At most points on Wednesday evening, I was preparing in my head a tame and below-average sightings narrative with only a few genuine highlights. But suffice it to say that at some time around 9:00 things went absolutely nuts and the sightings just kept getting more and more ridiculous in their scope and magnitude. As for the evening’s grand finale, well, suffice it to say I have a new all-time #1 sighting for the Iowa State Fair. Numberswise, I thought last year’s 83-sighting haul was a fluke considering I’d never scored more than 64 sightings in three previous weeknight visits….but then I go and score 97 sightings last night. The crowd was huge for a weeknight because of the free Band Perry concert which probably accounts for most of my sightings’ good fortune. There was a lot of mediocrity among those 97 so there won’t be near as many write-ups as there were for Saturday’s write-up, but nonetheless prepare for a roller coaster ride for the sightings that did get a write-up.
I rolled into the Iowa State Fair just after 5:00 on another perfect weather Wednesday afternoon with blue skies, temps in the low 80s and low humidity. As is always the case, the energy was palpable entering those fairgrounds for several hours of fetishing. Right away in the grandstand seating area only a few minutes after my arrival, I spotted a semi-cute blond in a black dress smoking a Marlboro Light who would be Sighting #1. She was attractive enough to grab my attention, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to stick around because the bench from which I was going to sit down and watch her was partially occupied by a little old man in a straw hat and overalls (yes, it’s true….we have old guys like that in Iowa…it’s not just a stereotype) and he just had the look of a guy who would want to tug at my ear. I sat there anywhere and watched her a little bit, just as an ebony and ivory duo of grandstand workers spilled out on a smoke break. Again, neither of them were mind-blowing beauties or anything, but it was kind of cool to have this front-row seat to three young gals smoking. And that’s when it happened. The old man next to me said “I didn’t think you young guys needed to sit down for a rest.” I fired back with a tame comment that must have gave him the hint that I didn’t want to be bothered, which for some strange reason I felt bad about for a while afterward. The old guy reminded me of my late grandpa and any other time I would have welcomed the opportunity to chat with him, but c’mon old timer, I only get a few days a year where I get this much time to fetish as this fantastic of a venue! After a couple minutes of rather awkward silence and a smoking show that wasn’t quite living up to expectations, I pressed on.
The theme of the evening was sightings that were not bad, but not impressive enough to warrant a write-up, and from the get-go I was scoring them in spades. The first girl to truly impress was a 21ish curly-haired dark blond who can only be described as a “country glam girl”. She was parading through a sparse part of the grounds with three guys near the farm equipment, two of whom appeared to be a few years younger than she was. She was decked out in a white blouse that was tied well above the waistline revealing several inches of very tanned and well-toned flesh shaped in a perfect female hourglass, all hovering above a pair of tight jeans. The country look came from both her cowgirl hat and the general way she looked…very much like a farm girl except with a pair of glasses that really gave her a distinctive look. And best yet, she was carrying around a pack of Camels. I wasn’t seeing her smoke at that moment but still counted her as Sighting #8. Given my language in the preceding paragraph, you’ve probably figured out that I would run into this girl again.
Those early evening hours, which are normally fairly productive, were dragging on with surprisingly few sightings and little of substance. But I finally broke the monotony while roaming westward on the concourse. A plume of airborne smoke caught my eye and I searched feverishly to identify its source. There are very few things more satisfying than when you identify that source and it’s a hot young gal in a little black dress. In the case of my Sighting #11 girl, she was the only smoker in a trio that consisted of another attractive young gal about her age (I’d guess she was 21) and a middle-aged guy, presumably the father of one of the two or both. He had good reason to be proud of the female in his company, not only because she was a very pretty curly-haired brunette decked out in a small black summer dress with spaghetti-strap shoulders, but also because she was an impressive smoker. I was first made aware of this by the size of the exhale that I had caught out of the corner of my eye at the very beginning of the sighting. The only downside of the sighting is that I would only get to see one more drag, but she made it count. Walking in front of me she placed the two-thirds smoked cigarette in her mouth and took a sweetheart of a dangling drag. It was a nice drag, but just as I got comfortable with the idea of watching a great smoking show, she prematurely tossed the cigarette to the pavement. I guess there wasn’t a lot of it left, but enough to where she could have taken another drag or two. Nonetheless, I identified the butt (a Camel blue) and sped up to see this trio again. It was cute watching the middle-aged guy talking to both of the girls, knowing one of them was a smoker who had just done dangling drags on her cigarette.
I would next go down the midway and right away made good on that “country glam girl” who was still with her cluster while perusing the midway, only now the pack of Camels that was in her hand was poking out of her jeans pocket….and one of the cigarettes was lit. Amusingly, none of the three guys in her group was smoking, leaving sexy blondie as the only one stinking the place up. It’s always a joy to follow in the footsteps of a smoker girl, but this one in particular was a genuine treat with that perfect hourglass figure and all that exposed flesh between her tied-up white top and tight jeans. She took some nice drags and was thoughtful enough to turn her face to the side, usually looking at one of the guys in the group, when she exhaled some impressive combination mouth and nose exhales. What I wouldn’t have done to get my hands on those hips of hers in that sexy outfit! She kept on dragging until there was nothing left but the filter of the cigarette and I had a feeling she was hanging onto it until the next trash can, and was right as she deposited the butt in the garbage. I took some comfort in the fact that I knew her brand, and was also grateful I was able to get the follow-up after merely seeing her in possession of the pack earlier. That’s not always the case.
It was around 7 p.m. now and The Band Perry concert was scheduled to start at 7:30. I had a feeling there would be quite a crowd, but I wasn’t prepared for the entire east side of the fairgrounds where the free stage is to be an unending sea of humanity. The entire area was packed, so crowded that just moving around was a challenge let alone eyeballing smokers. It was pretty clear that I wouldn’t be “seeing” any of the Band Perry because people were sitting across the street for the concert a half hour before it started. I nonetheless explored the area around the stage and saw a few smokers getting their nicotine before the show. A sexy young blond mother who would become Sighting #21 was the best as it was a three generation sighting with the middle-aged woman I assumed was the grandmother, the 25ish blond mom who was a very skillful smoker with some long hold times and the thin exhales that are indicative of a gal who manages to keep much of the smoke stuck in her lung tissue, and a young daughter who looked about three years old.
The concert area was crowded to the point that I chose to explore other parts of the grounds for the next half hour or so and my preexisting issues with the evening continued with a bunch of mediocre sightings and girls who were cute but just didn’t do enough for me to warrant a write-up. And then when I finally did see something I like, such as the sexy 21ish blond who was my Sighting #28, she was merely parading around with a pack of Marlboro Menthols amidst a group of equally attractive friends. I followed briefly in hopes of an imminent light-up but unless I’m dealing with a one-in-a-million beauty, it’s too big of a risk to simply follow in hopes they’ll spark up when it might be hours before they actually do.
Things just kept going that way as I headed back to the concert area. The concert was on now and in the outlying streets I’d see the profile of a hot girl wielding a cigarette on the horizon and start getting excited, but then get close-up and see she was only mediocre. It was starting to look like it was gonna be an off night. However, I’d get one of my best sightings from before sunset when I made it to the overcrowded side street leading up to the stage where The Band Perry was performing, which now probably had twice as many people populating them as they had 45 minutes earlier, as impossible as that would have seemed 45 minutes earlier. Anyway, Sightings #32 and #33 were slowly emerging from the concert for a smoke break. Both girls were blond and early 20s, but one was only a modest beauty….but frankly she was an afterthought because the other girl was a bombshell with somewhat curvy and full-of-life dirty blond hair going past her shoulders and an eye-opening country cutie outfit that consisted of a yellow summer dress and light BLUE cowgirl boots. Suffice it to say it was a sight for sore eyes watching this girl and her friend approaching me with freshly lit cork filters in hand. Unfortunately, even this sighting would disappoint. The crowd was suffocating and it was hard to keep pace with them, especially since they didn’t seem to know where they wanted to go. At one point they seemed to settle in and stand right next to me (close enough to allow me to see she was smoking a Marlboro Red), which made me think I’d have a front-row seat. It was fortunate they did because I’d get to see two solid drags from my favorite blond when there. However, they just had to head back in the direction they came from after that, and I struggled to follow. Making matters worse, the better blond of the two was a very slow smoker and seemed to go forever without taking drags. I would eventually catch back up with her at exactly in time to completely kill the sighting. The hot blond in the yellow dress nudged her friend holding the cigarette in the air and said something inaudible….and the other girl took it for her to finish it off. Not sure if Reds weren’t yellow dress girl’s brand and she didn’t like them or if she was just a very rare social smoker who wasn’t into the cigarette at that time. Whatever the case, this was in keeping with my general pattern last night. Even the sightings that started out with a ton of potential managed to fizzle out.
I would weave my way through the insane crowd and get close enough to briefly see and listen to the Band Perry, but the entire setting was just too claustrophobic and frankly the lead singer’s similarities to a dumbass girl named Jerrica that I dated earlier this year were so eerie that it was creeping me out. If I was to maintain what was left of my sanity, I would have to get out of there and I did. And the crowd was much more agreeable elsewhere on the fairgrounds. I drifted to the concourse and finally stumbled into something worthwhile that didn’t end badly with Sighting #37. Walking down the middle of the street were two college-age babes of about equal beauty, one blond and one brunette. The blond was smoking a cigarette and as I followed, I was treated to a rear view of a very sexy outfit consisting of a pink top and a fair of blue jean shorts with white patches on them that really framed her assets nicely. I drifted a little to the side to observe her smoking style and which was solid if unspectacular. Usually sightings of two girls where both are smoking are more satisfying, but on the other hand it’s also nice to simply be able to focus on one smoker girl in a group or duo. I got to see about five drags before she dropped the cigarette to the ground and stomped it. I had no problem at all identifying it as a Marlboro 27. The sun was about to set and with it came a dramatic change to the evening’s tone.
In a few short minutes, I was about to be treated to Sighting #40 near the south side seating area. Emerging from the other direction, I saw an attractive early 20s light brunette with blond streaks in her hair wielding a cigarette. And as I prepared to turn around to follow, I suddenly saw a 40-something woman in her cluster with a decent-sized cigar in her mouth. Whoa! Now mom was too old for my tastes obviously but was still decently attractive. There was another heavyset middle-aged woman in the cluster who was not smoking. I noticed a couple of sets of eyes in the seating area take note of the three women as they walked by, appearing to be at least a little under the influence of adult beverages. They saw the cigar hanging out of mom’s mouth and this “are you serious?” look emerged on this one gal’s face that was absolutely priceless. With a role model like this mom, it was no surprise the daughter was about to do what she would next. There is a bench on the edge of this seating with some sort of wooden statue in the middle of bench. I’ve never really paid attention to the statue so I can’t confirm what it even is, but the daughter, confirming the family dynamic I suspected, shouted from behind “Mom! Look at this!” alerting the cigar-chomping woman to come back and check out the statue. The next thing I know, the two middle-aged women are sitting on both sides of the statue on the bench, preparing to pose for photos. The daughter parked that cigarette in her lips and kept it dangling there for a good minute while snapping photos of the mom and friend on the bench. I didn’t notice any dangling drag but that dangle in itself was impressive to behold. And more impressively yet, after they started walking away the daughter took a couple of drags and then continued with another no-purpose dangle of a cigarette that was fast running out of tobacco to smoke. She would proceed to take a couple of final drags and then broke my heart when she stubbed out the cigarette and tossed the butt in the garbage, preventing me from identifying her brand. Nonetheless, quite a ride and I was thinking it just might be my sighting of the night at that point in the evening.
The sightings started coming at a faster pace by that point as often happens after dark, and the crowds of teenagers started forming in that usual location at the center of the fairgrounds. I’d actually get a few snap sightings in the fairly congested crowd at this spot over the course of the night, but nothing else that would compare to Sighting #48. Amidst a crowd of guys and girls, all about 18-19, stood this impressive curly-haired light brunette with a very nice tan, wearing a skimpy brown summer dress. The first time I spotted her, she was in the middle of a cigarette but she was so immersed in the crowd that I couldn’t really get a sustained good look. I did see one drag that looked more impressive than I suspected, so I was hoping to somehow get a better vantage point from a new location. As a consequence, I drifted around the area for about a minute and returned to find that for whatever reason the crowd had lessened. And I’m not sure what happened, but suddenly the girl now had her pack of Marlboro Reds in her hand and was extracting a brand new cigarette. Not sure if she gave someone else the remnants of her last one or what, but given that another light-up was imminent, it was not my place to question her tactics! She was immersed in discussion that delayed the light-up, but in fairly short time the cigarette made its way to her mouth and was followed by a spark that brought it to life. The very first drag impressed most as she took a punishing pull and proceeded to launch a powerful combination mouth and nose exhale. Better yet, her next breath produced a sweet little residual exhale. Nothing better than 18-year-old girls so adept at smoking that they already have the residual exhales going on! The location was too troublesome for me to stick around for the entire cigarette, but I would stick around for a couple more drags. Neither was as memorable as that first one, but the exhales were still impressive and there was always some residual spillover smoke on the second breath. Looking at this girl, I guess she kind of had the look of a smoker, but that brown dress gave her a measure of wholesomeness that really stood out as a nice contrast from the way she was pounding the hell out of that cigarette.
As I reluctantly drifted away from this sighting, on the other side of this gathering of teens and young adults, Sighting #49 emerged in the form of a hot 21ish blond with a sassy aura about her wearing a black and white striped dress. She was already wielding an unlit cigarette and was good-naturedly informing her group of guys and girls as she started walking ahead of them that “she was gonna go there whether her friends were ready or not”, to which I don’t know what she was referring to. In seconds, the cigarette was lit and the friends caught up with her. I stuck around a few more moments and another attractive brunette in the group would produce a cigarette of her own and become Sighting #50. Again, I couldn’t linger in this crowd without standing out like a sore thumb so I was forced to retreat, but about an hour later I’d see the two girls again, with the blond in the black and white dress smoking another cigarette.
It was at this exact moment that the Band Perry concert must have finished because from the east came a tidal wave of people, which of course was my cue to head east so I could see as many of them as possible. I went from 50 sightings to 60 sightings in about 5-7 minutes, and while none were epic and the crowds were too unforgiving to analyze any of them too intensively, it did wonders for my overall numbers. Better yet, the grounds remained far more crowded that usually after dark on a midnight in the remaining 2 ½ hours and was easily the most significant factor that helped me score 97 sightings last night, as up to that point I was a little behind schedule from the year before.
As I explored the south side of the grounds, I would come upon this year’s version of the Great White Whale, but don’t get too excited because I never saw her smoking. Now she didn’t have the IT factor of last year’s Minnesota State Fair cutie in the leather jacket and white shorts, but this girl was nonetheless irresistible and impossible to take my eyes off of. She was about 17-18, had shoulder-length blond hair, and had the face of an angel, and was hanging out with another blond friend in jean shorts who was attractive but was completely overshadowed by her more glamorous friend. But what most defined the off-the-charts hotness factor of my latest find what her tiny, shiny miniskirt featuring a black and silver pattern that was wrapped around her lower body with the tightness of Saran Wrap. I observed her from close range and she appeared to have taken note of me, and as I passed her it once again seemed as though I was being followed by her and friend briefly. I held back a bit just in case (if this girl was gonna approach me I wanted to make sure I was an easy target!!!) and she and the friend moved in front of me. This gave me the chance to follow again, admiring the hell out of the shiny skirt glittering before my very eyes and wishing I get could my hands on it. I got a suspicious smoker vibe from this girl but the likelihood was that she was a non. Unlike with last year’s 40-minute detour chasing the Great White Whale, this year’s girl let me off the hook right away when she got in line for a gyro upon approaching the stand. I kicked myself for not being close enough to peek into her open purse for cigarettes as she dug out the money, but knew that if she planned to eat, I wasn’t gonna wait around for her to finish eating to see if she would smoke then, so I retreated. I did, however, return to this area about 10 minutes later thinking maybe she’d be enjoying a smoky dessert when I returned, but I never did see her again last night.
Even after that disappointment, however, this was the time of the night where things would start to really get interesting, culminating with Sighting #70 scored at the end of a midway run. Standing near a food vendor at the edge of the midway was a giant cluster of 16-18ish teens, mostly girls with a couple of guys thrown in. I saw and smelled plumes of smoke going airborne from within this group and quickly identified its source as the tallest and most distinctive beauty of the bunch, a blond I originally suspected was 18 (more on that later) with shoulder-length hair that hung down onto her shoulderless turquoise blouse and snug pale blue jean shorts draping her bottom, with a long set of legs extending from underneath. I’d guess she was about 5’9 or 5’10” and looked a lot like a smoker despite her underlying cuteness. She actually looked a lot like Evan Rachel Wood did at 18. There were a few beauties in this group, but this girl was definitely the cutest of the group, and happened to be the only one wielding a cigarette. I would watch from afar and saw a couple nice drags from her before the group started moving out of the midway and past the beer gardens area. I followed in the stinky trail of my new blond friend who was a good smoker, taking nicely timed drags which was a nice change after all the recent girls who seem to go 90 seconds between drags. Her exhales were cloudy and skillful and it was an all-around pleasure following her and her shapely, well-decorated lower body. But I was so caught up in following her, I managed to miss an epic case of interference that would make for an extremely bad night for a couple of people in her clique…..
Remember I said there were some other cuties in the group (along with a couple real dogs unfortunately) and suddenly a cop came up to ask for ID upon seeing the girls walking around with beers. Thankfully, my girl wasn’t drinking. Kind of ironic that she was able to walk by the cop undetected as a likely underage smoker because they were focused on kids with beers. About four people in the group stopped at the gates, looking behind them to realize the two attractive brunette girls with the beers were in a world of hurt. Blondie crushed out her cigarette and unfortunately just stood there with her friends for the longest time, initially waiting for the rest of her cluster to be cut loose. It was killing me to see her cigarette butt hovering just underneath those long bare legs of hers, but I was gonna be patient with this one. As this was going on, I spotted a couple decently attractive early 20s gals, one blond and one brunette, right in front of me sitting on the curb deftly smoking cigarettes. They were Sightings #71 and #72 and gave me a nice sideshow to observe while passing the time waiting for Evan Rachel Wood’s kid sister to get those killer legs of hers in motion. Turns out I got to see most of their smoking show until it became clear that the busted friends would not be hanging out with ERW’s crew again that evening. They pressed forward and I jumped into identify her cigarette as yet another cork-filter Camel Blue. I’m not sure what the gimmick is with these Camel Blues but they sure seem to be popular with the young ladies lately.
Moving eastward down the block the hits would keep on coming as I found myself on the path of collision with a total cutie of an early 20s blond walking by herself and carrying a pack of Marlboro Menthols in her hand. It was one of those cases where you see you’re about to collide with someone and both of you start moving the same direction to avoid each other. When we finally got our path settled, she smiled and giggled before we mutually excused ourselves and pressed forward. I would have loved to have seen more from this girl but when you have an encounter like that you can’t just follow the girl and expect not to get caught doing so. Again, I only saw the pack, but when I see a pretty girl in possession of a pack of cigarettes, I count it as a sighting, in this case, Sighting #73.
Turns out not following that girl would work to my benefit as I approached a bench at the corner of the block located in front of yet another of the bars on the Iowa State Fairgrounds. Seated on the bench were three women, including two middle-aged women, one of whom was smoking and who I noticed right away. Standing in front of them in front of the bench was a middle-aged guy and a 20-something guy. Four out of the five people in this group were now hereby accounted for. But it was the fifth person of the group who would be the last I’d see but who was far and away the most intriguing member of the group. I was almost ready to walk away from this location before I laid eyes on this total sweetheart of a curly-haired light brunette who looked about 16 upon first look because she was so petite and had such soft features. Resting on her bare smooth leg was her right hand…..which was holding a fairly freshly lit cigarette. The next bench over had an opening leaving me a semiawkward but ultimately successful front-row seat to Sighting #74, another of my favorites of the night. Upon closer inspection she was definitely early 20s…probably 22 or 23…but what a face! And what a petite little firecracker of a body to go with it, including a skimpy pair of cutoffs with the front pockets hanging a good couple inches beyond the frayed fabric of the cutoffs. Seeing her hold that cigarette so close to those smooth legs was deliciously heartbreaking. And I took all this in even before she took her first drag, at which point my fervor for the girl increased to an entirely different level….
She was immersed in a combination of texting and talking to the smoking lady to her right which I assumed was her mom when the big moment came and the cigarette approached her lips….and that sucker stayed that for about seven seconds. Hot damn! Seeing those petite fingers holding that cigarette as she dragged from it for that long made my heart skip a beat. Her drags were not particularly frequent but she continued to make up for the lack of frequency by making the drags she did take count, with long rapist inhales (never quite the seven seconds of that first one but impressive nonetheless) always followed by that yummy visual of seeing a ball of smoke disappear down her throat before her body let it out on parole after serving its time in her black lungs. Also adorable that the two men were standing at a comfortable distance in front of the women on the bench, apparently unable to stand to get too close to the stinky women in their lives. And I was just sitting there on the bench looking over shoulder, not going undetected but also able to observe this sighting in its entirety, close enough to see the rings on her all-white and knowing it was a Marlboro of some form. I could actually see at a distance a couple of first-tier college age hotties in dresses smoking with their boyfriends, officially becoming Sightings #75 and #76. I would normally be racing over their direction to get a closer look at those babes, but they were just gonna have to wait last night as I had higher priorities to fulfill…
The girl was conversing with the other smoker who I assumed was her mother when the phone she had been tirelessly texting on started ringing. She answered it and began conversing with someone, citing her location and apparently planning to meet up with somebody there. It continued to be cute seeing that cigarette hand of hers resting on her bare leg, especially as the cigarette got shorter and shorter. And then she took another deep drag in mid-conversation, and as she began to speak I enjoyed a particularly well-defined ball of smoke disappearing down her throat that would be ejected in the form of a talking exhale. This girl was just too much. She wrapped up the phone conversation before finishing the cigarette. I was nervous looking at the garbage can directly in front of her expecting this girl, who looked like a total goody-two-shoes save for that smoldering cigarette between her fingers, would stub the thing out and toss it in the trash. I couldn’t have been more wrong as she proceeded to take a final drag before effectively spiking the cigarette to the ground the way a football player does in the end zone after a 100-yard touchdown run. She basically sent that smoldering cigarette to the ground with a flourish and I was licking my lips watching it burn on the dirt, close enough to identify it as a Marlboro Light. This would be my second favorite sighting of the night.
From there I migrated to the south side of the grounds which more often than not produces sightings, with still more than an hour fetish time left and already on the precipice of surpassing the previous weeknight sightings haul of 83. I ventured on the outskirts of the south side beer gardens and spotted another wholesome-looking early 20s blond in a tanktop and utilitarian jean shorts with an undeniable IT factor. There stood Sighting #79, this innocent-looking college girl with a beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other, conversing with a wholesome-looking nonsmoking guy. Her cigarette was in its final throes but I was fortunate enough to find a place to stand and watch her take her final drags. This girl certainly didn’t look like a smoker yet here rolled the smoke from her cute face, possibly to the disgust of the guy she was conversing with. All too quickly she dropped the cigarette butt and crushed it out under her feet . Suddenly this evening was no longer as bland as it was a few hours earlier, and my write-up was shaping to be a great deal more interesting….but you still ain’t seen nothing yet.
I journeyed from there to the west side of the grounds on the concourse and then encircling the main bar on the grounds, The Depot, cited before as the source of classic sightings in the past. I ascended the stairs on the periphery and right away came across two mediocre college girls smoking that helped pad my numbers. But the way The Depot is set up, it’s a mistake for one to assume that just encircling the periphery is gonna be sufficient to identify all the smokers. Despite the illegality of smoking inside in the postsmoking ban era, you all too frequently see people seated on the picnic tables inside the bar smoking. Such was the case last night with Sighting #86, another one that was poised to be in competition for my favorite sighting of the night until the grand finale blew everything apart. Anyway, seated at a table was a middle-aged couple who looked like a pretty sturdy Midwestern couple (although the guy was smoking) but across the table from them was a very attractive mid-20s blond who I assumed was their daughter. Now this girl wasn’t “stop traffic beautiful” but she just seemed like the kind of girl next door that would be right at home as this family’s daughter. Strangely out of place, however, was the pack of Marlboro Lights in front of her and the cigarette in her hand that would make her Sighting #86. But even more out of place was the way she mutilated that cigarette in direct contrast to the slow smokers I’ve been seeing in recent weeks…..
It took me all of three seconds upon setting eyes on this girl to recognize she had a bubbly and gregarious personality, chatting quickly and effervescently with the older couple (her parents?) who had to fight to get a word in edgewise. But an opening always emerged in the conversation whenever she took a drag from her cigarette. I don’t know how it’s even logistically possible, but her drags were at best average length wise and maybe even a little below-average, but this girl could produce smoke like a wood stove chimney in Alaska in January. Not since last summer’s young teen on the midway (ISF #8) have I seen smoke this forcefully exit a girl’s face, with absolute blasts of smoke blisteringly piercing the air and daring anyone to get in its way. Both her mouth and nose were blasting out volumes of smoke that I rarely see, often done in talking exhales. It was uncanny as I’d see her take very light drags of less than two seconds, but still manage to ignite jet streams of exhaled smoke in front of her face. And perhaps cutest of all, she didn’t make much effort to spare her parents from her smoke, at least early on. She would be facing her parents as these explosions of smoke were spewed from her respiratory system with impressive frequency, forming a cloud of smoke hovering in between them, almost none of which was coming from the father’s cigarette, at least compared to the geothermal steam blasts his daughter was creating. And absolutely most adorable of all is that the girl became aware of the overpowering smoke she was exhaling at some point towards the end of her cigarette and started making futile attempts to wave the smoke away after exhaling, the same cute way a girl I dated four years ago named Krissy did. She did this after the final three drags as the haze got thick, all before boarishly taking her cigarette and tossing it under the table without crushing it out. What a great show!
Riding high on my recent good fortune, I ventured towards the center of the grounds hoping to see more from the teens that always congregate there, but I tend to underestimate the capacity of the beer gardens across the street and its ability to deliver. Luckily, walking out into the street emerging from the beer gardens was an attractive brunette and blond, and it was pretty clear the blond had a cigarette in her hand. They looked early-to-mid 20s, and my focus was almost exclusively on the blond as she was the one I saw with the cigarette and she was also the one with the sexiest outfit that included a black top and white shorts. She was a definite hottie, not a perfect 10 but a solid 8.5. There were no open benches so I just sat on the curb watching and patiently awaiting her to light the cigarette and become Sighting #90. Finally it happened as the cigarette was placed in her mouth…only it quickly became clear even in the dark of night that whatever she put in her mouth was not a cigarette. It was a cigarette-shaped little cigar with a plastic tip on the end identical to the one smoked by Sighting #51 on Saturday night. Suddenly I was thoroughly intrigued as the opportunity to watch a hot blond in white shorts smoking a cigar does not come around often. After taking her sweet little time, she lit up and wasted no time creating a fog of smelly cigar smoke while in the immediate presence of the nonsmoking brunette friend. She inhaled every drag and produced a dense stream of smoke with every exhale. It was amazing to watch, even though my positioning was awkward. I was there for about six or seven drags, but wanted to walk past her just to see how foul the odor was that was emanating from her. I did just after an exhale. Holy shit did she stink! The pungent and overpowering aroma of cherry-flavored cigar smoke filled the air and I was giddy that is was coming from this cutie. But after walking past her this way, my presence was even more awkward…and I got cocky…and stupid….
I decided I was gonna walk away for a bit and explore a little bit of the south side, knowing that even small cigars seem to take much longer to smoke than cigarettes, meaning I had all kinds of time to come back and watch the end of this sighting. But as I got about a half block into the south side, it hit me that that was just too great and too rare of a sighting to not watch in its entirety, so I turned around to go back….and it was already too late as they were gone! WTF??! And what was I thinking walking away from this?!?! I headed west down the concourse thinking maybe the girls took their show on the road and I’d catch up with them with a little perseverance. But they were nowhere to be seen. For the next 10 minutes or so I was kicking myself for my stupidity in abandoning them. I eventually decided to return back to where I saw them in the first place in front of the beer gardens in the center of the grounds. Again, however, they were nowhere to be found. But how could I have possibly imagined as I approached this area again that I was about to not only make up for the incredible hotness I had recently walked away from, but actually build upon it….
I walked on the sidewalk in front of the beer gardens, feverishly scanning the area for the blond in white shorts and coming up empty. But from out of nowhere, an absolutely nasty aroma of fresh cigar smoke was violating my senses. I kept moving hoping to identify its stealth source, and that’s when I laid eyes on Sighting #93, the girl who would change everything. Sitting on a bench was a plain jane brunette she was sharing with this complete sexpot of a dark brunette wearing a bare midriff red top and a pair of tight black shorts….and smoking a full-sized cigar. To call her the most beautiful girl in the room would be the understatement of the year, as she was an equal mix of sweetheart next door and glam girl. It was love at first sight, and basically from the second I saw that big cigar in her hand she became my favorite Iowa State Fair sighting of all-time, but I could have never in a million years imagined the kind of show I would get from her…..
It was about 11:25, and time was short and I absolutely had to get to my shuttle bus before midnight or else be stranded in the east side ghetto with no ride home, but at the same time I wanted to see this sighting play out in its entirety, unsure of how long that cigar of hers would last. Now it wasn’t some giant 7 ½ inch Churchill or anything, but it was long and the size of a dime around. As shocking as it was to see the blond in white shorts smoking her little cigar, seeing a cigar between the fingers of this brunette bombshell was even more shocking. She didn’t inhale every drag, but she did on some, and as is often the case with any kind of cigar, especially the bigger ones, she produced a huge cloud of filthy cigar smoke with every exhale. I can’t even begin to describe how sexy it was seeing this beautiful girl with her legs crossed while wearing those black shorts in the most feminine pose imaginable…and smoking from her big cigar, tapping it against the bench to ash it after every few puffs/drags. Again there was no available bench so I was reduced to standing there on the curb acting like I was waiting for somebody while sneaking glances on her. I occasionally sat down on the curb, sometimes out of necessity to hide my bulging crotch watching this unfold…..
Her exhales were being carried by the light breeze to the south and west and I just had to walk in that area to get a whiff. I swear that at least from that direction, you could smell this girl from 30 feet away, her rancid cigar smoke hovering in the area like cold air in a river valley. Unfortunately, I was unable to both smell her smoke and see her smoke the cigar at the same time so I had to return to my old location to watch the show and feel my heart warm after every time that cigar was placed in her mouth. But she was just getting started. From out of nowhere, some guy emerged with a drink. He looked about 22 or 23, around the same age she was, but I didn’t really sense that he was a boyfriend. In his hand was some girly, fruity drink in a red plastic glass that she took ownership of. So here she was sipping her girly drink from this red glass….while smoking a cigar, which extended from her fingers pressed up against the glass. Amazingly, it got even better as the guy sat next to her in the direction her smoke was drifting. For the next several puffs, her exhales drifted straight into this guy’s face, one after another. The girl seemed perfectly aware where her smoke was drifting, but frankly couldn’t care less. Suddenly the luckiest guy in the world was getting an endless headwind of direct exhaled cigar smoke from the most beautiful girl at the Iowa State Fair….
And then it got even weirder when she began engaging the girl next to her in discussion. If her indifference about hitting the guy in the face with her exhales seemed obnoxious, she took it to an entirely different level when she took a drag from her cigar while the other girl was talking, looked her straight in the face not a foot in front of her, and then exhaled directly into her face. And then did the same thing again! Hell, in the next drag she wasn’t even talking to the other girl but would turn right at her and exhale into her face again. Were these people for real? Am I dealing with some funky threesome fetish where the nonsmoking guy and girl have a cigar fetish and get off on this knockout beauty exhaling cigar smoke directly into their face from a few inches away in public? And nobody flinched at all, leading me to believe this girl is probably a regular cigar smoker and her friends are so used to her stench that even such in-your-face rudeness of the highest order doesn’t faze them anymore. Incredible beyond belief….
I started to notice there was only a stub left on her cigar by about 11:40. She was really gonna smoke the whole thing. And the way she held the small remaining portion of the cigar that was left, you could see the wet part where her saliva had moistened it for the last 20 minutes or more. Seeing that moist cigar butt between her fingers was the pivot point where I could barely contain myself from jumping on this girl’s insanely sexy body and copulating with her then and there. She salvaged a few more drags from the cigar before stubbing it out on the pavement. Rarely is that a good sign, and sure enough, the girl got up from there, holding her cell phone and her cigar butt, walking across the street for some reason. I fantasized about how stinky her fingers must have been holding that cigar butt, but the fantasy would turn into a nightmare as she approached the garbage can across the street—in the pitch black—and tossed it inside. From there, she got on her phone and started gabbing away in this dark spot, leading me to cross the street in hopes of salvaging something else from the sighting. What a sexy girl! On top of the perfect 10 beauty, her body looked flawless with that bare midriff separated by that red top and those skin-tight black shorts. If only she knew how much I wanted inside of her!!!!
There was a cop standing no more than five feet from her and since the sighting had run its course anyway, I decided to retreat, but only after fulfilling this once-in-a-lifetime sighting that seemed completely out of reach in those middling early hours at the Iowa State Fair yesterday.
While that was it for sightings, I had yet another encounter with another of the girls reported upon earlier. As I was making the journey to get on my shuttle bus at about 11:50, I recognized a familiar group just ahead of me….the group of teenagers that included my Sighting #70 girl, the Evan Rachel Wood kid sister in the turquoise top and short jean shorts. Walking with her was one guy friend, a brunette friend that was cute but looked eight months pregnant, and one of the uglier, overweight girls in the group. It was becoming clear that we were going the same place…..to the same shuttle bus. I got on first before their group got inside and migrated to the back of the bus. Unfortunately we got a few blocks down the road when we ran into a train….that was at a dead stop on the tracks. This is a frequent on the east side of Des Moines, and is part of the reason why the neighborhood has become so undesirable. We sat there for 15 minutes, with the bus full of drunks telling stupid jokes. I kept looking back to my favorite blond who wasn’t paying attention to any of it, instead mesmerized by her iPhone. The drunks were getting stupid and one of them suggested the women all get out and flash the train engineer their boobs in the hopes of getting the train moving again. The fat, ugly girl in the back said she was only 16 years old and would not be doing that. Whoa, I thought….if that girl’s 16, I bet my Evan Rachel Wood clone is too. I had assumed she was 18…..
Finally, the train got moving again and after a 20-minute wait we were mobile. I was hoping when we got to the drop-off point at the Iowa Capitol that my girl would light up a cigarette after she got off the bus. She didn’t, but what I did get was a nice consolation. I was walking to my car and they were behind me. I caught them in mid-conversation as one of the girls said, in reference to their group’s altercation with the cops earlier “I knew it was big trouble when I saw that cop approach her. She got arrested! She was only 16 and was caught with beer!” Once again, all things point to my favorite tall blond being only 16 years old…and the only smoker of her group. It’s pretty nice when the hot stuff from the Iowa State Fair continues on the walk back to your car from the shuttle bus.
So there you go. Another first-rate Iowa State Fair for 2011 that ended up giving 2010 a run for its money and ended up surpassing the sighting total for both nights, and by no small amount. In 2010, I scored 219 sightings. In 2011, 240 sightings. Can I possibly continue to build from here? T minus 10 days till my first of two trips to the Minnesota State Fair.