Top 10 Random and Summerfest Sightings of 2012


In recent years, the combination of my random sightings haul and the sightings I score at Summerfest in my adopted hometown produce about 10 blog-worthy sightings each year.  Such was the case once again in 2012, as I managed a decent haul of random sightings with satisfying storylines, even though some of them only lasted a few brief moments.  However, 2012 was a below-average year for Summerfest, producing few genuinely explosive moments although still managing three solid sightings that are included in this list.  Here goes…..

#10. It was Sunday, the final night of Summerfest 2012 and my last chance to get a truly memorable sighting at this year’s festivities.  Unfortunately, the Sunday fireworks night that came through with epic sightings events in 2009 and 2011 didn’t deliver anything electric this year, but about a half hour before the fireworks began, I got my best sighting of the evening….

After an unproductive hour or so on the grounds, I was lingering near the back entrance of the fenced-in beer gardens area and finally hit a modest jackpot at the rear entrance of the beer gardens when beyond the gate there were two groups of 20-something gals out smoking.  Upon closer inspection none of them were particularly wowing, but my attention was quickly sidetracked when I took a passing note of a teenage couple exiting the beer gardens, and once they were outside of the beer gardens I could see out of the corner of my eye that both the guy and the girl were wielding freshly lit cigarettes.  Time to follow….

Outside this rear beer gardens entrance is a pond encircled by a grid of sidewalks, and my smoky glamor couple was progressing westward on one of the sidewalks.  I was only seeing them from behind thus far, but absolutely loved what I was seeing.  The girl’s rear profile couldn’t have been more wholesome, wearing a gray tanktop with her light brown hair flowing past her shoulders and about halfway down the top….and a pair of tight, skimpy medium blue jean shorts on the bottom with that backside of hers working the fabric of those shorts and she walked ahead.  It was a rear profile of a teen smoker that a fetisher dies to see. Adding further yummy context to the proceedings, the girl had more than just her cigarette hand occupied.  In her other hand she was holding this pink stuffed
animal that she apparently had won in the midway.  Absolutely adorable seeing a teenage girl with a carnival prize in one hand and a smoldering cigarette in the other.

Unfortunately, the logistics of this sighting were less cooperative than I’d have preferred.  I never saw a single frontal drag as I was merely in a position to follow, but the girl did cooperate briefly by turning to the boyfriend to speak a couple of times and allowing me to see her face.  She was a solid 8.5, perhaps a little less wholesome in the face than her rear profile suggested but still all kinds of wholesome.  And probably 17 or 18 years old.  Had I gotten a really good look at this girl while smoking she would have easily been Summerfest’s 2012 girl of the year, but the best I could do was see a few rather uninspired expulsions of smoke and wasn’t really in a position to walk through the exhales either…..

And unfortunately, this sighting became more difficult with each progressive footstep.  Keep in mind that the grass on both sides of this sidewalk encircling the pond was packed with people awaiting the fireworks, so it’s not as if these two and I were the only people around here, and as we proceeded I was losing just about any semblance of light.  It was 9:40 by now and completely dark, and as we gravitated further from the Summerfest grounds, it got darker and darker.  Now it was cool seeing that glowing cherry on the cigarette between cutie’s fingers as it got darker, but I would have gladly forfeited the sight of the glowing cherry for a lit, closeup view of her.  They drifted away from the pond towards the parking lot, clearly en route to their car, where there were still a few people sitting around, preparing to watch the fireworks from their vehicles.  The girl dropped the spent cigarette to the ground and apparently kicked it as I watched the cherry hit the ground and then go briefly airborne.  So much for an easy butt identification.  It was pitch black and I was seeing absolutely nothing on the ground.  I was standing there looking down, briefly using my phone for a light but still seeing nothing.  There wasn’t anybody directly watching me but I still couldn’t justify my presence just standing here looking at the ground, so I had to retreat, once again without a butt after that all that effort.  Again, a sighting that could have been much more had an unhappy ending, but still had enough impressive imagery to make my top-10 for the year.

#9.  Early last February, on one of my first mall safaris of 2012, my best sighting came on the drive to the mall and turned out to be about as epic as you can get for a traffic sighting.  About two miles south of town, en route to central Iowa’s most upscale mall (it’s a good 20-mile drive from where I live), this black car sped past me.  Behind the wheel was a decent blond but in the passenger seat was a long-haired blond who appeared to be 19 or 20 years old sporting badass sunglasses and a perfect 10 beauty.  Interestingly, their car had Winnebago County plates.  Winnebago County is the county at the northern tip of Iowa immediately south of my home county in Minnesota.  There was no smoking in that initial passing lane drive-by but I did my best to keep up with them in traffic and steal as many glances as I could.  At one point I thought it was a mother and daughter but upon later inspection, the driver was probably late 20s and definitely not old enough to be the passenger’s mother.  They got into the right turn lane behind me as I got onto the interstate and I was pleased they were following me in that direction.  I got a smoker vibe right away, but obviously knew the odds were long that a scenario would unfold where I’d get to see either of them smoking.

About five minutes later though, those long odds played out to my favor.  I looked into my rearview mirror as I sped down the freeway to see a black car with Winnebago County plates behind me.  Imagine my shock when I saw an unlit all-white get inserted into the insanely hot passenger’s mouth.  Their car was getting ready to pass me again and I slowed down a bit to get a good look.  The car sped by in about 15 seconds, and that adorable passenger still had an all-white with a blue ring around the filter (Marlboro Skyline perhaps??) dangling from her mouth unlit.  I was giddy as a schoolgirl, but wanted to see more.  The next five minutes was an exercise in gritted-teeth rage as I tried to navigate my way through a clusterfuck of traffic to get back to a position where I’d be parallel to them, held back by a couple of semis that proved very challenging to maneuver around.  Amazingly, I got back to a point where I was in the right lane and they were in the middle lane, and I stepped on the gas to catch up.  As I approached, I was confused to see the passenger side window was not down…but the driver’s side window was halfway down.  Had my mind played tricks on me looking into that rearview mirror and I confused the driver with the passenger and it was really the driver who was smoking???

As I finally got close enough to see the passenger, my temporary fears went away again as I saw a steambath of stinky smoke rising from the passenger…and got close enough to see she was wearing a pair of black gloves, which was odd since it wasn’t that cold and she was inside the car.  The three-quarters-smoked all-white cigarette extended about an inch or so beyond her right glove with smoking rising from it.  I looked beyond her and saw no cigarette in the hands of the moderate but far less attractive driver.  The driver apparently had her window down as a release valve from the stench of her inconsiderate and ferociously stinky passenger who was too obnoxious to crack her own window.  There must have been an ashtray inside the car unless this girl was just letting her ashes fall to the floor, which I wouldn’t necessarily put past her.  Sadly, another traffic snarl ensued and they sped ahead of me before I got to see a drag.  This may be the only snap traffic sighting where I never even got to see a drag that nonetheless found its way in my year-end top-10.  Sadder yet, they got off on the freeway exit just before my mall exit so I wouldn’t get to see them again.  For the longest time I was suspecting they were taking a back street to the mall since it seemed a very likely destination for girls of their pedigree.  Either way, I knew it was a longshot that anything I’d see at the mall would live up to that appetizer, and I was right.

#8. Heading back from a weekend at the Minnesota State Fair late last August, I had just completed my 2 1/2-hour drive back to central Iowa early one evening, and after getting off the freeway to make the final stretch to my apartment in the town where I currently live, I managed a couple pretty impressive snap sightings only moments apart. The first came at the traffic light at the nexus of the two main streets that cut through the city.  I was in the far right of four lanes but somehow pulled off a perfect vantage point of the far left lane where I could see a cute ponytailed brunette college girl was behind the wheel preparing to make a left-hand turn.  I didn’t see a cigarette but her window was cracked which set off all kinds of alarm bells.  I watched for a good 20 seconds and she was “dancing from the neck up” to whatever music she was listening to on the radio or her MP3 player.  And then it happened.  The left hand that was out of view from my angle approached her lips with a cigarette in it.  My intuition was right again as she took a nice drag and then let the smoke flow from her mouth with a very cute exhale.  At some point during the interlude, she seemed to have saw me gawking at her from three lanes away.  Yet that didn’t stop her from continuing what she was doing and, God bless those long red lights in my town, she raised her cigarette to her lips again to take another drag and I could see she was watching me watch her out of the corner of her eye as she released another flowing exhale.  Total wholesome cutie by the way and even though I got a vibe from her, she was a bit of a surprise smoker given her wholesome pedigree.  The light turned green and we separated, but not without providing me my best stoplight sighting of the year.

Fast forward about 10 blocks and 90 seconds, as I was waiting at another red light and about to make a right-hand turn towards my apartment building.  At this corner is a funeral home and occasionally I’ll drive by there when there’s a huddle of people outside from either before or after the service for whoever died.  I saw a cluster of 40-something women smoking while chatting amongst each other in front of the funeral home entrance and decided I’d make a little loop through their parking lot just in case the smokers in this family weren’t limited only to middle-aged women…and as I drove through the parking lot I got my answer.  While another three or four older women (late 30s and 40s) were smoking, so was this very tall knockout of a 21ish dark blond with a long mane of curly hair running down her black blouse….and with an amazingly tight pair of medium-shade blue jeans covering her ass-kicking body.  She was wielding a cigarette as well, as perhaps one of these older women nearby doing the same may have been her mother.  Now just driving through here gawking at these women, I got out-of-place looks so I dared not do another loop and check them out again, so I got maybe two seconds to admire this sexpot before wheeling on off.  But what an image of all these women (and one in particular) who had just endured the funeral of loved one–possibly smoking related–but all had to race on out of the funeral home to have a cigarette as soon as the wake service had ended.  Suffice it to say that was my first sighting of a young hottie smoking in this funeral home parking lot in the 6 1/2 years I’ve lived in the neighborhood.  If every time trip home produced sightings like this, I’d be going out of town all the time so I could then drive back and see this sort of thing repeatedly!

#7. While none of my nights at Summerfest 2012 rivaled my best nights of previous Summerfests, Saturday evening was the best night for sightings this year and the sighting I’ll rate as my best of that Saturday came at almost exactly the spot where Friday night’s best sighting (coming ahead) took place.  I had passed this area about five minutes earlier and took note of a group of guys and girls where the girls were particularly hot.  One of the sexpots in the group was this curly haired early 20s brunette wearing a greenish top and jean shorts.  Very pretty girl.  And apparently the prettiest smokers of the night were determined to be the most lawbreaking, obnoxious smokers of the night as the next time I passed them the brunette was wielding a cigarette.  There are some female hands
holding cigarettes that just get you giddy for how perfectly sexual of an image it is to see them with it….and this girl qualified.

Despite the densely packed crowd, this location managed to provide me a modest vantage point for whatever mystifying reason.  I stood behind a family watching the singers on the stage and my eyes drifted the smoker girl’s direction frequently.  The cigarette approached her mouth for sexy four-second drags and she tilted her face straight up in the air to release her inhaled smoke into the sky.  It wasn’t so much a skyward-“tilted” exhale as a straight-up skyward exhale….and she repeated this with every exhale, allowing me to see the smoke flow from both her mouth and nose.  And she was the only smoker in this group, as the equally sexy blond in white shorts who she was talking to was not smoking, nor were the guys who were at this point off to her side.  Some guy with a professional-looking camera approached for some odd reason and started talking to her, and she didn’t appear bashful at all about the fact that she was illegally smoking a cigarette in the middle of the beer gardens.  It was dark and we were in the least lit part of the gardens, but I was able to see that her cigarette was a cork filter, so there’s at least one girl in the Upper Midwest who wasn’t smoking Marlboro Lights that weekend as just about all the rest of them were.

Anyway, after the guy with the camera left, she started wrapping her non-cigarette arm around the large guy in her group who was next to her.  Didn’t necessarily get a boyfriend vibe as he may have just been a friend she was teasing but she did so with the cigarette still in her hand.  A couple of more drags and she dropped the cigarette to the ground and crushed it out.  Unfortunately, the usual problem of the massive crowd and, in this venue, pitch black conditions rendering it impossible to discern what is and isn’t on the ground.  Not ideal logistics obviously for this sighting, but I did pretty well with what I had to work with.

#6.  June 1, 2002, was the greatest smoking fetish night of my life with Cousin Jamie’s wedding reception and dance.  I didn’t have quite as incredible of a June 1, 2012, as I did 10 years prior, but I had one hell of an after-dinner walk.  Very rarely do I head out for a walk after 6:30 or so, but that Friday night I felt compelled to head for a brief walk for inexplicable reasons at 8:00 p.m.  I went my usual route past the skate park where there was merely the usual all-male presence, and fairly limited at that, and I planned to cut the walk off and double back halfway into it….but then I looked ahead to discover a trio of youngsters, two of whom were girls that looked pretty cute.  I pressed forward.  The guy amongst them looked about 17 and appeared to be one of the skate park regulars.  The girl on the left was a cute, dark-complected girl about 13 or 14 wearing a red top and capris.  But the other girl was this adorable 16ish dark brunette, and with each step forward I could see she had the most angellic features and while I couldn’t see braces, something about her smile indicated to me that she had them.  She wore a black top and most strikingly, a pair of skin-tight capris.  I didn’t see cigarettes and nobody appeared to have any capacity to carry cigarettes on their person, so I quickly gave up that notion, but after they had passed me on the sidewalk, I still soon took the occasion to cross the street and watch them from a reasonable parallel distance behind.

And what a treat it was seeing that 16ish brunette’s awesome ass advertised so spectacularly in those skin-tight capris.  Most adorably, there was a pink phone poking out of the right asscheek that kept buzzing with texts. She had to reach down to pull it out, send a message, and then squeeze that thing into her back pocket and had to believe it was hurting her ass every time she did with as tight as the denim was wrapped around her middle.  This happened at least five times over the course of the next five minutes.  Even cuter, she once reached down to the back of her left thigh and began scratching, as apparently that tight denim was causing her some obvious discomfort.  What a cutie!  Seeing this display of sensational teen booty on such a wholesome girl seemed poised to be the high point of my observation of this group….but when they were parallel with the skate park on the sidewalk, for whatever reason, they stopped….and began fishing around
in the boyfriend’s possessions.  I still wasn’t really suspecting anything, but imagine my shock when I saw a cigarette dangling from the lips of my favorite brunette.  As it still does when I see an adorable young girl who I have been observing (and especially when I hadn’t considered her a likely smoker) suddenly is in possession of a cigarette, my heart starts racing and I briefly feel like my knees are about to buckle.

The guy in the group was talking from the sidewalk to a couple of people in the skate park, reinforcing my theory that he was one of the skate park regulars.  And the trio was still stopped in their tracks as I pressed forward and finally catching up with them, albeit on the other side of the street.  A good 40 seconds had passed since I first saw the brunette dangling the unlit cigarette…and she was STILL dangling the unlit cigarette.  It was killing me at this point knowing I was not gonna be able to see the sighting itself and was reduced to very tactfully looking over my shoulder to see the status of the smoking.  The guy also had a cigarette but it did not appear that the younger girl did, but then next thing I know the trio is crossing the street my direction but continuing into the grass towards this pond where some people fish but where nobody else was at that time, giving them some privacy for their underage smoking.  At this point, our paths were separating considerably and my glances over my shoulder yielded no signs of actual smoking, but I have to wonder if the younger girl got her chance at a few drags in this isolated setting.  Clearly the sighting could have been timed a little better, but honestly the revelation that THIS girl is a cigarette smoker skilled enough to carry on an unlit dangle of that length was huge enough to make my night.  Apparently no June 1 on a year that ends with the number “2” will go without a huge evening sighting.

#5.  Three of the 10 entries on this list came in the first week of June 2012, and this was another of them.  I had just scored a decent traffic sighting moments earlier and was feeling pretty good as I pulled into my apartment cluster’s parking lot and from out of nowhere this silver minivan pulled in behind me.  I was looking again in my rearview mirror and noticed two young and pretty female faces but didn’t have much time to observe.  I pulled my car in front of my building and they pulled into the lot of the next building over, no more than 25 yards away and definitely within my vantage point.  I was getting out of my car craning my neck for a better look but was quickly spotted, meaning I had to get creative and look at them through the reflection of the glass door entering my building.  What I saw was some random college-age dude climbing out of the backseat and two young gals in their 20s.  The passenger was a very pretty and wholesome brunette in
jeans and a yellow top…and the driver looked slightly older (perhaps mid-20s) and was a dark blond wearing a summer dress.  Unfortunately, I didn’t get a real good look at any of them but they both looked as wholesome as two young gals can be.

So I went up to my apartment, dawdled a couple of moments, changed clothes, and got ready for my afternoon walk.  I headed outside and saw this familiar silver minivan in front of me and in front of the entrance of the building next door.  The minivan had a bumper sticker reading “3;16” which I think is some crazy biblical passage, and also had Story County plates, which is the county just north of where I live.  The driver’s side window was cracked…and I was breathless with the anticipation that either of those girls could possibly be smokers given their pedigree.  The minivan was VERY slowly pulling forward and I was stepping up my pace so as not to miss it.  Apparently fate was determined to cross our paths that today as I caught a whiff of fresh cigarette smoke a split second before I was able to see that the driver had a long, skinny, freshly lit all-white between her fingers.  Whoa!  I pressed forward and got another stinky whiff of fresh smoke and was parallel with the driver as she reached the end of the lot and making a left hand turn.  It was the older girl (the dark blond in the dress) behind the wheel.  I was looking straight at her….and she was looking straight at me.  And she gave me the sweetest and warmest smile from her wholesome-as-all-hell face imaginable with a backdrop of a rising stream of smoke from her all-white 120 cigarette between her fingers.  Holy shit!  I think it was either a Virginia Slim 120 or a Misty 120…the kind of brand you hardly see anyone smoking anymore and especially adorable college-age girls driving around in vans with Jesus bumper stickers.  After the smile, I tried to look past her at the brunette passenger, but she appeared to be texting and I did not see a cigarette.  This connection felt so real with this smoker girl driver that I had a huge thrill from that limited encounter.

There was just one problem now….she was making a left-hand turn and I was going right.  But considering there’s no good reason for her to make a left-hand turn because all that’s there is several more blocks of apartment buildings, I was wondering if they were going to another building either because they lived in another building (and were just dropping off the guy for whatever reason) or were some religious zealots going door to door (and thus explaining that biblical bumper sticker).  With this in mind, I soon doubled back and headed the direction they went.  Their minivan was out of sight so I had no idea where they went but for the next 20 minutes I wandered from parking lot to parking lot of other apartment complexes in the area.  Coming up empty after about 20 minutes of search I was about to give up but not before checking out the lot for the building where I lived from 2006-2008 which is a block and a half away from my current location.  I wandered into the lot right in front of my old building….and there it was.  The silver minivan with the biblical bumper sticker and Story County plates.  Crazy to think these girls might have been stinking up my old apartment at that very moment.  Whatever the case, I was kind of exposed here…walking through this lot next to their minivan when they just saw me coming out of a different building and knew I didn’t live there…..so I hightailed it home and then drove over to that building to sit in the parking lot for as long as I had to until they came out (and you know I’m just crazy enough to do that!).  Unfortunately, I was too late…the van was already gone.

I went back many times since in the weeks ahead and the van never did make an appearance.  It appears the group’s business in my limited was only temporary and was over shortly after my first observation of them.  Even so, after nearly seven years of living in this neighborhood and coming across scores of smoker girls, I had a more satisfying one-second interaction with this most unlikely smoker girl than any before her.

#4.  Friday night was the source of the best sighting at Summerfest 2012, and it came in two phases in the beer gardens between 10 p.m. and 10:30.  By this point in the evening, the smokers were becoming bolder, particularly in the outer edge near that corner where I had been seeing smokers puffing away all night, but not only in that corner.  As always seems to happen on Friday night, the smokers began lighting up even in the middle of the grounds…and as I progressed through the huge crowd closer to the stage of the performing “Flying Marsupials” (don’t ask!) there was an unusually large opening giving me a direct vantage point of this petite and wholesome-looking long-haired blond with an all-white between her fingers, boarishly violating Iowa state law by smoking in the dead center of this beer gardens.

The group she was with included a couple of younger people and a guy that seemed considerably older than her but may well have been an older boyfriend (or possibly just an older friend…it was tough to tell).  Whatever the case, she was probably about 22 but she was another girl that could be mistaken for about 18 if not for the more mature company she was keeping.  She was decked out in a black tanktop and jean shorts which were nice on her and all but that pretty and wholesome face was her main attraction…along with that all-white cigarette of course.  I got to see three drags and they were all pretty intense.  She tossed her cigarette to the ground without crushing it out when finished and I so wanted to identify it but since she and her group were still standing right there it just wasn’t gonna happen.  Finally though, I had scored my first girl of the night with IT factor.

Fast forward to about 10 minutes later and the beer gardens was where things were happening that night so I spent the final 10 minutes of the evening slowly wandering from corner to corner of the beer gardens, but before I left I felt a gravitational pull to revisit the area where my wholesome blond was.  She was still there with the same group, looking as cute and wholesome as ever but was no longer smoking.  I hung back a minute or so and took in a little bit of the stage show and then noticed the guy in her group who happened to be placing a cigarette in his mouth.  Interesting, I thought to myself, still not hopeful that blondie would be smoking again only 10 minutes or so after she smoked her last one.  But the guy in the group took a step back creating an opening for me to see the blond with a freshly lit all-white dangling from her lips, where it remained for the next 10 seconds before she removed it and then released a thundercloud of smoke.  Needless to say I stuck around for the show and was lucky as hell to again have a wide-open vantage point by Summerfest standards. Now while this girl’s drags weren’t Jerry Sandusky-level predatory, they were solid drags and she managed to exhale huge clouds of smoke with them.  Then I noticed there was an even better opening on the other side of her and moved over there.  Looking at that cigarette I wondered to myself how she possibly could have made so much of it disappear in such a short time and with so few drags (she had probably taken five at this point).  She reminded me of that 21ish Camel Pink girl at the 2011 Minnesota State Fair (MNSF #48) who was waiting around for her parents as she also seemed to suck the tobacco out of her cigarette with only about eight drags.

Back to blondie, she took another drag that really impressed and cut loose another exhaust explosion that went straight into the face of this guy behind her who didn’t seem to notice or else didn’t care.  At this point I was just gonna wait for one more exhale and then walk through it and leave the grounds.  She took that next drag and I’ll be damned if she didn’t toss the cigarette to the ground, having relieved it of its contents in about eight drags, which struck me as incredibly skilled and the work of a very hard-core smoker.  I was so taken aback by the fact that she had already finished the cigarette that I was a little late walking through her exhale, but for all the right reasons.  Needless to say, she was my favorite smoker of Friday night!

#3.  For nine months of the year, I go for a walk around the Iowa state office building almost every day during lunch.  But between the cold winter weather, the busier schedule during the early months of the year , and my on-and-off foot pain, I had been derelict in my duties most days last February, going for my lunchtime walk only about once a week.  But on one lucky Wednesday it was sunny and in the 40s so I decided I’d take a stroll, albeit a slightly abbreviated one.  Not since 2006 when I saw the cluster of cosmetology school girls (Random #3 lifetime) have I been so richly rewarded for going on a lunchtime walk….

As I approached the crosswalk trying to decide which way to walk, the light turned green and I walked across the street intent on going straight ahead but just happened to look to my left on the other side of the street I had just crossed and saw something that changed my mind.  About a block away was a young dark blond dressed in professional clothing.  Right away my instinctive male motor started running, but I quickly noticed the way she was holding her hand and how it was consistent with what smokers tend to do.  And although there was interference with the cars driving by, I saw the hand approaching her mouth and it was official.  I had to double back, cross the street, and get a closer look.  Judging by this girl’s image, I was far from convinced my wishful thinking would deliver the desired reward.

I crossed the street and was moving her direction.  At some point once I was facing her and we were closing the gap between each other, I got my confirmation as she took a hot little drag from a cigarette.  I was already thrilled, but now it was a matter of seeing if this girl was worth the hype.  First I took note of the clothing.  It was a short light brown business dress covered on top by a white grandmotherly shawl that the girl must have worn in lieu of a coat on the warmer-than-average Wednesday afternoon.  I’m not sure a cigarette has ever been smoked by any female wearing an outfit like this.  As I pressed forward, I was now close enough to admire her face…and I do mean admire.  She was a knockout, looked about 22 or 23 and closely resembling the legendary local county fair cigarette rapist (FCF #3)…only EVEN MORE wholesome!!!  I had to be careful not to undress her with my eyes too obviously but managed to see her take one drag from a reasonable distance.  I wasn’t able to see enough of her technique to fairly judge, but was mesmerized watching that smoke billow from her mouth.

We made eye contact and a sweet smile emerged on her face, giving me the confidence to say hello.  I smiled back and said “Hi” as we crossed paths.  Her smile broadened and I looked directly at her incredibly beautiful and wholesome features as she responded with a sweet “helloooo”.  I continued walking past and by now could smell the smoke lingering in the air.  How could a stench this offensive have possibly come from a girl so damn sweet and professional?  Now I had to proceed more cautiously as I wasn’t about to let this sighting end, but also needed to keep enough of a distance so as not to make it obvious that I was shadowing her.  I hung back for about 20 seconds and then turned around, stopping for a moment to admire her from behind at the moment that her mouth released another stink bomb into the air.  I could still hear each click of her four-inch high heels as she proceeded forward, adding even more to her incredible image.  She was now at the stoplight where I had crossed the street and crossed it herself as I hung back.  Right in the middle of busy Grand Avenue, here was this professional girl walking across the street and shamelessly dragging from her cigarette, exhaling a snootful of smoke to mix with the emissions from the hundreds of cars driving by.  I was lucky as she never turned around and noticed that I was following her, allowing me to see the entire show, unfortunately mostly from behind.

She was proceeding in the direction of the Capitol and I figured she was either a legislative staffer or a young lobbyist.  Lots of business interests hire cute hotties right out of college like her to sweet-talk the legislators into supporting legislation that benefits their interests…and whoever hired this girl certainly had a worthy advocate in her, at least from an aesthetic sense.  I was able to watch her walk away from the crosswalk and she took two final drags.  The beauty part is that smoking is banned on the Capitol Complex.  There’s some gray area whether that means the sidewalks as well, but this girl didn’t care either way.  And as impressed as I already was with her, she wrapped up the sighting in style by piggishly dropping her exhausted cigarette to the sidewalk of the state property that housed the very lawmakers who she was lobbying.  The world is her ashtray!

The light turned green and I crossed the street, and I’m sure you know what my endgame was.  I eyeballed the sidewalk as I proceeded and quickly noticed a smoldering cork filter on the pavement that I quickly discerned was a red-logo Camel.  I picked it up and the second my fingers touched it I was taken aback by the level of moisture on the filter.  It was the wettest cigarette butt I ever recall picking up, and the mouth-watering yumminess of the smoke clearly forced this beautiful babe to uncontrollably slobber all over the filter.  I looked up and watched her walk off into the distance towards the Capitol building where it would be business as usual for her until the next time she was able to caress a cigarette in her lips, which hopefully wasn’t long.  I also suspect some of those middle-aged lawmakers got a whiff of her fresh ciggy stench when she got inside, a smell that’s probably all too familiar to them from working with this girl on a regular basis.

#2.  Those who have read the entries so far on this countdown have undoubtedly already noticed that my walks around my neighborhood tend to produce some of my favorite sightings, and this early June gem was the best sighting my neighborhood produced in 2012.  Only a block from my place and turning onto the sidewalk parallel to a major four-lane street, I looked ahead to see a young couple approaching from a distance.  Up front was late 20s guy holding two leashes for the small dogs he was walking.  But walking behind him was an early-to-mid 20s blond who I could tell was something special even from that distance.  I was too far away to see a cigarette, but I could tell by the way her right hand was positioned that she was probably holding a cigarette between her fingers.  It was inconvenient to have the guy walking in front of the girl, but as I got closer, it became clearer and clearer that she was indeed in possession of a cigarette.  He blocked the view of what I presumed was a drag and I couldn’t see an exhale either, but I did see the girl lean over to the grass and hack up a lugie which was pretty cute in itself.  About 10 seconds later, I saw the girl’s hand approach her mouth and even though I again wasn’t able to see a drag, it was still exciting as each step helped me recognize that the girl was worth the hype looks-wise.  And a few seconds after that second drag, another nasty lugie from the girl.

It was about to be time for our paths to intersect and by now I finally saw the cigarette protruding from blondie’s fingers.  It looked like an all-white but I was definitely not in a position to watch too closely.  The boyfriend looked at me and we exchanged hellos as he and the dogs passed, giving me an abbreviated window to get the closest look I would get at the girl.  She couldn’t have possibly looked more wholesome or more summery, with an enviably slender figure draped in a navy blue tanktop and tan shorts.  She was wearing sunglasses, but even those couldn’t turn this girl into a badass as even they looked wholesome on her.  She looked at me and I exchanged hellos with her as well.  I looked over my shoulder and watched that sweet little butt of hers push forward and that cigarette so fashionably on display in her right hand.

Luck was on my side as I was in a position where I could cross the street, double back, and follow them in a way that it wasn’t obvious what I was up to.  And even though I wouldn’t get another good look at her face, the best part of the sighting would come watching her from behind.  I was able to admire her ass and to see her take those drags with a rear vantage point, but where she cooperated by turning her head to the right and exhaled a pretty impressive snootful of smoke the same direction.  But one other feature that had been consistent early in the sighting continued to be as well…..the spitting.  It’s always cute to see a pretty girl hack up a lugie when smoking, but it usually only happens once per cigarette.  With this girl, a lugie came after every drag.  And we’re not talking some girly little dribble here….we’re talking three-inch long streams of slobbery saliva, and the decidedly unfeminine display could not have contrasted more with this girl’s image.

The couple turned a corner down the block next to where my apartment is and I still had little problem following on the other side of the street.  Three more drags ensued, and right on cue, three more juicy lugies proceeded to be launched from her mouth to the ground, and on this block, they were directly onto people’s lawns.  It was an incredibly dry spring and summer in Iowa and people’s lawns were already starting to turn a little brown by that point in June from the lack of rainfall, but with this girl around, the lawns should receive a sufficient level of moisture to compare to a weekly one-inch rainfall!  It was a truly inspired show, and the only time besides the 14-ish brunette neighbor girl smoking and spitting at my former coworker Steve’s barbecue back in 2007 (my random #10 lifetime sighting),
where I saw a smoker girl salivate this much.  In a couple moments, I saw the girl bend down and very meticulously crush out her cigarette on the pavement, which is a bad sign because usually when a girl goes to this amount of trouble to snuff out a cigarette, she doesn’t leave the butt on the ground.  I figured it would be easy enough to see, however, when I walked past as there should be a pretty obvious tobacco smear where she snuffed it out.  Amazingly, when I got there, there wasn’t….because of all things, the amount of dried-out birdshit on the sidewalk resembled the look of the smeared tobacco ash to the point where I couldn’t tell which was which.  Either way, no cigarette butt was to be found in the area, and it looked like she was holding an empty plastic cup and I suspect that cup held the cigarette butt she had just extinguished.

One of the best things of this sighting is that the girl probably lives somewhere in my neighborhood..and with luck I haven’t seen the last of her even though she hasn’t resurfaced again in my walks during 2012.  With even more luck, she’ll get a job as a human sprinkler system next summer to keep all the lawns in my neighborhood green even if we don’t get another drop of rain.  Clearly all she needs is a cigarette and the salivary juices flow from her mouth uncontrollably.

#1.  In my #3 sighting on this list I talked about my lunchtime walks amongst the state buildings surrounding my office.  I always go solo on these walks, but during the morning and afternoon breaks several of my coworkers empty out of the office on nice days and take in a quick walk around the block themselves.  A very pleasant 50-something gal from my office who I’ll call “Nancy” is the most likely to accompany me on these walks.  While I enjoy her company, she tends to babble on sometimes and make it easy for me to get distracted by “shiny objects” nearby.  Such was the case one morning last May as Nancy was rambling on about something that I was tuning out while I took note of a hot young blond smoker wearing tight white pants who was walking closeby.  The bad news is that the smoker girl turned right before she got close enough to where I was able to get a really good look at her.  I could tell she was pretty damn hot, but couldn’t tell exactly how hot.  It was killing me because I was able to see her drag from her cigarette from a distance, followed by her exhales, but I wasn’t close enough to see her face or smell her smoke.

When Nancy finally shut her piehole for a couple of seconds, I baited her by commenting on “the babe in front of us”.  My reputation as a bit of a dog precedes me in the office, and Nancy is one of the best at indulging me about it.  Right on cue, the smoker babe took a drag from her still fairly freshly lit cigarette and had the cigarette on display protruding from her fingers at the exact moment Nancy looked up, to which she responded “yeah but she’s smoking a cigarette”.  I casually brushed it off saying “I don’t care.  I’ve dated plenty of smokers before”.  The only good thing that happened was that the smoker stayed in visual range until she got to the old hospital entrance, which was transformed into some sort of nursing school but I hardly see any significant groups of people going in there on a regular basis.  I was thinking to myself that if this girl was a regular student though, I would be checking it out a lot more frequently!  So I had a good two minutes worth of observing her smoking even though I never did get quite close enough to see if she was worth the hype.  Still I had high hopes that the near future would afford me such an opportunity.

Fast forward a couple of weeks to another mid-morning walk on a nice day, this time with Nancy and a younger 25-year-old coworker joining us who I’ll call “Kelly”.  There’s a bus stop almost directly outside our office and the timing just happened to be right for three of us to walk by just as two 17ish babes emptied out of the bus dressed in slutty miniskirts and low-cut tops, illiciting a snarky comment from Kelly about it being “ho season”, which of course played right into my hands as I turned around watched the two girls proceed the other direction, making the kinds of observations that these coworkers would expect out of me.  I couldn’t put my finger on it, but the blond of the duo looked familiar.  Since they were walking the other direction, however, I didn’t have the opportunity to put two and two together.

In the days ahead, the good timing continued as I’d see this blond and her equally attractive brunette friend emptying out of this bus at 9:30 wearing some of the most inappropriate outfits possible for girls their age who by that point I had figured out were attending that nursing school, perhaps getting college credits as a partial-day detour from their high school classes.  But one Thursday in a productive week of seeing these girls I hit pay dirt and finally had the needed epiphany. I was hustling out of the office for the morning walk with Kelly and Nancy in anticipation of my sexy blond in her slutty dresses and miniskirts.  To my frustration, the bus was running late that day after three consecutive days of letting off the slutty blond literally right in front of me.  I found it very strange feeling complete freedom to discuss with my 25-year-old female coworker and my 54-year-old female coworker how I’m eagerly anticipating seeing what a high school girl is wearing as she got off the bus, but they played along perfectly.  As we began to turn around the block I realized that the bus’s delay could work to my favor since we were walking a loop around the block and would thus have our encounter with her at the back end of the loop.  The bus cooperated by pulling up to the bus stop about halfway through our round trip, which would allow me to see blondie after all…..

As we approached the three-quarters point, I looked to my left and here she came, along with the brunette friend.  With the help of my female co-conspirators standing out like a sore thumb gawking this girl’s direction without a hint of subtlety, the light brunette friend first caught my eye, wearing a T-shirt and jean shorts.  But then I spotted the blond walking next to her, who was back to her slutty miniskirt ensemble, another (or perhaps the same) zebra-striped miniskirt from three days earlier.  We were walking across the street and while Kelly and Nancy were busting my chops, I was still watching the girl out of the corner of my eye.  For whatever reason I wasn’t even anticipating it, but I saw the blond insert something into her mouth, pause briefly, and then light a cigarette, with a puff of smoke blasting from her face after the light-up.  Holy shit!  Depressingly, I’m afraid I was the only one of the three of us who saw it so I didn’t get any “she’s a smoker!” feedback.  I wasn’t in a position to watch her smoke as she passed me walking the other direction on the other side of the street, but just passingly seeing how the girl carried herself, it finally hit me where I had seen this girl before.  She was the sultry blond in white pants who I had seen with a cigarette walking towards the nursing school a couple of weeks ago.  It wasn’t until I saw her with that cigarette that I made the connection, mostly because this girl looks far too girl-next-door upclose to suspect being a smoker, almost to the point of looking out of place with the both the slutty outfits and the cigarette that define her public image.  She reminded me a lot of the FCF #10 blond I saw smoking three nights and in very similar slutty miniskirts two nights at the 2011 local county fair.

The weeks ahead produced a daily expectations game for my midmorning walk, where I burst out the door at 9:30 hoping to have perfect timing with the bus and see more of this adorable little smoker.  Unfortunately, the calendar was working against me as with May coming to a close, so was the school year meaning her daily journeys to this nursing school would be coming to an end.  Nonetheless, I saw her a handful more times, and found myself really fetishing on the razor’s edge in the company of Nancy and/or Kelly, trying to crane my neck when in the girl’s presence in hopes of seeing her with a cigarette yet somehow escape their notice.  My timing was never perfect, but several more times I would see the presence of a cigarette on her person in the moments after getting off the bus, at one point revealed from the rear with a cloudburst of smoking rising from her facial orifices as she pressed forward, always in the company of that brunette friend who appeared to be a nonsmoker.

And sure enough, the school year ended early in June and so did the smoker girl’s appearances, but as school resumed in late August, I found myself hoping that my favorite stinky schoolgirl in the highly inappropriate clothes would return.  Weeks passed and she never resurfaced….but right when I gave up hope one chilly October morning, up came two familiar teenage faces emerging towards the nursing school from the bus stop.  While she wasn’t smoking, my favorite blond and her brunette friend were back, the blond decked out in the most sexually charged fire engine red miniskirt you can possibly imagine on a teenage girl attending a school event.  Unfortunately, two months have passed since this lone fall appearance and she hasn’t resurfaced.  But given her on-again, off-again presence in my life throughout 2012, it’s not completely implausible that this perfect little teen smoker girl could be a repeat presence on my 2013 smoker girl list.

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