In the interest of coming up with a list of 10 worthy contenders, I double up my annual haul from random sightings and at Summerfest in the town where I live. Looking back, 2011 was par for course of the recent trendline of random sightings, which clearly have declined in the era of smoking bans in restaurants and bars but have at least been reasonably steady in the past few years. That was the case this year as well, where I stumbled upon about the same number of impressive random sightings as I did last year and in 2009. Here’s the best 2011 had to offer…
#10. This sighting would not have been worthy of the top-10 list some years, but I put this one in here because very few sightings that begin in traffic play out as perfectly as this one in regards to timing, location, and context…
On a Monday morning in mid-August, my day got off to a surprisingly impressive start at 6:50 a.m. when I left my apartment. Never did I think the first day of school could facilitate an awesome smoker sighting but that’s exactly what happened. As I was walking to my car in the parking lot, I saw a car pulling out from a neighboring building. I could tell it was a younger girl behind the wheel and that she had her driver’s side window down so I focused like a laser as she drove past. Unfortunately I didn’t see anything…..and I hadn’t even started my car yet so I didn’t think I’d get another chance.
Nonetheless, I peeled out of the parking lot and raced down the street. Things would have to go just perfectly for me to time this well enough to catch up with her car and get a second look. I turned left at the first stop sign with no interference from other cars and as I pulled up the remaining block to the second stop sign, I did a fist pump and exclaimed “Yess!” as the logistics were beginning to work to my favor. There was a row of four cars at the stop sign, with her car at the back, and they were all waiting for a school bus making a pick-up at the house across the street. I would most likely have a good 30 seconds to watch.
I pulled up directly behind the girl and could see her face in the rearview mirror. She had a DMACC sticker on her car windshield, and given her youthful look that could only mean she was heading to what I expect was the first day of community college classes. No immediate sign of a cigarette, but it gave me a chance to admire her cute face in the rearview mirror, and to see that her reddish-brown hair was up in a tight ponytail at the top of her head. She didn’t look like a familiar face from my apartment cluster so she may be yet another new girl. And about 10 seconds waiting at this stop sign, it happened…..and a fairly fresh stink stick was inserted into her mouth for a pretty significant drag. Much like the wheelchair girl at the 2010 county fair (FCF #8), her lips formed an O as she exhaled. I got to see three drags, timed fairly closely together, before she made the right turn. And as it happened, I was turning right as well. And fate was really on my side that morning as I got to stop behind at a red light before she made the left hand turn towards the DMACC campus. One last time I got to see her place that cigarette in her mouth and take one more beautiful drag. A look of pure pleasure emerged on her face as she made her final O-shaped exhale. Quite a first impression this girl’s gonna make on her first day of school. It seems she’s bound determined to be the smelliest girl on campus.
I got excited having this encounter on the first day of classes, believing it was a pretext for a semiregular onslaught of morning sightings from this girl. Four months later and she remains a one-hit wonder, but even if that’s all I get from this girl, it’s not often a Monday morning kicks off so gracefully.
#9. Every July 4, I head to the parade in a blue-collar town about 30 miles from my folks’ place. They are known throughout the region for having an impressive parade for the size of their town and the streets of this town of 2,000 people are teeming with parade watchers. Of course I’m not there to watch the parade so much as to watch the people watching the parade…particularly the pretty young females smoking cigarettes. Unfortunately, the entire day I was done in by bad timing, particularly the girl who was my favorite sighting of the parade..
Across the street from the city park, I was perusing the locals watching the parade and looked towards the park to find a cluster of five girls near a stage where the local radio station had announcers giving a play-by-play for the radio. The girls seemed to be of varied ages, with one looking about 19 and the others looking as young as 14. But they all had one thing in common…..smooth, bare legs gleaming in the sunshine. Since the girls were across the street and generally looked wholesome I never got a particular vibe from them, but when the oldest-looking girl began foraging around in her purse in front of her, I started getting really interested. Sure enough, out came a cigarette which she placed inside her lips and fired up. The girl was brunette, wearing a black summer dress, and sporting a hat/sun visor fashioned out of the Statue of Liberty crown. She was right in the middle of the group of five and the only one smoking. I didn’t know whether she was the only smoker or if the rest of the party would follow suit and light up themselves. That didn’t happen, so whenever the parade floats weren’t obstructing my view, I was able to watch her smoke. Her performance was nothing special, with modest drags followed by quick and messy expulsions of exhaust. Still nice to see, but if this was gonna be the highlight of the parade I would walk away disappointed. But only seconds later I would discover this would not be the highlight of the parade….
My eyes were focused on the secondhand exhaust produced by Miss Statue of Liberty crown but at one juncture entering my field of vision in the girl’s immediate area was another expulsion of carcinogenic smoke coming from the west side of the stage. Sure enough, sitting on the top step of the stage was another 18ish girl getting her stink on. And the positioning was very imperfect for me to see her, but it quickly became clear this was no ordinary girl. She was a sexpot of the highest order with long, straight dark brown hair going all the way down her back, the most idyllic Midwestern face that reminded me of a teenage version of a dark brunette smoker cutie named Amanda I dated briefly back in 2007.
She was wearing a nice beige top along with dark jean shorts that showed off her long sexy legs. And if Statue of Liberty crown girl’s style was messy and mediocre, this girl’s was the cat’s meow. Her drags were deliberate and sustained, her hold times were in the four-second range, and her exhales were a thing of artistry with extremely tight releases of smoke that blasted out of her beautiful face as if she was competing in the exhaling Olympics. I got to see four drags and they all made my heart melt. I only wish my location was better, but crossing the street in the middle of the parade to get a better look was gonna be a trick.
I almost didn’t notice that sitting one step below her was a hot blond, about the same age, in a little black summer dress. Unfortunately, the pillars of the stage blocked my view of the blond so I couldn’t even tell if she and the brunette were sharing a cigarette as I suspected they were. But if I only had one of the two girls to have a halfway decent vantage point of, I’m glad it was the brunette because she was definitely the star of this cluster. And then something I didn’t expect happened. The blond approached from behind the cluster of five girls, including the smoking girl in the Statue of Liberty crown, and began chatting. They were part of the same group, although for whatever reason the blonde and brunette babes chose to sit on those steps to, presumably, share a cigarette. The cigarettes were all disposed of before too much time passed and I was trying to decide whether I wanted to stick around this group knowing more tobacco was almost certain to be smoked by them, or to walk around elsewhere because the girls had just smoked and probably wouldn’t be doing so again in the immediate future. I decided to explore elsewhere for a bit…
I went eastward a couple of blocks, spotting an occasional mediocre 20-something or 30-something smoker, but I couldn’t get my mind off of those cuties by the stage, especially the dark brunette with those crazy tight exhales. I cut a loop around the block and headed back their way. My favorite brunette and her blond friend were gone, apparently wandering in the park behind them. But the five original girls on the curb, including the brunette with the Statue of Liberty crown, remained there. I would get about five minutes to stand here in observation when my favorite two across the street beckoned the Statue of Liberty crown girl and another hot blonde friend sitting with her back into the park.
I had a feeling tobacco was about to be smoked and just had to see it myself. And it just happened to be a time where there was a big hole in the parade so I followed a couple of other people across the street. Once there, I wandered into the park and caught up with the four girls, all wandering around this cluster of flea market vendors selling absolute garbage (trinkety shit) but apparently these girls were eating it up. Only one of the girls had a cigarette going and it was the girl with the Statue of Liberty crown. I was disappointed my favorite brunette wasn’t smoking, but figured I probably just missed her since she was gone so long. Whatever the case, it was tough to keep track of them without being spotted in this labyrinth of flea market booths, but I did see the smoker toss her all-white butt to the base of an old tree. When the girls finally departed a few minutes later, I was able to identify the butt….a Camel Crush.
The parade was still on but I was missing it because I just had to see my favorite girl of the day light up again if at all possible. Unfortunately I never really did get to. I’d have one final heartbreaker as the four original girls stood there in the company of a couple more friends they stumbled into. My favorite brunette was digging around in her purse and I was certain she was about to light up. But then she looked and had a smile of familiarity. She spotted an older couple she knew and she and the Statue of Liberty crown girl approached them. My favorite girl continued to dig around in her purse, leading me to believe there might be an epic moment where she lit up a cigarette in front of her middle-aged neighbors, but that didn’t happen. They continued chatting for about 10 minutes, leading me on another loop around the park. Only this time, I’d return and they weren’t around….
I walked around the immediate area and found myself walking straight into them near the same clunky vendor stands, very clearly identifying myself, as they walked past me. From there, they were leaving the park and heading down the streets of town. But I had a huge problem on my hands having been unequivocally identified and unable to follow too closely. I stayed almost an entire block behind as I followed them down an obscure residential street off the parade route where I absolutely could not allow myself to be seen without arousing suspicion. And sure enough, this was when it became abundantly clear that my favorite girl of the day was not only smoking another cigarette, but was indeed sharing it with the blond in the black dress as I suspected was the case when they were sitting on the stage. In one sense, I was elated to have seen such a beauty smoking a cigarette earlier in the day. On the other hand, my limited vantage point and complete lack of success in following through kept this from being much higher on my end of 2011 top-10 list, which is a damn shame because she was certainly worthy.
#8. While I will most likely never have another night at Summerfest, the annual festival in the town where I live, as incredible as fireworks night in 2009, I have to admit that I had a very strong runner-up with the 2011 fireworks night, both before and during the show. While this year’s girls didn’t have the epic storylines and IT factor of 2009’s girls, they were plentiful and prolific, and I was able to end the night on a high point after the fireworks show ended…
The lights were back on and I was contemplating what to do next….obviously most of the crowd quickly disperses after the show and you can sometimes catch a flurry of people smoking on the walk to the car and in the traffic bottleneck that ensues as people leave…but on the other hand, the girls that stick around are all hyped up by this point, and more likely to engage in continued naughty behavior. So I decided to make one final walk towards the midway, hoping to see at least one more great sighting before heading home….and it was the right decision….
I told myself the first hot girl I saw would be the girl I’d pursue…and I saw her not even halfway into my walk to the midway. Approaching were two similarly dressed blonds, both with long hair going down their backs, black lace tops, and jean shorts. But dressed the same as they may be, only one girl had a cigarette as one girl was slender and had an awesome body while the other was chubby and not particularly good looking. Guess which one had the cigarette?
I basically did a 180-degree pivot in order to follow the stinky little blond, and was clearly noticed by some teenage boy who seemed to be taken aback by my pivot and clearly wondering what the hell I was doing. I followed the two blonds and was struck by the boldness of the smoker. If there was a single place where smoking on Summerfest grounds would be most frowned upon, this was it, but there she was, walking down this main sidewalk with reckless abandon smoking her cigarette like she owned the place and carelessly releasing her exhales directly into the crowd for anybody and everybody to choke on. Given the size of the crowd, I had surprisingly good luck walking directly behind her and absorbing much of her secondhand smoke myself. I didn’t really get to see any drags, but given the amount of smoke dispersed as I walked behind, they were pretty significant. She then found an open patch to the side of the pavement and was able to walk a little faster. I followed, and knew this was the perfect opportunity to finally get a close look at her face to see if she lived up to the hype beauty-wise.
I tell you, she was perhaps the most wholesome face at Summerfest. She looked like my ex-girlfriend Dana at age 21 or 22, only as a long-haired blond. The girl just oozed girl-next-door, yet here she was spewing air pollution at the most inappropriate part of the Summerfest grounds. As she approached the parking lot, she carelessly dropped the cigarette butt to the grass off to the side of the pavement. I like the way this girl operates, because in the grass and off to the side I had no problem identifying the still-smoldering butt as a Marlboro Light… the same brand the real Dana smokes! Clearly this was gonna be my sighting of the night and so it was time to head home, caked in sweat on the steamy evening with a smile on my face.
#7. The origins of the #7 girl of 2011 began early in the year…as in VERY early…as in on New Year’s Day. It was 60 degrees in central Iowa on December 30….and 3 degrees by January 1. Much as I didn’t want to go out in the bitter cold, I had a few errands that needed to be run. I went out and started my car in the parking lot, locking the spare keys inside and letting it warm up and noticing there was a white car with Warren County plates that I hadn’t seen before doing the same thing behind me in the lot. I went back inside for a while and came back out. I pulled out of the lot en route to the gas station to fill up my tank, and again took note of the white car still running. After filling up my gas tank, I realized I had left my rent check which I was gonna drop off at the realtor’s office was still sitting in my apartment. It was only a few blocks home so no big deal….and for once my absent-mindedness paid off.
As I was pulling into the lot, out came a white car and I could tell as the car approached that there was a college-age brunette behind the wheel. And I could also tell right away that there was a cigarette dangling from her mouth. I drove past her pulling into the lot as she pulled out. I didn’t get a great look, but for the duration of that observation, she kept that cigarette dangling between her lips. I looked in my rearview mirror as she pulled away and sure enough, it was the girl with the Warren County plates. Perhaps there was a new and exciting smoker hottie in my apartment cluster for 2011.
Fast forward approximately four months, when I was returning to my apartment from a visit to my former girlfriend Lizz’s place in the height of our courtship. As I parked my car in the stall, my phone beeped with another of the endless litany of texts I always got from Lizz. You gotta be kidding me! She was just complaining about how long the night was gonna be at work because the place was empty. I parked my car and started composing my response which took about two minutes. Just as I was hitting send, I noticed a feminine figure in the rearview mirror. I quickly turned my head around and saw a super-sexy early 20s light brunette decked out in a tight-fitting black outfit that definitely looked like a work outfit. When I saw the car she was climbing into, it was the silver car with Warren County plates. It FINALLY happened! The January 1 snap sighting finally had a second act….
I only got one glimpse at the body, but it was supermodel perfect in that black outfit. I don’t know which building this girl lives in but she is absolutely incredible. I never got a truly good look at her face and I had to get outside of the car to get a better view of her driver’s side window. Sure enough, a cigarette was inserted into her lips and dangled there. It was such a thrill having waited so long for this moment and having it finally happen. The cigarette was lit and I watched the first burst of smoke spill out the cracked driver’s side window. The first time I saw this girl on New Year’s Day I watched as she pulled out of my lot with the cigarette dangling from her mouth the entire time. Well it happened again. As she pulled the car out, the cigarette was dangling from her mouth. I was walking towards my own building with my suitcase and laundry basket and prolonged the sighting, catching probably 20 seconds of her maneuvering out of the lot. And the smoldering cigarette never left the dead center of this beauty’s lips the entire time. I honestly wonder if this girl ever removes cigarettes from lips, at least before all the tobacco inside has been burned and all the chemicals consumed into her black lungs. I’ve never seen this girl without a cigarette dangling from her face, and I’m intrigued how much time the cigarette is not perched between her lips during the duration of its consumption. Crazy hot stuff.
Now for all intents and purposes the Warren County Girl has an unhappy ending. Despite the fact that I still see her car in my lot on a regular basis even at year’s end, I haven’t seen her in person since late April. Our hours seem to be diametrically opposed and even on weekends I’ll try to keep tabs on her car in my lot when looking out the window, but then it see it vanish like a thief in the night without any trace of the girl. There’s still potential for an epic moment with this sexpot in 2012, but she definitely didn’t live up to her incredible potential in 2011. Even a single sustained sighting of this girl would be enough to land her in the top-three.
#6. In my #8 sighting from this list, I talked about how great the fireworks night sightings were at Summerfest in 2011, and my favorite sighting of the night took place in the hour before the fireworks started going off with this vintage two-for-one sighting that took place in the midst of a flurry of cloudy tobacco fumes.
I stepped out of the beer gardens and drifted towards the parking lot where things came unglued. I saw a cluster of early 20s guys and girls sitting on a blanket and figured right away this group was outside of the beer gardens tent for a reason…and that it involved controversy-free consumption of tobacco. There were two girls in the group and both were hot, but the most impressive was this brunette in a red summer dress who looked EXACTLY like some actress….but for the life of me I couldn’t place who at the time. But it was the still-good-but-not-as-good-as-the-brunette blond next to her who lit up first. She had curly shoulder-length blond hair and a very nice black dress. She didn’t exhibit a particularly well-defined style but she was a pretty smoker. If she was the only score from this cluster I’d have been a happy guy….but she wasn’t the only score….
About two minutes later, I got downright giddy as I watched the brunette in the red dress insert a cigarette into her mouth, let it dangle, and then fired up….and I managed to get even giddier when I watched as she sucked in a cheek-hollowing dangling drag and exhaled the smoke with the cigarette still in her mouth. She may have delayed her light-up compared to the blond, but she was more than worth the wait. I sat off to the side and even snapped a photo with my camera phone, but unfortunately it was too blurry to keep. Watching her subsequent drags, the girl completely put her blond friend to shame with long drags and cloudy exhales which she always turned towards the sidewalk to release. For a while it was a nearly relentless chemical fog coming from the area….and adding to the beauty was that none of the three guys in the group were smoking…only the two hot girls in summer dresses.
I retreated back into the beer gardens and took in a few minor sightings for the next 10 minutes or so, then went back out to where I came from in hopes of the girls in dresses delivering again. Sure enough, a cloudy exhale was produced from the same area where the girls from earlier were sitting on their blanket….and the brunette in the red dress was smoking again, with the same yummy technique as before exhaling cloudy and tight streams of smoke towards the sidewalk. I never saw it but wouldn’t doubt that with the people walking by she eventually blew smoke into someone’s face. I was a little too familiar at this point and only stuck around watching for about two minutes, but I must have seared this girl’s image in my mind enough to remember the next day who the actress was who she reminded me of…Amanda Peet, a Hollywood hottie who had a smoking role in the legendary 1996 smoking movie “She’s the One”.
#5. Last May I took a road trip to eastern Iowa on a nice late spring day hoping sightings would be plentiful. Most of the day proved to be uneventful but I would hit pay dirt as I drove through the small town of Anamosa, which is a town in which I have a personal association with a handful of cute smoker girls even though this was the first time I had ever been there. I didn’t see any familiar faces while in town, but a very intriguing newcomer proved to be the highlight of my trip…
I was driving through Anamosa, a city of around 8,000, and saw a library just to the right of the street I was on. Immediately drawing my attention was a cluster of young girls in the 11-12 age range loitering in front of the door. I did a quick once-over of them and could tell they were almost certainly too young to be smokers. It was at that point I turned my attention to a bench a few yards away where a 14ish light brunette was seated all by herself. Just as I was driving, I noticed she had a cigarette in her hand. Thank God for small towns where turning around in the next open parking lot is a cinch. Within less than a minute, I found myself making a left hand turn into that library lot. And sure enough….there sat this very clearly underage girl publicly smoking a cigarette in front of the library. Interestingly, Iowa’s fascist smoking ban officially forbids smoking on all state-owned property, so this girl was technically breaking two laws at once, first by being an underage smoker and second by smoking in front of the library. The parking situation was cooperative as well as the lot was nearly empty and I was able to score a stall that gave me a front-row seat. The only problem was the stall was about 20 yards from the front of the library, so I never did get a really close look at her but from what I could see she was a very modest teen cutie….certainly not stand-out-in-the-crowd hot, but also not setting any kind of alarm bells as a potential smoker, dressed in a very conservative sweatshirt and jeans. Yet here she was not only openly smoking, but doing so only a few feet away from a cluster of younger girls, setting an awesome example for them….
From my vantage point, she looked young…in the 14 or 15 range, but I talked myself into thinking she was probably 16 or 17 as this day and age there would be no way a girl in the 14-15 range would smoke out in the open like this. Nonetheless, it was an amazing show, particularly as she pulled out a book and really solidified the studious girl image that she invoked from the get-go. Here was the underage bookworm cutie….reading from her book while sitting on this bench on a sunny day…and every 30 seconds or so bringing the cigarette to her lips to take a precocious drag. Judging by her cute and shallow drags, she’s probably only been a smoker a few months. I was giddy as a schoolgirl myself, at first dismissing my prospects for identifying the butt but realizing my changes were improving as the cluster of girls near her all walked away, leaving her by herself in front of the library. At one point, I saw her take a final drag and then stub out the cigarette against the bench she was sitting on and then dropping it, but continuing to sit there reading. Now it was just a matter of how long she would sit there. Was she gonna spend hours enjoying her book on a sunny day? I got my answer in just a couple short minutes, and it shed all kinds of light on the sighting in the yummiest way…
A car pulled into the lot and the girl stood up with an immediate look of familiarity. It was mom! And if mom is picking this girl up, it probably means that my original instinct was right that she’s only 14 or 15 and still has the moxie to smoke publicly in front of the library. I was hoping for another light-up in the car, ideally a mother-daughter simultaneous spark up, but it never happened nor did I ever get a really good look at either mom or daughter before they drove off, but I would have been doing backflips if I wasn’t sitting in my car at that moment, imagining how stinky the girl must have been sitting in mom’s car after just finishing a cigarette. Needless to say, with nothing holding me back, I walked on up and identified her cigarette butt. It was a Camel Menthol. The whole drive home I had a smirk on my face thinking of the teenage bookworm smoker girl.
#4. Late last April, things were really starting to come alive for me in the sightings department. I had just returned from a pretty decent sightings haul at the mall one Saturday afternoon, but little did I know that stopping at the gas station six blocks from my apartment on the drive home would be the day’s most productive sightings haul, producing this two-for-one stunner…
It was very much a chore to fill up my gas tank for more than $40 when I pulled into the Casey’s station, but if every trip to the local Casey’s station yielded this kind of bounty, I would be happy to fill my tank every day. It all started quietly enough as I filled my tank up with a pretty minimal crowd at the pumps. But a couple of minutes into my fueling I spotted an approaching black car with a cute college-age dark brunette behind the wheel. As I finished fueling, I spotted her fueling at a nearby pump and took note that she was wearing a green and black top with black slacks, clearly either just heading to work or finishing her shift. I went inside and found myself in line behind a black guy buying cigars (i.e. my guardian angel) allowing a line to form behind me. When I knew the brunette in the Fazoli’s work clothes was inside, I peeked over my shoulder to get a closer look. This cutie looked about 19 and had the most wholesome imaginable face….and she smiled very warmly at me when I looked at her. This level of wholesomeness led me to doubt her smoking status, but I turned around to leave the store and definitely planned to stick around to find out.
I hustled back to my car, and as I was heading there, up walked this hot 18-19ish light brunette in a tanktop and jean shorts. I’m not sure if it’s just the shorts that really make this trait all the more visible but have you ever noticed how girls in shorts always seem to waddle their girly butts when they walk? Watching this cutie walking from the sidewalk with that jean shorts-clad butt of hers waddling almost sent me over the edge. I pulled my car up from the gas pumps to get a front row seat through the display window just as my dark brunette Fazoli’s girl was approaching the counter. Sure enough, the clerk was turning around to the display of cigarettes and removing a pack. As he laid it on the counter I could tell it was a green and white pack of Marlboro Menthol Lights. I was positively giddy, especially watching her exit the store with the pack of cigarettes in hand, getting one last look at her wholesome face before she put a contrasting pair of sunglasses on and then got into her car. Proving she was an adept and addicted long-time smoker, she began packing her new purchase against her wrist. My head was turned over my shoulder gawking at her and I was pretty obviously caught, but I wasn’t gonna miss this for all the money in the world. The pack was opened and an all-white extracted. She pulled out as the cigarette approached her lips. I just got to see the light-up a split second before she pulled out of view, but what an unlikely smoker girl. I eat at Fazoli’s about once a month and you can be sure I’m gonna hold out for this girl waiting on me after this display.
After this I had almost forgotten about the second girl in the jean shorts that went swaggering in the store a couple of minutes earlier. But when I turned back and looked to the counter, sure enough…the clerk was taking a pack of cigarettes out of the display for her too. While this girl wasn’t as wholesome as the Fazoli’s girl, she was a cutie and didn’t immediately strike me as a smoker, with those jean shorts adding to her girl-next-door image. Out she came carrying a bottle of Mountain Dew along with her green pack of Camel Menthols. I pulled out and as soon as I saw her walking westward, I went that way myself ultimately finding an empty parking lot a block away to pull into and watch her a little more closely. As luck would have it, when she was back in view, the pack of cigarettes was being opened and a cigarette placed in her mouth. I was giddy watching her waddle down the sidewalk for the next few moments, struggling to light her cigarette in the wind but finally getting it done. She spotted me parked there stalking her so it was time for me to go, but I officially have a best new Casey’s gas station experience after this dynamic duo. Rarely is my timing so good…and I was inclined to put my application in for a night job at Casey’s next week.
#3. I had a pretty good Summerfest all around in 2011, including a handful of memorable sightings on the event’s first night. This sighting would prove to be my best sighting of the evening and, for that matter, the entire Summerfest. On the walk back to the beer gardens after briefly fetishing in the midway area, I found myself standing behind a 17-ish glam brunette with what quickly became clear was a pack of cigarettes, rather than the usual cell phone, protruding from the back pocket of her jean shorts. It’s become so rare to find underage girls walking around Summerfest sporting a pack of cigarettes that I found myself truly surprised at what I saw. I danced around a little bit as she settled into a cluster of friends and then approached from her rear again, identifying that she was sporting a pack of Newports on her right asscheek…a rare brand for Iowa. It was tough maneuvering to get a closer look at her, but I eventually did and she was a beauty, somewhere in between the girl next door and a party girl judging from her appearance. She had fairly long dark brown hair, a shoulderless top with exposed bra straps, and those jean shorts with the special surprise inside. Great as it would have been to follow her and hopefully catch her smoke, the logistics were not on my side so I’d have to be satisfied with just knowing she’s a smoker because of the pack in her pocket.
About 45 minutes later, at around 10:00, I had pretty much exhausted the exploration of the relatively small Summerfest grounds, and given that my only alternative was another awkward walk through the main part of the grounds, I was strongly considering calling it a night and going home…but thank God I didn’t. I ventured down the main stretch of the grounds and figured it would be fairly inconspicuous for me to venture towards the east side parking lot and then return into the grounds at a different spot, I told myself. I saw a young blond mommy with her young son on one side and a cigarette in her hand on the other side, and my decision was made. I approached from the side to get a better look at the mommy, who was okay but nothing to write home about….but I also made a mental note of the two silhouettes in front of me….hot teen girls in shorts who I couldn’t really see in the dark, but I could tell just from their silhouettes that they were hot. They were about 10 yards in front of me and I began closing the gap, not really expecting much but still having a feeling. As I got closer, the deja vu started overcoming me as I took note of the long dark brown hair, the strapless top with bra straps exposed, and the jean shorts with a rectangular box protruding from her right asscheek. It was her. Through nothing more than dumb luck, I happened to be leaving the grounds at the same exit and at the same moment as the Newport girl who was my most interesting find of the night. Only now she was about to make it even more interesting by extracting the pack of Newports from her pocket and removing a cigarette….
I was right behind her so I didn’t even see a lightup, but the next thing I knew a cigarette was protruding from her right hand in that innocent way that teen girls look holding a cigarette. I was soon walking only a few lengths behind them, hoping that the blond friend would light up as well, even though she didn’t have the IT factor of her stinky brunette friend. She wouldn’t, but that scarcely mattered as I found myself watching the brunette smoke, taking baby drags and expelling an entry-level quantity of smoke that I was lucky enough to walk through. Awww, she’s just a beginner. And the beauty part was that she was still on the grounds of the school and definitely still in forbidden territory to be smoking her cigarette.
And it got even better as we approached the sidewalk at the edge of the school grounds, where two younger teen girls were standing for some reason. As my smoker hottie took her third drag from the cigarette as she walked past the younger girls, the little ones didn’t say anything but looked at each other and wrinkled their noses as she walked by. As predicted, the smoker girl and her friend turned left, which was not the direction I was going and I simply couldn’t follow. Even so, nothing could have made my night better than following through on the teaser of the teen girl with the pack of Newports in the pocket of her jean shorts….and she delivered.
#2. My introduction to Target Field, the new stadium of the Minnesota Twins, came in the summer of 2010, when I accompanied my friend Dan to a game and visited the stadium’s smoking area a couple of times, the second of which I scored two outstanding sightings of young hotties that was my third best random sighting of 2010 and #22 on my all-time random sighting list. I hit another homerun in 2011 at the Target Field smoking area with a fine selection of new hotties, a few of which gave me an appetizer before the game…
Dan and I were walking down to the outskirts of a bar and grill in the area where a former classmate of ours works as a waitress in the half hour before the game started. I wasn’t particularly crazy about the long walk that led to this area since it would mean we wouldn’t get to the game in time for me to see the smoking area in the moments before the game started, when it seemed likely to be full of people. Nonetheless, I’m forever grateful that Dan decided to make this long walk to this bar because what we would see on the walk back to the stadium was the first moment of blockbuster-ness of the evening….
Right in front of us was a cluster of about five girls…all early 20s, all attractive…in the very early stages of cigarette consumption. Our timing was impeccable as a couple of the girls had clearly just lit up, but there was a third girl, a dark brunette whose hair hung over her shoulders in braided pigtails, who was holding an unlit cigarette between her fingers and seemed to be scrambling for some reason. It became quickly evident why she was scrambling as she placed the unlit cigarette in her mouth. She couldn’t find her lighter. That’s when it happened. One of the friends handed the girl her own recently lit cigarette and she proceeded to hold the cherry of the first cigarette to her own unlit cigarette, bringing it to life. We walked a good block behind this cluster and managed not to lose them in the crowd. The only downside of the sighting was that the most attractive girl in the group, another brunette with braided pigtails, was the only nonsmoker of the quintet. Still, none of the other girls were anything to sneeze at and there was a really wholesome lighter brunette smoker in the mix that was probably my favorite of the five smokers. If this wasn’t enough, we were in the general proximity of three more attractive young smokers as well in that walk towards the Target Field gate. It wasn’t quite to a level of sensory overload but was nonetheless a lot to take in in just a few wonderful minutes.
We arrived at the gate, got inside and found our seats right before the opening pitch. After an uneventful second inning, I made my move to explore the smoking area. I felt my excitement rise as I descended two escalators down to the smoking area and stepped outside. Once again, it was a sea of smoke down there and it was reasonably well populated, but not elbow to elbow. There were a number of reasonably attractive gals, but just like that first trip out to the smoking area last summer, nothing jumped out and grabbed me. And it was only a matter of time until it happened and it did….some guy standing by himself out there looked towards me and said in a thick European accent “You’re not smoking?” to which I responded that “Nah, I’m out here waiting for someone”. This could have gone awkwardly as we began chatting and he told me about how this was his first baseball game and he was clearly an immigrant from somewhere in Europe. But another cluster came up and distracted him at which point I fled to a different corner of the smoking area before retreating, disappointed by my venture to the smoking area but knowing another opportunity awaited me a few innings later.
I returned to the game and decided the 7th inning stretch would make for a good time to return. Just like last year, my timing was amazing. The area was more crowded and the number of attractive girls feeding their smelly addictions had noticeably increased. Right away catching my eye was an Americanized-looking Asian girl who looked EXACTLY like an adopted Asian girl named Anne who went to my high school. I highly doubt this was her but she nonetheless looked amazingly similar but for one difference….she was a truly awesome smoker. She had a perfect face without any of the heavily ethnic Asian features. She was in the midst of texting and doing what girls do when they text….dangling. The cigarette dangled from the right side of her mouth at angle and looked so natural hanging there, and even more natural when she took an epic dangling drag, with the cigarette stiffening between her puckered up lips for a moment before she released the grasp on it and let it dangle loosely again, with smoke spilling out of her mouth and nose casually. She very briefly removed the cigarette from her mouth but then put it back in at the same adorable position it was before….and continued to dangle and dangle and dangle for another 45 seconds or so. It was one of the most natural looking dangles I’ve ever seen from one of the most wholesome-looking Asian girls I’ve ever seen. This was the best dangle I saw in 2011 yet the girl was only the second best I would encounter during this outing.
The relentless pipeline of nicotine-starved people strutted on out through the gate one after another after another, and one of the cluster of guys and gals that emerged really drew my attention….specifically one girl in the cluster. Now I didn’t get to see any deliciously slutty shorts and tanktop combos with the cold weather that evening, but this was the hottest outfit I would see….a pair of tight white pants and a red top with exposed shoulders…and this outfit was worn by a platinum blond bombshell who upon first glance looked exactly Carrie Underwood. Up close, the resemblance to Underwood wasn’t as uncanny, but she still had a certain Carrie vibe to her both in her choice of clothing and that blond hair. But one thing that she doesn’t have at all in common with Carrie was the all-white cigarette that was soon produced between her fingers. She lit up and I had a good vantage point to watch her. She was a little too engaged in her conversation as her drags were sometimes too far apart for my preference, but she more than made up for them when she did take a drag….
There were some eerie similarities to 2010’s Target Field sightings day, and none more eerie than what came next. Last year’s blonde cutie distinguished herself by placing her cigarette in the far right corner of her mouth when she took a drag. It’s the only time I recall seeing a girl who did this habitually…until that night…when this year’s most beautiful blonde from the Target Field smoking area proceeded to place her cigarette in the far right corner of her mouth to take every drag as well. Her style wasn’t bad, and was accentuated by her frequent neck-tilting exhales where she shot her plume of smoke into the night sky. And this girl had one more surprise for me. Some dudes were exiting the smoking area and heading back towards the gate when one of them found himself stepping into blondie’s cherry and burning himself mildly. Blondie took immediate note of the human toll exacted by her smelly addiction and affectionately said to the man “Oh I’m sorry sweetheart. Are you okay?” at which point the guy made clear he would live. You have no idea how badly I wanted to walk over at that moment and step into her cigarette so I too could get the same consolation.
And while I was watching Carrie Underwood 2.0’s sighting transpire, three familiar faces were coming out into the smoking area…it was three of the four smoker girls who Dan and I were following into the game a couple of hours earlier. The same beauties were out again, and one of them (the lighter brunette who I found to be the most attractive of the smokers) had drifted in front of the other two and got briefly separated. Apparently, her desire for an immediate nicotine fix was such that the other girls were physically unable to keep pace. That left the other two, a dirty blonde and the aforementioned dark brunette with braided pigtails, looking around and the dark brunette asking “Where’s Megan?” before they soon found her again. Megan stood there already a drag into her recently lit cigarette and soon the other two were joining her, placing cigarettes into their mouths. But just like last time, there was one problem. The dark brunette with the braided pigtails didn’t have her lighter. So for the second time in the past 2 1/2 hours, I got to see the dirty blonde friend hand her just-lit cigarette to Miss Pigtails and then watch Pigtails use her friend’s cigarette to fire up her own….and it was just as cute to see it the second time as it was the first.
From there I went back inside in a state of ecstasy, returning to the game and giddily describing what I saw to Dan, who true to form, seemed embarrassed about others overhearing my ravings. I was now able to settle in for the last inning and a half of the game, which had been exciting across the board and ended with a game-winning single by the Twins. Great ending to a great night of fetishing.
#1. Every August I take a road trip to unexplored (at least for me) corners of the Upper Midwest or Great Plains. I take these road trips primarily for the thrill of visiting new places, but it doesn’t hurt when you score some fantastic smoker girl sightings. For three years, I’ve done exactly that on this road trip, pulling off sightings so impressive that all three have made my list of best random sightings of my life, including 2008 (#7), 2009 (#19), and 2010 (#36). True to form, this road trip on August 20, 2011, delivered for a fourth year in a row.
It was already after dark when I pulled into Spearfish, South Dakota, after just exploring a canyon south of town deep in the Black Hills. When I pulled into town I quickly gravitated to the Wal-Mart parking lot, which is consistently a source of some of my best road trip sightings. Immediately after getting there, I came across a cute brunette college girl and a car full of guys walked towards the entrance smoking cigarettes, but I didn’t get to see much before they went inside…and then didn’t light up again when they came back out. After that, it was 2 1/2 dull and unproductive hours in the Wal-Mart parking lot until a massive black truck with Colorado plates pulled in and changed everything….
The truck was proceeding very slowly, giving me the opportunity to see that there was a young blond with a ponytail behind the wheel who was ashing her cigarette as she drove past to park elsewhere in the lot. Finally, a bite! After I saw where she parked, I decided to get out of my car and loiter near the Wal-Mart entrance to get a closer look. And she didn’t disappoint! It was hard to tell her age…I’d guess about 30. She was attractive in a utilitarian sort of way, no frills at all…but certainly more noteworthy than a random plain jane. But whatever she lacked in IT factor she made up for with a great body draped in a sweatshirt and tight jeans…and a smoking style that up to that point only existed in my dreams.
The first time I laid eyes on her she was climbing out of this huge truck and checking her tires….with a cigarette hanging out of her mouth. Next, her 60ish mom was in the passenger seat and apparently had a walker, so daughter went over to help get her out….with a cigarette hanging out of her mouth. This was a long process as daughter was both helping the impaired mother and preparing her walker for about two minutes, all with a cigarette that never left her mouth. I’m pretty sure this was the longest dangle I’ve ever seen. And towards the end of it, when the woman was helping mom out of the truck, it got even better as some old boy who just left Wal-Mart was walking back to his truck, took note of her and the mother, and then said “I think we have a rain coming. It’s starting to feel like rain.” The smoker, not knowing exactly how to respond to this random weather comment from a perfect stranger, simply muttered “I don’t know” through a talking dangle. After a good 2 1/2 minutes of this never-ending dangling madness, she walked with the mom towards the Wal-Mart entrance and finally removed the cigarette from her mouth, taking a few quick rapid drags to finish the cigarette before dropping the butt into the smoker’s outpost.
Now it was about 11:00 at this point and I knew that this gal would have to exit the place, ideally sometime soon, and since my existing vantage point was getting me nothing, I took the opportunity to park in the stall directly in front of her truck, planning to wait her out. It was a good 40-minute wait, but well worth it when she finally came out with three carts full of empty boxes. It was clear she was gonna be loading these boxes into her truck for quite some time, giving me a front-row seat to another long-distance dangling show. This one wasn’t as good as the first because she had the truck’s doors wide open and was frequently standing out of my sight. But another cigarette was parked in her mouth for a good 7-8 minutes while she loaded these boxes into the truck.
Now, this time she would remove the cigarette from her mouth occasionally after taking a drag when she was in between loading some of those boxes. Still a great show though….and the high point was when she opened the back door and beckoned out a dog that was in the backseat. The dog finally did emerge….and it was no poodle….it was a full-sized boxer. She had a semi-husky voice, but not as husky as you’d expect for a girl who smokes this way. But anyway, she led the dog to the other side of the truck, presumably where there was a little more room for him/her, and tried to coax the dog into jumping into the truck. The dog must have been old because he/she tried to jump but couldn’t make it (it was a BIG truck). At this point, the girl leaned down and grunted as she lifted this big dog into the truck….with a cigarette dangling from her mouth. Finally, right in my range of view I saw her drop the still-smoldering cigarette to the ground. She had another 5-7 minutes of loading boxes before she was done, gave the mom an exhausted look and then got into the truck and drove away, allowing me to approach her cork-filter cigarette butt, which had smoldered the label off disabling me from identifying the brand. I could now finally retire for the evening at almost 12:30 a.m.
So the streak is alive. Four August vacations in a row with at least one outstanding sighting….and interestingly, all of them blonds. Now this girl perhaps wasn’t as strong as the top smoker girls of my two previous top-10 random lists, she nonetheless put forward a Hall-of-Fame-worthy smoking performance that I could have never imagined coming from such a gloss-and-grit free blond girl next door.
Tomorrow evening I will post my 25 best sightings from my three primary fairgrounds venues in the year 2011.