2013 Local County Fair


Tuesday Night

For obvious reasons, I was nervous kicking off the 2013 local county fair.  With cigarettes now pushing $8 a pack in Minnesota, there was significant potential for the bottom to fall out on sightings.  And until day turned night, my fears were more than justified as smoking was almost nonexistent.  But starting at about 10:30, the night had a dramatic turnaround and the smoke started rolling in a way that I rarely see at my local fair.  A night where the first two hours produced all of two sightings ended with a very impressive 35 sightings, making this my third most prolific night for sightings ever at the FCF.  Now I need to qualify this surprisingly good news by adding that no single sighting blew my doors off and none of the smoker girls were instant Hall of Fame material.  The opening nights of 2011 and 2012 didn’t have as many sightings numerically, but there were classics those nights in a way that there wasn’t tonight. There was one sighting tonight likely to make my greatest hits because of how extensive it was, but beyond that I mostly hit singles and doubles.  Still, I left the fairgrounds tonight flying high as a kite given that an evening that started so bleak produced so many young females with cigarettes.

I arrived at the fairgrounds around 5:30.  I probably won’t get there that early again this week because nothing interesting goes on before dark at the FCF, but I was hungry for my gyro and even hungrier for fair sightings.  I pulled into my 87-year-old grandma’s garage and walked across the street, feeling the adrenaline rush as I approached the gate for the first moment of the 2013 fair season.  Right on cue, an incredibly hot teen blond in white shorts was the ticket taker at the gate…the same hot blond manning the gate for the past three years.  Welcome home, Mark!  Unfortunately the excitement atrophied abruptly after that as I perused the grounds for sightings that were nowhere to be found.  My paranoia about “$8 a pack cigarettes killing the golden goose” was looking prophetic, although I try not to panic too much based on an early evening drought, because it’s pretty rare that quality sightings transpire at the FCF before the grandstand show starts at 8:30.

While I ran into my barber again and saw my cousin and her husband from afar but avoided them, I had no distractions at all tonight as buddy Corey who I usually spend a lot of time at the fair with is off in Kansas City for the week with his wife and will miss the entire fair.  This could become a problem later in the week if I’m seen walking alone too much by the fairgrounds cops, but for tonight it ended up saving my bacon in a major way.  Anyway, I trudged around the grounds empty and demoralized for two hours.  I’ve mentioned before I make bargains with myself when I see a girl who is right on the line as to whether she’s good enough to count or not.  If I end up seeing another girl later on that fits the same mold, I count them combined as one sighting.  That was the case for my “first” sighting of the night as two mediocre early 20s girls were both only good enough to count as one sighting.  Pretty uninspired way to start the fair I know but that’s what I had to work with.

The next sighting was a little better.  At the back of the midway in line for the zipper, I could see two young women in their early 20s.  A plume of smoke went airborne as I noticed from afar and as I approached, I saw the cigarette in the hand of the mediocre brunette who wasn’t even good enough to count.  But the extremely slender blond behind her was much better looking and I was hoping just maybe she’d have a cigarette as well as I got in a position to see past the brunette in front of her.  And I’ll be damned if she did have a cigarette of her own.  She was wearing a black top and VERY skinny jeans over her slender profile.  She wasn’t a knockout beauty per se but she was far and away the best thing going before dusk tonight.  I watched her take a couple of drags before leaving.

At a little after 7:30 I went into the grandstand to take my seat for the Kellie Pickler concert.  The crowd was pretty good sized so I wanted my primetime seat overlooking the designated smoking area outside the grandstand (and into the beer gardens on the other side of the chain link fence).  The crowd was fairly young so the hope was some addicted young girls would be stepping out for a cigarette, but even if that wasn’t the case, there was still inevitably gonna be more action going on here than elsewhere on the completely dead grounds.  And sure enough, within moments, a pretty long-haired dark brunette in a long striped dress in the beer gardens was smoking a freshly lit cigarette.  I’ve definitely seen this girl before in prior years and suspect she’s older than she appears from a distance…probably early 30s.  But she’s very pretty and smoked nicely.  I was able to admire the show although her location wasn’t perfect for watching.

I’d see this brunette smoke another cigarette about a half hour later, only this time with another attraction upstaging her.  A few feet away from her in the beer gardens was this blond in a white dress hanging around with a chubby friend.  I got excited when the blond placed a cigarette between her lips and proceeded to do unlit talking dangles with the friend for a good 15 seconds while searching her purse for her lighter.  Unfortunately, the talking dangles stopped after the light-up but she was still a very skilled smoker, taking nicely timed drags with solid exhales.  As I studied her face, I figured she was late 20s, an assessment that was put into serious question a couple of hours later.  Aside from her pretty face (I’d rate her a 9), she also had an impressive body inside that dress, managing to be curvy in all the right places without appearing overweight, which is no easy task.

The smoking area itself was lackluster, producing nothing but white trash local types in the 25-65 range, none of them attractive….with one exception.  Standing outside the beer gardens talking to the aforementioned brunette smoker and her (woefully inadequate) husband was this 21ish dark brunette who looked at least partially Latina and who had a little baby in stroller.  She talked through the fence with the couple and I kept tabs on her for a good five minutes before it happened.  She stepped away from the fence, extracted an all-white cigarette from a black pack (must have been Camel Crush), inserted it into her mouth and fired up.  Mommy was having a cigarette break!  And she was a pretty hot mommy too with her long dark brown hair, slightly Hispanic-appearing features, tight white T-shirt and black shorts.  She was a skilled and clearly addicted smoker, and as I watched her smoke, I wondered what her association was with the brunette smoker on the other side of the fence.  They didn’t look a lot alike but it’s conceivable they were.  No way were they mother and daughter, but possibly sisters from another mistress.  Not sure but she was the lone highlight of the smoking area tonight.

Kellie Pickler’s concert started at 8:30.  I’ve always been lukewarm on her music and she was at my fair already four years ago (and hasn’t had a hit since!) so I was less tuned in than usual to the show.  This made for an easy choice when about halfway through the show, this foursome that included a guy and three 20-21ish girls walked out of the show and dawdled briefly in the smoking area.  Two of the girls were blond babes so I really wanted this one to pan out.  The guy had a pack of Marlboro Light Special Blends in his hand and I thought I was gonna hit the jackpot….until they kept walking into the grounds.  I watched in horror as they walked away, ultimately settling into this bench just beyond my sight of vision, but the last thing I was able to see was one of the blonds in the group with an unlit cigarette in her hand.  The lack of presence from buddy Corey was already coming in handy, because I was gonna leave this concert for a much better show outside the grandstand.  It was a controversial decision since I wouldn’t be able to get back in and get that seat again, but it was a decision that led me to the sighting of the night….

By the time I got out there, eight people were sitting on that bench, including the foursome that exited the show.  The guy was smoking a cigarette, along with a chubby brunette in a black dress who was cute enough to count but barely.  But the main attraction was THREE blonds (the two in the original group and another stray friend that met them on the bench) who were all smoking as well.  The blond on the north end of the table was okay looking but the least memorable of the three.  Her exhales were pretty nice, managing to shoot skyward based on the way she blew them even though she didn’t tilt her head up.  But the blonds on the south side of the bench were who my eyes were laser-focused on, and there was a convenient bench overlooking them that I sat at.  The blond closest to me was wearing a white top and jean shorts and was holding her cigarette behind her back.  It was hard to see drags from my angle, but from what I did see the drags were pretty long and she always did substantial skyward exhales.  Prettier yet though was the darker wavier-haired blond across the table from her, who was also a very nice smoker but much more obnoxious with her scattershot exhales which splattered either straight ahead towards the other smokers or in the direction of the three nonsmoking girls at the table to her left.  There was a deja vu factor to this girl and I may well have seen her at previous county fairs, but I couldn’t place her.  The only downside to this arrangement is that the prettiest girl of the seven at the table was the dark brunette immediately to the left of the wavy-haired dark blond…and she wasn’t smoking.

This sighting was the gift that kept on giving as the guy lit up another cigarette right after the first, and the wavy-haired blond wasted little time beckoning him for a drag.  Sadly it would be the last I’d see of her smoking though as she and three other girls got up to explore the fair, leaving just the pretty nonsmoking dark brunette, the chubby brunette smoker, and the jean-shorted blond with the skyward exhales seated along with the guy.  I kept close tabs on this group for about 15 minutes while still seated in a place where I could hear the concert.  The guy, the brunette, and the blond all took another cigarette and lit up after a few extra minutes of observation.  Unfortunately, the pretty brunette seemed to now officially be a nonsmoker given that everyone but her had by this time lit up.  But it was gonna be a pleasure to watch this blond smoke another one, still holding the cigarette behind her back and still exhaling skyward after every four-to-five second drag.  But then something unexpected happened when I took my eyes off of the group for about three seconds.  I looked their way and I saw the pretty brunette taking a drag from a cigarette!  When did she light that sucker up, I thought to myself, right before she answered the question by handing the cigarette back to the blond.  She only wanted one drag of the blond’s cigarette.  Still, it was enough to complete my masterpiece, counting her as the fifth smoker of this group and still getting to enjoy watching the blond smoke the rest of her cigarette.  Clearly this was the high point of my night.  None of these girls individually was Hall of Fame worthy but the wild ride they took me and the robustness of the tobacco they smoked pretty much assures they’ll find their way to my top-25 fair sightings of 2013.

At some point during the 25-minute megasighting of this group, I wandered the grounds to the other side of the grandstand to see if there were smokers outside the gate there too….and there were.  I got three modest sightings, the best of which was an early 20s bottle blond smoking with a gal about 10 years her senior and singing along with Kellie Pickler.  But I was in for an even better treat when I went back to my original side of the grandstand and looked into the fence inside the beer gardens.  A very pretty and impossibly wholesome mid-20s light brunette in a long striped dress was smoking a freshly lit cigarette in the company of two nonsmoking guys.  She gets the second prize in the “definitely doesn’t look like a smoker yet there she is smoking” category of the night.  Her style was average, but seeing a girl like this with a cigarette was a victory.  I was able to see about three drags before the crowd became uncooperative and obstructed my vantage point inside the beer gardens.  I saw the girl again towards the end of night, this time alone and not smoking (although I’m wondering if she might have just finished one).  She was cutting across a grassy area through the farm equipment and I orchestrated a “near collision” where I’d get to see her face upclose.  She was as pretty and wholesome as I suspected, and I only wished I could have had a more close-up sighting than through that beer garden fence.

I was on a helluva roll that half hour, but interestingly the roll ended when the concert ended.  My hopes of a flurry of nicotine-addicted girls exiting the grandstand and lighting up didn’t materialize, but what did was my heartbreaker of the night.  A group of a half dozen or so high school girls of the wholesome-yet-sexy variety huddled in the smoking area as if they were waiting for somebody.  I was praying I’d see girls of this caliber light up, and thought if I had some patience whoever was meeting them there would light up with them.  Well the first part of my plan came together awesomely and incredibly unexpectedly….as the two people that met them were the pretty “curvy-but-not-chubby” blond in the white dress and her heavier friend who were smoking inside the beer gardens earlier.  Suddenly I didn’t think that blond was late 20s anymore…but she clearly wasn’t a high school girl either since she was allowed into the beer gardens.  Some of the high school girls in the group were just adorable and I wanted them all to light up like you can’t believe.  Unfortunately, they all just migrated away into the grounds without smoking.  I caught up to them not long afterwards and they were seated at a table eating ice cream.  I kept going back hoping they’d light up after eating, but they never did and eventually they were just gone.  Like I said, the only real disappointment of the night where all signs pointed to tobacco use but it never happened.

A good half hour went by after the show ended before I saw something else, but it would end up being a girl who factored very importantly over the evening.  I was going through the midway before I had my “finally” moment, seeing this dyed-blond babe in a green top and tight jeans smoking an all-white.  She had a definite weathered party girl look.  I would have figured her mid-to-late 20s but the rest of her group seemed younger (as in early 20s) so it’s possible years of heavy smoking were taking a toll.  Another barely qualifying plain jane brunette was smoking with her but they were huddled around this bench on the midway that prevented me from getting a closer look.  Little did I know I’d have several more opportunities to get that closer look….

About 10-15 minutes later I was on the main street of the fairgrounds which is full of food vendors and there’s my bottle blond with her instantly identifiable neon yellow-green top, at the edge of a group and wielding yet another cigarette.  I was able to get a closer look this time and admired how this girl’s face screamed “long-time heavy smoker” as she took deep drags and produced very large and cloudy exhales.  Another barely qualifying girl in her group was also smoking and couldn’t hold a candle to the main event.  The bleach blond was holding her pack of Camel Lights in her non-cigarette hand and I walked away from that sighting very pleased with her bounty for the night.  But lo and behold she still wasn’t done!  Another 15-20 minutes later I saw her and the group heading down the midway again, and she was wielding yet another freshly lit cigarette.  An exhale soon followed and the blast released from her ashtray mouth nailed this nonsmoking guy beside her in the face.  I wasn’t in a position to watch this one too closely but I was able to pass her and get one final close look at that weathered heavy smoker girl look.  For all I know this girl could have just turned 21….but my gut said 27-28 based on her face.  That’ll happen when you smoke eight packs of cigarettes a day!  Sorry, Governor Dayton!  Your efforts to price cigarettes out of existence aren’t gonna deter this little emphysema girl one damn bit!

And going back to that bench on the midway where I first saw the chainsmoker of the night suck down the first of her three cigarettes in a half hour, I would later see this pretty mid-20s brunette in a green dress smoking in the company of a couple of friends.  It was a struggle to get a good vantage point to watch her smoke just as it was with the blond before her at this spot, but once again fate was on my side as I saw the same girl with the same two smoker friends (both modest by comparison) smoking again on some benches in the center of the fairgrounds.  I was able to sit down and watch some of the show this time.  Nothing really special style-wise, but it was a joy to see a haze of smoke flowing from her face after every drag.

Things went really nuts in the last half hour and I can’t do justice to everything I saw.  This 18ish light brunette in a gray top who didn’t look like a smoker immersed herself in a group of mostly nonsmokers (one other guy was smoking) with cigarette in hand at the edge of the midway.  She was only a 6 beauty-wise, decked out in a gray top and jeans, but there was a wholesomeness about her that flied in the face of the cigarette smoke she was spewing.

And from that sighting I progressed to the area between the 4-H food stand and the cattle barn, which forever reason seems to draw the naughty kids after 11 when the 4-H food stand closes.  In the course of walking by I saw three underage or barely legal boys light up followed by three girls who all appeared underage as well.  Now don’t get too excited as the three girls were all 5’s and 6’s beauty-wise, but one of them was very petite (we’re talking like 5’1″ and 105 pounds) decked out in a white T-shirt and jean shorts and from afar she looked like a 13-year-old with a freshly lit cigarette.  As was the case too often tonight, particularly with the crowd now sparser, there was no good place to stop and watch this for long without getting busted, but I managed to see three or four drags from all three teen girls and it was pretty obvious they were not new or social smokers by the volume of their exhales.  The little one was only modestly cute but she raised her cute factor quite nicely with her smoking performance.  I would make a point of walking past this area every few minutes for the rest of the night for obvious reasons, and as I continued I saw a new 17-18ish girl joined the mix, although at least temporarily sans a cigarette.  It was this pretty brunette wearing a pink top with tight jeans, and she was much prettier than any of the original three teens.  Lo and behold, on my next pass after originally observing her, there she stood with cigarette in hand puffing away while conversing with the others who at that point were no longer smoking.

Then more crazy excitement at the edge of the midway when two separate groups were a few feet apart and breaking out cigarettes.  The first one I noticed was a group of a half dozen guys with only one girl, but suffice it to say the one girl in the group stood out, wearing a blue dress with a long white bottom flowing from the hip.  She looked early-to-mid-20s and lit up with most of the guys in the group.  She was the winner of the “wouldn’t believe she smoked if I hadn’t seen it myself” award for the night as she seemed really wholesome and unlikely to be a smoker.  She was a light brunette with medium-length hair and about an 8.5 on the beauty spectrum. I was surprised at how frequent and skilled her drags and exhales were.  Somehow this seemingly wholesome girl has managed to not only become addicted to cigarettes, but also finds herself keeping company exclusively with guys, offering an interesting contrast between the tomboy profile and the very feminine dress she was wearing.

And while that sighting was playing out, the group beside them was a group of teenagers (they looked 16-18) and several within their tight huddle were lighting up, including two girls who both looked cute and wholesome.  Unfortunately, the nature of the huddle prevented me from getting good looks at the girls that were pretty entrenched in the middle of it, surrounded by others.  I pushed my luck to the limit walking past them like four times trying to get a better look but I just didn’t fulfill the potential of this sighting with what limited amount of smoking I actually so.  The only good thing that happened with this sighting is that I was there when the huddle broke apart and saw the cutest girl in the group was a petite 17ish blond who I had definitely seen with a cigarette in that huddle and who was really hot.  I just wish I had been able to see more of her.

Now, closing the writeup is a wild chain of events only possible at the interconnected small town local fair. All of this played out in about five minutes.  I was walking to the increasingly sparse south side of the grounds which pretty much buttons up after 11 when all the buildings and food vendors close for the night, but sitting at a table outside a closed building were two teenage girls, one of whom was a cute 17ish ponytailed blond in a black T-shirt and jean shorts.  For whatever reason the duo set off my radar, and especially this blond, but they were just chatting and I saw no sign of tobacco use as I started to walk away.  At that moment, I saw the huddle of guys with the one wholesome smoker girl I had just seen at the edge of the midway moments earlier….and I could see the girl in the group was at the tail end of her cigarette.  This was my opportunity to follow just long enough to identify my first cigarette butt of the night.  She took three final drags as she walked before dropping the butt to the ground and gingerly crushing it out.  I had no problem identifying it as a Marlboro Menthol, once again impressing me as that’s a pretty badass cigarette for a girl as wholesome-appearing as she was.

I proceeded northward, planning to make one more quick loop through the midway before calling it a night.  As I approached the edge of the midway I saw this tiny brunette in a T-shirt and tight jeans.  Her profile made her look about 14 but she had some ugly tattoos so I figured she was just a petite 21-year-old who made the foolish mistake of getting a bunch of nasty tattoos on her arms.  But suddenly I got a little more interested when I saw the redness eminating from her jeans pocket looked a lot more like a pack of Marlboro Reds than the cell phone I at first assumed it was.  I increased my pace and identified it was indeed a pack of Marlboro Reds.  She wasn’t smoking but I was still gonna count her, and as I was about to walk away, she yelled out to another nearby group and quickly immersed herself with them.  That’s when it happened again…the only place every year when I see visibly pregnant women and girls smoking is at the local county fair, and here was a blond who looked about six months pregnant with a smoldering cigarette in hand.  She wasn’t very cute but cute enough to count as a sighting, particularly since she was publicly smoking while pregnant.  And as I walked by this scene, who do I see talking to the pregnant smoker but that teen blond I took an interest in about two minutes earlier sitting outside the closed building.  Her face looked incredulous as she was watching the pregnant smoker standing there with her cigarette.  The blond didn’t seem fiercely judgmental or anything, but you could see a look of surprise on her face as I walked past and then proceeded down that final midway run of the night, on which I came up empty.  It was time to go home, but before I did I was gonna walk past that area by the 4-H food stand one more time just to see if they had another new teen smoking recruit since 7-8 minutes earlier….

Now even I wasn’t expecting this, but standing there (unfortunately in an incredibly inconvenient location with high school dudes all around her) was the blond from five minutes earlier who had just been, presumably, expressing mild annoyance at the pregnant smoker.  Now she was the one with the cigarette.  This sighting could have been a classic but I had already walked through this area several times in the past half hour and there was simply no way I could watch her smoke without being detected 20 times over by the rest of the group who had already seen more than enough of me.  It was both an awesome and frustrating way to end the night, and all I can hope for is that she resurfaces smoking on one of the next four nights…only smoking somewhere where I can stop and take in the show.

I left the grounds tonight pretty elated…not as elated as I was leaving the grounds after the first night of sightings in 2011 and 2012, but the sheer number of sightings I scored in a pretty narrow timeframe was impressive and very unexpected with what just happened in Minnesota.  Starting with 35 sightings, I’m well on my way to improving upon last year’s below-average 117 sightings, and am even on pace to top 2010’s 144 sightings if this average somehow managed to hold (not likely). And writing this up I have to acknowledge that it was a very solid night of sightings quality-wise as well, but the “right place, right time” factor for taking the sightings in wasn’t as perfect as it was in some previous years.  Plenty of time for that to change though.  Tomorrow is the first of the official “smokefree days at the fair” (only the area outside the grandstand where I sit will officially allow smoking) but that didn’t go over particularly well last year on Saturday and I’m not expecting tough enforcement this year either, especially after dark.  With that said, I’m very doubtful 35 (!) sightings will be repeated tomorrow either.  I don’t know how I continue to do it, but a great night at the FCF and an amazing turnaround after the dismal first two hours.

Wednesday Night

Night two at the county fair yielded a much more modest number of 21 sightings compared to last night’s 35.  Now 21 is not a particularly impressive number, but what the evening lacked in quantity it more than made up with in quality.  And in contrast to yesterday’s incredibly slow start, tonight’s festivities began within literal seconds after I stepped into the gate….

I guess I had taken a brief mental note of a family that walked into the fair gate ahead of me that included a dark brunette late teen daughter in a sexy red Minnesota Twins tanktop and dark blue jean shorts, but my main priority at the gate was to get the same hot blond ticket taker chick from the previous night rather than the old man next to her.  Unfortunately, I ended up with the old man, and he and the other ticket takers were wearing their obligatory “Smoke Free Wednesday and Saturday” T-shirts that further annoyed me.  But I had about three seconds to feel sorry for myself before looking up from the man and seeing a huge geyser of airborne smoke rising from the family that went in ahead of me.  At first I noticed cigarettes in the hands of the working-class parents.  But then I saw the late teen daughter (I figured she was 18 or 19) had a freshly lit cigarette of her own….and she was boogeying the other direction with cigarette in tow.  Only 30 seconds into Day 2 of the local county fair, I knew I had probably already seen the best sighting of the night.  Little did I know it would become the sighting to beat for best FCF sighting of 2013….

The girl was really hoofing it to whatever her destination was and I was a good 50 yards behind when I first noticed her, meaning I was damn near running to catch up.  Eventually I did but had to continue a brisk pace as the girl was clearly in a major hurry.  But however much of a hurry she was in, she wasn’t so distracted as to neglect her cigarette.  Far from it.  She was dragging copiously while strutting through this fairgrounds at top speed like she owned the place, recklessly and obnoxiously exhaling plumes of smoke that didn’t nail anyone directly but created lingering clouds that people were noticing.  Either this girl didn’t know about “Smoke Free Wednesday” or didn’t give a flying fuck because she was doing whatever she pleased.  It was such an unimaginably sexy image, seeing this very pretty barely legal dark brunette marching through the fairgrounds with a combination of supercharged summertime feminine sex appeal and complete confidence in her image.  Much as I hate tattoos, even the couple small tattoos on her shoulder and ankle couldn’t break my admiration for her.  Several people watched this girl zip past them and while nobody said anything, but their body language screamed “is this girl for real??”

There was one brief point where I walked parallel to her to get a look at her face to see if it lived up to the body profile…and it did.  She looked exactly like actress Marla Sokoloff circa 2001, the high school girl receptionist from the legal drama “The Practice” at the time (and who played a teen smoker on “Full House” a few years earlier!), and this girl had her same “brash beauty” profile.  I hung back after that though so she wouldn’t see me…plus I wanted to see that ass continue its rapid march through the grounds.  She ended up walking towards this commercial exhibits building, and I was wondering if she worked at one of the booths and was running late….hence her sprinting.  She ended up stopping right before the entrance to the building and crushed her half-smoked cigarette out on the pavement before sticking it into a pack I couldn’t read.  She then proceeded inside the building and ended up signing some application form–most likely for some prize drawing–at a booth for this retirement home in town, briefly interacting with the middle-aged women running the booth while doing so.  This was what she was in this epic hurry for!??!?!  Whatever the case, I sat at an open bench inside the building waiting to see what would happen when she was finished.  I’d get my answer in only a couple of minutes as she strutted past me within mere inches of me.  It was so tempting to just lift my hand to touch that world-class ass of hers but I somehow resisted…..

Now this girl hadn’t let me down one damn bit since I first laid eyes on her so I had high hopes the cigarette would be relit as soon as she exited the building.  Her streak of not letting me down continued as the first thing she did upon walking through that door was to fetch what remained of that cigarette she had just put out.  I stood outside observing in awe as she let the half-smoked cork filter dangle from her lips from a couple seconds before relighting it.  Sweet Jesus did I want to copulate with this girl.  And in moments she was met by a couple of hot dark blond friends who seemed to appear out of nowhere.  I was hopeful for additional smoking among the friends, but they never lit up.  It was cool though because while these girls were hot, they lacked the brunette’s volcanic IT factor.  The newly formed threesome progressed through the grounds, the brunette still unashamedly brandishing her contraband cigarette through the smokefree grounds almost daring someone to say something so she could put it out on their face….

I was fiddling with my phone at this point trying to snap some photos.  It’s so hard to take frontal pics in motion without getting caught but I got some marginal ones and a couple of nice rear photos.  But I’m grateful that I lifted my eyes from my phone long enough to notice her best exhale of the day….a blast that chugged out of her face like a gush of exhaust from a coal-powered 1870s freight train going up a big hill.  Best of all, one of the two nonsmoking friends was acting as unintentional interference because she would ending up wearing that exhale right in the face.  The trio continued down the midway and I was gonna identify that cigarette butt even if it was my last act on this planet.  She made it easy for me by dropping it to the dirt after her final drag and then standing in line at the ticket counter.  The smoldering butt was a red logo Camel cork filter.  I hovered in the general area and in moments my smoker babe and her two girls met back up with her parents briefly while getting in line for carnival rides.  I’ve been going to this fair since 1982 and never in my life have I had such an exhilirating ride in the moments after entering the grounds….and I don’t expect I ever will again!

I did a quick loop around the main part of the fairgrounds and it was all the reminder I needed that nothing else worth mentioning was going on at the fair at this hour….so I might as well get my ass back to the midway to keep an eye on Marla Sokoloff’s Midwestern baby sister.  Not 10 minutes had passed and I saw her and the friends again hovering near the rides.  Guess who was smoking another cigarette?  I will now defy the second commandment (or whatever the hell it is!) and begin worshiping this “false God” who by herself was rendering the fair’s latest smoke-free night a horrible failure.  I snapped a couple other mediocre pics and got one with cigarette in hand, but I had to be careful at this point because there’s no way she hadn’t spotted me by now.  But I kept a close distance as she moved to the front of the midway, continuing to smoke away on her second cigarette of the last 10 minutes.  The hottest part was when her friends found a food stand they wanted to buy from, selling french fries and cheese curds.  The stand had a few windows open on all sides and while my brunette was waiting for the others to order food, she paced back and forth next to the stand, and at least one of her exhales flowed right into the food stand.  It was just getting ridiculous at this point.  The girl was like a time warp from 1981 dropped right into “smoke-free Wednesday” at my local fair.  She finally surrendered the butt and crushed it out.  I waited for them to leave and I proceeded to identify my second butt from her, but I was confused as this butt was an all-white–a Marlboro Light Special Blend–and her first cigarette was a Camel Red.  Clearly there was some sort of wheeling and dealing going on with her parents where she ended up with one of their cigarettes at one of their two encounters.  Whatever the case, two butts of two different brands in my pocket from this sexpot.  Remember what I said yesterday about nothing good ever happening before dark at the county fair?  Forget all that!

Actually don’t forget it because the next half hour was as dead as the evening before, aside from the fact that I ran into Cousin Judd who was going to the Sawyer Brown concert.  I talked to him for awhile and found out he was there alone as well since his girlfriend is sick.  I averted a crisis and told him I was meeting my friend Corey (leaving out the part that Corey is in Kansas City all week!) because there was no way I was giving up my seat overlooking the smoking area and beer gardens.  We parted company after about 10 minutes of chatting and I would thankfully not run into him again, although he’s coming to the fair two more times this week so there’s still potential for more entanglements with him.

By about 7:45, I took my seat for the concert with only one sighting (although the word “only” can hardly be used to describe that sighting!).  But the grandstand was still pretty empty and there was nobody smoking to be seen from my prime location, so I decided I’d take one more little loop around the grounds just to see what was shaking.  My instinct was right as I was rounding the BINGO stand and saw a cute young mother with a daughter who looked two or three, and the mother was wielding a cigarette.  She was standing in an obscure spot where she’d be very unlikely to be busted for smoking even if the fairgrounds cops spotted her.  I hovered in the area with my camera phone trying to get a very risky photo in (sadly nothing good took although I did end up with an OK rear photo).  She was a long-haired dark brunette wearing a fairly conservative gray top and jeans, with some pretty badass-looking sunglasses contrasting with a wildly wholesome face.  The name Selena Gomez gets dropped quite a bit when trying to describe wholesome baby-faced brunettes.  This girl didn’t “look” like Selena Gomez per se, but she had Selena’s wholesome aura and while the sunglasses just barely gave her enough chutzpah to look a little like a smoker, if the sunglasses weren’t there I doubt I’d have suspected her.

But the sighting took a weird turn when from around the corner comes this complete tool of a boyfriend/husband, this shrimpy loser-looking would-be bad boy.  He couldn’t have been more than 5’4″ and she was at least three inches taller than him.  If the movie can be called “20,000 Leagues Under the Sea”, this guy could be referred to as 20,000 Leagues Above His Capabilities in the presence of this girl.  The couple progressed from there into the midway with the young daughter, and the girl was putting the final touches on her cigarette.  Her style was pretty decent although with no distinctive bells and whistles.  I figured I’d have another easy butt identification but figured wrong as I discovered at some point she lost the cigarette.  I retraced her steps and found no cigarette butts that were definitively hers, but still walked away happy as this sighting would never have happened if I hadn’t left the grandstand to explore a little bit.  Now I had heading to the grandstand though.

While Sawyer Brown was pretty good (they have about two dozen major hits spanning way back to the mid-80s), they were better when they were here before in 2005.  But I may have had a chip on my shoulder because the concert was accompanied by virtually no smoking.  The group drew an older audience since they haven’t had a hit since 1999 and few young people would know them well, but I was unprepared for the wholesale dearth of smokers under 40 in the smoking area.  Even the beer gardens yielded exactly one sighting, and it was mediocre.  I nonetheless stayed at the concert almost to the end, but left about 10 minutes early thinking something had to be going on on the grounds that was better than this!  And once again I was right….

As I was leaving the fairgrounds, I passed a mid-20s duo that included a very plain jane light brunette and a much more attractive dark brunette.  I thought I heard the words “cigarette” from the light brunette but wasn’t sure as she wandered in the direction of the smoking area.  Sure enough as the two of them were standing near the smoking area, they stared towards it for awhile as if not being sure that’s where it really was.  The fact that it was empty at the time didn’t give them any answers.  So they just decided they were gonna hover back in the grassy area where I stood (near the bench where I got the large group of smokers sighting last night) and smoke their cigarettes someplace illegal.  From out of nowhere, a duo of guys they seemed to know joined them and the two gals produced cigarettes.  The light brunette was so mediocre I didn’t even count her but the dark brunette was another story.  She was a very natural beauty with great features, decked out in a white blouse and tan shorts with long legs stemming out from those shorts.  There were no stylistic flourishes but she smoked it nicely with solid pacing on her drags and cloudy exhales which were usually blown to her right.  She had to have seen me eyeballing her especially during those exhales but it was worth it as she was the first hot smoker I had seen in two hours.  She dropped the cigarette to the grass and crushed it out with her shoe, and her group cooperatively dispersed within about a minute allowing me to swoop in and identify her butt….a Marlboro Light.

After that I went back into the midway and who did I see?  The brunette Marla Sokoloff clone, seemingly by herself at this point waiting next to a ride, with yet again another freshly lit cigarette in hand.  With cigarettes now $8 a pack, does this girl spend $50 a day on cigarettes?!?!?    Unfortunately the third time was not the charm with her as she proceeded between a couple of rides and when she got to the other side of the midway, she stubbed out the half-smoked cigarette and put it in her purse to save for later.  Even so, three cigarettes in one night was enough to further cement her standing in FCF Hall of Fame.

Another smoker who may still make my HOF with as productive as she continues to be is last night’s mid-20s dyed blonde who I saw smoking three Camels was back with her smoking friends tonight.  She was still holding her pack of Camels in hand just like the night before, but I only saw her smoking once tonight.

Now having gotten a little cocky thinking I heard a girl mention cigarettes only minutes earlier and having my suspicion confirmed, overhearing what I thought was another reference to “having a cigarette” got me into a detour that was unproductive but still ultimately led me to great things.  This group of very wholesome 16ish good girl types were walking through the north side of the grounds en route to the midway.  I twice thought I heard the cutest girl in the group of about eight–a blond in white shorts–say she was gonna “have a cigarette”, but it seemed unthinkable that anybody in this group of good girls would smoke.  And they didn’t….but I followed them onto the midway and kept close tabs on them for well over an hour just in case I heard right.  But the back of the midway where they led me to had other stuff going on, starting with a dark blond teen cutie I got just a brief glimpse of taking a drag amidst a tight huddle of teens and exhaling into the tight huddle which prompted a nonsmoking girl to wave the smoke from her face.  Wish I could have seen more of this one but with the setting it just wasn’t gonna happen.

Now it’s time to relay two disturbing trends.  First, the statistical findings of a growing male smoking gap have often seemed to have legs at this year’s FCF.  Sadly, some of the most adorable teen girls I’ve come across (and in some of the sexiest, form-fitting shorts to boot) are in the company of guys that smoke even though all evidence points to the girls not being smokers.  There are few things more infuriating than a guy who doesn’t get his hot girlfriend to become a smoker.  Even more disturbing, I’m finally starting to see more substantial usage of electronic cigarettes, seeing three guys and three girls with them tonight.  Worst of all, most newer electronic cigarettes are not even in the shape of a cigarettes, basically looking like some piece of shit plastic noisemaker.   I guess I was skeptical these things would catch on among younger smokers no matter how expensive cigarettes got, but apparently $8 a pack in Minnesota was the tipping point.  Not to be a total downer, however, one of these electronic cigarette sightings has a happy ending yet to come….

Now the pinnacle of these observations came at the back side of the midway near the “big kid rides” after following those wholesome mid-teens who I falsely thought I heard say “having a cigarette”.  They never did come through, but they led me to somebody else who did.  As I was finally getting ready to exit the midway, here came a cluster of four guys and two girls with one very familiar face.  It was last year’s 15-year-old Selena Gomez lookalike (FCF #8), the star sighting of the 2012 FCF who I saw smoking three cigarettes last year, including two of them only a few minutes apart.  Well she’s back…and she’s got herself yet another cigarette for 2013!   First of all, she doesn’t look at all like Selena Gomez anymore, even though I still instantly identified her.  With another year of maturity, that innocent look she was rocking last year is gone….and now she looks much more confident and mature….and suffice it to say her smoking style has matured as well.  Last year she was sort of on the line with some noticeably beginner drags and exhales interspersed with a few that looked a little more skilled.  Fast forward to August 1, 2013, and she was sticking the landing with every deep drag and every robust, cloudy exhale.  For such occasions in the future, I need to make sure I print off certificates of graduation to hand out to these girls.

At least when I first saw her, she was the only one of the group of six smoking.  The only other girl with her was the same Hispanic or Asian (not sure which, maybe a mix) friend who was among her entirely female posse last year.  But some dudes with good taste have latched onto this action and are keeping close company with this fast-maturing smoker.  The Asian friend got nailed at least once with a reckless and cloudy exhale and the guys were never far away from her blasts either.  They formed a circle near the back of the midway and my brunette, who by the way was rocking a white tanktop and very tiny black shorts showing off those long legs of hers, was joined by one of the males in the group who lit a cigarette of his own, although I think it might have come from her pack.  Whatever the case, I tried to get my first after-dark photo but it was just too risky at this spot, so I awkwardly settled back and watched the show, proud of last year’s little girl smoker for having matured into a woman smoker even if she’s still only 16 (or possibly 17).  She crushed out the cigarette into the dirt and much as I wanted to identify it, the guy was still smoking his cigarette so I knew I’d have to wait.  Thankfully she helped me pass the time nicely by digging a white hoodie out of her bag and slipping it on, hood included.  It was a pretty cool night, but there’s no cuter contrast than a hoodie and a pair of the tiniest shorts you’ve ever seen.  Eventually she and the group walked away and I approached the cigarette butt.  It warmed my heart to see she was sticking with Newports.

As I made yet another attempt to exit the midway, I’d hit yet another speed bump in the form of a somewhat older couple (probably late 20s) that included a very attractive blond wife in a conservative blouse and jeans.  She didn’t look like a smoker and had a distinctive beauty, making it all the more entertaining to observe her in the company of her “plain john” nonsmoking husband.  Better yet, the couple briefly settled in with a group of people they knew and she continued to be the only one smoking despite being by the far the most attractive person in the group.  I hung around and when they pressed forward I followed, taking in a couple direct hits from her exhales.  I was gonna follow her to the point where I could identify her butt, but they found another couple they knew to stop and converse with so I cut my losses and pressed on.

Once again, my timing was impeccable as I now FINALLY got out of the midway and was heading up to the north side of the grounds for a drink of water.  And who was coming my direction but the mid-teen Newport girl that used to look like Selena Gomez and her group of friends.  The same guy who smoked before was smoking again now….and so was the Newport brunette who is probably at least a pack a day smoker by now.  I couldn’t linger and watch as I did before (which by the way was at most 10 minutes earlier) but hovered just long enough to see a couple more drags and exhales, and they continued to dazzle well beyond her tender years.  The beauty of the FCF is it’s my only venue where I have a reasonable expectation of seeing smoker girls mature year to year given its relatively small size compared to other venues.  With luck, Newport Selena will return in the next three nights and dazzle me some more.

The night had a couple more treats for me as I stitched together more sightings during the 11:00 hour.  On the block outside the beer gardens I could see from afar that a duo of early 20s gals was smoking.  The one facing me was this short-haired brunette in a shoulderless dress holding her cigarette in a sexy pose.  She had the best presentation but was nonetheless an afterthought when I walked past her and noticed a familiar-looking blond smoking behind her.  Even though it’s been six years now, I immediately identified the blond smoker as the high school girl who was smoking while posing for photos with her nonsmoking friends on the midway on the Friday night of the 2007 county fair, which remains on my blog as FCF #39 in my top-45 FCF sightings of all-time.  I saw her again smoking the next summer, which was probably right after she graduated high school.  The girl is likely 23 now and still has a more mature variation on the same distinctive look she had then….and she also still smokes those stinky cigarettes she did back then!  She was wearing a bright orange top and black leggings that nicely advertised her ongoing sex appeal.  I watched her smoke and while her style wasn’t distinctive, it was still rock-solid and I appreciated the throwback to 2007.

It would have been hard to imagine after spotting her that she’d only be the second-best player in this sighting, but she would be as this shorter blond who was talking to the brunette in the shoulderless dress was suddenly putting something cylendrical in her mouth.  With all these cute smokers surrounding her, I failed to even notice this girl was the prettiest of the bunch…and she got even prettier when a flame from a butane lighter ignited a few inches in front of her face followed by a release of gray carcinogenic fumes from her lungs.  She was such a cutie, a bleach blond with a sweet wholesome face and little ponytail in the back, wearing a stylish white blouse and tight dark blue jeans.  Her drags her were the most solid of the three smoker girls and her exhales were the most voluminous.  She turned her head to the right for those exhales, tilted slightly skyward, and released tight and far-reaching exhales that sailed far in front of her face…..

I watched her smoke most of the cigarette, but after the other two smokers in the group (there were a couple dudes hovering in the background as well) finished their cigarettes they started to walk deeper into the grounds.  But my adorable little blond wasn’t done with hers yet so she followed them onto the main street of the fairgrounds, full of food vendors and people who had no place to go to avoid the secondhand toxins she was exposing them to.  She was a little more considerate than my Marla Sokoloff lookalike with her exhales but there just isn’t that many places for the smoke to go without asphyxiating some people in this setting.  Unfortunately, she and the brunette waited at the end of the block because the orange-topped blond and her boyfriend were standing in line to buy some food.  She finished the cigarette and crushed it out under her foot.  As I approached, I was deeply frustrated when I couldn’t tell which cigarette was hers.  I think it was a Camel Crush Bold, but cannot say definitively and the usual fresh ash smear that accompanies recently stomped out cigarettes was nowhere to be found.  Still, a great three-for-one sighting that saved its best smoker for last.  And like so many girls at this fair, I had a deja vu factor with this blond.  I may very easily have seen her in years past, perhaps smoking and perhaps not.

The last sighting of significance of the night came in seconds after I abandoned that sighting.  Remember how I said one of my electronic cigarette sightings had a happy ending?  Well earlier on the midway, I saw this 18ish couple amidst a cluster of friends where the guy was smoking a cigarette and his cutiepie wholesome light brunette girl in a green and white tanktop and blue shorts was smoking an electronic cigarette.  Fast forward about 45 minutes and the roles were reversed.  The guy was walking around with his little plastic friend in his mouth exhaling water vapor….but his cute little teenage girlfriend was the one with the cigarette exhaling cancerous smoke,  and from a freshly lit cigarette at that.  Sadly, this lasted all of a minute and two drags, as she proceeded to kneel down and stub the quarter-smoked cigarette out, saving the stub and carrying it around unlit as they approached the fairgrounds exit.

On my way out, I came across an obscure bench near the livestock buildings with three 18ish kids (two girls and a guy).  They were nothing to write home about but padded my numbers and got me to 21, leaving me at 56 so far for the FCF and leaving me sitting pretty to do at least as well as last year, which is good enough for me considering my tepid expectations following the huge tax increase.

Thursday Night

For the last two years, Thursday night has been a night of incredible sightings at the county fair, especially last year when SIX sightings from one evening made my FCF Top-45 list.  The streak of Thursday night greatness ended though as tonight was a largely average night, producing a numerically weak 16 sightings.  But the night had its attractions as well, including some repeat offenders, and will by no means rate as a total bust.  I got to the grounds at about 6:40 and once again managed to miss my favorite blond ticket taker, settling for the decent brunette next to her but still feeling disappointed.   Needless to say I was hoping for the same rock star opening to the evening as I got the previous night, but I could probably come to the fair 1,000 times before running into something like that again in the first minute.

I perused the grounds a good half hour before stumbling into an attractive female smoker, and once again the first sighting of the night was the best.  As I entered the midway, I saw a cluster of two guys, two girls and a stroller, and from the rear I noticed a slender, long-haired light brunette in white shorts had a freshly lit cigarette in her left hand.  Jackpot!  The group was hovered in front of a carnival game that someone in the group was playing.  And the second I laid eyes on the face of the smoker it was instant deja vu.  I was 90% sure I was looking at last year’s woolly beret girl, now probably 18 years old, who chain-smoked three cigarettes within an hour one night and who I saw smoking again two nights later.  The reason I was only 90% sure it was her is that she has a doppelganger at my fair who I also saw last year, a girl I presumed was an older sister because they looked so much alike.  Anyway, she was the only smoker in the group as the two guys with her weren’t smoking nor was the other mediocre female, who sadly was not the even hotter dark brunette that was with her in all of last year’s sightings.  The stroller had to belong to the other gal because there’s no way my skinny woolly beret girl had just delivered a baby within the last few months!

I hung back a bit and watched her smoke.  Unlike last night’s revisit from the girl who used to look like Selena Gomez, the woolly beret girl’s style hadn’t necessarily improved.  She was mediocre (and upstaged by the friend) last year and remained kind of mediocre this year.  But her IT factor more than compensated for the lack of style, and in moments the group began leaving the midway.  I scored a couple decent photos, both rear shots but one where her head is turned talking to the guy I presumed to be her nonsmoking boyfriend.  She walked through a very busy part of the grounds wielding her cigarette, dragging and exhaling without concern for where the smoke went.  That’s the woolly beret girl I remember and my confidence that it was her continued to rise.  As they scooted in between a food stand and a seating area, it was pretty clear they were going to that elephant show that’s back from last year.  I was starting to become concerned there’d be too much of a crowd for me to identify her butt, especially when she stopped right next to a garbage can on the ground to stub out the cherry while the rest of her group proceeded to the back of the elephant show seating.  I watched in horror thinking the evidence would be tossed into the trash, but I had a guardian angel watching over me tonight as for all the trouble she went to crush out the butt so gingerly right next to that garbage can, she let it lie there in the dirt as she caught up to the rest of the group.  I saw that it was a Camel Light, the same brand the woolly beret girl smoked last year.  The evidence was in and I could now confirm beyond a reasonable doubt that it was indeed her.

Now I didn’t see her smoking again but in the next half hour I’d see her and her group seated at the edge of the BINGO stand.  Remember last year she and the friend went to play BINGO right after they finished a cigarette so old habits appear to die hard with this stinky teen.  I kept coming back to the area hoping to see she was smoking again but she never did.  However I got a decent pic of her sitting there on the bench.  And later in the evening when I was at the concert, I looked over my shoulder at one point and caught her group for a literal split second passing by on the sidewalk behind.  I could have sworn she had another cigarette going but I can’t verify it with certainty.

I got one other minor sighting before taking my seat for the concert around 8:00.  The smoking area delivered big-time last year at Thursday night’s show and there was anecdotal evidence it would tonight as well with a younger country guy named Dustin Lynch performing and drawing a young female crowd.  It delivered better than the previous two nights but is still very disappointing this year.  Making matters worse, when I took my seat I was in close proximity to the IT factor girl of the night, this 15-16ish brunette superbabe in a cowgirl hat, a plaid country shirt and crazy tight white shorts with a belt.  I missed my chance to take a photo of her at one point when she was standing.  I had low expectations of her smoking but holy shit would she have been the girl of the century if she had.

And if you think that was bad, things got worse about 15 minutes later when who do I see walking up the steps near my seats but the girl who looked like Selena Gomez along with a wholesome-looking friend in a light purple dress.  She was wearing another of her tanktops and microscopic jean shorts, and was ascending the stairs and appearing to come to a stop right next to the row where I was seated, but then she and the friend turned left instead of right and migrated to a place out of view.  Still, I convinced myself this girl could never last the entire concert without smoking so I’d probably see her out in the smoking area soon enough…but I didn’t.  And after the concert, I spotted her and the friend with two guys on the midway.  I even followed them for a bit, but unlike last night my timing was off with her tonight as I didn’t see her smoke at all this evening.

And if you think that was bad, I have an even worse one for you from just before the show began.  From out of the seating area, I saw these two mid-teen girls stepping towards the smoking area with mischievous looks in their eyes.  One was a plain jane but the other was this absolutely adorable wholesome light brunette in a red tanktop and jean shorts.  They stopped briefly in the smoking area and I thought they were actually gonna do it, but then the cute one pointed straight ahead and nervously muttered something that led them to proceed.  I leaned over to look through the fence and watched them gravitate towards the center of the grounds.  Now it may be that they just went to the bathroom which is in that area but they resurfaced into the grandstand in just about the amount of time it would have taken them to sneak a cigarette behind the bathroom, and they came back empty-handed (as in they didn’t buy any food or drinks while away).  I’ll always have to wonder “what if” about this one.  And believe it or not I had an even bigger comedy of errors sighting at the end of the night, although at least with that one I had confirmation of smoking.

Despite Cousin Judd lingering around the smoking area at two intervals tonight and forcing me to look away so I wouldn’t get spotted, I did at least salvage something from both the smoking area and beer gardens tonight.  First, inside the beer gardens, the wholesome long-haired dark brunette who smoked two cigarettes inside the same area on Tuesday night was back with a female friend tonight.   I originally surmised she was in her early 30s but after getting a closer look at her tonight I doubt she’s older than 27 or 28.  She’s very attractive and slender, tonight rocking a black top and tight jeans.  The friend, who was also attractive but not in the dark brunette’s league, didn’t smoke but my brunette smoked two cigarettes again tonight while standing inside the beer gardens fence.

And around 9:00 as the concert was ongoing, I spotted a trio of young women inside the beer gardens standing up from the back table where they were seated.  I noticed that a 20-something cute blond with glasses wearing a feminine light blue dress was smoking a cigarette, but she was preparing to leave the beer gardens so I knew the show would be short-lived.  She dangled the stub for a few steps before taking a final drag and then crushing it out.  While I didn’t get to see much, the silver lining was that the threesome was entering the concert and I was able to get a better look at the blond smoker as she came in.  I’d guess she was mid-to-late 20s.  And her story still isn’t over because about 20 minutes later she stepped outside the grandstand into the smoking area and was foraging through her purse.  Finally, I thought, the smoking area is gonna deliver a young female smoker!  And it did as she extracted an all-white from her purse that looked like it came from a pack of Parliaments, which were popular about five years ago around here but have become kind of rare to see lately.  I got to watch her smoke the whole cigarette and she was pretty skillful with nicely timed drags and straight-ahead plumes of smoke that sailed in front of her face after every exhale.  It was a beautiful sight to see with her feminine profile in the light blue minidress.  She would eventually drop the cigarette to the ground in a spot that was easy for me to keep tabs on.  And when the concert got out I approached it, and sure enough, it was a Parliament.

The concert was the weakest of the three so far, with the singer having recorded only one album yet trying to squeeze enough material for a 90-minute show.  He ended up singing a bunch of other people’s material but did those idiotic sing-alongs where the audience ended up having to sing 80% of the song.  Anyway, I was preparing to leave after an hour but this trio of college-age girls hovering near the smoking area and talking to people on the other side of the fence in the beer gardens kept me around.  The girls all looked like they might have been of a smoker pedigree but I kind of dismissed them when they stood across the gate in front of the smoking area.  But after hovering there in a dark spot for about 10 minutes, all of the sudden I saw the most memorable girl of the three, a dark brunette in a white country girl dress, kneeling to the ground and flicking her lighter.  The lighter appeared to be going dead but eventually she fired up a cigarette.  What was hot about this is that she was smoking in a forbidden area, and if a cop had been there like usual, she would have been asked to step behind the gate.  It was too dark to appreciate, but I saw three drags inside the gate before she and the other two began to walk outside into the smoking area.  And as they did, the most modest girl of the three, a skinny dark blond in a white T-shirt and jeans, lit up a cigarette too.  The decently cute blond in a purple top and jeans was the only one of the three not smoking, but you’re probably thinking they finished their cigarettes in the smoking area.  You’d be wrong.  They kept walking onto the main part of the grounds and robbing me of a full sighting.  I really don’t get why this smoking area has become the very place girls DON’T GO when they want to smoke a cigarette.

I left the concert at about 9:40 with just a couple songs to go.  And after doing a loop around the main part of the grounds I returned to the smoking area.  And lo and behold, the three girls were back, albeit not smoking!  They’re only gonna hang out in the smoking area when they’re not smoking and then leave when they do light up!  Makes perfect sense, right?!?!?  Anyway, I got a very close look at them as I leaned against the gate pretending to watch the show.  The brunette who lit up inside the gate earlier was the prettiest and had the best presentation in that white dress.  She also had a squeaky voice that contrasted with her smoking.  The other two were decent and slightly above-average but none of the three girls were hot enough to be making any greatest hits list.  It surprised me that they weren’t inside the beer gardens rather than talking to people through the fence, because they looked like they were 21.  The dark blond even went so far as to let a guy inside the beer gardens give her a sip of his drink through a straw through the chain-link fence.  That made me certain the girls were under 21….until a few minutes later when two of the three took out their IDs and went inside.  In case you can’t tell, nothing about this sighting made sense.  Only the brunette hovered outside, apparently not old enough to get inside the beer gardens, and she stayed in that general area for the rest of the night, never lighting up again that I saw.

On a more positive note, as I went to the other side of the grandstand towards the end of the concert, I approached that quasi-smoking area and saw a cluster of four (two guys and two girls) where a hot-looking brunette who I saw only from the rear decked out in a plaid country girl top and tight dark jeans had a freshly lit cigarette protruding from her fingers.  As I got in a position to see her face, guess who?  It was Wednesday night’s star smoker….the Marla Sokoloff lookalike, who at this point is running away with the 2013 FCF.  Is this girl EVER NOT SMOKING?!??!  Unfortunately the positioning here was awful so all I could do was stick around for one drag and it was nice like the rest of her substantial body of work.  Nobody else in the group was smoking which made it even hotter.  I wouldn’t see her again tonight but I still have two more nights to see if she can further add to her cigarette total.

I’d see a couple other return smokers tonight as well, including one of those three mediocre teen brunettes that I saw Tuesday night and said were underage but all in the 5-6 range on the scale of 1-10.  The few seconds I saw her tonight yielded a nice moment though as a guy in her group was teasing her about something as she took a drag…and she proceeded to teasingly exhale into his face.  Had this been done by a girl with more IT factor it would have really been a huge trigger moment for me.  And, what else is new, the dyed blond who had the three-Camel night on Tuesday and smoked another cigarette last night was back smoking another one tonight.  Not sure why but this girl’s IT factor is only modest despite her weathered long-time smoker hotness.

Another one worthy of mention was this trio of girls that were probably all the same age, but one of them looked 23 and another looked 15….and the other was a mediocre nonsmoker.  Anyway, the one who looked 23 was the prettiest, with long light brown hair, tanned features, and wearing a white top and pink pants.  She was wielding a freshly lit cigarette on the main street of the fair and her more petite younger-looking friend (who was probably the same age, 19 or 20, but looked younger because she was so small) fired up her own cigarette.  Again, modest IT factor here, but the girl in the pink pants in particular was worthy of a second look when she was smoking.  And I’d end up getting more than a second look as I saw this same trio seated at a bench on the end of the midway about an hour later, and the two smokers were smoking again.

My second best sighting of the night came around 11 when I was walking towards that huddle of young people that always forms behind the grandstand in the evening.  From afar I saw this cute blond in pale blue jean shorts with what looked like a pack of cigarettes in her back pocket.  As I got closer, my suspicion was confirmed.  And like every pack of cigarettes that has been sticking out of girls’ back pockets lately, hers was another pack of Newports.  The girl was very wholesome-looking and didn’t look like a smoker.  However I think she was a little older, probably 21 or close to it.  I wasn’t gonna see any smoking right away, but got something much rarer as my jean-shorted blond immersed herself amongst a group of people she was looking to catch up with.  Another girl in the group said “Taylor Anderson!” upon seeing her and they briefly hugged.  It was clear no smoking was gonna be happening right then, but this girl stood out in a crowd with her white leopard-print top and a pack of Newports poking out of her sexy jean shorts, so I was gonna keep tabs on this one.

And so I did, emerging in the same general area and coming upon Taylor Anderson and two friends (one a hot blond and the other a below-average brunette) as they drifted away from that cluster and appeared to be preparing to buy food from a vendor.  Once again I walked away, knowing they’d be unlikely to smoke while they ate.  I made another half-loop around the grounds and returned to the general area to see Taylor and her friends sitting on a burm eating.  I knew patience would be rewarded with this sighting and also knew what smokers tend to crave once they finish eating.  And sure enough when I returned from a quarter-loop to that burm, I was briefly horrified to see they were gone….but then relieved when I looked up to the same huddle where I saw her originally to see Taylor Anderson smoking one of her Newports.  And she was a sexy smoker too.  I sat at that burm and even though her group was further away than I would have preferred, I got to see nearly every drag, all of which were nicely timed and some of which were substantial no-handlebars drags.  While her exhales weren’t out of this world, her hold times were quite lengthy and I would sometimes wonder if I missed the exhale, only to see the smoke finally flowing from her face a couple of seconds later.  Unfortunately, she walked to the garbage can, crushed the cigarette out on the pavement, and then threw it away, although I guess I already knew it was a Newport.  Still, a very nice reward for my half hour or more of effort with Ms. Anderson.

And finally, my extremely painful way to end an evening.  It could have ended even worse I guess, but I felt like Charlie Brown constantly having the football pulled away by Lucy with this one.  The midway was unproductive last night, after being a nearly endless haze of smoke last night.  But as I was strolling through it around 11:20, this cluster of five teenage girls was going in between some of the rides and towards a grassy hill behind the rides.  I had only gotten a brief look at them before they drifted into the darkness, and I watched in horror as they migrated even further into the dark, knowing full well what they were about to do in this remote location where I couldn’t follow them without being busted.  Mercifully, there was a bench overlooking the area where the five girls ended up, sitting down near a tree at a spot with just enough backlighting from the carnival rides for me to observe them.  Over the course of about a minute, three of the five girls lit up cigarettes.  I couldn’t differentiate their facial features from where I sat, but memorized what I could see of their outfit colors so I’d be able to discern which three were the smokers.  The upside to this dilemma is that where I sat on this bench was likely to be the place the girls would re-emerge after they finished smoking, so theoretically I should be able to ID them as they slipped back into the midway.  But that’s when I got greedy….

I remembered that just behind where these girls were sitting is a fenced area behind the livestock barns where there would almost certainly be nobody hanging out at this hour of the night.  I could look over the fence and see these girls from pretty close range, I told myself before leaving the midway in a hurry, circling around the livestock buildings and approaching that fence.  Sure enough, there were the girls, not 10 yards in front of me and still smoking.  But I needed an even better spot to stand to ID the girls, so I migrated towards this spot where the cattle get hosed down for livestock shows.  It was pitch black there and I saw the girls were standing up to head back into the midway so I began accelerating my pace towards the fence…and that’s when I felt my shoes squish into mud that I didn’t see in the dark.  Here I was standing, sliding into mud and watching these five girls drift back into the midway, with a silhouette of one girl taking a final drag just before stepping back between the carnival rides in front of the very bench I was sitting.  Had I stayed there, I’d have seen her upclose and probably IDed her cigarette butt.  Instead I was trying to work my way out of a mudhole.

But there’s still a partial happy ending to the story as I’d make it back to the carnival and spot the girls again.  Fortunately given the logistics, none of them were drop-dead gorgeous.  And they may not have been 18, but most of them looked it which made me wonder why they hid in the dark behind the rides to smoke their cigarettes.  Whatever the case, two of the smokers were dark brunettes (one in jeans and one in jean shorts) who were both 6s or 6.5s.  Decent but unsubstantial.  The two nonsmokers were decently cute but they weren’t heart-stoppingly beautiful either.  The prettiest of the five (and she was only about an 8) was the other smoker, a long-haired light brunette in a white top and a cute pair of pink shorts.  Cuter yet, guess what the pair of pink shorts had in the back pocket?  A pack of Newports of course….what else would a girl have in the back pocket of her shorts right???  I’d see the group talking with other teens after leaving the midway, and always checked out that green pack poking out of her pink ass.

The evening ended with a thud as I navigated the sparser-than-last-night grounds leading up to midnight and got exactly zero additional sightings in the last half hour.  All in all though, if this ends up being my weakest night of the fair I’ll consider myself very fortunate and will consider the fair a success.  I have 72 sightings after three nights and would prefer to see that number pick up, but I’ll consider 2013 a victory if I match last year’s 117 sightings given the dramatic cigarette tax increase plauging Minnesota this summer.

We also once again dodged more storm clouds tonight which popped up just to the west and just to east of us but missed the fairgrounds.  Friday will be the big draw for the fair with none other than Mr. Kenny Rogers performing.  That will probably be bad news for me, however, since the likely huge crowd will probably mean I’ll have to get there earlier to get my rock star seating overlooking the smoking area….and that there isn’t likely to be many young smokers out there for a Kenny Rogers show.  Still it’s Friday night so who knows what will happen at the beer gardens.  Hoping for another strong night either way.

Friday Night

It seems as though in recent years, Friday night has become old-timers entertainment night at my county fair, with acts like George Jones and Charley Pride performing on Friday nights in recent years.  The tradition continued this year with Kenny Rogers, and it was an open question what attendance among my preferred demographic would be.  As expected, just about every senior citizen in my home county (no small number) came to see Kenny, but I figured he might have a somewhat broader appeal with younger people than somebody like George Jones.  There was only modest evidence that he did but the night still was pretty solid, a tick better than last night overall but certainly not as good as Tuesday or Wednesday.  I scored 21 sightings, which was a little disappointing given the attendance, but as you’ve come to discover, the FCF is a venue for repeaters….repeat sightings from previous nights….and repeat sightings from previous years.  Keep that in mind as you proceed….

It was yet another cool October-like day in the Upper Midwest with a threat of rain hovering all day long (we were once again right on the dividing line of where the rain was supposed to go) but were mercifully spared once again aside from a few sprinkles on the drive into town.  I visited my grandma for about a half hour today after using her garage all week, and then headed to the north side gate.  Alas, I finally got my blond ticket taker decked out in her trademark jean shorts again despite the cooler weather.  I’m used to this girl flirting with me and tonight was no exception.

Girl: How are you doing tonight?

Me: Oh pretty good.

Girl:  Well that is awesome!

I’m sure she flirts only with me and doesn’t tease every single guy who walks past the gate.  Right????

Anyway, sightings took off slow once again as I traversed the grounds, twice seeing my parents (who went to the fair tonight) on the horizon and pivoting another direction to avoid them.  The line was already long for the Kenny Rogers concert so I figured I’d probably have to get in the grandstand sooner than usual to get my preferred seating.   I followed a mother and her two scorching hot teenage daughters through an obscure stretch filled with farm equipment as I figured they might be going to sneak cigarettes.  Ever since 2008 when the 13ish strawberry blond and her family snuck into this area to do that and I happened to see it, you can be sure that if I see hot girls going into the area I’m gonna follow.  They ended up stopping on the grass where mom went to buy some food, and they were right next to the long line for the Kenny concert.  I knew the chances of these underage girls lighting up so close to this many people were remote and I kept weaving through the farm equipment (acting like I was a farm boy checking it all out) in the hopes that when mom came back they just might.  They never did, but as I weaved through the farm equipment, I did see two other 20-something gals taking a break from the line to smoke a cigarette.  Only one was attractive….a dark brunette with poofy hair wearing a black dress.  She was decently attractive but not poised to make my favorites list.  The fact that I only saw two drags before she finished the cigarette and crushed it out in the grass didn’t help her out any.  I had a perfect opening to ID the butt, however, and saw it was a Marlboro Light.

The line started letting people into the grandstand, and as I watched people pour in wave upon wave at around 7:15, I knew I’d have to get my food and get in that damn grandstand or risk sitting someplace unproductive to fetishing.  And I did, picking up my gyro and getting in the grandstand, relieved that my favorite spot was right there waiting for me.  Unfortunately, I couldn’t give it up and would just have to sit there for over an hour before the concert even started or else I’d lose the spot.  Thankfully, there was a fairly decent distribution of smoking going on all things considered, although entirely within the beer gardens as the smoking area was once again nothing but old men and fat chicks tonight.  The smoking area was a flop in 2011 as well, but nowhere near as bad as it’s been in 2013.

But back to the beer gardens, the first girl there was a pretty but slightly chubby mid-20s blond in a black top and jeans who was hovering amongst several friends over the course of the hour or so that she was inside the beer gardens.  I saw her with a cigarette not long after I sat down and was struck by how she was the cutest girl in her otherwise nonsmoking posse, even though she could stand to lose about 15 pounds.  I wasn’t too interested though because her exhales seemed almost nonexistent and I figured she must have just been a social smoker.  A couple friends asked her to snap a pic of them and she lost the cigarette.  I figured that was the end of the line.  But she won me back some about 20 minutes later when she reached into her purse to take out her pack but discovered it was empty….so she then reached into the purse and got out another pack of Marlboro Lights, this time a full one.  She then proceeded to pack it against her wrist several times before transferring her lighter from the old pack to the new one, and the whole process made me wonder if my assessment of her being only a social smoker was correct.  She continued to smoke it rather pedestrianly with sluggish, nonexistent exhales, but she was the only game in town at the moment and her stock had gone up with the second cigarette despite the mediocre smoking show.

Around the same time as the previous girl’s second cigarette, two early 20s couples entered the beer gardens.  One of the girls was brunette and was pretty wholesome while the long-haired blond was also attractive but rougher-looking with a hardened smoker girl look.  I could see one of the guys had a pack of Marlboro Lights in his hands and got excited, but then watched in horror as the group migrated from the front-and-center area right in my field of vision through the middle and to the back corner of the beer gardens.  Perfect!  Even from this distance, however, I was able to have a respectable vantage point of them, and the guy holding the pack and the blond wasted no time firing up cigarettes.  The blond was a skillful smoker with long drags and solid straight-ahead plumes of exhaled smoke.  They were too far away for me to appreciate her performance too much, but I saw enough to know she was at least a better smoker than the last girl.  I kept my eyeballs on them for about a half hour until it got too dark to see back there.  Unfortunately, the brunette in the group never lit up.

And another cluster caught my eye not long after that, this one in the perfect line of vision for me to watch them.  There were four gals, all appearing to be mid-20s.  Only two of them were attractive, a brunette in a black dress who looked the most wholesome in the group and a blond in a pink tanktop and tight pale blue jeans who I got more of a smoking vibe from.  I spent a good 15 minutes looking their direction in case tobacco ever got smoked as they drank their beers, and just as I was about to give up hope, I saw an unlit all-white dangling from the blond’s mouth.  One of the less attractive girls was also smoking, but she didn’t even get counted in my tally.  It was all about the blond.  She was a respectable smoker style-wise, somewhere in between the previous two beer gardens blonds I saw tonight.  There were no stylistic flourishes but she attended to her cigarette with nice pacing and took decent drags.  I wondered, however, if she was merely a social smoker too.  But I questioned that assessment about 20 minutes later after the concert started when she lit up again.  Not long afterwards the group left the beer gardens, but I saw this group again on the fairgrounds after I left the concert, and saw the blond smoking a third cigarette.  I’d rate her a 7.5 on the beauty spectrum but she was my favorite beer gardens girl from Friday night.  Just like with the previous duo, the brunette never smoked.

But my best sighting while sitting at the Kenny Rogers concert didn’t occur in either the smoking area or the beer gardens.  It happened at the same “magic bench” where I scored the giant cluster of smokers Tuesday night and the two brunettes on Wednesday night.  I just happened to look back towards that bench and saw two girls, one of them a hottie, sitting on it.  It was those same two from Wednesday night!!!   The ones who were looking for the smoking area but ended up hovering in the grassy area near the bench to smoke.  Noticing some sort of name tag or business tag on the mediocre light brunette, I finally deduced these girls were working underneath the grandstand at one of the vendors, and tomorrow night I’m gonna see if I can figure out which one.  Unlike Tuesday, I didn’t have to leave the concert to see the sighting play out as it was not yet dark and I had a perfect vantage point.  Again, the mediocre light brunette was elevator music while the dark brunette stepped up her game.  As sexy as she was on Wednesday night, tonight she was decked out in a white top and bright pink shorts.  It was such a feminine image seeing her ass draped in pink seated on that bench as she smoked a cigarette.  And I got to watch the whole damn performance, complete with her nicely timed drags and gorgeous straight-ahead plumes of exhaled smoke.  If there’s one downside with this girl it’s that her hold times are short…like two seconds.  Kind of impressive she’s able to produce as much smoke in her exhales as she does given those tepid hold times.  Whatever the case, this girl was already well-positioned for my top-10 FCF sightings of the year…..now she’s secured it after treating me to a good seven-minute show before getting her pink backside off the bench and heading back underneath the grandstand to work.

The concert itself wasn’t bad but won’t go down as one of the classic FCF concerts.  Kenny obviously has a ton of hits dating back to his 60s rocker years and only scratched the surface of singing all his tunes that went top-10 over four decades.  I left two songs before the concert’s end to get a leg up on the departing crowd as I didn’t want to be stuck there after the show waiting for all those people to exit.  This turned out to be a good decision as soon after the show dismissed I was walking by the south side of the grandstand and saw a non-ethnic-looking Hispanic family just outside the gates.  A freshly lit cigarette was protruding from the fingers of a petite girl who looked like she was in her mid-teens judging her body profile from the rear.  I was excited to see what she looked like upfront and while she was cute, she wasn’t the mid-teen I first expected.  She was definitely in her 20s, with long dark brown hair and very mild Hispanic features on a pretty face.  There was a similarly aged dude next to her and a young boy who looked about three or four.  The rest of the family members were all much older, which led me to believe the smoker gal is the mom to the boy, hard as it was to believe a baby ever passed through such a perfectly slender female body as hers.  Also exciting was that she was the only smoker in the family, attending to her cigarette and smoking it pretty well, albeit with no distinguishing characteristics that made me stick around in the crowded and inconvenient area I was standing for more than three of her drags.  She didn’t nail anybody with her exhales, but it was kind of hot wondering what her conservative Latina granny thought about her granddaughter smoking her cigarette so publicly.

The final two hours of fetishing the grounds was spotty at times, going long distances without seeing anything better than mediocre.  But around 10:30 I scored an incredible find exiting the midway.  I only wish I could have seen more.  As I was zipping out of the midway at a pretty fast clip pursuing another prospect that never played out, I spotted this “cute teenage nerd” wielding a mostly smoked cigarette.  The girl looked 16 or 17 and while she wasn’t the hottest girl at the fair, she had an undeniable IT factor with her glasses, her shoulder-length auburn hair, her gray sweatshirt (it was damn cold tonight) and her jean shorts.  With her IT factor, I’d rate her a solid 8.5 on the beauty spectrum, even though a casual first impression would have problem rated her more like a 7.  Also adding to the cache of this sighting was that she was in the company of a girl who looked similar to her who I figured was a sister that was probably a year younger, and a young blond boy of about 12 who I assumed was her brother seeing as how he wouldn’t be hanging out with these older girls unless they were related.  And this underage girl wasn’t like those cowards last night hiding behind the carnival rides when they went out for a smoke….she was smoking right there at the front edge of the midway and a busy street in the center of the fairgrounds, right there for everyone to see.  And at least one person did see, looking down to her young hand and noticing the cigarette that looked so out of place in it.  I was trying to score a photo of this hot shit since it was so precious but wasn’t able to pull it off, and ended up not paying as close of attention as I should have to the first two of her three exhales.  But luckily I gave up on the photo-taking and hung back to enjoy the sighting’s awesome final act…..

She inserted the stub of the cigarette into her mouth and took a solid drag.  She held the smoke inside for an impressive amount of time before I watched a very slow trickle of smoke flow from her mouth and nose, slowly building steam and pouring out for about three seconds…..and then wrapping up with one of those giant blasts of leftover smoke that just squeezed out towards the tail end of her exhale.  And this girl was no older than 17!  She outsmoked every one of those veteran smoker ladies in the beer gardens earlier!  And she still wasn’t done as she piggishly dropped her cigarette butt to the pavement in front of her and then released a nice juicy lugie as a final flourish.  Now I was too mesmerized watching her myself to know if the younger sister and brother were watching her as well, but the only thing going through my head with the final observation of this family dynamic is that I bet the younger sister wants to smoke like Big Sis someday soon…and that the younger brother’s sexual identity is probably being corrupted forever by watching Big Sis’s stinky teen smoking shows all the time, complete with all the bells and whistles I just witnessed with just one damn drag!  The trio cooperated by drifting off and I was able to identify the butt  It was a Camel Light.  I desperately wanted to see this group again so I could study that smoker girl more and the odds seemed in my favor that I’d get that chance….but I never saw them again.  It was hard for me to imagine at that point in the night that this wouldn’t be my best sighting of Friday.

The next hour was kind of frustrating as I so badly wanted to see that girl and what I suspected was her younger siblings again but didn’t.  And the sightings were fairly bland and far between as well.  A couple 17ish girls on the midway wielding cigarettes looked promising from afar but as I got there I saw they were only 5s or 6s.  The slender dark blond of the duo looked the best from a distance but was a disappointment upclose.  And then there was a sighting of a blond 20-something gal in an orange top and jeans who was smoking in the company of a nonsmoking guy.  Certainly a well-received sighting, but she had no IT factor.

There was one high point in that hour after the sighting of the cute nerd, however, and it happened to take place at the exact spot of the cute nerd sighting.  This very attractive 21ish blond was hovering among friends and wielding a cigarette.  She was wearing a black blouse and dark jeans that fit her nicely.  Even from afar, there was a deja vu factor to her but it wasn’t until I got upclose that I knew who it was…..Taylor Anderson from last night!  Suffice it to say her darker outfit tonight contrasted so much with last night’s white leopard print top and pale jean shorts that it wasn’t immediately obvious that it was the same girl!  She had noticed me last night and seemed to notice me watching her again tonight, so I was only able to stick around for a couple of drags.  However, I made sure to walk behind her while leaving and checked out her ass.  Sure enough, the pack of Newports was stuffed into her right pack pocket of these dark jeans just as they were the jean shorts the night before.  This girl who won me over the second I laid eyes on her continued to win me over more tonight.

Still, there was a feeling of frustration as the night was about to end and I wasn’t getting the number of sightings I felt I should be.  But at right around 11:30, those feelings of frustration turned to feelings of elation with the instant recognition of one familiar face.  In the middle of the huddle of young people at the center of the grounds, I saw a cigarette in the hand of this blond who I could tell from the rear was gonna be something special…..and as I got in front of her I instantly recognized a face that would stand out in any crowd any day….the hyperglamorous blond who wore tiny and unapologetically slutty miniskirts every night to the 2011 FCF, when I figured she was probably 17, and who I saw smoke four cigarettes over the course of three nights in 2011.  I didn’t see her at all in 2012, but hot damn she was back tonight, and suffice to say she hasn’t become more subtle about advertising her sex appeal in these past two years.  Her wavy mane of shoulder length blond hair was framed with a black tied-up headband that sort of made her look like a cat.  Her top was black and had a wide-open back exposing her bare flesh, with a pair of skin-tight black shorts underneath, and honest-to-God fishnet stockings on her legs.  Who is this girl?!?!?

Whoever she is, the best compliment that can be given about her is that she is absolutely gorgeous.  I couldn’t place who she reminded of until tonight when it finally hit me.  She looks like Christie Brinkley.  Now I don’t say that lightly as Christie Brinkley is one of the most beautiful women on the planet, but this girl could be her daughter….albeit her smelly, black-lunged daughter.  And if there was any doubt about this girl being the same girl from 2011, it was quelled as I observed her smoking as she still had that infuriatingly slow pacing, often waiting 90 seconds between drags.  But it was always worth it as her drags were sweet and her exhales were reckless and carefree, spilling out of her face amidst this tight huddle of mostly nonsmoking (and mostly male!) friends guaranteed to give someone an unpleasant snootful of her exhaled carcinogens.  Strangely though, none of these guys seemed to mind!!

Now I say “mostly nonsmoking friends” as she had another blond friend with her who was also smoking.  The friend was pretty but rougher around the edges and nowhere near in the league of the megaglam sexpot in the fishnet stockings.  I tried to snap some photos and had some decent opportunities, but apparently this camera doesn’t take closeups in the dark any better than the other camera so they’re all a blurry mess.  Shame too because you really need to see this girl to believe her.  Anyway, she took a final drag and I watched the final gush of smoke flow from her beautiful face as she dropped the cigarette to the ground.  And luck was on my side because the crowd dispersed some in that location and allowed me to swoop in and identify the butt.  She’s switched brands as her Camel Lights from 2011 have been replaced by Camel Crush Bolds.

I was riding high after that one needless to say and it was approaching time for me to get out of there, so I took a five-minute loop around the midway and then returned to the main street of the grounds.  This was the place where my little miniskirted stinker always seemed to hang out back in 2011, and this was where she was again.  I was so busy admiring that ass and that face that I didn’t even notice for several seconds that this foul-smelling beauty had ANOTHER cigarette lit up!  At most five minutes after finishing the last one.  Extra points for cuteness that she was holding her cigarette in the same hand as a can of Diet Coke.  And she actually smoked this one faster than the last one, taking more brisk drags and continuing to release scattershot exhales that made no effort to avoid the two nonsmoking guys in her presence….or any other luckless fairgoers in this fairly compressed block either for that matter.  On my way out of the grounds, I took one more admiring look at her gorgeous face….and got off imagining how this beautiful face probably coughs up tar every morning based on her clearly ferocious smoking habit.

Nothing better than ending the nice with a gigantic flourish and I did it tonight.  Interestingly though, as solid as this year’s FCF has been, it’s still light years behind last year’s where a full 10 sightings made my top-45 Hall of Fame on my blog.  In fact, the previous three years at the FCF have probably still exceeded this year’s, which speaks volumes about how great the FCF has been since 2010.  Then again, there’s still one more night to shine tomorrow, and there’s a younger country singer performing that could draw large numbers of the preferred demographic.  I have 93 sightings so far, which means I’ll need 25 sightings on Saturday to exceed 2012 number-wise and a highly unlikely 51 sightings to exceed the all-time record set in 2010.

Saturday Night

I guess it is official.  If you want a great night of smoker girl sightings at the county fair, go on a night when smoking is banned!  Smoke-free Wednesday was my best night at this year’s FCF…..at least until smoke-free Saturday came along last evening.  My numerical tally was 26 sightings which isn’t an especially impressive number, but I think you’ll understand why I forfeited a half hour of prime fetish time to pursue something unbelievably special, even though I likely lost out on at least a half dozen sightings going on elsewhere in the fairgrounds as a result.  Much of the night was an adrenaline rush due to the female smoking orgy and this writeup is definitely destined to be the longest of the five.  Going into the night I didn’t figure there was any chance the Marla Sokoloff lookalike could be upstaged….but she was.

The sun was out and while it wasn’t as warm as I’d prefer for early August, it was the nicest night yet and the girls were mostly cooperative in their choice of skimpy attire.  I got to the grounds around 6:30 and hadn’t even made a quarter pass before I got an “Oh hey Mark!”  Ouch…it was Cousin Judd who I had been lucky enough to avoid at the concerts despite seeing him out in the smoking area.  And he was with his two young boys and his mom.  This could be trouble.  But there was a light at the end of the tunnel because they were supposed to leave in about a half hour.  But they stopped for cheese curds and I sat with them amidst the farm equipment.  What was amusing about this exchange was that Judd and his mom were apparently the only two smokers at the entire fair who were worried about abiding by Smoke-Free Saturday.  He was complaining about “dying for a cigarette” while his chain-smoking mom said she hadn’t had one for hours either.  Even when I said I had already seen people smoking since getting there, he was still nervous….until I looked around and pointed out two people smoking (no hot girls though….don’t get excited) within 10 yards of us.  So then he lit up, but was still terrified about getting busted which was a bit odd for a guy with four DWIs who has served two different stints in jail.  I was with them a good 20 minutes, thankfully at a time when sightings were nonexistent.  They left and I was relieved to be free.

And within moments of attaining my freedom, I made the best decision of the night and approached the BINGO stand, which hasn’t been a source of any decent sightings thus far this year….until Smoke-Free Saturday anyway!  How’s this for an opening scene.  I approached the BINGO stand’s corner seat to observe three people.  On the left was 40-something salt-of-the-Earth mom.  On the right was 40-something salt-of-the-Earth dad.  And in the middle was this 19-20ish shoulder-length blond daughter who was as wholesome as the parents were…..with a pack of Marlboro Menthols right next to her BINGO card.  I’ll spare you the suspense, however, that I never did see this girl smoke, which was disappointing, but that image alone of her sitting with the family while advertising her cigarette pack was enough for me to count it.  As with so many girls, I had a deja vu factor with this girl and have a decent idea who she might be.  Remember back in 2010 that Saturday when Dan was fetishing with me and we ran into that trio of 17ish girls, one of whom was holding a pack of Marlboro Menthols (same brand!), and we ended up following them for a while?  Only to see the blond who was the cutest girl in the group smoking in the BINGO stand about 20 minutes later?  I think this was her, but am confused by something I’ll get to later.  Whatever the case, I kept coming back to this spot every few minutes to see if she lit up.  She never did, and after about 15-20 minutes, the entire family was getting up to leave, but the daughter was the one picking up the pack of Marlboro Menthols confirming it was in fact her cigarettes.  Being entangled with Cousin Judd probably cost me this sighting.  Now the part that confused me….I couldn’t believe how tall this girl was when she stood up.  Both her and the parents were over six feet tall….and I don’t remember the 2010 blond being that tall.  Maybe it wasn’t her, but the face sure looked the same!  Would have loved to have seen her smoke, but that image of that Norman Rockwell family on both sides of their stinky wholesome blond daughter advertising her addiction to cigarettes on Smoke-Free Saturday will stick in mind as a victory.

So anyway, that would-be sighting was playing out on the northwest corner of the BINGO stand…..and imagine my surprise when I moved to the southwest corner of the BINGO stand to see another pack of Marlboro Menthols in front of a young blond!  But there were two differences.  This blond was actually smoking one of her Marlboro Menthols….and there was no ambiguity about who she was because I recognized her instantly.  Remember the hot mid-20s blond who I referred to as “Old Reliable” in the past two years because she was outside the concerts in the smoking area three nights in both 2011 and 2012?  The one who last year was escorted into the smoking area by the usher when she was standing in the forbidden area in front of the gate smoking?  Well she’s back….and this time sitting next to a nonsmoking boyfriend.  This girl has always been pretty and always had some significant IT factor, but she’s had a very good year looking slimmed down and absolutely fiiiine in her plaid blouse and tight blue jeans.  I remember her being a bit hippy in the last two years but that was no longer a problem for her.  There was a bench open in reasonably close proximity where I sat and watched the show.  She may have lost some weight but she’s still got it smoking-wise, taking a nice drag and then turning my direction (away from the boyfriend and the rest of the crowd) to exhale a sweet plume of smoke.  I got to see the whole cigarette and snapped a couple of pictures even though they’re too far away to fully appreciate.  I’m disappointed that “Old Reliable” was not reliable at all this year outside the concerts the way she’s been the last two years, but am grateful she came through for me at least once at the 2013 fair.

Now “Old Reliable” never smoked again before she and the boyfriend left the BINGO stand, but the craziest thing happened when another young couple sat right around the corner from them.  And this was a mixed couple as well with the brunette 20-something gal smoking a cigarette in front of her pink-lunged loverboy.  The brunette had no IT factor and the sighting was modest, but I couldn’t help but get off on the idea that smoking is unofficially forbidden in the BINGO stand and officially forbidden at the fairgrounds on Saturday, yet no fewer than three young gals on just one side of the BINGO stand were smoking in one half hour period.  It was looking pretty good for this being a good night at the fair at this point!

They were letting the surprisingly small line in for the grandstand show and some of the smokers were taking the opportunity to grab a smoke.  Outside the south side grandstand entrance was a trio of 19-20 girls all smoking.  Unfortunately two of them were overweight and unattractive.  Only one of the three did anything for me….a slender dark blond in a tanktop and tight jeans.  She wasn’t overflowing with IT factor but she was worth adding to my total, despite having nasty tattoos all over.

Due to the limited crowd for the grandstand show, I got there a little later than usual to take my seat….around 8:00 for the 8:30 show.  The beer gardens area had produced a few minor sightings before and during the early stages of the show but I can only barely remember one girl if that tells you how generic they were.  That all changed about 20 minutes into the show, however, in the most dramatic possible fashion shortly after darkness set in.  From within the seating area in front of me, I immediately spotted a cluster of six 20-something babes in black minidresses rising from their seats.  Singer Chris Cagle probably had about 10 sets of eyes in the entire grandstand watching him while everybody else was watching this group of young ladies dripping with sex appeal (and knowing it!) exiting the north gate.  I hoped like hell they were all coming out to the smoking area but could tell they were gonna cut right on through and head to the beer gardens.  And sure enough they did…but I got a good view of all six girls and their awesome figures in those tight dresses as they made the walk.  And I was watching intently to see where they went once inside the beer gardens.  Let’s face it…they were hard to miss in those dresses!  They didn’t head out into area immediately across the fence which would have been ideal but were only about 10 yards to the east and I could still see them.  I watched intently hoping to see something even though the darkness was not gonna be my friend here.  And suffice it to say I did get something…..

Within about a minute after settling in at this congested spot near the fence and between two benches, this blue-collar 40-something dude looking like Larry the Cable Guy became the luckiest man in the Midwest if only for five seconds.  Two of the girls, one a dark blond and the other a platinum dyed blond, leaned over in their slutty, curve-hugging dresses to mooch a light off of him for the cigarettes dangling from their mouths.  First one girl leaned down and got a light, and then a second.  It was hard to really study their features, but I could tell both girls were beauties–8.5’s or better–and both were clearly well-practiced and skillful smokers taking nicely timed drags and releasing nice exhales that were mostly tilted skyward.  They made pretty quick work of their cigarettes and even though four of the girls were not smoking, there did not seem to be any hesitation amongst the smokers for indulging their stinky addictions in their midst.  Within only about seven minutes, the girls dispersed with some of them leaving the beer gardens entirely and heading to the bathroom and back to the show, while three others just moved elsewhere within the beer gardens.  Lo and behold, the same two girls from before were up to their old tricks, bumming a light off a total stranger and smoking a new round of cigarettes.  The platinum blond babe then proceeded to flirt with the guy who lit her up, even though I couldn’t really get a good look at him.  The dark blond had the best style though, holding her cigarette upright in the bent-elbow pose and taking the nicest drags and cloudiest skybound exhales of the bunch.  Meanwhile, another of the blonds in the group had a cigarette of her own, making three from this group who were smokers.  Her back was to me so unfortunately I didn’t get a very good look at her when she was smoking.  After this second round of cigarettes, the three girls left the beer gardens and joined their friends back at the concert, giving me one last look at them re-entering the grandstand.  While trying to process these largely lookalike profiles was sensory overload to an extent, I’ll take three blond babes in black minidresses smoking two in a row any time life throws them at me.  Just wish they could have done some smoking on the other side of the damn fence in the smoking area right under my nose!

Now for good reason, I’ve been talking a lot of smack about the smoking area outside the grandstand at the 2013 FCF.  But after the epic event that took place about a half hour later, in the final quarter of the Chris Cagle concert, all was forgiven.  It was about 9:40 p.m. when this cluster of 18-19-year-olds were hovering in the area around the gate just a couple of footsteps outside of it.  I took casual observance and a mental note of a late teen brunette that made my heart melt at the sight of her face, but only a casual look because there was no way she was the kind of girl who would smoke.  I continued to glance that direction absent-mindedly, since a fetisher never completely gives up hope on a potential prospect, but this one wasn’t even registering on my radar as a possibility.  The group was preparing some photo taking right at the threshold of the gate, and I looked again.  And I could have sworn I saw a freshly lit all-white in the hands of that brunette.  I rubbed my eyes, thinking that all these consecutive nights of stalking smoker girls was making me hallucinate, and I looked again…..because clearly life was pulling a trick on me here.  But hot damn…..she really did have a cigarette in her hand.  I looked again her face, thinking she must not have been the combination of homecoming queen, dairy princess, and Seventeen magazine cover girl that I first imagined….but if anything she was even more adorable on the second look.  Only a couple of times a year do I see a face this innocent and soft with a cigarette sticking out of it.  Last month, I saw a sighting of a brunette at a mall who I described as the most wholesome looking girl I’ve seen smoking all year…..well this girl made her look like a leather-draped middle-aged biker mama!

Much as I’d like to offer a celebrity comparison, there’s no teen brunette actresses on recent Disney Channel shows who I can think of as wholesome looking as this girl, a petite and slender brunette princess with a long mane of dark and straight brown hair flowing down her back, a black tanktop and really short pale blue jean shorts that spectacularly framed her teenage ass.  Smooth legs flowed from beneath the short shorts and a pair of cowgirl boots below the knees completed the ensemble.  I was a man in love already, and this epic sighting had only just begun.  And she was about to trip more triggers than a machine gunner in the cockpit of a World War II fighter jet.

As I said, the group was posing for photos with their camera phones and I was just starting to process the players in the group.  First off, three girls posed together with their arms over each other’s shoulders.  At the left was my gorgeous brunette smoker, at the right was an unattractive and overweight brunette who was smoking an electronic cigarette (!), and in the middle was this very attractive blond who I hoped would smoke but didn’t.  She was a beauty, but light years from being in the same league as my brunette.  In between photo shots, the still long cigarette (which had to have been a 100) was placed in her lips for a drag.  Honestly I think there’s a real chance she posed for the shot with the cigarette in her mouth.  But the next photo was even hotter….because she was now posing with a wholesome young guy who was clearly her boyfriend….and a nonsmoking boyfriend at that.  They posed for a couple of photos, and in one of them she snuggled up to him and held her clearly visible cigarette behind his back.  This girl smokes and doesn’t care who sees it when it’s posted on Facebook on Sunday morning!  There was a port-a-potty partially obstructing some of this madness but I could see 80% of it, and the cluster of five (two guys and three girls) squeezed together and my brunette took a drag from her cigarette and exhaled right into the cluster while looking at the photos they took.  And if you can imagine, it got even hotter than that when they wrapped up the photos….

My brunette sweetheart, a little over half done with her long cigarette, then started getting lovey-dovey with the nonsmoking boyfriend.  They pressed themselves together and proceeded to kiss, exchanging tongues into her fresh ashtray mouth.  And after they pulled their lips apart, they were still snuggling together almost cheek to cheek when it happened.  She took a nice drag from her cigarette and exhaled.  I swear her snootful of carcinogenic smoke was two inches from his face before a direct hit…the closest direct hit I’ve ever seen by a smoker girl in my life.  And it seemed unintentional!  There has to be an understood smoking fetish in this relationship….because no other nonsmoking guy could be this accepting while no smoking girl dating a nonsmoking guy could be this obnoxious if there wasn’t!  After the PDA ended, she was on the home stretch of her cigarette and I was able to watch her drags.  Her style itself wasn’t distinctive per se, but she took some sweet long drags where much of the smoke must have stayed inside her lungs because the exhales themselves seemed modest compared to the amount of smoke she took in.  I was waiting for her to lose the cigarette, even though I feared she would drop it to the sidewalk and stub it out, then stick around leaving me unable to identify it.  But the unexpected happened even here.  After a final drag, she proceeded to fling the cigarette about five yards to her left into the grass, the sexiest way for a girl to lose her cigarette for me due to the unthinkable obnoxiousness of it and making it very helpful for me to locate it.  Needless to say, I exited the Chris Cagle concert at that exact moment.

I ran to the grass and had a perfect opening to locate the smoldering all-white on the grass, stepping out the cherry with my foot and then kneeling down to ID it.  And then I saw something I didn’t anticipate.  It was a Pall Mall Light!  I had about two seconds for this to be a buzzkill before I started processing the hotness of it.  Any girl that young who will smoke a subpar brand like Pall Mall Lights is a hopeless addict  in the “able to smoke anything” category and forced to save 50 cents a pack so that they can smoke more cigarettes.  I didn’t sense at first that this girl was a heavy smoker until I saw that Pall Mall label on the butt.  I may have been inclined to leave at that point, but the Pall Mall label made me stick around in the way a “Marlboro” or “Camel” may not have if that makes any sense.  And I’m glad I did because the group continued standing but moved just inside the gate.  The singer was annoying me by preaching politics on the stage which I find entirely inappropriate at a fair concert, but suffice it to say my annoyance level was subdued as the beautiful young adult couple returned to their kissyface session, presumably so the guy could lock in all of her fresh tobacco breath before it went away.  This kissyface session lasted about five minutes as the concert was starting to go slightly long.  Meanwhile, the dead smoking area produced an attractive early 20s blond behind me that would have been a big deal a half hour earlier but now was mostly elevator music as I was obsessed with this brunette babe.

As I said the concert was starting to go long and while this group wasn’t leaving, I noticed a fresh pack of Pall Mall Lights coming out of the brunette’s bag, and she proceeded to pack it for the next 30 seconds or so.  She wasn’t leaving the concert but it was pretty clear that her top priority was escaping to get her next nicotine fix.  The singer was on his final song and after it was over, the group departed, along with everyone else, creating a huge crowd that made my job of stalking her extra difficult.  The group of five pressed forward through the main block of food vendors appearing to be looking for something to eat.  Everything was going my way as they stopped at a vendor stand where a lineup of wide-open benches provided me a perfect vantage point, and my smoker who was three inches shorter than anyone else in the group, was facing me.  I didn’t know if or when she’d smoke again and started to lose hope when she placed an order for food at one of the stands.  Now most people like a smoke after they eat but this girl couldn’t wait that long.  Out came the fresh pack of Pall Mall Lights 100s which she opened up and placed a fresh long cigarette in her lips.  I watched in awe as she did an unlit dangle that lasted for 30 seconds while searching for her lighter.  It continued to blow my mind as I observed the unthinkable contrast between her precious face and the long cigarette dangling from her lips.  This is the kind of sighting I wait all year for!

And then she lit up.  The fetish gods were on my side last night as despite the grounds being packed as the concert let out, there were three wide open benches where I was able from one to another when necessary to get a closer look, and do it entirely undetected.  While there were no direct hits from her exhales, there was simply no avoiding her smoke in this huddle of 80% nonsmokers.  Again, I got to see every drag and snapped a photo.  It’s dark and blurry but you can see her silhouette in the middle of the pic.  And things managed to get even better here as the guy making her sandwich handed her the food.  With cigarette in hand, she took hold of it and proceeded to smoke while eating.  A bite of food followed by a drag from her cigarette, both of which she managed to find room for with her two hands.  This cigarette went more slowly for obvious reasons and that was just fine by me given my wide open location.  After a few bites of the sandwich, she handed it to the boyfriend who then shared it with the other guy, albeit with the brunette still picking away at it from time to time.  And needless to say, whether they wanted to or not, these dudes were eating their fair food in the “smoking section” with this girl exhaling stinky clouds only a couple feet away from them.  It’s a safe bet the people inside the food stand were getting a whiff of it too as close as she was to the open window.

After eating, it was time to go and this sighting just never stopped finding new ways to blow my mind.  Just as they were preparing to leave, my girl produced a sweet little smoker’s cough.  It was nothing fierce and hacking….just an incessant tickle from her black lungs similar to the chronic coughs I experienced from a couple of my heavier-smoking young girlfriends in recent years. This tightly compacted block of vendors was elbow to elbow with people, and the group progressed northward and my little brunette held her cigarette in her right hand with the cherry pointed outward as she walked.  As I followed I was holding my breath waiting for a shriek of pain from whatever unfortunate soul got burned by the cigarette she was brandishing so carelessly.  I never heard it but it was sheer luck on her part that she didn’t give somebody second-degree burns.  They progressed northward to a less populated area and I was relieved expecting I’d have a wide-open path to ID my second Pall Mall Lights butt from her.  But she continued to smoke slowly, arm in arm with the nonsmoking boyfriend and occasionally moving in for more stinky kisses.  They turned the corner to the sparse north side and it started to become clear they were heading towards the parking lot to leave.  But before they did, they hid in the dark to the side of this building hoping to sneak up on the other friends who they briefly separated from.  I was temporarily terrified, fearing she’d lose the cigarette while out of sight but as they advanced towards the parking lot as a group again, a plume of smoke released from her face reassured me the cigarette was still going.  I followed at a distance, hoping it was coming and that the last butt fling wasn’t merely an aberration….and then it came.  After one final drag, she carelessly flung the smoldering cigarette five yards to her right into the dirt.  Here was this girl who looked too wholesome to ever get so much as a parking ticket….and she was displaying all the characteristics of the stereotypical “rude smoker” so despised by antis right down to her reckless polluting butt disposal.

It was surprisingly hard to locate the butt in this empty and well-lit spot, but I had time and opportunity and wasn’t gonna let it go to waste.  Finally after about a minute of looking, I found the smoldering remains of an all-white Pall Mall Light.  But I was still feeling overcome with jealousy at this point of this beauty’s boyfriend, because I knew the first thing the girl would do when she got into the car was to light another cigarette.  And the first thing the boyfriend would do when he got her home would be to take those short jean shorts of her off and fuck her to within an inch of her life.   Nothing else could possibly occur at the 2013 FCF that could compare with what I spent the last half hour or more watching, but it was nonetheless time to press on with the remaining hour and a half of the evening just to make sure.  I don’t think my feet touched the ground for the rest of the night.

I zipped into the midway next, and as I approached a bench near the back I feared I’d have to eat my words about Marla 2.0 losing her marquee position….because there she was sitting with two guys and another girl.  She was wearing a black and white top and tight jeans and I already noticed something was off with her.  I quickly recognized what when all four people in the group stood up to leave, with no cigarettes to be seen, and Marla was staggering around, clearly very drunk.  I walked up to the bench they were sitting on and saw a Marlboro Light Special Blend on the ground just below where she was sitting.  I just missed her…for now.

But that walk through the midway wasn’t a total bust as I pressed forward from there, noticing a teen brunette with a poofy hairdo amidst three guys.  The combination of her look and her hairdo leave me at least 60% confident that it was the brunette from last year smoking a Marlboro Black on a bench in the midway who got a kiss on the lips from a nonsmoking boyfriend as he walked away (FCF #32).  This sighting wouldn’t be as memorable because it was a shared cigarette sighting, and I would only see one drag from her before she passed it on to one of the guys.  But she had one big moment even after that one drag, as apparently teasingly, she made a purposely exaggerated persed-lipped exhale while shaking her head for the guy’s benefit, smoke flowing from her face as she showed off.  Not sure what the storyline was here, but it was yet another FCF girl who has managed to do sexy stuff in multiple years.  Once the guy got his hands on the cigarette and took a couple of drags, I didn’t stick around for more, but was pleased to see yet another legacy girl keeping the stink alive.

Near the 4-H building there are a bunch of young dancers who have been performing country dances out in the open all week after dark, and there are huddles of people–mostly kids–watching them.  I haven’t seen any smoker girls among the audiences of these yet this week, until Saturday night at 10:45 when a threesome of 17-18ish friends had two girls sharing a cigarette.  One was chubby and unattractive, but the other girl, a very slender brunette nonethnic-looking Hispanic girl, was pretty cute in her black tanktop and tight dark jeans.  She spotted me right away and made eyes with me as she took a drag (which was pretty hot), not so much in a flirting way, although I suppose it’s possible it may have turned out that way had I pushed because the look wasn’t dismissive or rejectional either.  Whatever the case, there were sightings to count and while she was a solid one, I knew there were others that were more my style waiting to come…and I was right.

Next, on the edge of the midway, came another sighting worthy of recognition even though it didn’t end with quite as much cache as I first hoped.   As I was approaching the outskirts of this food stand, I saw this short-haired slender early 20s blond in sexy white shorts kneeling down to stub something out on the pavement.  I could see it wasn’t a cigarette by the coloring and I quickly noticed by the smell of the smoke flowing out of her face that it was a little cigar.  I don’t get many cigar sightings at my local fair so I was elated….until I looked up and saw her face.  Awkward and a touch homely, suffice it to say the face did not match the body.  She was at best a 6 on the spectrum, and I wished I had only seen her from the neck down to keep the legend alive.  Still, the girl won me over because in the next half hour, I would see her smoking two more little cigars, and another “barely good enough to qualify” girl in her friends group also smoking a little cigar.  Any 22ish blond with a hot body and wearing white shorts smoking cigars and sharing them with her friends can’t be all bad!

Shortly after the first cigar blond sighting, my last huge new girl from the 2013 FCF would surface, standing in the huddle of teens in the middle of the fairgrounds.   Jumping out at me was a very attractive blond with shoulder-length hair wearing a white blouse and tight dark jeans.  She looked 17 or 18 and was wielding a cigarette, and unlike the brunette earlier, you could tell from this girl’s face she was a smoker without even having to look down 18 inches to see the cigarette in her hand.  She was a solid 8.5 beauty-wise and the cutest of the girls near her. The logistics of this sighting were awful because she was immersed in the middle of this huddle that I was awkwardly watching from a few feet away, and the huddle was a constant moving part with new people moving in and out of it and making blondie hard to see.  Thankfully though, I still got to see enough to get a feel for how awesome she is, which was obvious after her very first drag….

Her drags were such that you could tell she was not “inhaling” so much as she was “ingesting”, drawing large amounts of toxic cigarette smoke into her body as much because she has to than because she wants to.  But she shined most on the exhales, a category in which she was the best girl of all at the 2013 local county fair.  Massive blasts of smoke pierced out of her mouth and nose like missiles with smoke from her mouth shooting slightly upward even as the ferocious nasal missiles rocketed at a downward angle.  The last time I saw exhales like this was that cute blond at the Hinder concert at the 2010 Minnesota State Fair (MNSF #10), the girl who smoked three cigarettes before the concert despite the boyfriend’s impatience.  This girl didn’t quite have that girl’s IT factor, but she was clearly the alpha female of this group.  A dude approached her and she held her cigarette up as if offering him a drag, which he turned down.  She would next offer it to an obese brunette female in the group who did take a drag before handing it back to blondie.  I enjoyed four of her drags, despite the epically inconvenient vantage point, all of them incredible with the combination mouth and nose missiles.  She made pretty quick work of the cigarette and dropped it to the ground.  As I said in the text, it was one of those nights where everything was working out, because there was just enough of a parting of the crowd at that exact moment for me to swoop in and identify the butt, a Camel Crush.

And I would see this girl two more times before evening’s end, smoking both times.  I wish I had had a scenario where I could have observed this girl more intimately because this girl, while destined for my top-10 this year, had the potential to score even higher with her advanced and preternaturally awesome smoking style.

There were a couple humorous nuggets in that final hour on the midway.  The first came when the carny operating some game was amusing a group of teenage girls who were clearly nonsmokers.  As he was showing them how the game worked, he asked this one blond in shorts to hold his cigarette, which she proceeded to do with a hilariously awkward look on her face.  I hung there for a moment just to see if she’d sneak a drag, knowing it was very unlikely, but the carny took it back after about 30 seconds without it touching her lips.  Clearly this girl got more than she bargained for when she checked out this game.  Later on the same midway pass, I was walking past this nonsmoking 18ish couple and I met eyes with the girl, who proceed to hold out her hand to high-five me.  This happened to me with a different girl on Thursday night.  I don’t think it was them flirting with me (the boyfriends were with them both times) as much as burning off some kinetic teenage energy.

It wasn’t all fun and games on that midway pass though as my one genuine lost opportunity of the night transpired.  All night I had taken note of this fairly mediocre group of four 16-17ish girls, and at one point saw one of them smoking.  One girl in the group, a long-haired slender brunette in a white top and jeans, was hot though and I kept hoping she’d light up.  Well she did…..as she and her group were walking into the darkness to the parking lot at the back edge of the midway, an obscure location where following them without getting busted was not a possibility.  All I could do was watch her drift off with the fresh cigarette between her fingers, wondering what could have been.

I recovered nicely though a minute or so later on the front edge of the midway, when who do I see parading through the grounds but my Marla Sokoloff lookalike with a fresh cigarette in hand, and her nonsmoking dark blond friend.  The two were arm in arm out of necessity because Marla was drunk out of her mind and staggering as she walked.  It was kind of cute (at first anyway) as they ended up getting in line at the cheese curds stand, the same cheese curds stand from Wednesday night which she inadvertently exhaled into.  As I was watching from the same bench I watched from Wednesday night, a middle-aged woman was offering me her cheese curds and I took a handful not wanting them all but eager to taste a couple.  She engaged me in light conversation for about a minute and it didn’t hurt me at all in watching the wasted Marla as she approached the food stand with cigarette in hand, her black and white top disheveled and revealing about six inches of her bare back above the belt line of her jeans for a couple of minutes until she pulled it down.  The marquee moment came when she took a drag and exhaled a huge cloud of smoke right inside the food stand.  I watched intently as it filtered several feet into the stand and forcing those cheese curds workers to choke on it.

From there, Marla and the nonsmoking friend proceeded into the midway and I followed, determined to ID Marla’s cigarette butt and see for sure what her brand was after the ambiguity from Wednesday.  She staggered and scattered about for a couple minutes, taking her usual pace of drags and occasionally eating a cheese curd from a tub she was sharing with the friend.  In about two minutes, she lost the cigarette in a convenient spot and the girls approached a carny to talk about something or perhaps ask directions for something.  I had a clear opening in the nearly empty midway to follow that smoldering cherry on the ground and ID Marla’s cigarette, another Marlboro Light Special Blend.  At this point, the Marla lookalike was suddenly back in this for FCF girl of the year.

Time was winding down as it was about 11:40.  A group of two guys and two girls I had taken notice of earlier were standing at the edge of the midway, three of them smoking.  Unfortunately it was the two guys smoking and the lesser of the two girls.  The gorgeous 18ish blond in the white tanktop and jeans was the only one not smoking.  However, the other girl was not a bad consolation prize, as she was petite with her dark blond hair in a ponytail.  I stuck around for about three drags and she was decent.  It was a perfectly solid sighting but of course at this point in the night after seeing as much greatness as I had, the bar was pretty high for a girl like her who would be a 6.5 or a 7 to compete.

And that was almost it for sightings.  I hung around until 11:50 to get my 26th sighting, leaving me two better than last year in total….and she was a barely qualifying mid-20s blond with a black boyfriend who would become my 119th sighting of the 2013 FCF.  But I’d get one last nonsmoking sighting of a favorite that creeped me out a little.  As I was approaching the exit only seconds after the aforementioned final sighting, there was Marla with her friend, arm in arm and still staggering, with the friend saying “you’re lucky you found me when you did”.  Up until that point I assumed she was drunk….but then I looked in those eyes and saw she was high as a kite.  Those eyes sent a bit of a chill down my spine, wondering what kind of shit Marla is involved in, and even though she’s still destined for a top-10 berth on my all-time FCF sightings list, it probably will keep her in second place for the 2013 FCF sightings despite me not thinking that was possible after the moment I laid eyes on her Wednesday night.  Of course, who am I to judge the crazy look in other people’s eyes as the look in my eyes after the adrenaline rush of last night probably was just as crazy.  She might have looked at me and wondered what drug I was on!

Saturday, August 3, 2013, was my night, and I couldn’t get to sleep until 3:30 I was riding so high.   Needless to say it was another great county fair.  This is the fourth consecutive year where I have had a very successful FCF, and the years before that were nothing to sneeze at either.  While I got plenty of chuckles as to what a failure the “smoke-free” days have been, there’s still some reason for concern for next year.  Right now, the smoke-free days are not heavily advertised and are selected at random on Wednesday and Saturday night to where a lot of people wouldn’t even know smoking was banned on what night.  The likelihood is that they’ll probably move to ban smoking completely at next year’s fair (except in the couple designated areas), and if that’s the case there will be less confusion and word will get out more about the change.  I don’t think I’ll ever live to see a scenario of full compliance but I don’t necessarily think that this year’s complete disaster in enforcing no-smoking days is gonna hold for long.

Back to the good stuff, I originally cited doing just one sighting better than 2012, but yesterday I crunched the numbers again and discovered I actually had two more….119 in 2013 compared to 2012’s 117.  With that said, smoking overall continues to be down from the peak years of 2009-2011, where I respectively scored 125, 144, and 125 sightings.  And while the opportunities of seeing repeat sightings from years past at the FCF is the county fair’s uniquely endearing quality, keep in mind that a good dozen of this year’s sightings were retreads from previous years, so the fact that I scored these girls again yet still was below sightings numbers from a few years ago does suggest the replacement numbers of new smokers in Freeborn County are not particularly strong.  Also worth mentioning is that I’ve avoided rainouts at the FCF for six years now.  The last one was in 2007.  When the borrowed time I’m running on with Mother Nature inevitably runs out and I get a year where one or more nights is a rainy mess, then I’m really likely to have a bad year.  But for now, 2013 was great.

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4 Responses to 2013 Local County Fair

  1. Wardner says:

    Hi Mark,

    I got through half of your reportage tonight. Several things came to mind.

    Why can’t you wear an eyeglass-cam similar to what Howie Mandel uses when he conducts his outrageous interviews in public venues. Even at close range, the subjects have no idea they are being video recorded. His interviews were done 5-7 years ago and I suspect the equipment is even better now. Some cameras probably have night vision capability as well as various focal lengths. eBay probably has them but a search on google would let your mouse do the walking. You could take them off occasionally and present yourself as two different identities. That might help avoid being busted. A baseball cap that alternates between your head and pocket would help as well.

    Speaking of which, have you ever been caught by fair security or male escorts? Has there ever been a verbal exchange?

    You speak a lot of tight jeans and shorts. Do any of the girls display camel-toes? Not sure how that is done but Miley Cyrus has a penchant for that sort of swollen pubes display. Perhaps she wears some sort of undergarment to accentuate a perceived excitement. OTOH maybe she is built that way or there is a fabric designed to convey that effect. I don’t get to see many young girls dressed in provocative hip-hugging, form shaping pants.

    You might want to edit “burm” into “berm”. I’m surprised that spell-check didn’t alert you. I don’t think the word “burm” exists in English. Nice work otherwise. I would never have the patience to collect the sightings for five days and put them down in an entertaining diary. I collect antique tractors and those venues are populated with other old farts such as myself.

    Wardner

    • Smokin' Mark says:

      I’m a dunce with electronics. The “camera glasses” sound intriguing but I can barely work the camera on my phone so it might be more risk than reward. I would definitely never do it at my county fair because of the potential repercussions among family and friends if I got busted. It would be more of an option at the state fairs where it’s easier to be anonymous. It’s worth a look because it would be incredibly helpful.

      In 2011, I was approached by the fairgrounds cops at my county fair who took notice of my suspicious behavior and questioned me. It was pretty rough especially when they found out I currently lived 2 1/2 hours away in Iowa. I was asked for my driver’s license and the cop called in for my information. It came up clean, and I talked to the other cop during the shakedown and established my long-time connections to the area. When it was all over, I couldn’t even bring myself to leave the grounds that night if that gives you any idea how addicted I am to this. As a general rule, I get left alone. I have a very All-American boy and don’t look threatening, so I get away with “creeping” in a way that most people probably wouldn’t. There’s no telling how much longer this will last however. I am almost 36 but still look like I’m in my early-to-mid 20s. When my age catches up with me, it could become challenging to do this.

      I don’t specifically remember seeing camel toes amongst my fair girls. There are some tight shorts and pants that show some line vaginal outlines, but the camel toe itself has alluded me. Thanks for the heads-up on “burm” vs. “berm”. I guess I’ve always been spelling it wrong.

      Thanks for the compliments It does take some discipline to sit down and write these lengthy narratives but it’s worth it in the end to be able to have these writeups on record and to share them with others who I hope get something out of them. Is there are any fair/festival-style venue near where you live where you think you could at least take in the sightings even if you don’t want to do the writeups? I’m pretty sure you could see a close approximation of the things I see most places in America.

  2. Beach Bum says:

    Hey Mark,

    I really appreciate your stories and chronicles of the events that you go to. Being a 50 year old married man with an 8 year old son in tow, it is really hard to get away with any sightings as my wife is usually with me when we would be at places where I might be able to do this kind of thing and I might stand out as pretty creepy frequenting the younger indoor clubs that allow smoking inside these days.

    I did have the opportunity a while back to go out with some computer nerd friends of mine that went to a bunch of clubs for a guys night out. They were looked at as unique because they were old and geeky so my ability to watch the pretty young smokers in the clubs was overlooked completely but that is the closest I have come in recent years.

    Keep up the good work and I hope that you continue to have good luck at your future events.

    • Smokin' Mark says:

      Thanks a lot for the compliments and for taking the time to read my writeups. It is pretty consuming to write them so I’m glad there are some people out there who enjoy them.

      Congratulations on the wife and son although I can certainly understand how it limits your ability to take in sightings, particularly if your wife doesn’t indulge your fetish which I’m assuming she doesn’t, at least as it applies to deriving enjoyment from watching other women smoke. I am almost 36 but could easily pass as 23, but since I neither smoke nor drink and am not particularly comfortable in that kind of setting, I don’t frequently hang out there for sightings either. I live in the Des Moines area and am not sure if there are any smoking-permitted clubs around here.

      If you get the opportunity to go to an outdoor festival like the ones where I score my sightings, I would strongly advise you do, even in the company of your wife and son. If you’re in the right place at the right time, there’s no better place to be anonymous and watch sightings play out from surprisingly close range. Keep up the good work on your blog as well.

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