I don’t know what’s going on here in the Upper Midwest but I sure hope it continues. During previous half-day visits to the Iowa State Fair in the last three summers, I scored a relatively consistent number of sightings with 50 in 2007, 53 in 2008, and 64 in 2009. Then last night I go and score 83. Now it probably sounds a little better than it is, as there were a fair number of second-tier and third-tier sightings on here that propped up my numbers without exactly launching me into cartwheels on the fairgrounds. Last Saturday’s visit overall was still much better. Furthermore, the evening was bookended by a couple hours of great sightings early on and an hour of great sightings at the end with a few surprisingly unproductive hours (at least on the quality front) in between. Still, I scored another epic sighting and a handful of blockbusters. Think about this for a moment. Last year I only got one sighting I qualified as epic in my two visits to the Iowa State Fair while this year I got four. Four epics in one year! With as stingy as I am with epics, that really needed to be put into context. Anyway, onto the sightings….
I arrived at the fairgrounds a little after 5 p.m. on a perfect day for fetishing, with sunny skies and 80-degree temperatures, but low humidity to the point that I wasn’t even a puddle of sweat like I usually am after an hour of perusing the grounds. My early exploration of the grounds didn’t yield anything too impressive, but I finally hit the jackpot with Sighting #5 when I ascended the steep hill on the grounds’ east side. Way atop the hill but heading my way was a trio that included two girls and a guy. The guy and girl I assumed were a couple were both smoking while the less attractive outlier girl was not. The smoker girl was a 21ish doll, a long-haired dark brunette decked out in a tanktop and sexy jean shorts. She had the scrumptious combination of a sweetheart and a tiger look on her face, and for whatever reason as I walked by, she was feigning an over-the-top eyelash-fluttering appeal to the boyfriend as she dragged from her cigarette. It was enough to make your heart melt, and assuming she was trying to get him to agree to do something, I bet she got her wish. They stood outside a building where the couple finished their cigarettes. The girl’s style was impressive if quite average, but her beauty made her stand out as my first impressive sighting of the night. She crushed out the butt and the trio went inside the building. The butt was another Marlboro Red, which seems to be making a comeback.
But it was about 20 minutes later that I would already score my epic sighting of the evening. There are two sides of the street when walking down the Grand Concourse, otherwise known as the main street of the fairgrounds. Both sides of the street are busy so you generally loop the street by walking down one side of the street first and the other side on the return volley. I was originally planning to loop around the north side first and come back on the south side, but decided to go the other way for some reason. Well thank God fate compelled me to go the other direction as I didn’t even have time to process it completely when walking down the sidewalk and observing a half-smoked cigarette in the fingers of this cute little long-haired brunette with blonde highlights wearing a gray tanktop, adorably tight jean shorts, and cowgirl boots who was standing in a huddle. My heart skipped a beat momentarily as she was only a few feet in front of me. I then walked around the huddle….and the other two girls had cigarettes too. The first was a really cute brunette in a bare midriff tanktop and PINK shorts. The other girl was the hottest of the three….another glamorous light brunette with blonde highlights in a skimpy black tanktop and a pair of white shorts that fit her perfectly. All three had cigarettes between their fingers that were mostly smoked. They were Sightings #8, #9, and #10 of the day, and I’m telling you that these girls were 14, or at the very most 15…
How could this be? Sure, 14-year-old girls still occasionally smoke on the fairgrounds, but they don’t stand in the middle of a sidewalk obstructing foot traffic and only a few feet in front of a middle-aged couple sitting on a bench. The nearby benches were all full so I had to find an awkward place to stand and watch what I could of this madness. The girls took short, cute little puffs and were obviously beginner smokers, but just seeing these adorable little girls standing in the most public spot in the whole fairgrounds with cigarettes in their little fingers in broad daylight sent my heart pulsating. Now I guess I would say that these girls had the look of smokers….but future smokers. In no way would have I been able to envision clouds of fumes flowing from their pubescent bodies if I wasn’t watching it with my own eyes. But amazingly, it got even better….
Standing right beside this trio of early teen girls was a cluster of about five or six nonsmoking girls. I didn’t connect these two groups until the three smokers immersed themselves in the crowd of nonsmoking girls, every one of them 14-15 and the picture of early teen innocence (a few others in the group who I would have LOVED to see in possession of cigarettes of their own). Apparently, the girls didn’t want to wait to finish their cigarettes and were now directly in front of the bench where Ma and Pa Fuddy Duddy were sitting, with no expression on their faces that indicated strong feelings one way or another about the stink coming off these teen cuties. The girls at this point just had the final inch or so of their cigarettes left, but since they took small little beginner drags, the cigarettes continued to last a while longer. The huddle of girls was pretty densely packed so it became hard to see, but out of nowhere would emerge a snootful of smoke spewed by one of the girls directly in the personal space of their nonsmoking friends. Imagine being eight inches away from a friend who thoughtlessly exhaled smoke straight at you. That’s what these girls did when they were in the huddle.
Finally, two of the smokers crushed out their cigarettes at the edge of the pavement, but for whatever reason the hottest girl in the white shorts was walking off with the finished butt in her hand, likely looking for a garbage can to toss it into. I saw a canary yellow box sticking out of the front pocket of the girl’s white shorts, but only know of one cigarette brand in a yellow back, and it’s not one of my favorites. More on that later. Right now, I wanted to see the other two butts. It was challenging as that middle-aged couple was still sitting right there on the bench, but I was able to see the print on both, with the being a Camel Blue that was smoked by the girl in the cowboy boots. The second didn’t have a name on the label and was smoked by the girl in the pink shorts, who was still adorable but the least attractive of the three.
Watching that huddle of cusp-of-womanhood teen girls giggling and giddily prancing about, thoughts of the midway at Ankeny Summerfest came to mind. As a general rule, it’s pointless to walk through their midway in search of smoker sightings because you always see huddles of girls just as cute as this bunch, but for obvious reasons in the modern era, virtually never see them smoking. Well what I saw last night expanded those horizons some. It was a sighting straight out of the 70s except with 2010 fashions. If girls like this are still willing to smoke publicly in broad daylight on the busiest street of the Iowa State Fair, it means there’s still potential to see just about any girl smoking.
I was on a high for a good hour after this one and was scoring a pretty steady diet of sightings too, albeit nothing of the caliber of that one. Remember that fairgrounds bar and grill The Depot, where I spotted that cute teen girl and her father smoking on Saturday? Well I walked past their back alley and saw three of their 16-17ish workers, including two cute girls, who were both smoking and became Sightings #12 and #13. They weren’t superbabes like the girls I just saw or anything, but still brought a smile to face.
I went through the midway next, and at the tail end of an unproductive loop, I spotted a duo of early 20s gals wandering fairly aimlessly towards the edge of the midway. As I followed them with my eyes, I saw another gal about that age standing by herself firing up a cigarette. As expected, Sighting #16 would soon add Sightings #17 and #18 to the mix and the other two gals fired up too. All three were above-average looks-wise, but standing out in the crowd was a dark brunette with a green top and a denim miniskirt that really accentuated her dazzling figure. With three-for-the-price-of-one sightings like this, there was no way I would miss breaking another new sightings record.
Leaving the midway from there, it would be less than a minute before Sighting #19 was upon me, a trio of two very working-class 20-something guys in the company of a sexy early 20s blonde who looked way out of their league. One of the other guys smoking and so was the girl. This group was heading to the midway, so I guess that meant I was going back that direction too. The girl was a dirty blonde, looked about 22-23 and had a perfectly framed young body draped in a tie-dye tanktop and nicely fitting jean shorts. The all-white cigarette held firmly between her fingers as she slowly walked through the midway looked so natural. Her drags were okay but nothing spectacular, but she still carried herself wonderfully with that cigarette, and since she smoked fairly slowly, I was able to get a pretty extended show walking behind her. She crushed out the cigarette and walked off, leaving me to discover it was a Marlboro Light.
Sighting #21 was poised to be one of my favorite sightings of the day but took a very dark turn at the end that all but spoiled it. Near the center of the grounds, I spotted from a distance the profile of a slender and wholesome-looking 19-20ish light brunette with a freshly lit cigarette in her hand who instantly captured my fancy. Not sure why, but I immediately sensed something special about this girl, and as I got closer and got a better look she definitely did not have the look of a smoker. Her light brown hair was wrapped up in a ponytail, and she wore a conservative brown tanktop and blue jeans. Not a stand-out-in-the-crowd beauty, but the definition of the girl next door with a pair of sunglasses providing her only source of “edge”. That, of course, and the cigarette in her hand. She was walking with a dorky-looking boyfriend and it didn’t take long to realize the two of them were having a little fight….
Not sure if it was the stress of the fight or if this is how the girl naturally smokes, but I was blown away watching that first drag. I had come across yet another cigarette rapist this year. She seemed to be walking a few feet in front of the boyfriend, probably due to the fight, and took intense five-second drags and then held that smoke in her lungs so long that it practically rented a condo in there. Watching from the side as she walked, the first bit of exhaled smoke when she finally exhaled was surprisingly sparse. There was more residual exhaust that spewed from her nose and mouth with the second breath than with the first. This is my favorite type of smoker, the kind of girl whose every breath deposits cigarette smoke into the sky from inside her coal black lungs. And given how long she held the smoke inside and how sparse the volume was on her initial exhale, it told me that she holds the smoke so long that it was clinging to her lung tissue. So far, this was one outrageously hot sighting. Why is it that the most wholesome-looking smokers tend to be the girls most likely to molest their cigarettes this way?!?!
The petulant nonsmoking boyfriend, who seemed to be pouting more than she was, took a seat on a bench. Either because she didn’t want to be next to him or because she was simply being considerate to not expose him to secondhand smoke, she stood up behind the bench and continued to torture that poor cigarette to within an inch of its life. At one point she started walking off on her own, trying to get away from the boyfriend, and allowing me every more opportunity to watch her technique, which was second only to my 2008 Minnesota State Fair grandstand girl (the great original “cigarette rapist”) in terms of outrageous seven-second hold times and smoke spewing from her face with every breath she took. The cigarette was approaching its end and she met back up with the boyfriend. Up to this point, their fight was kind of cute, but it wasn’t so cute anymore as they started walking away together and he grabbed her by the ponytail and jerked her head back, clenching his teeth and spouting a few seconds worth of angry words into her ear. He let go and she took one final monstrous drag from the cigarette before dropping it to the pavement and silently pressing on. It was a Marlboro Light butt she deposited, but seeing the way this beautiful smoker was being treated was such a buzzkill. I would have liked to have walked up and put the cigarette out on his face. The guy looked fairly nerdy so I did not see this kind of aggression coming. Sure would be nice if I was in a position to save a pretty girl and heavy smoker like this in any way possible. Still one of my best of the day for obvious reasons, but not as good as it would have been if her fair experience hadn’t ended with abuse.
Notwithstanding my misgivings about that display, it ushered in a stretch of one-after-another sightings, the best being Sighting #25 on the west side of the grounds, where I saw from behind a beautiful young mid-to-late-20s long-haired blond mother in a cluster that appeared to include two kids, her husband, and one of their parents. Mom was pulling the two kids in a wagon-like contraption, but in her free hand she was wielding a cigarette. I got a closer look and mom was very attractive, with long blonde hair, and a face and body that held up very well for a woman who had squeezed out two kids. Most adorably, she was the only smoker in the cluster, and the sighting hits it peak when mom took her final drag off the cigarette and carelessly dropped it to the pavement. In sharp contrast to the jerk of a boyfriend that Sighting #21 had, this gal’s husband took the effort to stomp out her still-smoldering cigarette and make sure it was out. Now that’s a little more like it, and restored my faith in nonsmoking husbands/boyfriends of smoker girls. I identified the butt as a Marlboro Red upon passing inspection.
While I would continue to get a decent litany of sightings in the coming hour, few would seriously impress, and so began the dreary middle portion of my evening that I mentioned at the beginning of the e-mail. I went to the outskirts of the same outdoor theater where I saw Whitney Duncan on Saturday. Tonight a popular Midwestern rock band was playing in the bandshell and the place was packed. I slowly perused the periphery of the seating area and, as expected, saw no smoking in the seating itself and only about three second-tier sightings of 20-somethings standing around on the outskirts. I wasn’t impressed and left the concert after about 20 minutes.
Heading back to the concourse, the mediocrity would be broken with Sighting #40, one of my more oddball sightings of the night (or any night for that matter). In front of the beer gardens area, I saw the most unusual duo with cigarettes in their hands I’ve ever seen before. The first was an attractive mid-20s blonde holding a freshly lit all-white. Standing at her side was a geriatric old man who couldn’t have been a day under 80, also smoking a cigarette. And they were chatting with each other. At first I was wondering if she was some kind of a gold digger who married this old wealthy smoker expecting him to die soon so she could inherit his fortune. But the mystery was solved when a young guy with a cigarette then emerged from the beer gardens and immersed himself in their conversation. Clearly the newcomer was this girl’s boyfriend/husband, but you gotta figure the old-timer was the grandfather of one of the two, who they decided to bring with them to the fair for the evening, which is still pretty adorable when you think about it.
Looping around the concourse, I would also come upon Sightings #42 and #43, another cluster of 20-21ish smokers, and another sighting where one beauty dominated the sighting in a group with two rugged guys, and one smoker girl out of the three so ugly I didn’t even count her. Not the story with this girl though, with long auburn hair, a yellow tanktop and tight jeans, and an adorable sweetheart of a face that looked great spewing toxic carcinogens. After her final drag I identified her butt was a Marlboro Red. I still can’t get over how these really cute girls end up in the company of unattractive peers. Here I was, having already scored 43 sightings and it wasn’t even dark yet!
I now had a tough choice to make. A country singer I like named David Nail was performing at the other free stage, but it’s way the hell up the big hill on the east side, so if I went there, I’d be stuck there, and in a spot where sightings are not prolific. About 10 minutes into the concert, I decided to make the journey, not planning to stay for the whole concert but wanting to take in some of it, and with luck hear him sing my favorite song of his. This particular stage had bad sound quality and is generally not conducive to a good concert experience, so I had a hard time even understanding the lyrics when I got there, but stood on the outskirts of the seating area with a cluster of other people including the girl who would be my biggest lost opportunity of the night. There were two 20-21ish blonde babes in front of me, but one dominated my attention. She was the perfect combination of country girl and glam girl with long blonde hair and a distinctive breathtaking beauty, but her outfit was what really blew my doors off. She was decked out in a striped blouse and a pair of perfectly fitting white shorts, magically caressing her ass and hips. I stood from behind admiring this ass and the smooth, cellulite-free legs extending from them, with a pair of black cowboy boots with spiked heels on her feet. Looking down at those heels, it was so sexy to notice they were sharp enough to poke multiple holes in the dirt where she was standing. Damn I wanted to have sex with this girl, or at the very least find out she smoked.
But it was not to be. She had a little purse that could very well have had cigarettes in it, but there was no way of knowing. I positioned myself in a few different places, hoping I could see a light-up at some point, and got really excited when the girls walked back towards the port-a-potties where a lot of smokers were sneaking a cigarette. Unfortunately, they were just going to the bathroom. Not long after, the girls were leaving the concert and I was following, hoping to see a light-up. Unfortunately, they both got in line for corn dogs, but I still planned to follow thinking if they were smokers at all, they’d definitely be smoking after dinner. However, just as they were descending the hill, corn dogs in hand, David Nail started singing the song I was waiting for. I had a choice to make, and fast. Much as my gut wanted to follow those girls, my head said they were a real longshot at this point and that I’d be more likely to get a smaller reward listening to the song than a larger reward following the girls. So I stayed…and might end up kicking myself for the rest of the summer because of it.
However, I did get a nice consolation prize as I stood from afar listening to the music and saw a young couple approaching. The girl was a gorgeous 21ish brunette in a black tanktop and white shorts with a freshly lit cigarette in her hand, thus becoming Sighting #46. She had an ugly tattoo on her shoulder underneath the tanktop but was still hot, and the boyfriend was going to get beer leaving me a few moments to see the girl standing alone and smoking her cigarette, which she handled very well. I got to see a hot girl in white shorts smoking a cigarette at the David Nail concert after all!
I left the concert at this point, and with great timing, as I would score the best sighting of those dreary midevening hours where quality sightings were sparse. It was well after dark by now and for the most part, the south side seating area where I saw Brittny smoking in 2008 empties out because there is very little lighting. However, the darkness often works to my favor as underage girls sometimes sneak onto the benches in the area to smoke a cigarette. Such was the case last night with Sighting #47, which included a duo of thuggish 17ish boyfriends in the company of an ugly, overweight girl….and a 17ish brunette who I could identify had the face and body of an angel even in that dark corner of the grounds. The guys were standing to the side of the bench, while the girls were snapping cutesy photos of each other with their cameras. The cute girl’s shoulder-length brown hair flowed past her shoulders onto a white tanktop, with an adorably small denim miniskirt on the bottom. The girl’s smooth legs were crossed in the most feminine way with a cigarette protruding from her fingers close to those awesome legs. There were tons of open benches for me to sit and watch the show, and I did just that, with the primary light being provided by the glow of the cell phone camera, the illumination from her smooth legs, and of course, the cherry glow whenever she took a drag from her cigarette….
The group got up to leave before they were done smoking, heading back to the main concourse. My cute girl was in the back of the line checking her cell phone for messages. I was watching from afar knowing she was near the end of her cigarette. Adorably, she just tossed the butt uncrushed near some shrubbery around the benches, potentially creating a serious fire hazard in a dry period. Even with the dark conditions, the light from the still-smoldering cigarette allowed me to identify it as a cork-filter Camel with a green logo, one of their million varieties. While Camels have by no means fallen out of favor, it does seem as though their ascendancy has stalled as Marlboros seem to be making a comeback around here compared to the last two years. I had to catch up and see what this girl looked like in the light after only seeing her from afar in the dark up to that point. Approaching from behind, I was amazed at how perfectly that denim miniskirt fit her, and when I finally got around to seeing her face, it lived up to expectations completely. This was the kind of teenage girl who was the prototypical innocent face of the state fair. Take away the cigarette and she could have been a model used in the State Fair’s TV commercial. What a cutie…and I’d see her later in the huddle of teenagers in the middle of the grounds I told you about, only not smoking this time.
I would now enter a funk. I scored some sightings here and there, but all pretty mediocre, and I always told myself, “If I just head down this direction, surely my luck will change. There’s ALWAYS sightings there” but it never seemed to. For more than an hour I was starting to find myself disappointed for the first time in the entire 2010 fair season! And during this period I found a new girl to take an interest in much like the spiky-heeled cowboy boot blonde from the David Nail concert. I spotted the new girl on my walk out from the midway. There was a cluster of about six teenage girls huddled together, but just to their side was a 17ish blonde with her boyfriend. She had a somewhat shaggy hairdo going past her shoulders, but it looked cute on her, as well as a black tanktop and khaki shorts. Her face had that intriguing mix of pure innocence and subdued naughtiness, with a bit of a Taylor Swift look going on. Seeing this girl from afar, my first instinct was….that girl’s a smoker, despite the wholesomeness of her friends group. And she was standing there aside from the friends with her hands on the boyfriend. My hunch was they were preparing to have a smoke outside of the friends’ cluster. I hung around and watched for a few minutes and didn’t see anything, ultimately walking away but keeping them in mind for later.
My frustration was picking up as I perused the ground, and even though I was inching towards last year’s record number of sightings, I just wasn’t finding myself satisfied with the quality. Even the quantity stalled out as I bet I was stuck at 58 sightings for a half hour. I found myself encircling the area of teens at their hangout and sensed ominous things going on in the form of a fight brewing that ultimately would come to fruition later in the evening but then I looked in an obscure corner to find….the blonde Taylor Swift-ish girl and her boyfriend sitting there. Damn, I thought. Smoking? Unfortunately not. They continued to sit there, my girl wasting time sending texts. I wanted to see this girl smoke so bad I could taste it, but she had now been in two scenarios that would have been perfect for her to have a smoke but didn’t, so I had pretty much given up hope.
From there, I wandered over to the midway. Standing on the outskirts in a different area was the entire cluster of those cute 14-year-olds, including the three that represented my epic sighting of the day, only now they were in the company of what appeared to be older guys in the 17-18 range. The guys have good taste…I’ll give them that. I just sensed that tobacco was about to be smoked, but had a very awkward vantage point on a bench that usually had a flurry of people scattering in and out between the girls. They still looked so young and so precious it was still hard to believe they were already smokers. Then in the hands of the hottest girl, the one in the white shorts, was that same yellow pack that I saw in her pocket earlier. I made a pass nearby and sure enough, they were American Spirits. How odd that a young girl would actually enjoy the taste of straight tobacco and not be into smoking for the nicotine rush. It was still hot that she smoked of course and at least one of the friends was smoking normal cigarettes given that I saw her Camel Blue butt earlier. And, of course, the presence of that pack in her hands meant she was gonna smoke, right? Not exactly. I sad there waiting and waiting and waiting, but they never lit up. And while I was waiting, I twice spotted my Taylor Swift-ish girl weaving in and out of the midway, also sans a cigarette. Things were really not going my way in this stretch….
I took a quick and unproductive loop around the Grand Concourse and returned to the midway, where I planned to continue looking for those 14-year-olds that had been standing there, knowing if I kept coming back they’d bound to be smoking sooner or later. But I got there and they were gone. This was just perfect. On the periphery I saw my Taylor Swift-ish blonde reentering the midway with part of her posse but at this point had basically given up on her. I took a quick glance to my left to confirm and….wait a minute here…what was this? I gasped in shock as I saw a freshly lit cigarette protruding from her fingers. In a split second, Sighting #62 had salvaged my evening. I quickly sped up to see her cluster, which was far smaller than it was an hour earlier, but she was still hand-in-hand with the wholesome-looking boyfriend, who adorably wasn’t smoking. A cute but unsubstantial brunette in the cluster who looked the least wholesome of the bunch was also smoking and became Sighting #63, but all my attention was on this adorable blonde….
I followed as close as possible as the group made the loop around the midway very aimlessly. I was most struck by the fact that this was the most adorable teen couple I’d ever seen that involved a girl who smoked and a guy who didn’t. She capably held the cigarette in her right hand while holding his hand with the left, and always made a point of turning her head to exhale. Her exhales were cloudy and accomplished, especially considering her drags weren’t particularly intense and all indications suggested she was a fairly new smoker. The single hottest thing she did, and she did it three times, was to beckon her friends attention to something on the midway, and used her cigarette rather than her finger to point in the direction of what she wanted them to see. Even though she was a pretty new smoker, I got the feeling through that motion that she had either been doing this for awhile or had simply really gotten a handle on how to carry herself with a cigarette quickly. I had to be discreet following since there were so many of them capable of busting me and since they had already seen me in close proximity a couple previous times in the night and might become curious at to my omnipresence, but I just had to get a look at that face one more time. It was so pretty, and my original impression held up that she looked both innocent and slightly naughty at the same time. Watching that smoke spew from her face was just so crazy hot, as were her careful attempts to spare her boyfriend from her noxious fumes.
They had looped around the entire midway and, with just a couple of drags of left, from out of nowhere she hocked up a lugie in the most girlish manner one could expect. Walking past, I was actually impressed with the pool of saliva she produced given her girlish technique. Then, they unfortunately settled into a cluster of new guys who I assume they knew from somewhere, and who seemed much less wholesome than they did even though none of them were smoking. Once in the cluster, she lost the cigarette, dropping it to the pavement before two of the new guys in the cluster stomped on it in an over-the-top way. Adorably, the girl immediately got out her gum and took out a piece, again most likely to keep her stinky breath as fresh as possible for her lucky loverboy. It took some time for that cluster to break apart but I would eventually see the smoker responsible for my second-favorite sighting of the day walking away with her boyfriend and knew my time had come to identify her butt….an all-white Camel with a blue logo (Camel Lights perhaps?). I really had to earn this sighting, which made it all the more sweet that she finally delivered.
During my wait for this sighting, I hung reasonably close to the midway, and while doing so bumped into Sighting #68 on the midway. I saw her from behind with a cigarette in her fingers and at first didn’t expect much since she was a mommy pushing a stroller in the company of her husband/boyfriend and another young woman. Still, her body looked pretty hot in a matching black cotton top and black shorts. But when I walked past and saw her face, I had to hand it to mom because she as absolutely beautiful, a mid-20s long-haired dark blonde with a really attractive mug. I’d see her again just before I left on the concourse, smoking again along with the far less attractive female friend.
I had hit my stride again in this final hour of the night and was finally starting to see cigarettes in the mouths of some hot chicks again. In a classic ask-and-ye-shall-receive moment on the west edge of the grounds, I saw two duos of guys and girls standing in front of the port-a-potties. The girls were both about 19-20 and scorching hot blondes. I saw one girl heading towards the port-a-potty, but got a good enough look at both to where I thought to myself, “wouldn’t it be hot if those girls were smokers?” Not five seconds later, the blonde still standing outside would deliver on my unspoken request by extracting an all-white from her purse and lighting up, becoming Sighting #71. I had a great spot to watch as she and the two guys, one of whom was also smoking, waited for the other girl to get off the john. The girl was insanely hot, with long bottle blonde hair going all the way down her back. She had a nicely contrasting low-cut black blouse with white shorts, but her most badass accessory was a pair of sunglasses she was wearing even though the sun had set more than two hours earlier. This was one cool cucumber, and an accomplished smoker with nice style at that. Her all-white cigarette must have been a 100 because it sure looked long in her mouth as she lit up and during those first couple of drags…
In moments, the other blonde came out of the bathroom. She was a natural blonde and, if anything, hotter than the sunglasses girl who was smoking. The two girls walked side by side and the girl in sunglasses handed the cigarette to the friend for two mediocre drags, thus allowing the friend to become Sighting #72, but dominated the rest of the cigarette both in style and quantity. The long cigarette took a while to play out, and I followed close enough to absorb some drags before following at a comfortable distance as they proceeded to the midway. I saw the girl squash out the cigarette, or at least I thought I did, and raced up to identify the butt. But when I got there, all I saw in that area was a cork filter that looked like it had been sitting there for days, when I knew she had just smoked an all-white. I sped up to catch up with them to see what I had missed, as if maybe she hadn’t finished the cigarette after all and my eyes were playing tricks on me. But strangely, she was walking through the grounds with another unlit all-white in her hands. I continued following for a good five minutes in hopes that she’d light up again, but then finally realized she was just holding it for later and retreated.
It hasn’t been this way for most of my Iowa State Fair sightings, but I found myself coming back to the midway frequently last night, always thinking it was the most likely spot I’d be able to see those 14-year-olds again. On my final journey into the midway, I would have no luck seeing those girls standing around the spot they were before, but there were other promising things to be seen just on the horizon, specifically near that bench where I was sitting watching the girls earlier. Huddled around there were a cluster of girls and guys, some of whom looked naughty. As I approached, I saw a couple of cork-filter cigarettes in female hands and parked my ass on that familiar bench, this time with a much better vantage point of Sightings #74 and #75, another uber-blockbuster without much of a storyline, but featuring adorable 15-16ish girls with cigarettes. What was particularly fascinating about this sighting was that most of the guys and several of the girls in the group looked edgy and mature, but they weren’t smoking. However, the two girls who were smoking were far and away the most wholesome looking people in the whole group….
The first girl was a long-haired light brunette with the face of an angel. She looked to be 15 and was wearing a green top and dark jean shorts. This girl took some serious drags too, and I got to see a handful of examples where her cute young face puckered up and sucked on that cigarette as if it was a tart lemon. Her exhales weren’t as impressive as those four-second drags, but this girl’s young body was clearly addicted to the poisons she was feeding it. The other girl was even prettier and more angelic, a 15-16ish long-haired blonde who was really skinny and wore a red-and-white-striped top and a pair of jeans. Her technique wasn’t nearly as advanced as the brunette’s but it was still amazing seeing these two little angels dragging from their cigarettes in the company of a peer group that looked far naughtier than they did but were not smoking, save for one very chubby girl who I didn’t count. The brunette carelessly flung her still-smoldering cigarette butt behind her without even looking to see if it would burn someone walking by. Unfortunately, the huddle was such that even walking by slowly to identify the brand was out of the question. The blonde less dramatically dropped her ciggie to the pavement and stomped it out a couple minutes later. It’s moment like this that are among the few that give me hope for the future. After all these years of relentless antismoking propaganda and painful tax hikes and further efforts to shame smokers, girls that look and dress like this continue to light up in their mid-teens. Heartwarming…and my third-best sighting of the night.
I scored one more memorable sighting with Sightings #81 and #82, but especially 81 as I approached a duo of 21ish girls with freshly lit cigarettes in their hands on my way out the door. As they began heading the opposite direction, I came to terms with the fact that I’d be sticking around a few minutes longer than planned. The girl on the left was a total beauty, another girl with a curly mane of dyed blonde hair with brunette edges that matched well with her lovely facial features, wearing a tie-dye tanktop and a pair of black shorts. There was a major color contrast between this girl’s pasty white legs and those black shorts that added to her allure. The friend was a reasonably plain jane brunette, but good enough to count in the final tally. Needless to say, my attention was on the blonde and I followed closely enough to watch that shapely ass wiggle and for her exhales to splash in my face. And then, the girls locked arms, leaving me to believe they were lesbians even though there was nothing butch about either of them. The girls dropped their still-smoldering cigarettes to the grass before walking into the beer gardens, allowing me to identify my final cigarette butt of the night, a Marlboro Red, before taking off.
It was about 11:40 at night as I got on my shuttle bus bound for home, my foot pain reignited after busting open the blisters that formed on Saturday night at that fair (see why I can’t do this every day?). I blew past my previous record for Wednesday night at the Iowa State Fair, scoring 83 sightings compared to last year’s 64. Combine that with Saturday’s 136 sightings and I wrapped up the Iowa State Fair with an astounding 219 sightings, compared to last year’s 171. I keep breaking records by considerable margins and can’t imagine how my favorite venue of the year, the Minnesota State Fair, can upstage my epic county and Iowa State Fair of 2010. If any venue is capable of it, it’s the Minnesota State Fair, but the heat is on my home state after epicness of this caliber.