I selected a very good evening to revisit the Iowa State Fair, slipping into the grounds a few minutes before 5:00 on Tuesday and waiting outside the gate until after the 5 p.m. hour so I could get a half-price ticket. My feet were still a little sore from Saturday but I knew I could soldier on for my 6 1/2 hour stay. During that stretch, I scored an impressive 64 sightings, beating last year’s half-day tally of 52 (although I was there a good 45 minutes longer than last year). And the quality was there too. There were no epics, but a steady feast of blockbusters along with plenty of frustration.
After a modest first sighting of the evening, I ascended the steep hill on the grounds’ east side, a hill that does a number on one’s feet after three or four climbs over the course of the day. Heading the opposite direction in a hurry was an 18-ish blonde food stand worker wearing a hat from whatever food stand she worked at and lighting up her cigarette, becoming Sighting #2 of the evening. I could tell she was pretty as she progressed down the hill towards the concourse, but that had obstructed from getting a full look at her youngish face. As I followed her, I got the sense others found her to be a mystery too as several people watched as she passed by smoking her cigarette nonchalantly but never revealing her face. She ultimately drifted off without ever giving me the view I was hoping for, but it was a fun ride while it lasted and my first memorable sighting of the day.
Soon after would come my second best sighting of the evening near the front gate. I was lamenting the modest success I was having after the first 45 minutes when I looked up to see heaven on Earth, this spectacularly perfect female body across the street. It was a long-haired blonde, about 22 or 23, in the company of a boyfriend or husband, decked out in this blue tanktop with a spectacular white denim miniskirt that showed off her long, smooth legs. This girl was one tall drink of water already, probably in the 5’10” range, but propped up even higher by the pair of elevated flip-flops she was wearing. More amazing than anything else about this girl was her perfect figure. If I’ve ever seen a female form as flawless as this girl’s, I can’t remember it. That first glance I got of her immediately brought to mind the Days of Our Lives tagline “like sands from an hourglass…..” because she was so tremendously shapely. But I didn’t even get to fully admire this figure for more than a couple of seconds before I observed her extracting a pack of Parliaments from her purse, becoming Sighting #5 and already making this Tuesday night run worthwhile for me. I scurried across the street as both she and the boyfriend lit themselves up. Impressively, they seemed like a perfectly normal and dramaless couple as they progressed down the concourse with cigarettes between their fingers, but I gotta figure the guy (not quite as tall as his leggy blonde companion) was feeling pretty impressed with himself, walking through the Iowa State Fair with this stunning nicotine-addicted girl, who donned a pair of sunglasses that managed to add even more to her badass look. As I followed, it was hard to see her drags directly, but her inhales were intense and lengthy and her exhales sufficiently cloudy. It seemed as though every male head was turning to look at this blonde bombshell, some undoubtedly repelled by the trail of stink she was leaving in her path. Unfortunately, the show would end sooner than I had hoped as the couple progressed towards the Varied Industries building, stopped at the ashtray in front of the building, took a final drag and snuffed the Parliaments out in it before walking inside.
I would see this couple twice more on the grounds that evening, always following them for a few minutes in the hope that more cigarettes would be smoked. They never were unfortunately, but I continued to notice virtually every male head turned in the presence of her amazing figure. With the sunglasses off, I got to see her face in full. I’d rate her as a 9 rather than a perfect 10, but the figure was without a doubt a perfect 10. I expect for months to come I will close my eyes at night and see that perfect hourglass of hers concealed in the blue tanktop and white denim miniskirt, and always with that freshly lit Parliament protruding from her fingers.
As I journeyed near the bathroom area outside of the horticulture building about 20 minutes after hourglass girl, I saw from a distance a pair of 17-18ish hotties (one blonde and one brunette) and a guy taking a seat on the cement perimeter along the hill and had a really good feeling about them. I ventured their direction and, sure enough, the brunette had an unlit Camel dangling from her lips which she soon sparked up (Sighting #9). I ascended the nearby steps to get a better look and watched the brunette take a drag and then hand it off to the blonde (Sighting #10). Unfortunately, I was spotted standing there and had to move. Of course I still, wanted to see more of this spectacular show. What to do?
I ended up going inside the horticulture building and standing in the entryway where I THOUGHT I was out of sight. I found the two girls, both very pretty but especially the brunette who had a knockout body, but their eyes seemed to have found me even here, so much so that I noticed the guy who was sitting on the girls’ right got up and seated himself on their left right in my line of vision. Are you kidding me?!??! I thought as I was forced to turn around and find yet another vantage point. Still, how adorable is it that the nonsmoking guy has to serve as the bodyguard for these two female teen smoker cuties? By this point, I was back outside and halfway up the hill across the street, practically a football field distance away but still able to admire their hot bodies and see the cigarette handed back and forth between the girls. The cigarette would rise to their nicotine-stained lips and then I’d see impressive chemical clouds exhaled from those lips. I wished like mad that I could be sitting right there with them watching this up-close. The brunette soon snuffed out the cigarette on the cement but the cluster hung around. I was hoping more tobacco would be consumed, but it wasn’t. Still, I’m glad I stuck around which I’ll get to a minute…..
Only about 10 minutes later, I would see these girls meeting up with other female friends and got to admire the beauty and the spectacular body of the brunette in particular, who was wearing a sexy yellow tanktop and a pair of multicolor shorts. I got a charge thinking about how much she must have stunk to those other friends after just smoking her cigarette.
Now I just eluded to how I was glad I stuck around at my awkward distance even after the Sightings #9 and 10 girls finished smoking. Being positioned in the middle of that hill put me in the line of fire of my best sighting of the night. My eyes were focused like a laser on those girls, hoping they’d fire up another cigarette while sitting there, but a cloud of toxic carcinogens in my line of vision broke my focus. My heart skipped a beat when I saw Sighting #12, the source of said toxic carcinogens. Walking up the hill was this beautiful and sassy-looking 16-17ish ponytailed brunette wearing a tanktop and a pair of incredibly tight blue jeans that covered her awesomely chiseled ass perfectly. It didn’t even seem intentional, but this girl had an undeniably cocky swagger as she wiggled that backside of hers while slowly walking up the hill, dragging from her cigarette and deftly releasing her exhales to spill casually in her path as if she couldn’t have cared less where the smoke drifted. A carcinogenic cloud hovered around her incessantly and it was a spectacle to behold. And her too-cool-for-school image was enhanced further by the sunglasses she was wearing. Again, it didn’t even seem like she was trying to look cocky….it was as though this was just the natural way she carried herself….and it was incredibly sexy….
But things got even better. In her company was a middle-aged man I assumed was her father and a slightly younger male teenager that I assume was a younger brother. And NEITHER ONE was smoking. As girly strutted her amazing body slowly up the hill, fumes and stench percolating from her feminine figure the entire time, the two guys stood there up the hill about 10 yards looking back at her as if saying “are you coming???? Move it!!” But my girl continued to casually and slowly strut her way up the hill looking more badass than any young girl I’ve seen in recent memory, apparently enjoying her cigarette too much to be too concerned that she was holding up the show for dad and little brother. Alas, the only downside of the sighting came at the end when she walked over to the nearest garbage can and snuffed out her cigarette butt before tossing it inside. I was hoping this girl would fling her cigarette butt in the air and let it fall wherever it happened to land, so her sudden burst of do-gooderism seemed a little out of character. I nonetheless enjoyed one final look at this uber-confident teenage brunette hottie in sunglasses strutting her hot body up the hill to finally catch up with the rest of the family and enjoy the rest of the fair. Amazing stuff.
While I got these two best sightings of the night early, there was plenty more hot stuff in the hours to come. Sighting #16 would be the next to impress. This 30-ish blonde who was still very attractive brandished a cigarette in the company of her husband and another male companion. Looking to the bar that was the group’s destination, she looked to the nonsmoking male duo and asked “can you smoke in there?” One of the men mistakenly said “yep, you’re good” and she proceeded inside, cigarette in hand. She must have seen a no smoking inside as she exited the bar about 15 seconds later saying “guess you can’t” and then kept walking. If they’re not gonna let this hottie smoke in the bar, she’s not gonna go! Too bad every smoker doesn’t react the same way.
Sighting #17, only moments later, also left me with a good vibe. A cluster of three guys and one blonde girl, all about 18, was walking through the grounds en route to the midway. One of the guys and the blonde were smoking. The guys all looked either dorky or alternative, but the blonde had a very girl-next-door look to her. She was average on the beauty spectrum, but cute…and all the more cute with that cigarette in tow and she talked extensively with the nonsmoking guy she was engaged in conversation with. I followed them to the midway where she continued smoking her cigarette and they stopped to watch the rides.
At this point, I headed back to the bathroom area where I had recently encountered those two teen smoker cuties, and when I got there, found two 20-something guys seated at almost the exact same spot the girls were, both smoking. I sat nearby for a moment, remembering that where there are 20-something guys who smoke there are 20-something girls who smoke. From out of the bathroom emerges this cute mid-20s short-haired blonde, likely one of the lucky guy’s girlfriend, who smiled warmly as she sat next to the guy. It didn’t take long for her to fish out her pack of Marlboro Lights from her purse and officially become Sighting #18. She lit one up and proceeded to dangle for at least a minute while texting a message. The dangle never seemed to end, and got even better when the boyfriend as her a question and she proceeded to answer him, talking in the midst of the dangle. I don’t get too many chances to see talking dangles, so I was elated at the sight.
Not long after that was one of the periods where I saw the hourglass girl (Sighting #5) walking the grounds with her boyfriend again, and ended up following them up the east side hill in hopes of an encore performance. While I didn’t get one, I did manage to walk past this adorable 21ish blonde in the company of older women. The blonde was the only smoker, becoming Sighting #22 of the day. She was very pretty and had a beaming smile on her face as she began answering a question one of the olde women asked her. She had a beautifully feminine voice with nary a trace of smoker’s husk. Of course, I’m sure she’s eventually gonna get the husky voice and still manage to be incredibly sexy then.
I went through a mediocre stretch in the hour or so before dark, scoring plenty of sightings but nothing particularly impressive. Sighting #31 broke that streak as I saw this adorable 22-ish blonde in a tanktop and jean shorts smoking an all-white while chatting on her cell phone at the edge of the street. I noticed a cluster of guys walking in front of me who were looking her over intensely while walking past. Couldn’t help but wonder if they were thinking “damn what a hot smoker!” or “ewww, she smokes!” There was no such internal debate regarding my perception of her smoking.
Sighting #34 would be my next blockbuster. Walking down the concourse near a long stretch of food vendors, I saw this cute-as-hell 17ish girl-next-door long-haired dirty blonde clasping a cigarette in her hand as if trying to hide it. Very hard to describe her look other than “girl next door”. She had an adorable face with a beaming smile, was just a tad chubby, but chubby in the way that looks really hot on a girl on her age, particularly decked out in jean shorts as she was. In her company was another girl (possibly a sister) who wasn’t smoking and wasn’t as attractive. But in front of both of them was…dad…and he was smoking. Mom showed up out of nowhere and she was smoking too. Gotta love seeing those families of smokers in the year 2009.
Apparently, the teen girl’s hiding motion when her cigarette was freshly lit was temporary, because as dad and the sister stood in line for their junk food, girly was pacing in front of the stand and proudly showing off her cigarette, taking copious drags and exhaling into the post-sunset sky like a seasoned pro (I’m pretty confident she was). Once the sister ordered food, she offered some to the smoker cutie, but she declined. She had a cigarette for goodness sakes….who needs fair food!?!?! No bench was available nearby so the two girls sat in between the benches while the parents stood. I watched her polish off her cigarette and marked the exact spot where she crushed it out so I could get a look at her brand when she left. To be continued….
After a solid smoking mommy sighting, my most frustrating sighting of the night came next in the form of my would-be blockbuster Sighting #36. Walking down the concourse, I spot a trio of attractive 16ish girls walking the opposite direction, and from out of the purse of this curly-haired blonde (the most scantily clad of the three in a tanktop and shorts) comes a pack of Marlboro Reds. Needless to say, I reversed course and followed. But the three girls just kept walking…and walking…and walking, while blondie held that cigarette in fingers unlit for several minutes. What happened next was equal parts sexy and infuriating. The blonde goes up to a food vendor and stands in line to order a corn dog. As she’s fidgeting around for her money to pay for the food, she proceeds to dangle the unlit cigarette from her underage lips in plain view of the vendor and all the other customers in line. This was pretty hot, particularly as I admired how attractive she was while she dangled. What wasn’t so hot was the fact that the girl purchased her corn dog (the other two didn’t buy anything) and then walked away eating it. I have no idea what happened to the cigarette and didn’t want to have to follow her for 15 minutes while she finished her corn dog to see if she’d FINALLY spark up that impatient Marlboro. Like I said, frustrating!
When that sighting fell apart, I was in close proximity to where that underage blonde was smoking with her family, and noticed they were gone now. Having marked exactly where she had sat, I closed in and discovered her cigarette butt in the grass. It was one of those girlish Camel Pinks (hats off to RJR for such a brilliant marketing gimmick to win over teen girls). Definitely a cute cigarette for a girl.
From here I proceeded to the midway. During the day, the midway tends to be young mothers with little kids, but after dark is when the naughty kids show up, many of them with addictions to nicotine. Such was the case last night as I stumbled upon a cluster of 19-20ish guys and girls. The two girls in the cluster were both bombshell brunettes decked out in black tops and uber-sexy white shorts and both had an air of glamour to them. Neither of the girls was smoking at the time, but one of the guys was so I figured I’d stick around a couple minutes just to see what was shaking. The flashier of the two brunettes (also wearing the sexiest pair of white shorts of the two) was fidgeting around in her purse and I became hopeful…and sure enough, out came her pack of Marlboro 27s, finally turning this hottie in Sighting #40. The sighting then took motion as the cluster began to walk away, but the brunette who just sparked up got a distraction that held her back a couple of moments. The carnie operating the nearest stand beckoned her over, requesting her lighter to fire up his own cigarette. She obliged and I got to admire her smile as the carnie handed her back the lighter. She reminded me of a brunette version of my redheaded chain-smoking ex-girlfriend Elise.
From there, the group proceeded and it was tough to keep a comfortable distance and avoid being spotted while still getting to observe her sexy smoking and that white short-draped backside of hers. Walking past a food vendor that had some stale samples of the product on display outside the stand, the smoker hottie did a fake motion of crushing out her cigarette into the food. Not sure what the point of this was, but it was oddly arousing. I followed this cluster until my girl finished her cigarette and dropped it to the pavement.
And once again my timing was perfect to stumble into an encore sighting at the edge of the midway on my way out. There she was again….the 17ish blonde (Sighting #34) who no more than 20 minutes earlier was smoking with her family. This time the sister who wasn’t smoking before was with her…and she was smoking this time. The sister, as I said, didn’t particularly impress me, but the long-haired dirty blonde was just such a cutie. I stood next to the nearby bathroom as if waiting somebody and watched them both smoke away. She eventually stomped the cigarette out under her flip-flop and the two walked into the midway. I went over and found the sister was smoking a cork filter, but my cute little addicted girl was smoking another of her Camel Pinks. I saw these girls, in the company of two other girls, heading back into the midway about an hour later, but not smoking this time. Still, two Camel Pinks in a half hour, and one in front of mom and dad. Pretty impressive.
Remember my first sighting report of the evening with that blonde carnival stand worker with the cap journeying down the grounds smoking? Well, Sighting #45 was another 18-ish blonde carnival stand worker wearing a cap that advertised the stand where she worked…this one on a cigarette break just outside the stand. I only got to see the last couple of drags, but after the final drag, she crushed the cigarette out a split second before stepping back into the stand, and releasing her final exhale into the stand. There was another girl working in there, and it’s a hot fantasy to imagine the other girl as a nonsmoker choking on blondie’s carcinogenic welcome back greeting.
Only seconds after that, I’d get the opening teaser of Sighting #46, which would become a blockbuster. It began with an attractive 18-19ish brunette in a sexy green minidress walking across the grounds with a pack of Marlboro Reds in her hand. Close behind was an even more adorable blonde in a tanktop and jean shorts. I followed them to a bench where they sat with friends, but in the course of the five minutes or so that they sat there, they never lit up and ultimately walked away. As I alluded to earlier, to be continued….
Sighting #48 would be the next two-parter that fascinated. In front of one of the several beer gardens on the grounds stood two very beautiful 21ish babes, one a brunette who wasn’t smoking and one a blonde who had a freshly lit all-white in her hand. The blonde smoker wore a tight-fitting white T-shirt and equally tight pair of light blue jeans held up by a shiny glamorous belt, with an inch or so of her well-toned abdomen showing above the belt. I kept walking, impressed with what I saw but not in a position to watch more. From there, I took an unproductive loop and headed back in the same direction to find my favorite blonde, now sans the cigarette, posing cheek-to-cheek for a photo with a middle-aged guy, with the brunette taking the snapshot. Pretty clear to me it was a father-daughter photo. I had a delightful little fantasy as I watched how long the brunette drug out the snapshot-taking, imagining the dad thinking “hurry up…you have no idea how much my daughter stinks after the cigarette she just smoked”.
Sighting #52 ended up being similar in tone to Sighting #36, but thankfully with a better ending. Three 16-17ish girls with varied looks running the spectrum from slightly badass to girl-next-door cutie were in line for gyros. One girl, a curly-haired brunette of slightly above average beauty, stood back smoking her cigarette while the other two ordered. The three of them then began walking the concourse and the smoker got a few more drags in on her cigarette before tossing the cigarette to a garbage can but missing. She then took the gyro from one of the other girls and began eating. Cigarette first….then food..was apparently her perspective on life. I closed in on the garbage can and discovered the still-smoldering butt lying near it….a full-flavor Marlboro red. Nicely done, girl.
From there, I would pick up on a sighting from earlier….the 18-19ish brunette in the green minidress. She was now sitting with her blonde friend and two guys at an outdoor table attached to a restaurant/bar at the edge of the midway. The brunette was extracting a Marlboro red from its pack and fired up, while her even prettier and apparently nonsmoking friend said with fear in her voice “You’re not supposed to smoke here!!!” but the brunette fired back, shouting with a nonhostile “I DON’T CARE! I WANT ONE AND I’M GONNA HAVE ONE!” I was so proud of her and stuck around to watch a couple of drags. Unfortunately, it was a horrible location for observing so I had to move on. But I would return to this spot about a half hour later to see my brunette cutie smoking another cigarette.
It was just getting ridiculous at this point as the hits just kept coming. Only a few yards from the table where I saw this green minidress brunette, there’s a cigarette stand selling cigs at hyperinflated prices. Standing just off to the side near the cigarette stand was an adorable 17-18ish brunette who looked like an angel. Her sweet face was accentuated by her dark brown hair hanging down to her shoulders, a flashy red tanktop that sparkled, and a dark blue denim miniskirt. Near her was a boyfriend who himself didn’t himself look 18 but apparently was since he was buying the cigarettes. The vendor handed the guy a pack of Camels and my suspicion was correct as he then turned to the girl and they walked away together. The guy began “packing” the fresh pack of smokes and, looking at how fidgety his adorable girlfriend was walking next to him, I just knew he was about to share the bounty of his recent tobacco purchase with her. The pack opened up and, as expected he got out two cigarettes, one for himself and one for her before handing her the pack to put in her purse. She officially became Sighting #57, my latest blockbuster of what had turned out to be an amazing night…
I followed closely and was basking at the sight of the most wholesome-looking angel, either underage or barely legal, strutting around the Iowa State Fairgrounds with a freshly lit cigarette in her hand. And I could clearly tell by her drags and exhales that she was well practiced in the art of tobacco consumption. Unfortunately, she stopped at a nearby garbage can where she appeared to have seen me. She removed the previous cigarette pack from her purse, now empty, and tossed it, then proceeded to continue walking with the boyfriend. I hung back a bit but continued to follow as she dug out her cell phone to make a call while she continued to walk and smoke. At one point, however, she turned around again and had to have taken note of me. She and the boyfriend began to ascend the east side hill but then abruptly sat down on the cement forcing me to take a side detour and observe from a terrible angle far away where I didn’t see any smoking, especially now that it was dark. I had just assumed this sighting had run its course, but time would prove me wrong….
Next I would make another quick loop through the midway, discovering Sightings #58 and 59, two 16ish blondes, one very cute and one modestly cute, in a cluster of naughty-looking kids, passing the cigarette back and forth. The cluster was big and intimidating with some older teen guys in the mix, preventing me from watching the sighting play out in its entirety, which was unfortunate given how adorable the one blonde was.
Advancing through the midway from there, I managed to find Sighting #60, ANOTHER wholesome looking 17-18-year-old brunette wielding a cigarette in the company of an unattractive smoking girl and a guy who wasn’t smoking when I arrived on the scene. I had a pretty good vantage point to watch and was very impressed. This was my most wholesome-looking girl of the night, and second only to the Saturday girl wearing braces for the entire Iowa State Fair, with an angellic face that looked incredibly out of place releasing triple jets of cloudy cigarette smoke into the midway. It was very clear she was a well-practiced long-time smoker, yet there she stood, a brunette teenage cutie whose dark was tied in a ponytail by, get this, a white ribbon. She had the hairdo of a 9-year-old girl but the black lungs of a long-time smoker. Heckuva contrast. She would ultimately crush out her all-white beneath her feet…just in time for the guy in their company to decide he wanted a cigarette. I was hoping girly would get a hankering for a second smoke but she instead got engaged in a text messaging jag. I kept waiting for them to leave so I could check out her cigarette butt and they finally did. The other two in the cluster were smoking cork filters, so it was easy to identify hers in the crowd. It was a Pall Mall light, a brand whose market share is surging in these parts because they sell for as much as a dollar per pack less than other brands. That’s the good thing about seeing a young girl smoking Pall Malls. It means she’s cost-conscious because she has to be….because she’s too addicted to cigarettes to give it up or cut back despite the soaring prices.
Leaving the midway after 11 p.m., I decided to take one more loop around the main part of the concourse and then head to the south part of the grounds before leaving for the night. Outside of the grandstand area was a trio of a middle-aged guy, a young guy, and a knockout 21ish long-haired brunette which a beautiful devil-may-care smirk on her face. Only of the three was smoking. Guess which one? My Sighting #62 girl was gorgeous, with a freshly-lit all white (looked like a 100) extending from her fingers, and a body second in quality only to the hourglass blonde from earlier in the night. She was wearing a skimpy brown tanktop that stopped halfway down her stunningly shaped abdomen, showing off a tramp-stamp tattoon her lower back just above the belt line of a pair of tight, dark blue jeans. Normally I’m not into tattoos, but I gotta say she pulled it off. But then again, she could have had a giant poop stain above that belt line and I would have found it sexy on her! The dynamic of this bubbly and attractive brunette smoking her cigarette in front of these nonsmoking guys was awesome to witness.
From there, it was off to the south side for the final stretch. The grounds were pretty sparse by this point in the night so when I came across hotties smoking, it was much tougher to watch them undetected. This was the case with a cluster of four blonde glam girls, all in the 21-23 age range, seated on a bench. Two of them were smoking and became Sightings #63 and 64, my last two originals of the night. Unfortunately, they spotted me looking their way as I walked past and there was absolutely no way I could watch the show.
But that turned out to be inconsequential as I continued and stumbled into one of my early blockbusters putting on a mind-blowing second act. Sitting on a bench with a pack of Camels in her lap was my Sighting #57 girl, the angellic-looking brunette with the sparkling red top and miniskirt. She and the boyfriend were both sitting there smoking another round of Camels, and this time girly was washing down her cigarette with, get this, a glass of milk! Only at the State Fair!!!
At long last, that does it. I journeyed back to my shuttle bus with a very impressive sightings bounty at this year’s Iowa State Fair. In 2008, between my all-day Saturday and Wednesday evening fair outings, I scored a combined 152 sightings. In 2009, I upped the ante to 171 sightings. It’s truly amazing that in this era of an unprecedented antismoking culture I keep pulling off these blistering sightings bounties year after year. I just hope the borrowed time I keep living on hangs on for years and years to come.