie’s lips in a few seconds. I was already excited and the thing wasn’t even lit, but suffice it to say I got a lot more excited when it was lit. A flame was applied to the end of the cigarette and she took a drag, continuing to dangle the cigarette for a good seven seconds, and then exhaled a blast of smoke through her mouth and nose while still dangling. I was dancing a little jig to myself watching this unfold, knowing I was watching the sighting of the night. And about 20 seconds later, the cigarette went back into blondie’s mouth and stayed there for another decent dangle, albeit this one without the bells and whistles of the dangling exhale. There were no more dangles after that, but I got to watch her smoke the entire cigarette, with most of her exhales of the head tilting skyward variety. The brunette was still smoking her cigarette as well and they were standing right next to each other. I wasn’t too focused on the fireworks during that five-minute stretch and thought to myself that it was damn good way to wrap up Summerfest at 10:00 on a Sunday night.
#7. Every once in a while, you happen to be in the right place at the right time in traffic where you can spot a smoker girl and are able to follow through with it long enough to muster up a storyline even without being in a position to observe a lot of actual smoking. Such was the case for me last February when driving through my Minnesota hometown one Saturday morning when visiting the folks for the weekend.
The north side of my hometown is, for all intents and purposes, the only part of town that isn’t run-down, and I was driving through a middle-class neighborhood approaching a four-way stop. Driving right in front of me while heading westward was a green SUV with what appeared to be two teenage brunettes behind the wheel, and both girls were wielding freshly lit cigarettes. I got my best look at the passenger and just assumed she was the cuter of the two girls, but that first look would be the only decent look I would get at her for the duration of the wild goose chase. I amended my driving path and turned west to follow them, knowing that I’d have to catch some breaks to see anything with this sighting. There were all kinds of places where these girls could have been going in town on a Saturday, but never would I have predicted the route they ultimately took when following.
Rather than taking any of the streets to the town’s main commercial districts, they took an odd path through residential neighborhoods on the north side of town, making me nervous that they would realize I was following them. As we approached a couple of stop signs, I was treated to two drags by the driver that I was able to see through the her rearview mirror. While the logistics weren’t perfect, I was impressed with the ferocity with which she wrapped her teenage lips around the filter of the cigarette and sucked in the smoke. Both drags I witnessed seemed to last a good five seconds, and it seemed a safe bet that at least the driver was a pretty serious smoker. Unfortunately, I was not in a position to see any additional smoking from the passenger.
Things got even odder as the girls proceeded into Shoreland Heights, the most upscale neighborhood in my hometown, turning onto a couple of the richest streets in town. Heading up the hill on Martin Road, I watched the driver’s cracked window lower a few more inches before she littered her cigarette butt onto the street. While I wasn’t pleased that she was done smoking, it sure was a hoot to know that this rich neighborhood was being defiled by a cute teenage girl’s discarded cigarette. She then turned right onto Garden Road, an uber-upscale street that was her destination. I turned left, temporarily, hoping to avoid being identified as following them and hoping to time my ultimate pass down their side of the street perfectly to see them getting out of the SUV….
And my timing ended up not being bad as I progressed down their block moments later just as the girls were getting out of the green SUV in front of a nice upper middle-class home that had to have been the permanent residence of one or both of the girls. Parked in the driveway was another SUV with “mom” waiting for the girls. I still didn’t get a great look at the passenger, but I saw enough to know that the dark brunette driver was the prettier of the two, contrary to my first impression. Both girls looked about 17-18, and I was absolutely thrilled knowing they reeked of fresh tobacco smoke while approaching mom in this nice neighborhood full of doctors and businesspeople that did not seem a likely destination for a pair of teen smokers in the year 2013. I turned around in someone’s driveway and made another pass by this house, seeing just profiles of the two girls that gave me the most entertaining and unexpected smoky ride through my hometown in years.
#6. This was the first test….the July 4 parade at a town near where I grew up in southern Minnesota that has a historically high smoking rate. Only three days earlier, the state of Minnesota had raised its cigarette tax by an obscene $1.60 a pack in one giant gulp, raising the price for an average pack in Minnesota from about $5.50 to more than $7.50. This was my first glimpse into the postapocalyptic hellscape, as a working-class town like this would seem like exactly the place where soaring cigarette taxes would produce the greatest motivation for smokers to quit. Fortunately, smoking did not seem to be down compared to previous years at this parade. Most of the smokers I saw were 21 or older, but it was nonetheless an incredible relief that I was seeing as much tobacco use as I did, especially by younger ladies. But I only had one sighting that day that was genuinely memorable and it came in front of a home in town in the moments after the parade ended…
Just south of the city park hosting large crowds gravitating to the carnival rides and food stands was a home that had a cluster of people sitting near the curb who had yet to get up after the parade in the unseasonably comfortable early July afternoon. Two people in the group were 20-something blonds who were both smoking. One was overweight but the other was quite attractive. But these two smoker gals were not the main event. The main event was the two other blonds standing behind them at the front steps of the house. I’m not sure if it was a mother-daughter sighting as it may have simply been an aunt and niece given the likelihood of an extended family gathering for the parade, but standing in front of the house was a still-reasonably-attractive 40-something blond with very short-cropped hair smoking a cigarette while talking to a cute early 20s blond in a tanktop and shorts who was also smoking. It was quite a sight to have four blonds, of various degrees of attractiveness, in front of this one house at the same time smoking their $8 a pack cigarettes.
And as luck would have it, the best smoker of the bunch was the young gal in shorts who was also the most attractive, smoking as she chatted with the older gal who was likely either her mother or aunt. My positioning wasn’t great so I wasn’t able to study her drags very carefully, but every one of the half dozen exhales I witnessed came in the form of gorgeous, wispy talking exhales while conversing with the older gal. One after another, each more beautiful than the last, the smoke escaped her mouth and nose trickles at a time, dancing and spiraling in the summer air over the course of about four seconds while she talked. I was effectively standing still in the middle of the street watching this and stuck around as long as possible without drawing serious attention to myself, ultimately walking away and realizing they were near the end of their cigarettes anyway. I looped around and walked past again in about two minutes, where I found the two gals sitting curbside were still smoking their cigarettes. As I said, there were a few moments of sweet relief that day seeing decently attractive young women smoking even in the days immediately following one of the most cowardly tax broadsides leveled against smokers in American history. I was happy to see even a few attractive young smokers that day, but couldn’t have been more pleased to walk away with a sighting poised for my year-end top-10 from the day.
#5. I had two awesome sightings on the opening night (Thursday) of Summerfest 2013. The first is yet to come on my list but the second came about 15 minutes after the first at the other end of the grounds…on the edge of the carnival. I had followed some girls to the parking lot, hoping that just maybe they’d light up when they got to their car. They didn’t, so I walked back into Summerfest. On the street between the port-a-potties and the carnival stood two guys and two girls, all in the 17-18 range. The guys looked like thugs and could very well have been regulars at the skate park I walk past every day in my neighborhood. The girls were standing in front of them and even though I didn’t have a great vantage point of them, I had a really good vibe about this group. I got a look at the blond on the left, who was decent but a little chubby and not really my type. The brunette next to her in the pink top and tight jean shorts standing next to her had more potential though, even though I still hadn’t gotten a great look at her because of the darkness. But as I tried to get that better look, a cigarette approached her mouth. She took an average drag, but the averageness of the drag did not prepare me for the thundercloud of smoke from the exhale that followed. Game on!
I walked past this foursome, paying attention to only one of them, admiring the sexy teen girl body of this brunette, and quickly noticing a cigarette pack poking out of the back pocket of her jean shorts. For the third time in the past three years at Summerfest, it was a pack of Newports poking out of a brunette teen’s shapely ass. It wasn’t gonna be easy finding a place to watch where I wouldn’t stick out like a sore thumb, but I sat in the grass across from them pretending to be busy with my phone, struggling to get a close look at this brunette amongst this foursome, who by this point I noticed were all smoking. And an emerging side distraction temporarily gave me hope that this show was about to get some new actors, as a relatively wholesome-looking young black guy was approaching from the other direction with two very hot teenage girls in shorts asking random people if smoking was allowed on the grounds, all of whom said they didn’t know. He looked to the same foursome I was watching and said, basically to himself, “well they’re smoking” before approaching the foursome. I couldn’t hear what was being said but was desperately hoping he would light up with them, prompting the two hot babes with him to light up as well. That didn’t happen as the three of them wandered into the carnival, but even without them this brunette was putting on an awesome show, with most of her exhales being of the five-alarm fire variety in their smoke volume. She was only a high school girl, but a very well-practiced smoker, despite my still not getting a very good look at her face. I would eventually get that look at her face but not before the sighting’s marquee moment.
A trio of very wholesome-looking high school girls approached the smoking foursome. One girl in particular was a curly-haired light blond in a bare midriff tanktop and daisy dukes and I would have creamed my shorts if she lit up with these naughty kids. She didn’t, but what happened instead was almost as good. The blond was talking face-to-face with my brunette smoker girl and as I watched them I saw another thundercloud exhale from the brunette…..directly into the face of the blond. We’re talking Category 10 obnoxiousness here, with a chemical fog nailing this blond in the face to the point where she almost needed a lighthouse to find her way out of it. I couldn’t hear the conversation but the teens’ body language didn’t indicate any complaints or apologies were forthcoming. This was the sighting’s final act though as the brunette was the first to crush her cigarette out on the pavement and, infuriatingly, hang on to it to toss it into a garbage can while the other three in her group quickly followed suit as they walked back into the carnival, my brunette with that pack of Newports poking out of her back pocket. That never quits being sexy….especially when it’s the back pocket of shorts!!
There was only one other thing I had to do, and that was to get my first good look at this girl’s face. I sped up and went into the midway, keeping up with the group and ultimately weaving through some food vendor stands to see her upclose. And she didn’t disappoint. While she wasn’t as wholesome-looking as the blond friend, her wholesomeness still stuck out like a sore thumb amongst this group of naughty-looking friends. She was pretty as well….a solid 8.5 on the spectrum that merited applause even amongst this large crowd of gorgeous young girls. I scored my best two Summerfest sightings of 2013 that night, outdoing anything I scored at the 2012 Summerfest.
#4. Something very unexpected happened on Friday, August 16, 2013, at the end of my first day of a three-day road trip through the Dakotas and northern Minnesota. I arrived at Aberdeen, South Dakota, my destination for the evening, around dinner time and turned the radio on for some background music to enjoy while eating my fast food dinner. When the commercials came on, I learned that the Brown County Fair was going on that week and took a mental note of it. It had only been two nights removed from my disappointing evening at the Iowa State Fair and I thought it may be a good opportunity for redemption if I were to make it out there. Still, I didn’t know the details in terms of costs of parking or admission and wasn’t sure it would be worth it. But as the hours passed and the boredom escalated, visiting that fair was sounding better and better to me. Around 9:00, I decided to make the plunge…
It was a beast trying to find this fairgrounds, but I was rewarded when I did with an ample supply of free parking in a nearby field and no gate admission. And I could tell as I approached the midway entrance that this was gonna be a bustling fairgrounds. Aberdeen only has 26,000 people but that’s enough to make it the third largest city in South Dakota (!). This grounds looked more like my county fairgrounds than the state fairgrounds but seemed a little bit bigger and with a larger crowd. As I perused the grounds it was clear this place had tremendous potential and it largely lived up to that potential. I had a good dozen or so decent sightings over the 2 1/2 hours I was there, but four of them stood out as favorites, and I’ll profile all four in chronological order below…
Not five minutes after I arrived at the grounds, I was heading up to the grandstand area as country singer Brantley Gilbert was putting on a concert and I wanted to see what kind of crowd was near the grandstand, but before I even made it there, I spotted a huddle of midteen girls that included a total cutiepie of a long-haired light brunette in a pink tanktop and dark jeans with an all-white cigarette between her fingers. After a combined 19 hours at the Iowa State Fair in the previous seven days, I had not once seen a girl this young with a cigarette. And not only was she young, she was cute as a button. And this girl was as beginner as they came as evidenced by the way she held her cigarette and her very shallow and infrequent drags. A style queen she was not, but what a face to attach to a cigarette in the year 2013. And the sighting was about to get a honey of a storyline over the course of the 5-7 minutes that it played out….
A couple of wholesome nonsmoking South Dakota boys gathered amidst this group of four girls, including the smoker, not too long after I spotted them. The smoker girl was conversing with one of the guys and it was hard to tell whether this was a serious “request and rejection” or if the girl was just teasing, but I heard her say “Give me a reason why!” to which the guy responded lightheartedly “Me 20, you 16!” Holy shit! This adorable teen smoker was lusting for this older guy and asking him out with cigarette in hand and fresh tobacco breath. Nothing audible was said after that but the girl didn’t appear particularly devastated. Wish I could have smacked some sense into that 20-year-old guy. If you get a chance to hit a smoker girl like this, it’s worth going to prison!!! Anyway, the smoker girl and one of her friends drifted to the midway. I got to enjoy a couple more of her shallow drags before she dropped the butt to the ground and pressed on. The cigarette butt was a Marlboro Light Menthol, one of my favorite aesthetically. If this was the only sighting I got that evening, it had have been worth it, but that wasn’t all, folks!
Left and right I was scoring decent sightings outside that Brantley Gilbert concert and after only a half hour I thought I had found the sightings mecca of North America at the Brown County Fair in South Dakota. The next to really impress was this attractive 18ish blond in a sweatshirt and jeans (it was unseasonably cold and windy that night) who was amidst a mixed-gender cluster on the midway. She really had a pretty face and I came across her several times that night, and right away she was the only one of her group with a cigarette in her hand. I could tell she was a far more skilled smoker than the first girl after the first drag. She walked with her friends group taking copious and nicely timed drags as I followed taking in the show from a rear vantage point, admiring her nice ass in those tight jeans while walking through some of her exhales. At one point, she saw this adorable late teen brunette wearing sexy-as-fuck skin-tight purple shorts and briefly engaged her in conversation with “he’s still pissed at me” and something else inaudible….basically just acquaintances briefly sharing some news while walking past each other. Not long after that encounter, blondie dropped her spent cigarette butt to the ground and pressed forward with her friends. Her cigarette butt was a Marlboro Red.
In the remaining two hours I kept my eyes open for that sexpot in the purple shorts hoping to see her with a cigarette, but never did. However, I did get another chance to see the hot blond that “introduced me to her” smoking again, this time back in the midway standing in front of the Tilt-a-Whirl. The first time I saw her with her group of friends, she was the only one smoking, but about an hour later the entire group was lighting up cigarettes, including another decently attractive blond late teen female. But the star of the show continued to be the original blond, smoking her second cigarette of the evening (at least that I saw). This was a better sighting since I had a front-row seat on a nearby bench to admire her beauty as she smoked in front of me with an above-average style and an easily identifiable “smoker girl’s look”.
In between the two sightings of that blond, and interestingly enough at the same location on that bench in the midway, I came upon a group of 17-18ish girls seated on the bench smoking cigarettes. There was a blond and a brunette sitting there smoking, and two friends standing there in front of them, one of them a hot dark brunette sharing the cigarette with the light brunette seated. They were both sexy and attractive smokers, but the star of this show was the blond sitting down, who had a sexy combination of petite cutie and weathered badass smoker girl. And whenever you saw her smoke it was clear just how hard-core she was compared to the other two girls smoking. Her drags were merciless extended pulls of toxic smoke into her black lungs, pulls so hard you could watch the paper burn away over the course of her lengthy drags. It was humorous that blondie managed to suck down her entire cigarette more rapidly than the two brunettes combined were able to finish theirs. I spotted where she dropped the butt and hung back for awhile until they got up from the bench to identify her butt, which was a cork filter but smoked too close to the filter to be identifiable.
I didn’t see any of those three girls smoking again, but about two hours later at a picnic table was a middle-aged woman smoking a cigarette….and across the table from her was the blond and light brunette, the two from the bench smoking earlier. They were both eating slices of pizza so I hung as close to the area as possible thinking there was a very good chance the teen smokers would light up after eating. While that didn’t happen, my return to the area around the tables brought a cute moment where another middle-aged woman came to talk to the three of them, and proceeded to ask some inaudible questions directed at the blond. She was clearly family or a friend to the mother and after their exchange ended, she hugged the blond in an affectionate way, and the only thing that crossed my mind during the hug was whether this woman had any idea that the blond she was doting on routinely rapes cigarettes with pulverizing drags. Mom had to know because even if the daughter wasn’t smoking in front of her at that moment, it’s unthinkable the daughter could have developed a smoking habit that serious under mom’s nose. I hung by them for a good 15 minutes hoping against hope for a mother-daughter sighting but it didn’t materialize, but still felt I got my money’s worth after seeing that daughter smoking on the midway earlier.
Interestingly the first 40 minutes or so on the grounds were the most productive for smoking and the final hour and a half was comparatively unremarkable, but there was one girl who shined bright during this time. Hanging amidst a group of three overweight girls was this bombshell 21-22ish long-haired blond wearing a cowgirl hat, a white top, and skin-tight aqua-colored pants. She was just scorching hot and right away when I spotted her she had a freshly lit all-white going. This was another girl who knew how to carry herself with a cigarette, dazzling with deep drags, cloudy combination mouth-and-nose exhales, and a couple of sweet dangles. The other girls were smoking as well but even amidst this group of smokers, it was jarring how out of place the glamorous blond sexpot looked. And she continually spotted people she knew, usually nonsmoking guys who she aggressively approached and hugged, holding her cigarette behind their backs as she embraced them. I had hoped for a butt ID but she ended up immersing herself in line for a food stand and when she finished her cigarette she dropped it to her feet in a spot where it would be impossible to approach.
Naturally it appeared as though that moment had passed but a little more than a half hour later, I spotted the same group of friends in the same general area, once again wielding freshly lit all-whites….only this time they were all exiting the fairgrounds, slowly making their way to the expansive parking area. I got to follow and watch from the rear as she smoked, admiring that ass in those tight aqua-colored pants, and awaiting the opportunity to ID the butt when she dropped it. But by the time she dropped it she was in a dark spot well into the parking lot, and by the time I got to where she was, I couldn’t tell which butt was hers amongst the area. Kind of strange that I had two opportunities to ID this girl’s brand but came up short both times, even though I succeeded in discovering the other girls’ brands after the first opportunity.
Now the Brown County Fair will be a one-time visit for me. It was a fluke I was in Aberdeen, South Dakota, during their county fair on a Friday night. I take a trip to this general area every 10 years so the next realistic opportunity I’ll get to fetish there is in 2023, when smoking will probably be outlawed everywhere (except marijuana smoking, which will probably be legal in restaurants and teacher’s lounges at elementary schools by then). However, in its one appearance on my rolodex of summer fetish venues, the Brown County Fair hit the ball out of the park.
#3. While my full day at this year’s Iowa State Fair on August 11 was a disappointment, I did surprisingly well on August 12 at the Adventureland amusement park here in the Des Moines area which I attended with the gal I was seeing last summer. She is a young and cute smoker herself, but doesn’t do much to indulge my fetish and has a pretty bland smoking style, but her need for regular cigarette breaks (which all had to be taken completely outside the gates of the park thanks to the antismoking fascists that run the park) proved to be very helpful for my sightings as the day progressed.
But before I even entered the gate I already got my first appetizer. I parked inside their lot and was waiting for my date to show up while applying my sunscreen. Two cars over was a family of smokers indulging a final smoke before going inside. Dad was smoking a cigar, while mom and what I presumed to be the late teen son and daughter were all smoking cigarettes. The daughter looked 18 and was blond and a tad chubby, but cute enough that it was an impressive dynamic to see in the year 2013. I was able to stick around and watch most of the sighting as I waited.
The third of the three major sightings was the prettiest and most wholesome girl. Unfortunately, the accompaniment of my lady friend was responsible for abbreviating this sighting as we were unfortunately walking away from it while it was in progress. There sat this positively adorable 17ish brunette in a black top and skimpy jean shorts smoking a cigarette. If there was a dictionary antithesis to the image of a teen smoker girl, this girl would be it, but there she was puffing away. I was able to watch her for about 30 seconds as we approached the gate to where my own “girlfriend” could have her smoke break but regrettably after reaching the gate she went the other direction to get something out of her car. But I was close enough to be heartbroken at the image of this teen beauty publicly smoking all by herself yet not be able to get a front-row seat to the sighting. I was also wondering where the hell girls like her were the day before when I was trudging through the Iowa State Fair sightings-less. Anyway, I snuck a few peeks in over my shoulder as we walked away, but when we finally arrived at a stopping point, the girl was just standing up to deposit her butt in the ashtray. While it was nice to see a full profile of the feminine cutie in jean shorts, I lamented not seeing more of her smoking performance.
But the marquee performance of the day came around the noon hour when we went out to eat a picnic lunch prepared by my nicotine girlfriend. We sat at an open picnic table but only a few yards in front of us was a family inside the pavilion full of tables having their own picnic. This decently attractive early 20s brunette was smoking a cigarette while sitting at one of the tables when we arrived, but I couldn’t help but notice a younger looking long-haired brunette in close proximity and I was curious about her. She was decently attractive–not a knockout, but the kind of girl you certainly kept your eye on given this family arrangement–in her red tanktop and jean shorts. And sure enough, within a few minutes after we sat down, she pulled out a pack of Marlboro Reds and sat down at the edge of the pavilion about to light up a cigarette of her own. I had a pretty good vantage point to watch her performance in its entirety, and while the performance itself wasn’t necessarily riveting, what came next was…..
It’s so hard to tell how old girls are these days as they seem to look younger than they used to (21-year-olds nowadays look like what 17-year-olds used to). I figured this girl was probably about 18, but in an incredibly rare treat, the family interaction led to the identification of her age. After she finished the cigarette, her mom and one other relative started lightheartedly chasing her around the pavilion and whacking her on the ass with a blow-up toy from the carnival and I overheard amongst the chatter that this horseplay directed towards her was in honor of her 17th birthday. Whoa….suddenly this sighting had a nice little storyline, and the girl was a little bit younger than I expected. What a rare treat in the year 2013 for a girl who is verifiably celebrating her 17th birthday to openly smoke a cigarette in front of her family. Sad as it is to say, the smoking show she was putting on more than upstaged the smoking show my own date was putting on only a few feet from my face!
#2. The first even marginally attractive girl of the opening night (Thursday) of Summerfest 2013 just happened to be the year’s top Summerfest girl. Now the sighting was disappointingly, and infuriatingly, cut short in the cruelest way, but the storyline of the sighting’s early demise was the key component that will put this sighting in the Summerfest Hall of Fame. Confused yet? Allow me to set the stage…
The comparatively sparse Thursday night crowd in the beer gardens is mostly bad news as you stand out more looping around the same general area, but it worked to my favor early tonight as the back corner of the beer gardens where smokers tend to congregate was wide open…..with a middle-aged woman smoking a cigarette in the back and a much younger crowd in front of them. As I approached, with my eyes focused on the younger trio, I couldn’t help but notice that the girl with her back to me looked about 14 from her rear profile…and she was the only one of the three smoking a cigarette!!! I was admiring this profile and getting more excited with every approaching step while studying her from head to toe….her light brown hair held down by a head band with a very feminine ponytail in the back…..a utilitarian purple tanktop above the waist and a pair of skin-tight pale blue jean shorts below the waist. But I started to get cynical the closer I got. I’ll just bet when I get there, she’s gonna be a mid-40s gal with a petite, girlish image, I thought to myself. But the turning of her head and the raising of her cigarette as I arrived on the scene proved my cynicism wrong.
An out of this world wholesome face emerged, perfectly matching the body below it, and in the early stages of a rapist drag on her two-thirds smoked cigarette that would go on for a good five seconds. I walked past her at this point and quickly found a stalking spot against the fence, missing most of the exhale yet still seeing a bit of residual smoke spilling from her sweet little face, and I settled in for an abbreviated show. I pretended to text while watching her, in disbelief that this tiny little thing was publicly smoking, and still assuming that she was older than she looked. But just as I was getting comfortable and she was taking her next drag, from out of nowhere comes some burly and loud bouncer-type guy who told both my girl and the middle-aged woman behind her that there was no smoking allowed. He wasn’t a jerk about it, and even told them to go ahead and finish the cigarettes, but that this was “school grounds” and they don’t allow smoking. My little brunette seemed befuddled at the news, as any sane person would be, unable to process that in a beer gardens full of people guzzling adult beverages, smoking was not allowed for the lame excuse that it was on “school grounds”. She was gonna make good on his offer to finish the cigarette, but I could see based on who was approaching her from the rear that she wasn’t gonna get that chance. Two police officers that were both a head taller than her combined with the bouncer dude to form an effective circle around her, with the cops more aggressively explaining that she couldn’t smoke there.
So here was this tiny little brunette girl, about 5’1 and 110 pounds, looking very intimidated as she looked up to these three big guys bearing down on her like Hitler’s Gestapo. Her friends, one guy and one girl who looked about 21 but who I had barely even noticed began to walk away, but girly lit up my night she tilted her head down and put the cigarette in her mouth to take one more drag, kneeling down to crush out the mostly smoked cigarette on the pavement as she exhaled with the cops watching from above. Even three beefy dudes demanding she put out her cigarette this instant wasn’t gonna stop this girl from taking that final drag. She held the cork filter butt in her fingers as she walked behind the friends towards the nearest garbage can to toss it, with residual smoke still spilling from her face several seconds after walking away from the cops. Much as I despised, hated, and resented the cops for taking away a more extensive sighting for me, I must confess that the scene created and her response to it made the sighting that much more awesome. If the cops were anything like me, they were probably wondering if this girl was even legal to smoke!
I made a point of passing by this girl and her group several more times that night and the closer look at her face made it seem possible she was a few days removed from her 21st birthday, but honestly I still don’t know as this girl could have passed off as a middle-schooler in study hall. Her trademark look, including the purple top, the adorable headband, ponytail, and tight pale blue jean shorts made her easy to spot in the sparse crowd. At one point about a half hour after the big encounter I had just walked into the beer gardens and watched emerging from outside the fence, kicking myself that she probably wandered off to the boonies somewhere to smoke another cigarette and I missed it. I basically only saw two drags, but they were enough to assure this girl a blog spot in my Summerfest Hall of Fame.
And as a final aside, Summerfest follows a strange pattern every year where the police enforce the smoking ban on opening night only before conceding defeat the next three nights when the crowds get larger and smoking occurs right under their noses without incident. That pattern held up again in 2013, but unfortunately I didn’t get a full sighting on subsequent nights from my defiant little girl in purple.
#1. I was a little behind schedule with my road trips this summer but early last June I finally ventured to northeastern Iowa en route to Dubuque, but on the way I went through the twin cities of Waterloo and Cedar Falls for the first time since 2009. This was significant because I had an adorable 19-year-old girlfriend named Brooke (nonsmoker) from the area and we spent a lot of time there in 2009. While passing through the cities, for nostalgia purposes, I revisited our hotspots including the Texas Roadhouse where we went for steak dinner and the mall where we hung out and where we got very frisky in the parking lot one night. But the best memory from my time with Brooke was our August 2009 visit to the Lost Island water park. We went there on an absolutely perfect summer day and it brings a smile to my face every time I remember how much fun I had with my 19-year-old temptress in a teeny-weeny bikini that day. I had no plans to go into the water park that day, but pulled into the parking lot just for nostalgia’s sake, not expecting to do anything but check out the slides from afar. But fate would have something else in mind for me as I pulled into the mostly empty parking lot that sunny 70-degree early afternoon.
As I pulled up to the rows of cars I noticed right away a family where two women were smoking, but it quickly became clear they were overweight and middle-aged. Still, more smoking than I expected to see just by pulling into the Lost Island parking lot. Imagine my further surprise when I turned my eyes a few cars to the left to see more smokers. Immediately I saw a middle-aged brunette gal and an 18ish guy who I figured was her son smoking cigarettes, but needless to say their smoking wasn’t gonna do much for me…..but who was this younger-looking brunette in front of them and only barely within my sight range? As I was in the process of making out her appearance, I observed that she was a teenage girl…and that she was smoking a freshly lit cigarette.
She cooperated just enough with her performance to give me a decent look at her profile and it was clear that she was a major league cutie. My problem was the limited vantage point was not providing me much of a view….but also the presence of a fourth player still sitting inside the car who intrigued me. I could tell it was a young female by her hair poking over the passenger seat but it would be a couple of minutes before she opened the car door and got out revealing herself to be a 10ish girl who was not smoking. With that suspense out of the way, my focus was entirely directed towards the teen smoking brunette and it was obvious I would need to change my vantage point.
I slyly drove around to the front of the lot, briefly out of sight, and then returned to park directly behind them, successfully flying under their radar and allowing myself a front-row seat to an increasingly rare family of smokers sighting. My teen brunette was even more adorable than I originally suspected, looking about 16 or 17 with her face somewhat camouflaged within sunglasses but giving off a wholesome sweetheart Selena Gomez vibe. Most adorable, her body was partially covered by a towel, almost certainly with a bikini underneath. The towel was positioned in a way that just barely covered her butt dimples but revealed her smooth, long upper legs. I had plenty of time to admire her feminine profile because she was a slow smoker, taking plenty of time between drags, so much so that mom and the older brother had long ago finished their cigarettes while girly was still puffing on hers. But at the same time, the length of her drags and the volume of smoke pouring out of her mouth for those exhales made it clear she’d been doing this smoking thing a little while. Given my comfortable vantage point, I just sat back and took it in, not being annoyed at her slow smoking pace as I might be if I was more exposed, and admiring that shapely teen body leaning against the car door and smoking while talking to mom and big brother. I got to see a good seven or eight drags before she dropped the cigarette and stepped on it, following the family to the front gate of Lost Island for a day of fun in the sun. Now this sighting didn’t end in the ideal way I had hoped, with the towel being removed and the bikini body underneath revealed, but it was still my first bona fide rock star sighting of the summer.
As soon as they were in the park, I walked up to the cigarette and identified it as a Newport. Little girl is pretty hard-core! While I can still only rate June 3, 2012, as my second-best day ever visiting the Lost Island water park as that 2009 day with Brooke was pure magic, I still walked away getting far more than expected when I pulled into the lot just to take a nostalgic glance at the slides from afar.