When I was composing this blog, I decided the focus would be almost exclusively on sightings I’ve scored over the course of the past quarter century. Even though I have a decent number of personal adventures with girls I’ve gone out with who were smokers that would be fun to share, I didn’t want to kiss and tell or to betray any unspoken confidences from our time together. But there’s one girl on my rolodex who doesn’t fit any category. She and I were never lovers and my experiences with her wouldn’t really qualify as a “sighting” in a tangible sense. Still, she rates right up there among the top two or three girls responsible for the intensity of my fetish, and I figured fellow fetishers would really enjoy hearing her story.
It was the summer of 2000. I had just graduated college and had moved back to my parents’ country place for awhile to conduct a full-time job search, quickly discovering that the gap between my expectations and what was available to an English major with no special skills was quite wide, even amidst the dot-com bubble that theoretically was producing great jobs for every recent college grad complete with a new Ferrari as a signing bonus. I was reasonably aggressive in my job search, but with little money and few things to do living on a gravel road in a county with 30,000 people, I took to online message boards by midsummer to kill some time and expand my social horizons. Needless to say, I was particularly seeking out young babes and frequented Yahoo’s long-ago defunct board for 18-19-year-olds.
Up until that point in life, I was quite shy and had very little game with the ladies, but it didn’t take long to realize that the chatroom and instant message was the venue I’d been looking for in establishing successful communication with girls. I spent a few hours every day back in August 2000 connecting and reconnecting with a dozen or so girls who captured my fancy and who felt the same about me, and most of them were smokers. But there was one girl amongst this crowd who stood out the most who sought out my companionship with a private message one sultry August night back in 2000.
I was already engrossed in some online activity, probably chatting with another of my bevy of babes, when a message from Yahoo! user “dolphin_lover_143” popped up onto my monitor. In our initial exchanges, she identified herself as Alissa from Indiana….and only 14 years old. While I always had a fondness for those young teens, it was in my best interest and in theirs to keep a distance so that nothing inappropriate ever happened, but I never figured there was any harm in talking to her. From the get-go, she seemed bubbly and engaging, and since I didn’t feel I had to hold anything back seeing no path to romance given the age difference, I just threw out the question that was always front and center on my mind whenever I started chatting with these online girls, and that question was of course, “Do you smoke?” I didn’t expect much from 14-year-old Alissa, so imagine my surprise when her answer was “Yes”.
The response was the opening salvo of an interrogation that lasted well over an hour, in which I learned that Alissa smoked a PACK AND A HALF A DAY, had been smoking since she was 12, and engaged in her habit with full parental permission from her mom. It’s pretty amazing that I didn’t scare her away with my aggressive questioning, but she just kept answering in good faith as my questions continued one after another, clearly getting off on the attention from this older guy. The thought was loosely in the back of my mind that I was being scammed by someone who was not a 14-year-old girl and not a pack-and-a-half-a-day smoker, but at that point in time none of the other girls I was talking to online was in Alissa’s league, even though I knew I had to keep my composure and respect the law in my communications with her.
Still, the weeks ahead brought an escalation of my online communications (and flirtations) with Miss Alissa. She didn’t have any photos attached to her Yahoo! profile as most girls didn’t back in 2000, but her descriptions made her sound like the vision of middle-school gorgeous and I had no reason not to believe the hype. Despite her being an avatar of my perfect fantasy of a chain-smoking middle school beauty queen, everything pointed to her being real. And Alissa didn’t fit the stereotype of a 14-year-old smoker at all. She wasn’t a rebellious skater girl with a face full of piercings and a juvy record. She was a member of her school’s swim team with Olympic ambitions and an honor roll student with a collection of stuffed dolphins decorating her bedroom. What a crazy twist of fate that THIS GIRL and I were on the same Yahoo! chatroom on the same Wednesday night.
And I couldn’t help myself from pushing the envelope, raising the bar of my flirtatious exchanges with Alissa as the nights went on, fully aware she was off-limits in a major way. But the way she indulged my smoking fetish (and my very obvious overall attraction for her), it was clear she couldn’t control herself either. Our first breaking-out-point came one Saturday night when her friend Jessie, also a smoker, came over to visit. The girls were clearly wired and, while conversing with me, Alissa invited me to a private room and turned on her mic. The two of them sang to Eminem, confirming to me that she was indeed very real, and even went so far as to flick their lighters and ignite their cigarettes right up by the mic for my benefit.
By mid-August, Alissa began ninth grade and our evening chats continued, with her stories of fierce nicotine cravings and escalating inappropriateness that never reached a sexual level, but would certainly have been frowned upon by any third-party overseeing our dialogue. A vague and blurry photo was sent my way at some point in September, but she assured me that she was getting some “glamour shots” taken that she would share with me at the first opportunity. While that may sound like the suspicious work of an online prankster, the photos came a few weeks later and they were real. The girl was a knockout (who actually looked like a 14-year-old girl…not some sexy-beyond-her-years lolita) with a girl-next-door temperament who happened to have a ferocious smoking habit unlike anything imaginable for a 14-year-old girl in the modern era.
Our chats continued on into the fall, but the big breakthrough came on November 7, 2000, the day of the historic Gore vs. Bush Presidential election. As big of a political junkie as I am, it’s hard to imagine that that election was only the second most exciting thing that happened to me that day. During the late afternoon hours, Alissa was home from school and in a particularly frisky mood. One thing led to another as we chatted before I asked her half-jokingly to turn on the webcam she just got installed and let me see how cute she looks smoking. And she did. She didn’t volunteer anything sexually explicit and I didn’t ask….because nothing she could have done in a traditionally sexual sense could possibly have excited me more than her smoking.
I had a vision of what Alissa would look like smoking, but her performance surpassed all of my fantasies. Forget about the rookie stylings of a beginning smoker you’d expect out of a 14-year-old, Alissa smoked like a temptress from a professional smoking video and she not only took requests from the guy on the other side of the monitor, but she did some stunts I didn’t even think of or know about as somebody pretty new to the smoking fetish at that point. She had mentioned being able to do French inhales during that initial interrogation I mentioned on the night she and I met, but I didn’t know exactly what that was until she showed me. The volume of smoke that poured out of this girl’s mouth and nose was generating a bodily response in me that makes me feel just a tad guilty about even thinking about it now more than 12 years later.
But what Alissa did that got me the most was the dangling. I don’t recall ever seeing a cigarette more naturally perched in a girl’s mouth than Alissa’s as she typed back and forth to me, her face lighting up with a “dangling smile” every time I wrote back with something clever. Her lips clenched that all-white filter as she pulled the smoke in with a dangling drag and then gradually let loose with the smoke pouring out of her facial orifices moments later. She even did very natural and gorgeous talking exhales when I requested them. Here it was, 15 minutes before coverage of the most exciting election night of all-time was about to begin, but Gore and Bush were the last thing on my mind as I was sitting in awe with a crotch as stiff as the stick shift on a monster truck watching a beautiful 14-year-old girl put on the sexiest smoking performance I had ever seen up to that point in my life.
As the months proceeded, I got two more smoky webcam shows from Alissa, although none quite measured up to the intensity of that first one. We never really drifted apart in the way that these long-distance internet connections usually do, but we both knew the road we were going down was one that just wouldn’t work and we cooled it a bit. And as she turned 15 in late November, Alissa started falling for a boy in her class named “Robbie”. I was quietly relieved at this development in hopes that it would kill my felonious temptations. The upside of Alissa hitting it off with the nonsmoking Robbie is that she graced me with more unforgettable fetish material, the best of which being that even though Robbie “didn’t want to be anywhere near her when she smoked”, Robbie’s mom loved her and even though nobody in their house smoked, she supplied Alissa with an ashtray whenever she came over. Again, this may sound like smoking fetish erotica that she made up to get me going, but I got absolutely no sense that she was making this stuff up and I tended to pry it out of her with my questioning.
The stretch from August 2000 to April 2001 was my peak period with Alissa, but she and I continued to chat pretty regularly until the fall of 2003 when she discontinued her Yahoo! account and we lost contact. Despite the early smoking habit, Alissa kept her act clean otherwise and never delved into alcohol or drugs beyond experimentation. She made several attempts to quit smoking but nothing stuck for any longer than 48 hours. I was bummed that she went away, but I never forgot her, and when Myspace was all the rage a few years later, I kept typing her name in their search engine to see if I’d get a bite. In June 2008, I did….and we reunited a few days after she broke up with a serious boyfriend. The magic was back for the entire summer of 2008, and 22-year-old Alissa was still a knockout (although a little chubbier than I’d prefer at this point) and was no longer jailbait. I even got a couple more smoky webcam shows from her that summer. Theoretically, this was my opening, but as always there’s a catch, and if you think the Alissa story seems too good to be true, you’re at least partially right…..
Alissa’s mom has a serious depression issue to the point of her needing a full-time caregiver as of the mid-2000s……and since Alissa is an only child, babysitting mom is her responsibility. And the unique form of depression is genetic, and Alissa has already showed signs of carrying the defective gene. She said her own trajectory with depression issues have followed her mom’s timeline almost perfectly….and that it’s not a matter of if she is in the full throes of her mom’s condition but when. And apparently Alissa’s first major episode with the condition came when she was only 12, and was institutionalized in a nearly catatonic state for a few weeks in the summer of 1998. It was shortly after that when Alissa took up smoking, and although she hid it from mom for about a year, mom didn’t put up too much of a fight with Alissa when she found out, accepting that smoking would be a coping mechanism for Alissa’s depression issues.
So the die was cast for this situation and laid out for me in no uncertain terms. Alissa would not ever be leaving the small Indiana city where she lives because of her mom and any guy who gets involved with her is likely to have to make the same sacrifice she is making for her mom. Just like when I was 22 and she was 14, Alissa and I were only gonna be able to be friends.
And friends we have been, still keeping in pretty regular contact and talking on the phone once in a while. She’s put on too much weight in recent years for me to still be physically attracted, but she still has that beautiful face, only now with the seasoned weathering of a long-time heavy smoker. And while she has cut back from her two-pack-a-day heyday from when she was 16-18, Alissa still smokes. Her husky voice and recurring smoker’s cough make that abundantly clear every time we talk on the phone. But she had an ominous sign last year, reporting she already has some spots on her lungs at age 27, which is sadly not surprising for a girl who smoked so heavily at such a young age. I care about her, so I hope she is able to quit before she destroys her body. On the other hand, she probably doesn’t see much downside if her future is being a ward of the state like her mom is at 58 years old.
I have long wanted to share the Alissa story on this blog but figured some may bristle at the borderline inappropriateness of my past relationship with her and also didn’t want to encroach upon her privacy. But I couldn’t rein it in any longer as a real-life smoking fetish saga of this magnitude just had to be shared. Anybody have anything similar they’re willing to share?