2010 Local County Fair


I’m off to a good start.  Opening night at my county fair tends to be lightly populated compared to subsequent nights.  Last year I thought I made out like a bandit scoring 22 sightings on opening night, but I outdid myself with 26 sightings this year.  Of course, when you seat yourself in the grandstand overlooking the smoking section this year when you were unable to last year, it helps things along considerably.  Last year on opening night I scored an epic trio of high school girls smoking and while  I didn’t get anything up to that caliber tonight, but was nonetheless impressed by some of the things I saw…..

I got to the grounds about 5:15 with the usual rush of adrenaline I get the first time I walk through the county fair gates.  The first thing I do is always to pass the VFW Bingo pavilion to see if they have their usual scattering of ashtrays.  They didn’t this year, and I thought that meant they finally squelched that quasi-indoor smoking venue….but later in the afternoon and evening the ashtrays were out and the smokers were using them.   No hot girls though….yet.  I almost always see at least a couple young hotties smoking during the course of fair week.

From there I perused the grounds and within 10 minutes scored my first sighting walking down the midway….a dark-complected young mother with a very familiar face standing with a couple other Latina gals.  I’m pretty sure the smoker was white because she didn’t have Latina features, but she was dark-complected and it added to her allure.  I always get a deja vu factor at the local fair and did again with this girl.  I’m sure at some point I saw her before.  Anyway, she stood there looking hot as hell in a white tanktop and frayed jean shorts while holding her cigarette near her face with a bent elbow.  There was an open bench only a few feet away, and it was clear the young mother was waiting for her daughter to get off one of the carnival rides.  I could see the green print on the all-white filter of the cigarette in her hand and figured Marlboro Light Menthol.  She took a final puff, crushed it under her shoe, and soon walked away.  I was able to swoop in and check out the brand.  Should have known.  It was a Camel Light Menthol.  They’re ALWAYS Camels these days it seems.  Either way, I was off and running and feeling pretty good having scored something memorable so early.

But it was slow going for the next hour, with nothing of interest to report…just plenty of middle-aged and overweight smokers.  Right after 6 p.m. I bought my gyro and got a ring from buddy Corey.  He was already in the grounds and ready to meet up.  Too soon for my blood Corey!!  I had stalking to do.  He found me and I suddenly had company.  We finished eating and then walked the grounds a bit.  He cramped my style, but didn’t really take away any sightings.  While walking with him, I saw a very pretty 17ish brunette with a glamorous and shiny red top and dark jeans.  She was very pretty and wielding a pack of Camels.  I was disappointed that I didn’t see a cigarette get smoked, but my disappointment would be added to hours later after the show when I saw this same girl two more times…..the pack of Camels clutched in her hand, but never releasing one to insert into her mouth.  I still counted her as a sighting, but I suppose it is cheating a little bit.

Also with Corey, near the north gate, in came a cluster of three girls with a guy.  All four were smoking.  The girls looked about 21 and were a definite assortment including a chubby brunette who wasn’t cute enough to count as a sighting, a glam short-haired blonde in a red top and white shorts, and a girl-next-door light brunette wearing sunglasses and tight blue jeans.  Neither girl was “hot” but were both attractive enough to pique my interest.  Say 6.5-7 on the hotness Richter scale for both.  While I would only see a passing glimpse of them smoking while walking with Corey, there would be more from these girls later in the evening.  That was one of the best parts about tonight.  It was definitely a “multiples” night in terms of sightings of my favorites, which is often the case in my relatively small county fairgrounds.

Corey is a former 4-Her and runs into tons of people he knows at the fair, and many try to stop and chat to him, which severely cramps my style.  Anyway, when we finally broke free from people Corey knew, he went to get a malt at a carnival stand and I decided to be proactive to the point of bullying by telling him I was gonna go grab our seat in the grandstand in preparation for the show that was to begin in about 40 minutes.  I’m sure you know what I had in mind….securing our seat overlooking the smoking area near the north side gate.   It was a humid night so I used the excuse that we’d have as good of a breeze as we were gonna find at that spot.  Corey’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer and bought it hook, line, and sinker.  So off I went to secure that spot….at just the right time to score my favorite sighting of the night. Brace yourself for this one…..

I turned the corner approaching the smoking area near the north side gate.  Right away, I saw a moderately attractive 21ish brunette standing smoking.  She was fair, but nothing to get my blood plumping.  In a circle near her was a heavyset gal who I didn’t even count and an adorable 13ish girl who looked too young to be a smoker and wasn’t.  They stood in a circle because they were surrounding someone sitting in a wheelchair.  It was almost an afterthought for me to even look at who was sitting in that wheelchair as I expected it would be the brunette’s crippled middle-aged mother or something.  Imagine my shock when it was a cutiepie 18-19ish ponytailed dark blonde…and she was smoking a cigarette.  This girl was not a knockout beauty but she was really cute, and the arrangement made things even cuter.  She sat there in a white tanktop and short jean shorts with incredibly smooth legs coming out of them.  There was no visible broken leg or anything of the like so perhaps this girl has some serious crippling injury or paralysis.  She sat atop a pink blanket she was apparently using as a cushion for what had to be an awesome sexy ass.  And resting atop that bare leg of her was a pack of Marlboro 27 Blends.  She wore that pack of Marlboros with pride and made sure everybody could see it perched right there on her sexy leg.

I hightailed it up to my spot and watched from above.  She took intense drags that lasted a good four seconds.  Her exhales weren’t as impressive but it was very obvious this girl was ferociously addicted to cigarettes.  When she finished the cigarette, the brunette friend wheeled her back into the grandstand, right up near the front near the stage where the handicapped watch the shows.  I was practically hyperventilating with excitement.

And what a show it was.  In the minutes ahead, out came a duo of 19-20ish cuties from the grandstand that included a badass looking brunette in a plaid-striped blouse and a white miniskirt along with a sexy blonde in a turquoise blouse and jean shorts.  Neither was a knockout beauty but both were solid 8’s or 8.5’s, and their sexy clothes added to the allure.  I just knew I was about to see smoking, and sure enough, they stepped out into the smoking area and produced all-whites.  Corey had returned and was seated next to me at this point so I had juggle conversing with him and watching these two.  Their smoking style wasn’t bad by any means, but nothing out of the ordinary.  During the duration of this sighting, the two girls got out their cell cameras and took cutesy pics of the two of them pressed face to face, always hiding their cigarettes behind their backs.  I watched them wander back inside the grandstand after finishing their cigarettes and sat amidst a cluster of friends that apparently didn’t share their smelly pastime and had to have been holding their breath at how stinky their pretty female friends were.

And remember that trio that came in when I was walking with Corey earlier?  Well they came out for a final smoke before the concert as well.  The glam blonde stood out the most even though she was good but not great looks wise.  Unfortunately, her smoking style wasn’t impressive at all.  Seemed like a puff and blower.  If she was inhaling, I couldn’t see it.  These girls didn’t quite live up to the last two duos, but it was still nice to get a closer look.

By now it was about 8:28.  The show was scheduled to start at 8:30 but as usual would be running a little late.  And what do I see as I look towards the crowd but a certain teen cutie in a wheelchair get wheeled out once again, not 10 minutes after her last cigarette, to fill her crippled body up with another shot of nicotine, tar, and assorted cancer-causing carcinogens.  As she was getting wheeled out, there it sat again….that bronze pack of Marlboro 27 Blend displayed like a trophy on her adorable bare-skinned lap, where she must keep it permanently on display.  Both her and the brunette wheeling her out fired up another cigarette.  I paid little attention to the brunette and focused all my attention on this cutiepie in the wheelchair taking her intense four-second drags before persing her lips into an O shape and exhaling toxic chemical clouds into the early evening sky.  Numerous people took notice at this cute barely legal jean-shorted girl in a wheelchair smoking a cigarette, including Corey who I saw looking at her and some of the other smokers semiregularly as well.  Makes me wonder if Corey may have a touch of the fetish himself.  I know he’s dated at least one hot smoker before.  Anyway, the girl was wheeled back in, but I’m STILL not finished with that adorable and stinky young invalid.

Another upside to be seated next to the grandstand’s smoking area is that you can also see across the chain-link fence into the beer gardens, where I saw a handful of sexy smokers from a distance.  The closest was a cute early-to-mid-20s long-haired dark blonde in a hot denim miniskirt who stepped near the fence with a nonsmoking boyfriend and lit herself up.  I got to watch the duration of her cigarette, albeit from too far to fully appreciate it.  Several other hot 20-somethings could be seen smoking inside the beer gardens, including some that looked very pretty from a distance.  I counted them on my evening tally, but felt robbed in most cases that I couldn’t see them from closer up to identify just how pretty they were.

Near the halfway point of the Justin Moore concert (which by the way had a few bright spots but was generally kind of weak), two groups re-emerged.  One was the eclectic trio of 21ish girls that included the chubby girl, the decent light brunette, and the puff-and-blow blonde girl, out for one more cigarette.  It was intriguing that even though that blonde doesn’t seem to inhale, she still appeared addicted enough to cigarettes that she had to leave the concert to get a nicotine fix.  God I love how shamelessly addictive nicotine is.

More exciting around the concert’s halfway point was the return of the sexy college-age hotties who were taking the cutesy photos of themselves while smoking before the show.  This time, the girls were hovering almost directly underneath me as they prepared a second round of cigarettes.  Remember how I said the badass-looking brunette was wearing a plaid blouse?  Well I didn’t notice until I had this angle overlooking her from above that she had a shirt pocket on that blouse….with a green and black pack of Camels perched in that shirt pocket.  It reminded me of a blue-collar guy who walks around with a pack of cigarettes in his shirt pocket….only this was an adorable 19-20ish girl with a pack of cigarettes in her shirt pocket….and she was wearing it with a white miniskirt!  You can’t even imagine how much I got off observing this from above.  Unfortunately, the girls briefly gravitated out of the smoking area onto the fairgrounds, but would return in about five minutes.  The brunette had finished her cigarette, but the equally sexy blonde still had a few more drags from hers.  Her drags appeared much more intense now, and again, it was so sexy seeing this cutie in a turquoise top and jean shorts breathing that many carcinogens into her beautiful young body.  She bent down and squashed the cigarette into the grass before the girls re-entered the grandstand to rejoin their party.

As the show approached its end, I thought to myself that while I had seen some hot sightings, I hadn’t really seen a truly wholesome looking girl smoking yet.  That problem would be solved as a saw a young couple leaving the grandstand.  The girl, a dark brunette who looked about 21 and was wearing a striped top and a denim skirt, was rummaging through her purse, but I wasn’t really expecting cigarettes because she looked too fragile to be a stinker.  But lo and behold, from out of that purse came an all-white.  I got to see the light-up and was blown away, but was disappointed as she and the apparently nonsmoking boyfriend wandered off out of sight.  I would have loved to have seen more of this…..and as was the case throughout this evening, I did just that perusing the grounds about 45 minutes later when I spotted this same cutie standing in a cluster of male and female nonsmokers….and she was smoking again.  Cute stuff.

I got lucky after the concert ended as Corey bid adieu and headed out immediately.  This allowed me to stand guard at the gates of the grandstand in hopes of seeing you know who.  And sure enough, a few minutes after I left, the rest of the crowd was spilling out, including a certain late teen cutie in a wheelchair.  The brunette friend was wheeling her out and had a freshly lit cigarette dangling from her lips for a significant amount of time as she pushed her friend….who was also smoking another cigarette.  I got the sense these girls were heavy smokers, so it had to have been a helluva long sit with that tempting bronze pack of Marlboros on her leg that she couldn’t tap into until the concert ended.  Once again, tagging along, was the 13ish nonsmoker girl, who must have been the younger sister of one of the smokers.  Another interesting detour emerged as a cluster of local dudes formed a joking barricade in front of the smoker in the wheelchair…and then began chatting her up.  It was clear now that this was indeed a local girl, and I’m still curious to her story of why she was in a wheelchair.  Whatever the case, for the next hour, the girl and her friend were in a cluster with these several guys, all nonsmokers, flirting and chatting with them.  About 15 minutes after I departed them the first time, I would return to see the girl in the wheelchair and her brunette friend smoking another round of cigarettes, their fourth of the night just within the narrow timeframe that I got to observe.  In a night full of blockbusters, she was my biggest find.

Now, for the final hour and a half perusing the grounds, I would score a few more memorable sightings.  The first came venturing north off the grounds and seeing a couple of flirty early-to-mid-20s blondes hitting up a couple cops, most likely just to flirt.  As the two blondes walked away after about 30 seconds of flirting with the male cops, one of the blondes produced an all-white from out of nowhere.  I followed for a good distance before she finally lit it, and I got to enjoy a couple nice splashes of secondhand smoke in the face before she and the nonsmoking friend sat down on a bench and I pressed forward.

Seated on a bench outside the other main gate to the grandstand after the show was a cluster of teenagers.  There were two girls, both underage light brunettes and both plain janes but still definite cuties, sitting there smoking the final couple drags on the stubs of nearly finished cigarettes.

A 17ish long-haired blonde cutie in a little blue dress was hanging out with a cluster of about five guys at the edge of the midway.  She was the only one smoking as the guys were all teasing her about something and she was unashamedly brandishing her cigarette near her face as she teased back.  God I love when nonsmoking guys still get in the inner circle with these stinky girls.  Again, major deja vu with this girl.  I’d seen her before somewhere….most likely in a previous setting at the county fair….but despite her cute little blue dress, she definitely look like a mischievous smoker girl.

There was a duo of 17ish couples where I saw the guy smoking earlier in the night.  His girlfriend was a knockout and if she had smoked, would have been the top sighting of my night.  I held out hope but it was all for naught.  When I saw them again about 45 minutes later, the boyfriend was smoking again….and the guy and the girl that made up the second couple were also smoking again.  The girl was semicute, but the sighting was still hot since she was quite obviously underage.  Unfortunately, the pretty girl was eating a sno-cone.  I held out some lingering hope she might be a smoker and walked around in circles for a bit hoping to see this play out, but gave up when I saw her boyfriend’s exhale hit her in the face at which point she stuck her nose up and waved the smoke out of her face.  That cast some serious doubt in my mind that she was a smoker.  One of my few disappointments of the night.

Believe it or not, that still wasn’t all.  I was hanging out near the main restroom structure because a number of girls often smoke after emptying their bladders.  I was focused in on a cluster of college-age hotties lingering outside the bathroom, but quickly noticed that the real action was the carnival booth next to the bathroom that sells steak sandwiches.  The girl running the stand, a very attractive early 20s blonde wearing sexy jean shorts, was standing outside the stand after she closed it for the night and was smoking a cigarette.  I was not in a good spot to watch so had to do some fancy footwork to sneak a few glimpses.  I was never in a situation to watch a drag, but a warm feeling rushed over me knowing that this cute girl was stuck in this hot food stand all night, every night and had probably been dying for that cigarette for hours now.  She crushed it out and went back inside the stand.

But what happened next was the sighting that dropped the most jaws of the night, and I can say this without a shadow of a doubt.  From out of the women’s bathroom stepped a plain jane brunette, slightly cute but obviously white trash to the core, dangling an unlit cigarette from her mouth….and sporting a belly that had to have been 8 3/4 months preggo.  It never fails.  The only place I ever see pregnant smoker sightings in the entire year is at the county fair…and I see like two or three every year!  But this girl was in a league of her own putting on the most shocking pregnant smoker sighting I’ve seen in my life.  She wore a skimpy black tanktop and ultra short shorts, exposing a multitude of bare flesh and a massive belly that looked like it could be mere minutes from bursting.  She started heading towards the grandstand, which reinforced my opinion that she was working at the carnival.  Anyway, what a spectacle to behold.  She lit the cigarette and then paraded down the midway with her big belly hanging out and not the least bit ashamed that she was smoking a cigarette.  I kept reminding myself this was happening in 2010….not 1960.

Anyway, nearly every face turned in shock (sometimes outright horror) as they walked past this trashy but cute early 20s brunette strutting around the fairgrounds like a peacock while doing what is one of the most politically incorrect activities anyone can do.  She must have said something to one of the other carnies because he shouted back “yeah, you should talk…smoking while pregnant”.  And from there, it got even better as a couple 18ish girls walked by and did a double take seeing the pregnant girl smoking.  One of them said to her friend after passing by “that really pisses me off!”  Intense stuff.   And again, only at the county fair can you see this level of political incorrectness every year like clockwork.  I followed the girl to one of the rides where she met up with another couple who were apparently family….and they didn’t blink an eye to see the eight months pregnant smoker walking up to them with her stink cylinder in hand.

Alas, the final sighting of the night could have been huge but was killed by a lack of close-up look.  Remember that remote bleachers area where I saw the teen “silhouette” girls sneaking a smoke back in 2008?  Well in that same vicinity late tonight were a foursome of teenagers who I caught a glimpse of from a distance while walking by.  The foursome included two nonsmoking guys standing around while their stinky and obviously underage girlfriends (my guess is they were 16) were sitting down smoking cigarettes.  They saw me right away so I knew it was dangerous treading.  I tried to do a reverse loop around the empty bleachers and then swing around to the other side, but given that there was no reason for me to be there as empty as the area was, I had a feeling it was a high-risk move.  Sure enough, as I looped around the corner, I got one solid glance at the two smoking girls (one a light brunette, the other a really pretty dark brunette in a yellow top) but their eyes met mine and the boyfriends were turning my way too.  It was a slow and awkward walk past them at that point, and I could feel four sets of eyes watching me thinking “what the hell is this guy doing?”.  I couldn’t dare to get a closer look at the girls smoking, or God forbid hang back and watch their precocious smoking from a distance.  In fact, as I walked away and thought I was safe, I turned around to get one last passing glance and the girls were still looking at me.  It was time to cut my losses and get the hell out of here.

So that was the extremely eventful first night of the county fair.  I hope I didn’t jinx myself after such a huge first night and have to deal with four weak nights from here on out.  My grandma lives across the street from the fairgrounds so I get free parking in her garage.  On my way back to my car, I open the garage door and spot an empty pack of Camel Crushes squashed on the pavement very near the garage.  Now Camel Crushes are almost exclusively a young girl’s brand of cigarette.  I can’t imagine a guy or older lady buying them.  Leads me to believe my grandma could have a nicotine-addicted young hottie in her building.  Suffice it to say last weekend’s sightings drought has already been quenched.  Now, instead of a drought, there’s danger of a flood.


Yes, the number is down from last night.  In most cases, a bounty of only 17 sightings at my county fair would be weak, but don’t think for a minute that just because the quantity was down that the quality was soft.  Au contraire, mona me.  Despite the lack of volume, I scored some crazy hot sightings tonight.

The odds are against it, but my first sighting of the night….was the same girl as last night’s first sighting of the night…the dark-complected young mommy (I think) in the white tanktop and frayed jean shorts smoking with the bent elbow near her face.  Well today she was walking across the grounds (without any kids) with a Latina gal.  Now this girl’s dark complection suggests she may have some Latina in her, but she really does not have conventional Latina features so it’s hard to know.  Whatever the case, she was dressed in an outfit equally as hot as the previous night’s, decked out in a multicolored blouse and a sexy pair of black shorts.  This girl oozed sex appeal, and raised the threshold further as she placed another unlit all-white Camel in her mouth and fired up.   My policy is this…if I see a girl smoking who I’ve seen previous YEARS smoking, I’ll count her.  But if I see the same girl multiple nights in the same year, I’m not gonna count her again.  In other words, I didn’t count her as my official first sighting for Wednesday night.

That designation instead came a few minutes later.  And here’s another one where I should warn you to prepare yourself as this was one of my two uber-blockbusters of the night.  As I headed towards the 4-H building on the south side of the fairgrounds, I saw a duo of blondes from behind, and as is often the case, one of them stood out.  It was this tall blonde in a blue tanktop and white shorts.  She and the friend were chatting it up with a couple of friends before heading the same direction I was towards the 4-H buildings….and right away I sensed something special about this tall blonde….

The girls sat down on a bench in front of the 4-H building and just seemed to be women on a mission.  I was curious and wanted to both see their faces up close and see if my intangible instinct was right.  The girls looked like they were either just about 18 or just a little past 18.  No way were they out of their teens.  The tall blonde had a certain mischievous girl look to her, but now I finally got a look at the second girl….a curly-haired blonde with a girlish plaid top and light blue jeans.  She looked much more like a girl next door and after seeing her face, I all but lost what little hope I had that they’d be smokers.    These had to be 4-H girls for crying out loud…..good, wholesome 4-H girls.  But that instinct just didn’t go away….

I sat on another open bench very close to them and my heart started racing as the girls rummaged through their purses.  While my head was saying “cell phones”, my gut was saying “cigarettes!”  The girls noticed me, and much as I tried to be subtle, they looked increasingly nervous while rummaging through those purses.  Eventually cell phones came out, but they still seemed as though they wanted to take out something else.  At this point, some mentally challenged young man that new the girls sat down next to them and said hi.  The tall blonde cutie broke out into “Hi James!” the way you would expect a young girl to speak to a mentally retarded guy she was acquainted with and who probably had a crush on her.  As a conversation broke out, I decided to go inside the 4-H building and check out the exhibits for a few moments, still not resigned to the fact that the girls were nonsmokers and not giving up and allowing myself a little more time to see if my gut was right.

I went inside and perused the exhibits.  I probably spent about 90 seconds in there, and considering how much the prospects of those girls being smokers had dwindled, there was a brief moment where I forgot all about them…..until I had looped around the back of the building and had a vantage point out the front entrance.  My jaw almost hit the floor when I looked to that bench to see two adorable teenage blondes taking drags off of freshly lit cigarettes.  I rushed towards the entrance and sat back down on the bench where I was before, taking out my cell phone and pretending to be texting, all the while looking up to the girls who continued to be very nervous and were very clearly trying to sneak their smokes, albeit in wide open.

I had to train myself to watch them out of the corner of my right eye, as the girls held their cigarette hands low to the bench, out of view to all but the most committed fetisher.  In fact the tall blonde was hiding her cigarette in between her bare legs.  It was actually the shorter and more wholesome-looking blonde who took more frequent drags, but that much more distinguished tall blonde with the white shorts still commanded my attention.  Out of the corner of my eye, it was hard to evaluate the quality of their exhales, but these were the kinds of girls where just knowing they were smokers made my week.  It was just so adorable seeing them smoke, and I couldn’t help but notice others walking in proximity seeing these unlikely smokers taking drags and being a little surprised at what they saw.  The shorter blonde would soon finish cigarette and stood up and moved towards one of the plastic “smoker’s outposts” that was literally right in front of her that I somehow didn’t see and deposited her cigarette butt.  Seconds later, the taller blonde did the same, frustrating the hell out of me since I wanted to see what their brand was.

Seconds later, a middle-aged woman walked out of the 4-H building and shouted out to the tall blonde a message that I only caught part of that began with “Hey Tonya….”  The tall blonde, preparing to leave got into a brief exchange with the woman about 10 yards away.  My sense was that these were bona fide 4-H girls….wholesome little farm girls that had turned over to the dark side, perhaps after turning 18, and became smokers.  I was really riding high after this, as there was quite a bit going on in this sighting, and that my instinct led me down the right path for an unlikely but hard-earned teen smoker blockbuster.

After a couple modest sightings after that, I came across another incredible mid-20s brunette babe with a boyfriend.  The girl was a knockout beauty, with curly long brown hair, a pink top, tight blue jeans, and knee-high black boots.  I saw this girl a couple of times and was struck by her beauty, but even more struck that she was NOT smoking.  If ever there was a hot chick that looked like she was a definite smoker, it was this girl.  Sure enough, I saw her at the edge of the midway on a bench with the boyfriend about a half hour later, smoking a cigarette while the nonsmoking boyfriend listened to her talk.

While I didn’t see her smoking tonight, that blonde cutie in the steak sandwich shop was again inside the carnival stand taking orders from fairgoers.  She was about 21 and very attractive.  Even without seeing her smoking again, I got a cheap thrill imagining how badly she must have been dying for a cigarette standing in that hot booth.

I met up with Corey not long after this.  We went into the very sparse grandstand for a concert by the country group Love and Theft.  The grandstand smoking area didn’t produce anything too significant but the beer gardens across the fence did.  Right away when Corey and I sat there, I spotted guess who working behind the bar….the dark-complected possible Hispanic girl who was the first girl I saw smoking on the grounds the last two nights.  And just because she was working behind that bar didn’t mean she wasn’t gonna be smoking.  Far from it.  On three different occasions, she reached for that pack of Camel Light Menthols and fired up.  The band was playing some identifiable hits by Johnny Cash, the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band, and Tom Petty, and the hottie was singing along and swaggering up there to the music.  Even to songs she didn’t know, those black-shorted hips of hers swaggered to the music, often with cigarette in hand.  It was great that even though the official smoking area let me down, the beer garden picked up the slack with this girl giving me some eye candy almost every minute, as well as another cute brunette who lit up twice further into the beer gardens.

But believe it or not, neither girl served up the best of what the beer garden would deliver for me tonight….and this is the second instance where I ask you to brace yourself to prepare for greatness.  Just after the show started, from out of the building portion of the beer gardens and just outside the fence closest to my vantage point emerged this impossibly wholesome looking long-haired light brunette in a conservative black top and jeans.  It wasn’t quite dark and the girl wasn’t that far away, allowing me a pretty good glimpse.  I can just imagine a furrowed brow on my face as I observed this, because I tell you, if you picked out 100 girls over age 14 at the fair and asked me to pick out the one of the 100 that was the least likely smoker, this would have been the girl.  She looked about 22 or 23 and could not have possibly looked more sweet and wholesome.  Yet not only did she smoke her cigarette, she molested it.  Her drags were always a good 4-5 seconds, and her hold times were a very consistent four seconds as well.  Her exhales weren’t especially cloudy, but they were so disciplined you could set your watch by the straight forward trajectory of smoke with the first exhale…followed by a brief spill of smoke from a subsequent breath.  Much of the smoke had to be clinging to the insides of her tar-black lungs.  She held a beer in one hand and the cigarette in the other, and I sat there in disbelief at what I was watching…the best smoking performance thus far in 2010 by a girl who was one of the least likely smokers I’d ever seen.

A few minutes after she finished the cigarette, I saw her emerging into the grandstand in front of me in the company of a young girl about 11 or 12 years old.  Wait a minute, I thought to myself, looking closely at this girl’s angellic and YOUTHFUL face.  There is no chance she’s the girl’s mother.  I scratched my head as they kept walking, thinking the mystery was never likely to be solved.  Imagine my surprise when less than 15 minutes later, the two gals were leaving out the very gate they just entered.  Strangely, they separated, with the hot smoker girl telling the younger girl something just outside the gate.  As weird as it seemed, within a couple of moments, the smoker girl re-emerged inside the beer garden gate with another beer and an unlit cigarette in her hand.  She must have really wanted a beer, I thought to myself regarding why she didn’t merely step into the grandstand smoking area on the other side of the fence to have her cigarette.  She rummaged through her purse and finally found her lighter, bringing her cigarette to life and punishing the bejeezus out of it once again with massive drags, four-second holds inside her black lungs, and then disciplined expulsions of smoke straight in front of her face.  About halfway through her cigarette, the younger girl emerged on the other side of the fence and they talked through the fence briefly.  When the smoker finished her cigarette, she re-emerged out of the beer gardens and met back up with the younger girl, going back into the concert.  This was a strange routine these gals had, but I wanted to see more of it.

And more I would see….as about 20 minutes after that, the smoker came outside again and this time stepped into the port-a-potty directly beneath me.  I got my first close-up look of her face as she stepped inside, and the absolutely maximum age this cutie could be was 25, but I’m still guessing 22 or 23.  After she left the port-a-potty…you guessed it…she went back to the beer gardens to the exact same spot she was before, only this time she didn’t have a beer.  She had only one function to perform and that was to smoke another cigarette (after another lengthy search in her purse for her lighter).  And suffice it to say she performed her function well!  The way she savaged that cigarette, it would probably qualify as torture under the Geneva Conventions.  She basically smoked the cigarette the same way she did the first two…except in fast forward, almost to the point of supersmoking.  She went no more than five seconds between drags and had that cigarette exhausted of its contents in about three minutes before stomping it out and heading back into the grandstand.

What an insanely hot sighting she proved to be.  I would see her after the show in the grandstand, in line with the younger girl in her company to get on a ride.  Seeing that confirmed one thing for me.  She was definitely NOT this girl’s mother and had to be a babysitter or older sister.  She spotted me as I walked by her in line, undoubtedly recognizing me as the guy who was eyeballing her half the night inside that beer gardens as she raped three cigarettes.  Seeing that face in that dark sky reinforced her fragile and wholesome appearance.  It didn’t seem possible to match that face with what I had just seen this girl do.  I gotta say, it’s gonna be hard to top this girl for the Sighting of the 2010 county fair!

It’s a good thing I hit a grand slam at that beer gardens during the concert because for the next hour or so encircling the grounds I got, literally, nothing.  I finally scored two mediocre sightings, but before 11, I was fast approaching a point where I would be leaving with a meager 11 sightings for the night.  But that’s when it happened.  I was walking down the midway and found myself at the far end, with an open triangle of benches just demanding to be sat on.  Not five seconds later, a cluster of somewhat hopeful looking 18ish girls emerged as headed towards a cluster of people.  Once again, I just had a feeling these girls were capable of some mischief, particularly the kind that makes them really stinky.

Ordinarily I wouldn’t have lingered in the risky midway area where my presence has to raise some red flags.  I still look young for my age, but I no longer look like I belong alone on the midway as I did a few years back when I could still pass for a teenager.  But something kept me in my seat, expecting this fairly large cluster would deliver.  After about three minutes, it happened.  The tallest and hottest girl in the cluster inserted an all-white in her lips and fired up.  She was this smoldering hot 18ish brunette wearing a black tanktop and white shorts that really made her ass look incredible.  I barely had time to process that she had just lit up when I saw her first exhale, an absolute jet stream of smoke firing like a rocket out of her mouth and nose.  Now she kind of looked like a smoker, but definitely a smoker of the “beginner” pedigree, not the kind of girl capable of spewing the amount of carcinogens that I just saw exit her respiratory system with a skull-crushing level of G-force.  I kept watching and while none of her subsequent exhales matched the intensity of that first one, they were all very skilled and very impressive.  About a minute after this girl lit up, a blonde in a pink shirt and khaki shorts from her cluster also lit up.  She wasn’t bad, but it was that brunette that ran away with that sighting.  A bunch of guys got off one of the rides and approached the girls.  The blonde held out her lighter to light up one of the guys.

About 20 minutes later I saw this cluster again walking out of the midway, sans the cigarettes.  I was still struck looking at that attractive and tall brunette in the white shorts.  She was very attractive (a solid 9) and undoubtedly still stunk of the smoke that blasted out of her face just minutes earlier.

I would also see another familiar duo on the midway only moments later….which I identified after seeing an orange cherry smolder in the mouth of a pretty young blonde.  In a second, I recognized it was the shorter and more wholesome blonde who had first lit up in front of the 4-H building about five hours earlier.  She was still in the company of the taller blonde (Tonya) who I was more drawn to, but there was a third player in the form of a cute brunette walking with them who also looked just below or just above the threshold of 18 years.  After that drag, the blonde handed the cigarette to the brunette.  Since these girls had watched me watch them earlier, I wasn’t in a position to linger and observe the brunette smoking, much as I wanted to.  Guess I’ll just have to be glad I saw what I did from this group earlier.

In the last fifteen minutes, I would finally get a confirmation of something I had hoped for earlier.  Throughout the evening I saw this very attractive dark-skinned girl who looked of South Asian descent who was hot as hell (close to a perfect 10) and accentuating her look with a pair of very tight white shorts that contrasted hugely with the very dark skin on her legs.  Anyway, I never really suspected she was a smoker but nonetheless couldn’t look away when I saw this girl and her white shorts earlier in the night.  Imagine my surprise as I approached a cluster of two guys and two girls.  I saw one of the guys was smoking from afar, but it wasn’t until I walked past them that I saw an all-white in the South Asian girl’s hand as well.  She was not in an accessible location so I only got to see one drag as I slowly walked away, but it was worth it.

I was a little disappointed with the numbers game as I walked out, but certainly not with the quality which ranks right up there with some of my best nights ever at my county fair.  And I was also able to pad my numbers a bit with my one final walk past the beer gardens when I spotted two couples standing up to talk with friends.  They looked somewhere between 18 and 21, and once again, only the two girls were smoking as the guys appeared not to touch the stuff.  The brunette in the duo was only a cut above plain jane, but the natural blonde was quite impressive.  I wish I was in a position to get a closer look at her but she migrated into a huddle of friends and I had to settle for a distant glance from behind.

Tomorrow, long-time country hitmaker Jo Dee Messina performs.  She’ll be a big draw as she has a couple dozen big chart hits dating all the way back to 1996 when I was still in high school.  The downside…my parents will be there and the grounds are relatively small so there’s a decent chance of an awkward encounter…but then considering how many people I know still in town, there’s always a decent chance of an awkward encounter there.  Bottom line:  good chances of a much larger crowd tomorrow that tonight’s fairly sparse crowd, so I could be a sightings factory in my next e-mail


Last year at the county fair, Thursday night was my night of frustration and inclimate weather as an endless barrage of distractions stole key fetish time from me.  I didn’t have the rain to contend with this year on Thursday night, but I did have another infuriating deluge of distractions.  As predicted, the crowd was larger and I probably could have scored more than 30 sightings, but was denied the opportunity by annoying friends who don’t understand the value of solitary time on the fairgrounds to stalk smokers.  Since I still know so many people at this fair, this is the only fair venue where there’s a reasonable chance of these kinds of distractions.  You won’t read about them in either the Minnesota or Iowa State Fair where I’m unlikely to run into people I know.

Anyway, I got to the grounds today a little after 5:30.  For some reason, my heart wasn’t in it as the evening began but my first sighting did get me fired up a little.  It was actually a second act to a sighting I forgot to mention yesterday….

On Wednesday, at the very moment I met up with Corey and was sitting on a bench while he finished eating, this young couple with a stroller next to them was chatting with a couple of guys just outside the BINGO stand.  The girl, a mid-20s brunette, was smokin’ hot with a tanned face, a green blouse and sexy tight blue jeans.  She was another girl for whom there was absolutely no doubt that she smoked.  And moments later my suspicion was confirmed as she pulled out a pack of cigarettes that I very rarely see these days….Kools.  I pretended to listen to Corey while looking right past him to see this hottie smoking her cigarette in the company of a nonsmoking boyfriend/husband.  The girl was extremely accomplished, dragging furiously and holding her smoke for an impressive tenure.  The high point of the sighting was when she finished a drag, proceeded to answer a question asked of her but someone else in the party, and THEN exhale.  How is this even possible?  So it wasn’t technically a talking exhale, it was holding while talking and then exhaling..lol.  Crazy stuff.

Now back to Thursday afternoon, where standing in front of the merry-go-round watching her kid go for a ride was this same hottie…and I spotted her in the middle of a pretty lengthy dangle….and not just any dangle as the cigarette was more or less just a stub by now, and likely very hot on her lips, but still sat there perched between her lips.  Looking at her sexy body, it blew me away that this girl had a kid.  And I would see this babe smoking again a couple of hours later sitting inside the BINGO pavilion.

It was a good thing I scored this great sighting early in the evening because mediocrity was about to blow up in my face, followed by the first of two distractions.  Around 6:45, I was walking near the line waiting to get into Jo Dee Messina’s concert hoping to see some girls getting in a final puff before they opened the gate when I heard “Hey Mark”  I looked up and it was my old buddy Ryan standing in line.  I graduated high school with him and he goes to these concerts every night, albeit for more conventional reasons than I do.  He’s also the pretty boy who was the inadvertant wingman at Cousin Jamie’s wedding night back in 2002, that greatest smoking fetish night of my life.  I stepped up to stand in line with him for a while and chat, wanting to catch up but hoping it wouldn’t drag on too long.  We were chatting about education (he’s a teacher), and after about five minutes, this old guy in front of us in line interrupts and gets into a heated argument with Ryan about politics, while I’m beside myself wishing I could walk away and get back to fetishing.  Instead, when the political debate finally ended and the gates started opening, I felt compelled to follow Ryan in and chat with him for a while….

I planted the seed of my escape plan by letting him know Corey would be calling and I’d have to take off when he did, but for the time being, Ryan led me to the dead center of the grandstand seating area, light years away from anyplace where I could observe smoking.  It was nice catching up with him, but in the back of my mind I was screaming to get out of there and see the pre-concert smoking going on around the grounds.  Finally around 7:40, I knew Corey would be calling soon and broke away.  Not two minutes later, Corey did call, only this time I would catch a break.  He was gonna come with his girlfriend and several people in her family, but they had to wait for her brother to get there.  This meant I was gonna be able to secure my favorite spot in the grandstand looking over the smoking area….and have some time to myself before the concert….

It was frustrating though as I sat there and attendance was not quite where I hoped it would be for Jo Dee Messina, and there were hardly any smokers of interest who were strutting out for a smoke.  Finally, the ice was broken with one of my better sightings of the night.  Out came a moderately attractive 20-21ish curly-haired brunette and a middle-aged woman.  I could see a pack of Marlboro Light Menthols in the girl’s hand.  Whatever the case, the two ladies walked clear up against the wall outside of the grandstand behind where I was seated.  It was fortunate that I was sitting here alone because it allowed me to stand up and watch this sighting as I wouldn’t have been able to see it in my seat…and it would have been impossible to explain to Corey why I was standing and looking behind me.  Anyway, I had a strange suspicion that the girl was gonna light up but mom wasn’t.  And I’ll be damned if that’s not exactly what happened.  The daughter, who was definitely a young adult and not a teenager, must have requested mom’s accompaniment.  And the daughter was no novice, with some serious exhales that produced generous clouds of exhaust…and often times residual smoke spilling from her mouth and nose on the second breath after the exhale.  My what a fine addict you raised, mom.  The hypothetical conversation that the daughter initiated was going through my head watching this….”Mom, I really need a cigarette but there’s so many creepy people out there I’d appreciate it if you could go with me!”  Great stuff.  The girl tossed her cigarette butt into an obscure corner and they went back into the grandstand.

So finally the smoking area came through for me, and only moments later Corey, his girlfriend, and about six members of her family came up and joined me.  It didn’t really cramp my style too much, but it did coincide with two massive encore developments of my favorites…..

Looking down to that grandstand exit, you can’t even imagine my elation when I saw a wheelchair.  You guessed it, that adorable late-teen dark blonde in the wheelchair was getting wheeled into another show by her brunette friend, and this time they were in the company of two guys, also looking about 18.  Two out of three things were going well here as I watched them enter the gate.  First, she was wearing white shorts.  Second, she once again had her pack of Marlboro 27s displayed like a trophy on her leg.  But the one thing that wasn’t going for me, aside from the fact that she wasn’t smoking at that very moment, was that she had some strange-looking nylon leg warmers on well above her knees (it was a somewhat cool night at the fair) so I wasn’t able to appreciate those smooth bare legs of hers.

And not five minutes after their arrival, I looked out to see the nicotine gimp getting wheeled out by her brunette friend for a final cigarette before the concert.  Damn this girl has herself an addiction.  The brunette got out her own pack and the cutie in the wheelchair had the Marlboro 27 in her lips even before she was officially out of the grandstand area.  She sat there smoking in the exact same adorable style she did on Tuesday night….with long drags and then pursing her lips into an O shape to expel the smoke from her mouth.  All very cute, but cutest of all….the two guys in their party came outside with the smoker girls…but neither of the guys smoked while their friends/girlfriends where shamelessly stinking the place up.  The group would leave the concert about halfway through and not return, but as she was wheeled past me one more time, I took a special appreciation for her very pretty face…as well that pack of Marlboro 27s that must be permanently glued to her lap.  She was pulling one out to light up just as she was wheeled out of sight.

Turning back time to just before the concert started, who did I see entering the gates but last night’s epic girl….the cigarette rapist.  Amazingly, she looked even more wholesome tonight, with a lighter-colored top that was just as conservative as the one from the night before…as well another conservative pair of jeans.  Her hair seemed lighter tonight, and I would venture to say she was more of a dirty blonde than a light brunette, but she’s one of those girls where it’s a fine line.  Adding to the intrigue was that the girl was accompanied by two people tonight….the 11-12 year old who I assumed was a younger sister…and a middle-aged woman who I assumed to be her mother.  What’s with these smoker cuties hanging out at the fair with their mothers?

Anyway, the girl waded into the grandstand and took the same path as she did the night before towards the center of the grandstand.  I knew it would only be a matter of time until she had to leave.  And sure enough, she and the mother left the grandstand only about three minutes after arriving.  Just as was the case the night before, in my observing this gentle and wholesome looking beauty, I wondered what course of events occurred in this girl’s life that possibly could have led to her becoming such a heavy smoker who was so mercilessly addicted.  With mom around tonight, I thought I might get some context for that observation.  And just like the night before, the girl walked into the beer gardens, this time with mom.

The crowd really ramped up in the grandstand just before the show, and such was the case inside the beer gardens, to the point where my favorite girl was not gonna have the easy access she had the night before to that prime spot right by the fence.  Luckily, I was able to spot her and the mother, standing right in the middle of the beer gardens ground.  It was close to dark at this point and I wouldn’t be able to study her exhales as I did the night before but I was still in a position to see when she lit up.  She and the mother stood there about two minutes with longneck bottles in their hands before the daughter started getting fidgety and began opening her purse.  She must have rummaged through that purse for three minutes before she finally found her lighter.  It was the same story as the night before where she found her cigarette quickly but dug and dug for the lighter.  I can only imagine how infuriating it must have been given how badly she needed a nicotine fix.  Finally the lighter came out and her cigarette was fired up.  But what about mom?  Certainly a girl like this who smokes so heavily and so commitedly had to have picked up the habit from her mother right?  Apparently not because mom never lit up.  Gotta wonder what she thinks about her daughter’s extreme smoking habit….

The women finished their beers and the daughter finished the cigarette…and then headed back in for another adult beverage, this one in a cup and likely a margarita.  In moments, they returned to the same spot they stood before…and moments after that, the daughter went through an identical routine of opening her purse for another cigarette and then searching endlessly for her lighter.  Seriously girl, put the damn lighter in your pocket.  You’re driving me crazy here.  Eventually she found it though and proceeded to light up a second cigarette in 15 minutes and destroy what was left of her obviously badly damaged young lungs.  What I wouldn’t give to have the courage to approach a girl like this and ask her out.  After the second round of drinks, she came back into the concert, looking gorgeous and wholesome as ever.  I wouldn’t see her again tonight….and the crazy thing is I still don’t even know her brand as she always opens her pack a million feet away.

As the Jo Dee Messina concert approached its close, I scored a couple of decent sightings in the beer gardens area, even though the first was a frustrating disappointment.   A trio of 18ish girls of varying degrees of beauty were leaving the show.  None were unattractive, but there was a definite pecking order.  Immediately upon leaving the gate, the brunette who was the most mediocre of the three was extracting a pack of Camels from her purse.  I got real excited that maybe the other two were stinky girls too, but they weren’t stopping in the smoking area…they just kept walking.  I followed them with my eyes and just before they walked out of sight, I saw the prettiest girl of the three (a blonde wearing a pink shirt and jean shorts) rummaging through her purse.  But then they walked out of sight into the fairgrounds.  I counted the first girl but didn’t get confirmation that the second girl was a smoker.  Like I said, frustrating.

Then came my favorite new smoker sighting of the night.  About a half hour earlier, a duo of 20-21ish girls was wandering around outside the grandstand.  One was a chubby blonde that looked familiar and may have been a friend of a friend, but I wasn’t sure.  But it was her brunette friend that blew me away….a knockout with glamorous long brown hair, a yellow top, and dark denim capris.  Definitely the kind of beauty who stands out in a crowd and she certainly looked like a smoker as well.  But it wasn’t until towards the end of the concert that she finally reappeared…with a cigarette in hand.  I was elated looking out into the smoking area as she consumed her cancerous cigarette.  The girls were standing right in the middle of the smoking area and some two-year-old boy who was the son of an unattractive smoker girl in the area wandered over to the girls, coming within inches of burning himself on the pretty girl’s cigarette.  At this point, both girls were baby-talking to the young boy.  Kind of cute that the maternal instinct was kicking in on this stinky smoker girl who had nearly burned the poor kid with her cigarette only seconds earlier.  Hot stuff.

The concert would soon dismiss and I had a bad feeling I was gonna be captive to walking around the grounds with some people.  Sure enough, Corey and his girlfriend separated from the pack to follow me.  I had mentioned the day before, as a way of justifying my constant evening presence in the grounds, that occasional catfights break out in the midway among girls and they could be fun to watch.  So what does Corey do but tell everybody in his cluster about all the catfights I’ve been seeing (by the way, I saw one about five years ago…so suffice it to say I really stretched the truth on that).  Suddenly, even Corey’s girlfriend is interested in wandering through the midway to “see the catfights”.  Oh the tangled web I weave for myself.

You can’t even imagine how slow these people walked.  No matter how slow I tried to walk, I couldn’t go slow enough that they could keep up with me.  It was absolute madness.  And then, we came upon a bench where a familiar duo was seated in the midway….the chubby blonde and the glam brunette in the yellow top who I had just seen in the grandstand smoking area about 15 minutes earlier.  And guess what…she was smoking again.  For whatever reason, Corey and his girlfriend came to a complete stop almost directly in front of these girls, apparently to look at a couple of the nearby carnival rides.  At the very least, it allowed me a couple of good glances at my favorite new smoker girl of the night, who exhibited a pretty impressive style with some decent hold times.  I got to see three drags before Corey and the girlfriend moved on, forcing me to do the same.

And so we wandered….slowly.  And it got worse as we left the midway…and these two former 4-Hers wanted to head to the livestock barns to look at the Budweiser Clydesdale horses on display….eons away from where I was likely to see any girls smoking.  The minutes passed and I found myself screaming inside wanting to break away, but was instead mired in mindless conversation about the semi-trailers in which these Clydesdales were transported from location to location.  It was getting close to 10:30 at this point and I had missed out on more than a half hour of prime fetish time.  It was a disaster…with no end in sight.  Finally, a guardian angel in the form of a middle-aged couple that Corey knew saved me as they approached him and struck up a conversation.  The girlfriend was briefly immersed in a phone call so here was my opening.  I started to walk away and told Corey “I was gonna take off”.  You can’t even imagine the feeling of sweet relief as I walked away, and found myself doubling my walking pace to try to make up for lost time.

At that point I was only at 13 sightings with an hour to go….and a few more quality sightings.

I headed to the midway and came upon a trio of 18ish kids, including two guys and a girl.  I immediately spotted one of the guys was smoking but it wasn’t until I got a different angle that I saw the girl was smoking too.  What a strange find….she was this very nerdy looking brunette girl with 50s style glasses that had a bit of a Tina Fey thing going on.  Didn’t really look like a smoker.  Now don’t get me wrong…she was a cute nerd, but still not the look that sent me to the port-a-potty to immediately relieve myself.

A few minutes later, in the seating area near one of the food stands were two young early 20s couples.  Neither of the guys were smoking, but their attractive blonde girlfriends were both smoking.  The lighting and location were not great to closely study this, but it was nonetheless very cool how one girl would take a puff and then the next girl would, making for very little time when the airspace near them wasn’t polluted with cigarette smoke.  Almost like dualing banjos from the movie Deliverance.

The next stretch was not particularly productive and I found myself observing a mediocre smoker who I pondered for a moment to even consider, then decided she was just barely attractive enough to count as sighting #19 for the night.  I mention this to put into context the kinds of bargains I make with myself when doing my sightings count….because a few minutes later I would see another third-tier quality girl with a cigarette.  When pondering counting her, I thought to myself…nah, I counted the last one.  If I’m seeing two mediocre girls in a row, I’ll count them as only one combined sighting.

About 20 minutes after that I came upon another of my favorites of the night…and the second favorite of tonight’s newcomers.  I wandered towards the beer gardens where a cluster of 18-19 guys and girls (but mostly girls) were huddled together on a makeshift seating area.  Just approaching them I had a good feeling about them and as I passed by, I saw that one of the guys was smoking.  I couldn’t tell from the angle at which I walked by if any of the attractive girls in the mix was following his example so I wound my way around them in a semicircle, at which point I saw my first glance at a cigarette protruding from female fingers.  I had to reposition myself again to see the girl, and of all the cuties in the bunch this girl was the cutest, with the most adorable and innocent-looking face, dark brown hair down to her shoulders, a black tanktop and a pair of asscheek-hugging jean shorts that perfectly framed her bubble butt.  The very picture of the girl next door at the county fair.  I sat down on a nearby bench and watched the show.  She was in the cluster making it a little difficult to see everything, but she cooperated beautifully by turning her head away from the cluster and expelling smoke the direction away from her friends.  I’m guessing she was either just a social smoker or a new smoker because her technique was amateurish, but that almost made this sighting better because precocious smoking by a girl of her cutiepie pedigree is adorable.  The group left a couple of minutes later and I swooped in hoping to see the brand of the cigarette butt she squashed on the burm in front of her.  Sure enough, there was a pile of about six cigarette butts in this immediate area and there was no way of knowing which was hers.

I was vindicated on another girl I had suspected was a smoker a few minutes later at the periphery of the midway.  Standing in the middle of the pavement was a trio that included a 21ish guy, an average-looking nonsmoking brunette, and an above-average long-haired brunette wearing a low-cut black top with a playboy bunny on it and nice-fitting jeans who I had seen on the grounds earlier and figured was a smoker.  Sure enough, she stood in the middle of the trio, looking at some of the rides with cigarette in hand.  Her drags were impressive and her exhales very cloudy.  This girl was pretty hard-core.  I found another open bench to sit and watch, and the show was quite pleasing.

Only one more sighting, and not even a new girl, but I went out with a bang.  It was almost 11:30 by now and the crowd was thinning down, which is always my cue to leave as the chances of getting busted increase exponentially as the same people (and cops) start seeing you over and over again with smaller crowds to get lost in.  I was looping around the nearly empty north side of the grounds and from a considerable distance spotted a female lighting up a cigarette and walking towards me.  I was too far away to tell if she was young and hot, but had a good feeling.  With each step that drew us closer, I became more optimistic she was the kind of gal who would impress.  And as I got really closer, I could tell who it was…that blonde cutie who works in the steak sandwich shop who I had felt so sorry for in the previous nights.  She wore a cute white T-shirt and tan shorts.  What a cutie.  I only got to see one drag and our eyes met so she saw me passing by.  Considering the crowd in this part of the fairgrounds was at this point nonexistent, I couldn’t turn around and follow as I would like to have done, but seeing another close-up sighting of this cutie female worker bee enjoying what was likely her first cigarette in quite some time was refreshing.

The weather has been shockingly nice all week and is expected to be again tonight.  Unfortunately, tonight’s grandstand performer is country legend George Jones who prime hitmaking years were the 1960s.  I’m sure he’ll draw a big crowd, but I can’t imagine too many young people will be among them.  With that in mind, I probably will only spend a little time at the grandstand show and peruse the grounds more intensively looking for smoking elsewhere tonight.  I have 66 sightings in three nights thus far, which has me a little behind schedule to break last year’s number of 125 sightings, but it’s nothing one especially strong night can’t fix.


All things considered I did pretty well tonight.  Old-time country singer George Jones was the musical entertainment, and he drew a distinctly older crowd.  The few young people who were in the show left about 20 minutes when they realized what it was gonna be.  I left the concert after 40 minutes myself.  Too much tobacco being smoked elsewhere to waste another 45 minutes on the Possum.

Anyway, I got to the grounds around 6 p.m. tonight.  I’m not sure what’s causing it, but my left foot has remained sore for the last two days, sometimes to the point where I don’t know if I’m gonna be able to make it all night.  This is not a good omen for my all day jaunts at the various State Fairs, which begin in a mere eight days.  Age is taking its toll on my body.  I knew this day would come.

My foot pain was not alleviated by about an hour’s worth of weak quality sightings…and very few of them at that.  And looking skyward, from out of nowhere emerged some a single dark and ominous cloud.  I still don’t know how this happened, but at right around 7 p.m. the sky opened up in the middle of this perfect summer day and a deluge of rain fell upon us.  Everybody was standing under whatever canopy they could find (I was under the BINGO pavilion trying to stay dry.  The washout lasted 15 minutes and then nothing but blue skies again for the rest of the evening.  Weather in the Midwest is the damndest thing.

Finally, after the rain, I found something worth seeing near the bathroom structure that would end up being one of my favorite sightings of the night.  A slender young mommy pushing a stroller had a cigarette in her hands.  I accelerated my pace to get a better look and was disappointed to see she was only mildly attractive.  But my disappointment lasted less than a second as just to her left was another young mommy pushing a stroller, a knockout long-haired blonde who was just sparking up an all-white of her own.  Both young women were in the company of a nonsmoking guy.  Looking at her, I was amazed that this girl was a mother.  She looked about 21, but had one of the most perfect hourglass figures I’ve seen so far this summer, wearing a sexy and skimpy gray tanktop along with an equally microscopic and outrageously sexy pair of black cotton shorts.  I was close enough to look into the stroller she was pushing and the baby inside couldn’t have been older than six weeks.  I’m not sure what I getting off on more….the fact that this young mommy had squeezed out a kid less than two months ago yet has the body of a 16-year-old….or the fact that she so openly smokes around the kid and probably did when she was pregnant as well.  More paradoxically, the cluster also included a young boy about five years old who seemed to cling to the blonde, but it didn’t make sense that she could be his mother.  She looked too young!

I followed the women into the midway, pushing the strollers and dragging intermittently from their cigarettes.  Their smoking style wasn’t necessarily distinctive, but they were dragging pretty intensely and clearly very addicted to nicotine.  They stopped for the longest time in this one dead spot in the midway, and I sat watching.  Unfortunately, I lost track of her in the crowd for a bit and the cigarette was gone.  The less attractive friend finished her cigarette and dropped it to the ground.  The girls appeared to be planning to stay at that spot for quite some time so I looped around the midway and returned in about 10 minutes.  They were gone, but infuriatingly, the only cigarette I saw that both girls’ cigarettes were Marlboro Light Menthols.  I’d have like to have seen more, but never fear though, this girl would be back in a big way….

At around 8:00, I decided to take my seat for the George Jones concert, with limited expectations on the likelihood of a good smoking show in the smoking area or even in the beer gardens given the geriatric demographic of the majority of the crowd.  I did, however, spot a mid-20s dirty blonde in a very sexy summer dress inside the beer gardens smoking a cigarette.  Just before the show began, the girl came into the grandstand and sat about six rows in front of me.

But just before the show kicked off, they returned.  The hotties (one hottie in particular) pushing the strollers, along with the adult guy in their company and the little guy about five years old.  The girls pushed the strollers up to the front of the smoking area, and you can guess what happened next.  The blonde knelt down to the bottom of the stroller and extracted the pack of Marlboro Light Menthols that she and the less attractive friend were sharing.  They both lit up at least their second cigarette of the last hour just as the concert was starting.  The blonde recognized some middle-aged people just inside the beer gardens and moved right up to the fence to chat with them while smoking her cigarette.  Again, the drags and exhales weren’t mind-blowing, but impressive enough to prove she was seriously addicted.

But the sighting was about to take flight about halfway through her cigarette as the music started playing and blondie started gyrating that awesome young mommy body of hers to the music.  Seeing those unbearably tiny black shorts of hers swagger with every flourish of her hips was sexy beyond belief, especially when she dragged from her cigarette while busting a move.  Believe it or not, it got even better.  The five-year-old boy was leaning up against the fence looking straight up at the blonde….just in time for her to hack up a lugie, spit onto the ground about three feet in front of him, and then take one final drag off of her cigarette.  She tossed the cigarette right into the corner near the fence line, and 10 seconds after finishing the cigarette, she leaned to her left and fired off another lugie, with the five-year-old boy watching adoringly from below.  I’m not sure it’s possible for a five-year-old to have a smoking fetish, but I can promise you that with a mommy/stepmommy/babysitter like this kid had, in another 15 years he’ll be spending his evenings at the fair doing exactly what Mark is doing in 2010.  From there, the blonde lifted up her baby and began showing him/her off to the middle-aged people on the other side of the fence who knew her.  I wonder if the baby was crying like mad about how stinky mom was after just finishing her latest cigarette about a minute earlier.  They soon wheeled the strollers off not to be seen again for the rest of the evening, but left a good enough impression to rank either first or second on my favorite sightings of the night.

Now two more noteworthy things occurred during the course of the first 40 minutes of this George Jones concert that made it worthwhile.  Bear with me as I describe them.  Seated on the same row of bleachers in the grandstand as me was a middle-aged couple, a young white man I presumed to be their son, and a gorgeous Latina girl I presumed to be the guy’s girlfriend or wife.  She looked about 21, but it was hard to tell.   She had very light complexion and not the heavily ethnic Latina features common among Hispanic women in the Midwest….more of a Penelope Cruz-type look.  I looked at her a few times very impressed with her beauty (a solid 9.5 on the spectrum), but figured that was that when I walked out of the concert.  To be continued….

The next development…..just before I was about to leave this trio of young people emerged.  All were about 18 or 19.  There were two guys and one girl who I’d seen on the grounds before.  They stood in the smoking area looking up to the concert briefly as both of the guys smoked.  Now the girl had that certain magical spark to her that grabbed me and left me infatuated.  She wasn’t THE prettiest girl I saw all week, but she had a very distinctive beauty for which you would never mistake for any other girl.  She seemed like she had a little fire in her belly, with most of her hair blonde but the fringes in the back a dark brown.  She was wearing a sexy T-shirt framing her well-proportioned upper body and sexy jean shorts on the bottom.  And she definitely looked like a smoker.  Yet she was the only one in her group not smoking.  While her guy friends smoked, she even walked into the concert briefly….coming back in a couple of minutes and beginning to forage in her purse.  This was it, I thought to myself.  Nope…cell phone.  She then wandered out of the smoking area and that was my final cue to leave the concert.

After leaving the grandstand, I slowly meandered back onto the grounds and within about five minutes, discovered my new girl of the moment….the blonde with the brunette fringed hair.  She was in a passionate discussion with the bouncer at the front door of the beer gardens.  I didn’t sense she was raising a ruckus about not being let in because she was underage….I just thought she knew the guy and was discussing something with particular zeal.  Once again, my interest was piqued.  Any girl with this kind of friend group and this kind of passion just had to be a smoker.  I made a quick loop around the north side of the grounds and came back to the front of the beer gardens, hoping a few more minutes would produce the cigarette I knew she was capable of.  But she was gone…out of sight.  This night was become pretty frustrating!

From there, I went back to random fetishing, with fairly modest luck.  I had a feeling the stinky young crowd would stay away from the fair on George Jones night, so the dearth of sightings wasn’t necessarily a surprise but still a little disappointing.  But I hit pay dirt following another duo of girls pushing a stroller.  In this case, an unattractive blonde was the stroller pusher but her mid-20s curly-haired brunette friend was the looker…and she was beginning to rummage through her purse as I set my eyes on her.  I followed for a pretty good distance, once again with that feeling that a cigarette was about to be smoked.  Sure enough, they wheeled the stroller to a remote area and the curly-haired brunette produced two cigarettes, one for each of them.  Now this girl wasn’t a knockout, but a solid 7.5 on the Richter scale.  She spotted me watching her so I couldn’t stick around for much of the show but would thankfully get plenty of additional opportunities to get a close-up look as I kept running into this girl elsewhere on the grounds later that night….we’re talking four or five times.  She had a very tan complexion that went well with her curly light brown hair….and she had a pretty nice body to boot draped in a multicolored tanktop and blue jeans.  I never saw her smoking again, but was elated about the fact that she smoked at all.

This sighting finally whet my appetite a little, but it would be the next sighting a few minutes later that really got me in the mood.  I decided to wander to the smoking area of the George Jones concert.  You never know….maybe there were some young people in the crowd who smoked.  Anything’s possible..  My timing couldn’t have been more perfect.  I approached from behind a cluster of four and saw cigarettes in the hands of two of them.  The other faces were a blur to me as I focused exclusively on this attractive female body whose back and denim-clad ass was facing me.  Was she hot I wondered?  Would she be young enough to where I would count this as a sighting?  As I finally arrived and got a closer look, I imagine that my jaw hit the ground when I discovered it was the Mexican girl sitting on the same row as me in the George Jones concert!   Pretty Mexican girls NEVER smoke, I thought to myself.  What was going on here?  Now the guy in her company (likely boyfriend) was smoking, but neither of the middle-aged couple joining them were smoking, so it’s likely that the dude hooked up with a stinky Mexican girlfriend and how the adults are forced to choke on both of their secondhand smoke.  This was a rewarding sighting both because of the girl’s beauty and the fact that I never in a million years would have suspected she smoked.  She’s another example where if you selected 100 young women and asked me to identify the least likely smoker, this girl would be near the top of the list.

I found a good bench to sit and watch from behind, but the key word there is behind.  Her back was to me, so all I got to see was her smoke go airborne after being exhaled.  Interestingly, she crushed out her cigarette a good minute or two sooner than the boyfriend, who she clearly outsmoked.  The family cooperatively walked away and I walked up to look at the butt.  I was surprised to see the label “Maverick” on the cigarette butt, however.  I’m pretty sure that’s a generic cheapo.  How sad that a girl this beautiful has to smoke a generic cigarette.  Still, what an astounding surprise sighting….and it definitely gave me the incentive to press on, sore feet and all.

In the next 20 minutes, the George Jones concert ended and I would score my next sighting in a cluster of benches outside the BINGO stand.  A group of about five 19-21ish friends, all guys except one girl, were seated on the bench relaxing.  Guess which one was the only one smoking?  The girl was a light brunette wearing a skimpy tanktop showing off a couple small tattoos on her upper back.  She was quite attractive and looked like a girl capable of great mischief.  But here’s the kicker.  She was sitting on her nonsmoking boyfriend’s lap while smoking her cigarette.  I returned to the scene about 10 minutes later.  The girl was no longer on the boyfriend’s lap but was seated next to him on the table, with a pack of Parliaments resting in front of her.  She was the only one at the table with a pack of cigarettes near her.

Another quality sighting took place not long after.  George Jones had dismissed and now a local rock band was gonna perform inside the beer gardens, so the younger party crowd was starting to appear.  In front of the bathroom structure stood a cluster of three early 20s gals, two of whom were smoking.  The smokers included a light brunette and a dark brunette, with the dark brunette being the more attractive of the two.  Another darker brunette was standing in the cluster with her arms folded and no cigarette on her person, but she would have been a cute smoker if she did touch the stuff.  Anyway, I stood there pretending to be waiting for someone to come out of the bathroom and watched the show.  A couple of guys and another girl walked up to greet the group, and the two smokers had completely polarized the reactions…..

The light brunette immediately crushed out her cigarette and within two seconds put a piece of gum in her mouth, apparently nervous about having stinky smoky breath that would repulse her nonsmoking friends.  Now the more attractive dark brunette kept her smelly cigarette in her hand, but in addition, rather carelessly wrapped both arms around two of the new friends who emerged, embracing them not once but twice, and putting them at pretty good risk of getting burned by her cigarette if either of them made any sudden moves.  And even if she didn’t burn them, she still thoughtlessly exposed them to her secondhand smoke at very close range for a good 45-second period during the embrace.  What a sharp contrast to the response of the other girl!  She took a couple more drags from her cigarette and then had the decency to toss it a few feet away from the cluster as well as step with the cluster a few feet in the opposite direction. Awkward as it was to move over there immediately after they stepped away, I had to do it to see what her brand was.  Adding even more flair to the sighting, it was one of those adorable Camel Pinks.  I really gotta hand it to RJ Reynolds for their ingenius marketing to young females with both the Camel Pink and Camel Crush brands.

I’d hit a pretty good stride finally and continued it when I walked away from that sighting and quickly spotted a cluster of very attractive and glamorous 17-18 girls.  Now most of the four girls in the cluster dressed in a way that drew my eyes to them first, with skimpy tanktops and nicely fitting jean shorts.  As I passed by, I saw no cigarettes in their hands, but there was one girl left in the cluster whose presence was the last to be noticed.  She was a long-haired brunette in a more conservative black tanktop and blue jeans.  She was a little taller than the other girls and clearly wasn’t going for the same flashy look her friends were, at least not that night.  But I could have sworn she had something resembling a cigarette in her right hand.  I followed and was still not really sure I was seeing what I hoped I had.  A lot of girls try to hide cigarettes when out in public, but this girl was doing it very successfully, if indeed she was smoking at all.  Finally the mystery was solved as her right hand rose to her face and she took a drag from the cigarette.  I was only able to see from behind but the cloudiness of her exhale proved she was a regular smoker.  The wisp of smoke that escaped her face blew straight towards me so I was able to walk through it…..

The girls met up with another cluster of friends in the center portion of the fairgrounds where lots of teenagers loiter but which makes stalking hard given the density of people and the lack of access to seating in the immediate area.  Nonetheless, I hung back enough to see her face and one final drag.  She wasn’t as glamorous as her friends but was still undeniably attractive and I definitely got a warm fuzzy knowing that she smoked.  I never even saw her lose the cigarette butt in that crowd, but I would see the girl and her friends walking down the midway about 20 minutes later.  Great to know that she was probably the only smoker in the group.

It was after 11 and I had two problems.  I had been there for several hours and my face was becoming a little too familiar to both the girls in attendance and the cops on the grounds…..and my left foot was increasingly sore in a way that was even more pronounced than after my all-day visits to the state fairs.  It was almost time to go but I had one more thing I wanted to do before I left…..take a walk around the perimeter of the beer gardens.  Now between the lineup of port-a-potties just inside the fence and the massive crowds inside, it’s not a good place to see smokers…and if you do it’s a fluke.  Nonetheless, that decision to take that walk around the beer gardens quickly proved to be the best decision I made all night….

I had completed the entire lap around the fenced-in beer gardens and, as expected, came up empty….until I got back towards the gardens’ entrance and spotted a trio of mid-20s cuties, including a brunette who drew my attention by rummaging in her purse.  Sure enough, out came a pack of Marlboro Lights.  She extracted one and lit up as I followed.  I saw her face and while she was attractive, she wouldn’t have been a top-tier sighting by herself.  But with all my focus on watching her light up her cigarette, I totally missed the girl-next-door petite blonde hottie to her left who was already smoking a cigarette of her own.  This girl could not have been more “Midwestern wholesome” with curly blonde shoulder-length hair and very soft, feminine facial features.  And what she was wearing added to the allure….a red and green-striped summer dress that was not particularly sexy but had a certain utilitarian appeal to it that fit very well with this girl’s sweetheart profile.  I followed as she took two drags, one of which I was able to walk through.  And she cooperated beautifully by carelessly dropping her cigarette to the pavement and not bothering to crush it out.  Lo and behold, yet another Camel Pink, the second of the night. Talk about going out in style.  I was resigned to the fact that that was gonna be it and began to leave, this time heading for the north gate….

I was out of the fairgrounds and walking across the street to my grandma’s apartment at this point, resigned to the fact that the night was over.  How could it not be?  But there was a cluster approaching me.  It was too dark to see originally but it was clear that there were two guys in the front of the cluster.  Yet I heard a female voice from behind them, and could have sworn the word “smoker” came out of her mouth.  Even as I got right up in front of them, all I saw was the guys, but then I passed by them and saw the third wheel in the cluster.  It was that awesomely sexy 18-19ish babe with the blonde hair and the dark edges who I had taken such a passionate interest in earlier in the night.  I had finally come to terms with the fact that she was not a smoker, but here I stood looking at her right now confidently strutting past me in the same sexy white tanktop and jean shorts….and a very freshly lit cigarette proudly protruding from her right hand.   Obviously, walking by her in the dark I didn’t get to see as much as I’d like to have seen and was not in a position at this point where I could follow, but I turned around and walked backwards for a bit admiring that amazing denim-clad ass of hers as it wiggled its way up the hill.  The cigarette approached her lips for the only drag I’d see and the cloudy smokeburst that was released from the inside of her sexy body confirmed she was no social smoker…she was every bit of clearly addicted smoker as her look indicated.  I walked back to my car having ended an evening the most exciting possible way.  The girl who most intrigued me all night came through at the last possible second.

One more night to go and buddy Dan is gonna be down so I’ll have a theoretical wingman tonight, although I could see him cramping my style more than anything else if his heart’s not in it, as I’m sure it won’t be for long.  The rock group Hinder performs tonight so I’m anticipating a significant crowd of the preferred demographic.  I need 34 sightings tonight to top last year’s total number…and that number seems doable provided that both the weather and my feet hold up.


Going into Saturday evening at my county fair, I needed 34 sightings to break the 2009 fair’s record of 125 total sightings. Ordinarily that seemed like a tall order, but the presence of the rock group Hinder and the demographic that I suspected they would bring out kept me feeling pretty confident. With that said, my previous all-time record for one night at the local fair was 37 sightings. I blew past that mark with 52 sightings last night, blowing past the 2009 sightings record with 144 total sightings in 2010.

Interestingly, most of the sightings lacked the kinds of storylines that so many of my previous night’s sightings did, so this report will probably be less long that some of the other nights when I got half as many sightings. I got there at 6 p.m. and met Dan soon after. He was there with his dad and got caught talking to neighbors, so I fetished without him for a good 30 minutes and had already scored five sightings, albeit mediocre ones. But it was when Dan finally joined me that we hit pay dirt. He ordered a burger and agreed to eat it at the benches near the edge of the grandstand smoking area so I could take a gander with absolutely perfect timing. I looked upward a few seconds before he sat down and spotted the tiniest little thing you’ve ever seen from the rear with a cigarette in hand. “Is she as young as she looks?” I said to Dan, standing up and walking closer to get a better look…

Unbelievably she was. This rail-thin brunette was standing there with a blonde friend. She was not conventionally cute, but was so young and so petite that it didn’t matter…and she publicly smoking a cigarette in direct view of dozens of people just inside the beer garden fence. Dan couldn’t believe it himself and when I got back, he said “What do you think? 13?” regarding her age. That was exactly what had crossed my mind. At the absolute most she was 14 and easily the youngest smoker I saw at the fair this year. Like I said, she was mediocre looks-wise and won’t age well, with a pointy beak for a nose and average features, but there was still a certain girl-next-door cuteness to her, especially with her tiny tanktop and tan shorts covering her slender body and the two little bumps she had for boobs on her chest. The blonde friend was much cuter but unfortunately was not smoking.

Just a few minutes later, I’d see her again with a couple of guys and the same blonde friend. I just happened to look her way as she pulled the pack of Newports out of the pocket of her shorts to show the guy friend, presumably to let him know she had smokes on hand for later. Not on par with the best young smoker sightings I’ve ever had because she wasn’t cute enough, but it’s always an excellent find to see girls that young still smoking. Dan was shaking his head in disbelief and it was great to give him such a baptism by fire regarding playing wingman on my smoking safaris.

He and I picked up a trickle of second and third-tier sightings before stumbling onto the next great find on the south side of the fairgrounds when I stumbled upon three 17-18ish girls. The least attractive girl was a redhead who I spotted first carrying a pack of Marlboro Light Menthols in her hand. That got me intrigued and I quickly surveyed the two more attractive friends. While the most attractive girl was a blonde who didn’t have any cigarettes, the third girl was an attractive girl-next-door brunette also clutching her own pack of Marlboro Light Menthols. The girls were wandering pretty aimlessly and I told Dan we were gonna follow as I had a feeling they were gonna head to the parking area to sneak a cigarette out of sight, as they were moving that direction. But instead, they just lingered near one of the remote fairgrounds bathrooms, briefly talked to a boy who looked a couple of years younger, and then migrated to the back entrance of the 4-H building. I sensed they may have guessed they were being followed and were trying to lose us, so I decided to retreat, counting the two girls clutching their respective packs as sightings and content that the two girls, who were either underage or slightly over the 18 threshold, were bold enough to strut around the fairgrounds with cigarette packs in hand….and strutting around the 4-H building no less. To be continued on this one….

In the next 10 minutes, Dan and I were migrating past the less productive (sightings wise) south entrance of the grandstand when I spotted the jackpot sighting before we entered the grandstand ourselves…and told Dan to take a seat on the nearby burm. He rarely spotted these sightings so I had to nudge him to hold back. We sat down just in time to see two bodacious 18-19ish blondes firing up all-whites in the company of two other nonsmoker girls who weren’t as hot as the two blondes. Both girls had a glamorous look and were undoubtedly attending the Hinder concert that was still more than an hour away. The blonde on the left was most visible from our angle, wearing a tanktop and tight jeans. She put out a couple impressive exhales that I was able to witness. And even though she wasn’t as easy to see, the other blonde was even hotter, sporter shorter blonde hair, but with a glamorous tiara on her head as well as a black T-shirt and nicely fitting jean shorts. Dan and I stuck around and watch most of the show. Up to the point that we got into the grandstand about an hour later, I told him I thought these two blondes were the hottest smokers we saw up to that point, and he agreed.

And while this sighting was playing out, I looked to my left and who did I see but that same dark-complected girl who was the first girl I saw smoking this year, and who also chain-smoked while working the beer garden Wednesday night. Last night, she was in line for fair food…and you guessed it, was smoking again. She continued to look smolderingly hot wearing a black tanktop and skin-tight blue jeans with a shiny glamorous belt around her waist. I pointed her out to Dan and he didn’t think she was a Latina….agreeing with me that she was probably just very dark-complected to begin with and has a deep summer tan now.

From there, I once again got confirmation of another girl I’d been waiting to see smoke since Tuesday night. Remember that cute 18ish blonde I told you about who clutched the pack of Camels in her hand the whole night on Tuesday? Well as Dan and I were encircling the remote north side of the fairgrounds near the livestock barns, Dan was totally distracted by some farm equipment on display while I’m spotting this cute blonde girl finally in possession a burning cigarette between her fingers rather than just in a pack. She took a drag not five feet away from me as she passed and dropped the cigarette to the pavement and crushed it out. I said to Dan “Did you see that?” to which he didn’t, Curiously, even though the girl was carrying around a pack of Camels last Tuesday night, it was a Marlboro Menthol butt that she crushed out tonight.

And I scored one more big prize before we went into the grandstand. He was going to purchase another item of fair food as I wandered up to the nearby BINGO pavilion. I had not had a sighting of a hot young girl inside the BINGO pavilion yet this year, but that was about to change in a big way. As I looked in, I saw another familiar looking 18ish blonde with a half-smoked all-white between her fingers. I knew I had just seen this face in the very recent past, and finally made the connection when I looked to the girl next to her and saw the redhead who was the least attractive of the trio of teen smokers Dan and I had followed about 45 minutes earlier…all clutching Marlboro Light Menthols packs in their hands as they wandered into the 4-H building! The beauty part is the only of the girls I didn’t count as a smoker was the blonde girl, the hottest girl of the three, who didn’t have a pack in her hands but who was the only one smoking now. I saw a couple of drags, and they were the effortless consumption of tobacco that is the hallmark of a hopelessly addicted smoker. Then, as I looked past her outside the pavilion, who did I see but the brunette who was the third girl of the cluster. She wasn’t playing BINGO nor was she smoking, but she was talking to a middle-aged lady that looked an awful lot like she could be her mother….and the young girl was still clutching her pack of Marlboro Light Menthols right there in front of the woman I assumed to be mom.

Sadly, Dan wasn’t around to see this one, but you can be sure I told him all about it when I met back with him after he bought his corn dog.

My feet were starting to ache and we hit an unproductive stretch, so I thought it would be a good bet to sit in the grandstand overlooking the smoking area and rest my feet for awhile. I should mention that I got my hands on some gel-filled inserts to put into my shoe that greatly helped with foot pain yesterday. But anyway, it was hilarious that Corey and his girlfriend were sitting at the same spot I always sit at, apparently having fallen in love with the spot by now. Dan and I sat next to them, with me taking the seat next to the fence where I got a bird’s eye view of the smoker’s area below and the beer gardens on the other side of the fence, which frankly was too crowded last night to see anything of significance. I had already scored 21 sightings by that point and was well-positioned to score the 34 I needed to break the previous year’s record.

We sat there for the longest time and while there were plenty of people outside smoking as expected in the lead-up to the Hinder concert, none of them were the right demographic. Finally, I said to Dan that I was really disappointed with the lack of young hotties that the smoking area had produced. But as is so often the case, my saying that was the trigger that blew everything wide open, ushering in a 20-minute stretch of one after another sightings of nicotine-addicted hotties stepping out for a smoke, beginning with a 22ish brunette babe in a pink top and white pants smoking an all-white.

It was going up to 9 p.m. by now and the concert was supposed to start at 8:30. Everybody was starting to get disgusted but what sucked for them was great for me as impatient and addicted girls started pouring out to give their bodies a desperately needed hit of nicotine. Dan had an hour and a half drive home and was gonna stay no later than 9:15, but at the very least he got to see what the grandstand smoking area was capable of in the next stretch. After the aforementioned brunette in the pink top started the sightings bonanza, a duo of 19ish cuties followed suit with cigarettes dangling from their mouths before they were even out of the grandstand and firing themselves up the second they stepped out. The girls migrated to a slow DIRECTLY beneath where I sat so I was able to effortlessly look down to watch the show with virtually no fear of being caught. Both girls were cute, the first being a light brunette, but the second girl was hotter, with her dirty blonde hair flowing straight down her back, sporting a skimpy green tanktop revealing a generous display of well-toned teeange flesh (and allowing me to sneak a peek straight down her ample cleavage), and khaki shorts on the bottom showing off her smooth legs. As is often the case, the hotter girl had better hold times, cloudier exhales, and an all-around better smoking style than her darker-haired friend. It was so hot watching the cherry of that cigarette glow as I looked down while she dragged intensely, held the smoke in her black lungs for a few seconds, and then belched out a cloud of exhaust. I was able to watch the entire smoking show before she pitched the butt out of sight and they re-entered the grandstand.

The hits kept coming. I nudged Dan as this incredibly wholesome-looking early 20s blonde emerged, all by herself, fishing through her purse and pulling out a cigarette. She won Saturday evening’s prize for the least likely smoker who nonetheless had a cigarette in her mouth. I told Dan to check out the awesome body on the girl, which was perfectly framed by the black top and skin-tight jeans she sported. Her face was not “gorgeous” but very girl-next-door and not that of a smoker. Dan agreed and was also impressed by her body and suggested I should approach her, particularly since she was standing there all by herself, either at the fair alone or simply the only stinky person in her cluster whose stench none of her friends could tolerate.

My eyes were darting back and forth from that girl to a girl who was even prettier who emerged shortly after, a curly-haired dark brunette wearing a pink top and a cotton skirt that looked amazing on her. While the blonde girl had such an awesome body, this girl was arguably the most beautiful of the night. And she came out with her boyfriend, who was not smoking, at least at first, but seemed to merely be accompanying his beautiful and addicted girlfriend. But on two brief occasions, the girl handed the boyfriend the cigarette for a couple quick drags. I found it hot that he was more or less a bystander getting table scraps. It was the girlfriend’s cigarette. He just got a puff or two when she decided he was worthy of one.

From there, another familiar looking face strutted out with one of the same friends from Friday night. It was that adorable blonde who was wearing that red and green-striped dress who was smoking a Camel Pink on Friday night. Tonight she looked even more wholesome and innocent wearing a pale green summer dress. From above, I watched as she walked away from the grandstand area, but not before removing that familiar pack of Camel Pinks from her purse.

As far as I was concerned, Hinder could stall all night as their delayed performance was generating an endless stretch of boffo sightings for me, but Dan was getting very restless as the clock hit 9:10. He leaned my way and told me he was about to go, but I was at that point at 32 sightings for the night and said half-jokingly “You mean you’re not gonna stick around for me to hit 34 and break my record?” I didn’t think this line would work on him, but he stuck around for awhile, and while it took about five minutes, I definitely broke my record in style as a duo of adorable teen girls came strutting out of the grandstand. As they came to a stop on the sidewalk directly blocking the line of people coming and going, I leaned to Dan and said “I think this might be it”. Sure enough, their purses came open and each girl produced a pack of Marlboro Lights. I told Dan he had to wait till they lit up before it became official, just to be a pest. But within about 30 seconds, the girls came through, firing up. For him that was the end of the sighting…for me it was just the beginning….

Allow me to describe the dynamic in play here. There was a guy, who as so many guys in Albert Lea keeping the company of stinky young girls, was not smoking. As for the girls, they were both quite attractive, but didn’t seem like a natural duo of friends. The one was a sexy blonde who looked 19 or 20. The other was a curly-haired brunette in a green top and jean shorts who looked more like 16 or 17. The blonde had a slight edge to her look, but nothing serious, and she looked like a smoker. But the adorable younger brunette didn’t look at all like a smoker. Perhaps they were sisters but they didn’t look alike either. Whatever the case, their smoking styles were similarly divergent, and I had a front-row seat. The older girl, likely a fairly long-term smoker, took long drags and produced generous exhales. But the younger girl took shorter drags and exhales were only modest. It was pretty clear she was a newer smoker, and I really got off on the idea that the older girl may have recently taught her to smoke. As expected, the blonde polished off her cigarette first and then proceeded to step into the nearby port-a-potty to attend to a bodily function that was apparently less vital to her than filling her lungs with smoke since that came first. The guy in their company took off too, leaving only the younger girl to stand alone and finish her cigarette. It was just so cute, as she finally realized that she had been standing on the sidewalk directly blocking the line of people coming and going, and forcing them to choke on her secondhand smoke as they walked by. So she stepped onto the grass and extended her cigarette hand to the left, a last minute goodwill gesture that was just adorable to witness. She took a couple of final drags from her cigarette before tossing it in front of her and crushing it out.  Seconds later, her friend/sister left the port-a-potty and the girls headed back into the concert, which FINALLY began at about 9:20, nearly an hour late.

I sat through about 20 minutes of the concert but it wasn’t my kind of music and once the music started the sightings came to a screeching halt.  I bid adieu to Corey and his girlfriend, telling them I might be back later, and going on merry way again.

The rest of the evening was really only semiproductive with a few more blockbusters, but I’m glad I departed the concert early because doing so helped me score my hottest girl of the night. Heading southward on the main concourse of the fairgrounds were a 20-21ish young couple, both smoking, but the girl just oozed glamour with every aspect of the way she dressed and carried herself. She wore a black cowgirl hat on the top of her platinum blonde hair…and wore the hair in the form of braided pig tails hanging over her shoulders….I kid you not. A skimpy pink tanktop covered her top and a pair of pale blue skintight jean shorts wrapped around her amazing ass and showed off her exquisitely smooth legs. The girl was gorgeous, glamorous, and adorably feminine…yet here she approached me with a cigarette in her right hand. I turned around in a 180-degree pivot and followed her. Looking at that ass from behind it was absolutely picture-perfect and I desperately wanted to get my hands on it as I watched it wiggle across the fairgrounds courtesy of those milky smooth legs that kept the ass in motion…and the half-smoked cigarette in her hand also intrigued as I got to see a couple great drags and cloudy exhales from behind.  The couple started migrating towards the bathrooms. As the girl approached the women’s room, I kept waiting for her to lose the cigarette before she walked in. And I kept waiting…and waiting. It wasn’t until she stepped inside the door that she dropped the cigarette to the ground right at the entrance, letting it smolder and probably stink up the inside of the women’s bathroom. Even though I wasn’t about to see the brand label on that cigarette butt, my respect for the girl managed to grow after this act of smoker’s hubris.

I went back up to the end of the Hinder concert and saw Corey had already left. I was hoping for more excitement watching the smokers pour out into the smoking area. I didn’t see anything too exciting but made to sure to be out watching when the girls poured out after the concert ended. While I saw a few smokers among them, only one impressed. In the massive crowd of exiting concertgoers, I see a brown tobacco unit between female fingers and sit up in my chair to get a closer look. Unbelievably, it was another beautiful light-skinned Mexican girl with caucasian features but that vivacious olive complexion and dark hair that Latinas have. At first I thought it might have been the same Mexican girl I saw the night before, but this girl looked younger and probably about 19…and the girl the night before was smoking a cigarette while this girl was smoking a little cigar. It had to have been a Swisher Sweet, and because she was gracious enough to stand idly in my general area for a bit, I was able to walk through one of her exhales hoping to detect telltale signs of what kind of cigar she was smoking, but strangely enough I was unable to notice a definitive cigar odor. She and her nonsmoking white friends walked off at that point and I followed.  The cigar was freshly lit and would take a while to get through….and the crowd was elbow-to-elbow in the moments after the concert ended. I tried to follow and keep track of her, but unfortunately lost both her and her smelly cigar in the crowd.  Still nice to get at least one cigar sighting every fair season though.

I stuck around for another 45 minutes after the concert, but was disappointed by the fairly unimpressive stretch I would encounter. But I did have on more stellar moment, as a cluster of teens, both guys and girls, were wandering off from the Hinder concert, and a duo of girls in the cluster, both about 16 were brandishing freshly lit Marlboro Reds. I saw the cigarettes smoldering in their hands and was able to focus my attention at the very moment that they took synchronized drags at the exact moment. Both girls were cute, but the girl on the left was absolutely adorable…a 16-year-old smoking angel. Unfortunately, after only two more drags, she handed off the cigarette to one of the thuggish guys in her group who I assumed to be her boyfriend.

Kind of strange that such a great night ended with such a whimper, but in the last 20 minutes or so, I only scored one mediocre sighting. Hard to complain about a night last night though, blowing past two records both for a single night and for a fair season. Now I’m not a big fan of modern rock music, but if rock concerts bring out as many smokers as I saw last night, I’ll happily soldier through rock concerts every single night. My 2010 local county fair sightings bounty was 144 sightings. It will take a lot to break that record because this year featured five nights of good weather and few all-night distractions as I’ve encountered in the past. I won’t say it’s a record that will never be beaten, but 144 is definitely a gold standard.

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